DISCLAIMER:

Please remember that my reviews are just my takes on things, you do not have to take my advice at all if you don't feel it fits the essence of your story. After all, I am only reading a few chapters, other readers might have different takes.

Reverie's Review

I genuinely enjoyed reading this, I think it is publishable material at some point, be it a book or even a graphic novel hybrid of sorts would look amazing with this. Especially given the aesthetic that you provided us with at the start. Your prose is extremely clean and fluid too! You have good clarity and coherence throughout your narrative. While your language is clean and enjoyable to read it could be a little less consistent ironically. Injecting punchier action lines and breaking up longer chapters could enhance pacing and ensure that readers remain hooked from start to finish. I find it rare that consistency is an issue in the reverse but your standard is done extremely well but can get quite redundant in terms of cadence. This is apparent in chapters 2-3-4 mostly but the rest are sound. For clarity I would say that strangely your main setback in this area would be that you are a little too consistent in your delivery, while it makes for an easy way to get hooked initially it does prevent you from capitalising on the tension as best as you can to create a sense of urgency that will help keep your readers drawn into the narrative. After all, tension is what keeps readers engaged and telling themselves the age-old lie of " just one more chapter". Regardless of this, I would say that your chosen points-to-end chapters are well done and kept at least me hooked and wanting to continue reading.

Your hook was very intriguing, the first two chapters were extremely engaging, and the opening with the masks provided an element of mystery and set the tone of the narrative perfectly as well as establishing the character dynamics. It's also in this chapter that your prose really stands out, especially that reference to Alice in Wonderland, which I am biased towards I must admit as it is one of my favourite works.

I would like to see more about the magic and the aspects of the world that are alien to us readers so far it was a little hard to imagine the magic alongside our world at first. That being said the introduction of rock music was a nice touch which situated us easily in understanding that the main cast is present in our world rather than another. I found the world to be realistic in the sense of it being our world and being tangible. I would like to stipulate that a little more in terms of the unnatural or supernatural rather would go a long way. Chapter 7 does this well as it gives us more information in regards to the past and how these magical elements work within the world but it is in chapter 7 a little delayed. I suggest moving it up slightly or dispersing it throughout the narrative to solidify the world you have crafted.

I found Reed's past interesting and would very much like to know more about him, I wasn't expecting to get a chapter from his point of view but it did add a nice layer of depth to the world and it broke up the narrative flow a little which added to the world's development. This was an especially nice touch and you added it in at a good point in the narrative.

However, I must note that it takes up until Chapter 5/6 for the narrative to take off fully and have the action kick in. Consider shortening your chapters by stripping down the dialogue. This will enhance the effectiveness of the chapter as it will keep only the essential information needed to draw in readers at the start without overwhelming them. It also keeps readers hooked longer as your chapters are a little long at the start and it's more difficult to find people to just be dropped into a fully immersive world and adapt quickly. This will also give you the word count and room to play with setting descriptions to build out that real world that much quicker and be just a little more engaging in that area.

All in all, I was very hooked by this plot and premise, it was well structured and consistent in its quality.