Author: moonrose_writes

1. Title:

Spectacular title!!!! One of the best titles I've ever read honestly. I love the contrast between forever and never. It's simple and beautiful. It hints at romance and forbidden love. An elegant title I must say.

2. Blurb:

I like how the blurb was easy to read and digest. It's pretty good in my opinion. You hinted at the plot without giving too much away. Good job.

3. Characters:

I like how you developed the female lead's personality through a lot of internal dialogue. Her character is pretty developed so that is good.

Landon needs to be developed a bit more. I believe that's going to happen in the coming chapters because I only read three chapters. Make him have unique traits so that he won't be a bland character. I think because he has some hidden past make him more evasive and mysterious. Or make him have two sides. One that he shows to others and one that he shows when he is by himself or the female lead.

The other side characters will be developed more in the coming chapters is what I'm thinking.

Michelle had potential to become an interesting character. Especially if you use her to betray the female lead. But you don't need to do that, you can still make her very interesting without any betrayals.

4. Plot:

Ok so based on the blurb the plot seems very very exciting! However, I can tell this is a slow read. You are building the characters first (I can tell especially the female lead), which is a very good thing!

In order to get more readers immersed in your story, I recommend to start the action as soon as possible. You want to keep the readers hooked.

Like for me personally I do like fast paced adventures, I can wait for maybe one to two chapters but the action should start soon. Typically my most favorite books (and ones that are popular amongst many readers not just me) have the action starting at the very beginning. Example: Percy Jackson, harry potter, divergent, red queen, etc...

5. Overall picture/enjoyability:

I was impressed with how well you kept the story flowing. I never noticed any awkward gaps. Amazing job!

I loved how you developed the female lead so far, through internal dialogue. Continue doing that.

But I want to know more about Landon's personality. Give him more dialogue and scenes.

Overall, you have something going on. I love your writing here!

Good luck on your story!!!