Author: mananonrocks

The Review

Cover, Title and Description
To be honest, I don't like the cover. The editing is not up to the mark, their faces don't fit with the bodies. The baby looks like a foreigner's baby and not of MaNan. Your cover has to be realistic. The only thing good about the cover is that the title is visible.

Coming to the title, it's good, but could have been better. 'My perfect life with my life', it seems that the title is written either from Manik's point of view or Nandini's point of view, on the contrary, the chapters are in third person's point of view.

Description is itself of two lines, what do I write? I understand it's a fan fiction and you automatically get audience to read your book but putting no efforts is not right too. You could have written a beautiful description and who knows your story could have got more and more views.

First Chapter
It's cute but not impactful. I read the first chapter a day back and now I don't even remember what happened there. I remember you used an emoji of a bicep, that's strictly prohibited whilst writing a story. Instead of using the emoji you could have written, "Aru flexed her biceps." That sounds much better.

Character Development
Umm, well, this story is a long one. Hell, it has 79 chapters and I can't expect you to show character development in just 5 chapters that I've read.
I'll just write on the basis of what I have read till now.
There are a lot of characters, whole Fab 5, the Malhotra's including Aru, Nandini and Pia. One thing I don't understand is that why a character sketch after the first chapter? Either post it before the chapters or even better, don't post it at all. Let the characters' personality come out through your writing as the story progresses.

Storyline and Plot
Storyline is a bit different. In this MaNan are married and are raising a baby. Mostly it's either a college life story, basically a love story in which MaNan are not married already. Nice job on thinking the plot.

But there are some plot holes as well, in one of the chapters you wrote that Aru got up and climbed on Manik and slept, but in the next paragraph you wrote that Aru was struggling to get up on the bed so Manik got up and helped her. You need to be careful in these matters.

Grammar and Detailing
Grammar needs polishing. The story in most of the places is in SMS form (:) but at some places you don't follow that. You write dialogues without using the double inverted commas ("). I won't focus on the spelling mistakes as it is the matter I am least concerned about.
I am concerned about using emoji, not using punctuation marks, at times using ellipses a little too much, abbreviation of words, etc.

I agree that detailing of the characters' looks in a fan fiction is not that important but you could at least mention how the mansion where MaNan live looks.

Overall Rating
2