why does my heart thirst for such warmth?

when my head rejects all relations?

why does it flutter in its cage when

another human makes contact

when someone touches my arm

or looks in my eyes

or talks to me in soft tones

or sits next to me

or stands near me

while my mind sings a heavy anthem

of loneliness

of a want for people to forget

forget that i ever existed

forget that i'm here

but my heart wants to be known.

my heart wants to scream its presence

pierce the world's ears with its love

saying "i'm here. i'm here 

and i want you to know me."

my head whirls with the knowledge of

intention

knowing that people love me

on purpose.

they love me

because i'm me.

and they do that

because they want to love me.

my heart says "yes.

and why wouldn't they love you?"

my head responds

"because i'm lonely."

and my heart flutters

and whispers

"what difference

would that make?"

my mind continues to spin

out of control.

the trains of thought

continue to veer

off their tracks

as always.

because it cannot handle

human interaction

or thoughts

or emotion

or the knowledge

that someone might love me.

but my heart holds steady.

it holds steady in its

flutters, its

whispers, its

wishes, its

wants.

and it wants everything.

all that a person can give.