DISCLAIMER:

Please remember that my reviews are just my takes on things, you do not have to take my advice at all if you don't feel it fits the essence of your story. After all, I am only reading a few chapters, other readers might have different takes.

Reverie's Review:

Opening up the narrative I really found it easy to immerse myself into your world with little effort. You start by building the headspace of your main character rather well and your use of the present tense is engaging and well executed. The internal monologue that Nia partakes in, not just the initial ones but as I continued reading I noted the rest followed suit in quality and rhythm. Nia feels a little older than her age, which is a good thing circumstances considered, and it does not break the suspension of disbelief. You managed to capture the internal voice of a high school student rather effectively without it coming across as juvenile.

That being said sometimes my suspension of disbelief is cracked a little in the instances of character relationship development, particularly between Nia and Milo. Personally speaking, I found that their 'friendship' (I'm not sure what to call it, camaraderie?) was a little too accelerated given how little time they spent together in the chapters I read. Nia's willingness to defend Milo is briefly touched upon when she explains that she too was a victim of rumours, but it was only lightly brushed upon and doesn't fully lend to a motivation.

Drawing back a little to the earlier chapters I would like to speculate that Nia is a little too quick to forgive Milo for taking a picture of her nonconsensually, even though he explains it is for an art project I feel like the interaction could benefit from a little more back and forth on this matter wherein the issue is addressed a little further, not much but just enough to add in an extra layer of depth. You might find it makes the whole situation just that much more tangible.

You are a very consistent author, I think that that is your greatest strength. Your characters are consistent, your grammar is consistent, and the overall quality of the chapters is consistent. This is no easy feat and I commend you for this. I often find that in most works quality dips and rises throughout the different chapters but you have managed to keep it at a good level and to deliver consistently. Your transitions between points of view are well done, you allow the work to breathe and you give each of your characters an appropriate amount of screen time before switching it over between Milo and Nia. However, on this note, I would recommend picking up the pacing just a tad, I noticed that you try and utilise the mystery aspect a little too much in your work. Some mystery is good, the mystery behind Milo's behaviour for one is well shrouded from Nia's perspective. However, since you are also using Milo's point of view perhaps consider lifting the fog a little and allowing the reader a deeper dive into his mind. After all, you are giving us insight into it, why limit what we can see? In ways having the reader be aware of things that characters aren't about each other can lend to the overall tension building which will more likely keep readers engaged. If you amp things up a tad pacing-wise by emphasising the conflict a little more then I feel like your readers will be more inclined to binge the work. After all, while our characters might not appreciate what we put them through, it's rather effective from a reader's standpoint, character conflict makes for a compelling read. You already have a strong foundation for it but perhaps build on it a little more with more external events rather than just introspection. Consider having a physical event happen earlier in the work. I don't know if one happens later on as I've only read the seven chapters but I feel like the work might benefit from it. Not just for pacing but for character relationship development, having more happen between character to character would help readers feel as though the sequence of events is moving along faster and will be more likely to sweep them along for the ride.

On a separate note, I want to point out that your emotive writing is extremely impactful and you've written a beautiful friendship between Nia and her best friend. The description in chapter three of the summer they wanted and the summer they had was very well written and emotionally charged. Not only that but your sensory input is just generally very well done.

Overall this is a solid piece of work and is well put together, you have a good grasp of your character's personalities and the roles they play in the world and with each other it reads well.