DISCLAIMER:

Please remember that my reviews are just my takes on things, you do not have to take my advice at all if you don't feel it fits the essence of your story. After all, I am only reading a few chapters, other readers might have different takes.

Reverie's Review:

You have a clear narrative which provides a very solid foundation to build on. While your prose occasionally feels awkward in places, your sequence of events is clear and easy to follow which is a great start especially so early on in a book/series.

Despite the clarity in the sequence of events, the prologue could benefit from further development. This would prevent the narrative from being perceived as hovering in an awkward middle ground of information being made available but also not, which can confuse the readers

Descriptions of surroundings are well-handled, effectively painting vivid imagery that immerses the reader in the story. The portrayal of Zoe's fatal touch, particularly the use of Summer to convey the need for coverage due to her fatal touch is a very interesting point. I do have questions about the limitation of her touch abilities, Is it all living things? Plants? Fabric? Does she have an aura that causes it? I suppose I would have to keep reading to find out which I may well just as I am very curious about this. Back on point, however, addressing potential questions about the limitations of her touch abilities could further enhance this narrative aspect.

Note that as your chapters progress the strength of your prose does too and it's apparent that you found your footing rather rapidly. I would recommend combing the whole thing over with one edit once you are done with the novel as you will find (and I did too when writing) that there was a style difference by the end of the novel in comparison to the start. This would help keep things consistent.

The plot's hook is a strong one. I did find myself immediately intrigued as to why Zoe was afflicted as she was and the intricacies of her being a weapon. (I would take a moment at some point in the narrative to delve deep into her head and explore the touch starvation aspect if you like, you might find that it could help add a layer to the character)

To deepen character engagement, it might be beneficial to draw out dramatic moments a bit more. Shifting the focus from introspection to action could create more dynamic interactions and strengthen the reader's connection to the characters. You

Combining Chapters 2 and 3 could help maintain pacing and reader interest. The main character's internal voice is engaging, and the concept of the librarian is intriguing. Exploring this character further could add depth to the story and provide an interesting avenue for expansion as there is a lot of potential in that character as a support. I am fully serious about this, the librarian was the character that hooked me, the way that knowledge had to be sought and such was such an interesting take on a fictional magic librarian. I honestly loved that idea. I don't know if they show up later on in the narrative but I do hope so.

As an aside note maintaining consistency, such as spelling out numbers less than 100, can enhance the reader's immersion without disrupting the flow of the narrative. Other than that you are consistent with the rest of your style and it serves well to keep your readers in the flow as an inconsistent style can lead to that break in immersion which makes it hard to return to a narrative once that focus has been broken.

The effective execution of scenes, such as the meeting and the explanation of mates, demonstrates adept storytelling and contributes to reader enjoyment and comprehension. I found that the shift in stakes was present in the scene where they met, a good turning point but perhaps drawing it earlier in the narrative or condensing the previous chapters as the meeting point would be a good point to end a third or fourth chapter on for pacing purposes. Publishers often review only the first three chapters, making pacing crucial. These initial chapters serve as the gateway to capturing their attention. Ensuring a balance between engaging plot progression and character development within this limited span is vital for hooking publishers and enticing them to delve deeper into the manuscript. You usually want to have the story pick up by the end of the third chapter and leave it on a cliffhanger of sorts to make them want to read the next few chapters and then the whole manuscript.