Title: My fate

            Genre: Fanfiction

            Written by : mahaenterprises

            Reviewed by: Pournu

            Book star:3/5

            Ratings:3/5

Title, cover and Description:

A short title. It depicts that this is a sad  story. That broken heart 💔 gives us an idea that this is going to be an emotional journey. The cover is okay but you could be more creative with the cover as they also attract the readers attention towards the story. The narration is quite big and it gives us an idea that this is somewhat a common plot but let's see how you make it your own with the way you write. Would like to give you a 3/5 for the title,description and cover.

First chapter:

Introduction is somewhat same as the narration so let's skip and take chapter 1 as the starting point of the story. The mother in Nandhini is admirable. Mia is adorable ❣️. You did a good job in showing the gangster shade of Manik.  The way he tortures the betrayer shows he is merciless. At the same time you also show that he also has a heart which is owned by the beauty.  you did well with the chapter. The mom and daughter duo is awesome. Let's see what happens next. For the first chapter I would give you 3.5/5.

Character Development:

A nice character sketch was given by you. Each and every character was phrased as though it was a self introduction. That was creative.   Some positive some negative some repenting some disgusting 😡 it was a mixture of all the emotions. So you piqued our interest with your characters. Special mention to Mia ❤️ who is cute and her introduction was so sweet. As far as your characters are concerned you did a very good job so I give you a 4/5.

Plot and Story line:

The plot is clear from the narration that they are separated due to some misunderstanding. The way Manik behaves with Nandhini is not justified. I felt that it is abuse. There is a fine line between possession and obsession. Being possessive is acceptable but when it turns into obsession it is lethal. I just hope he doesn't take things too far in his blond love for his father. It was a good plot but I felt a little bit abusive and you could have made Nandhini a strong female character. Abuse is not acceptable but nowadays it is very commonly found in each relationship. I hope you don't encourage this in your story. Slapping her every time when she does something you didn't like is not the way you show your love. But overall a nice attempt. If possible make Nandhini a strong female protagonist. I would give you 3/5 for your plot.

Grammar and Detailing:

Grammar is a basic necessity for every story. It gives us an insight into the feelings and emotions that you are trying to convey. There are a lot of typos and grammatical errors. Please proofread once to avoid typos. Also you could use some detailing like idioms or proverbs to convey it more beautifully. Also have a look at your punctuation as it is also important in a sentence formation. For grammar and Detailing I can give you 1.5/5 as there is a lot of room for improvement.
My views as a reader:

As a reader I loved the mother and daughter duo. Mia wanting to be with her dad is also justified. But the way Nandhini is treated is not acceptable. When I read the narration I expected a more mature Nandhini and a headstrong female protagonist. But I am a bit disappointed. I felt that in the process of loving him she lost herself. Mia and Manik bond is also admirable. But Manik abusing Nandhini and playing with her emotions is not love for me. Sorry if I am sounding rude. Hopefully we get to see a strong Nandhini in upcoming chapters. Let's see how things turn out.

Conclusion:

A dominating and obsessed male protagonist at the same time he has a heart of a possessive child. A meek female protagonist but can be shaped into a strong one . Very little love and lots of emotion hopefully we get to see more love ♥️ between them in the upcoming chapters. All the best. Keep writing more and more. Keep improving.