Continuation of the past :

    Losing a child is a most unbearable loss in this whole universe and I guess there is no tragedy in life like that of a death of a child. Until the day before I was a mother to a beautiful soul growing inside me and today I totally feel like a helpless person who couldn't protect her own child and now just simply mourning on his or her death.

Days passed away, people came and went after giving their condolence, but I am just lying on this bed as if there is no life inside me. I wanted to end my life days ago in the hospital, I wanted to punish myself for being a bad mother but no god had another plans for me. He wanted me to survive and get killed internally everyday by remembering the fact that I had lost my kid....no... Infact that I had killed my own child.

Shlok was trying very hard to get my attention from days but something in me is preventing from being a normal person anymore. And how could I be? it's not that I have just lost something that is not precious to me. Everyday he wakes me up with his brightest smile ever certainly the one which I craved for before, and then helps me to get ready then feeds me breakfast, all the while calling me with all kinds of sweet endearments that one could ever use.

I was never his princess nor his cutie pie before but listening to these names for me from his mouth makes my stomach to churn in disgust as I realize that the cost of him believeing my innocence is my baby. If only he could have loved me atleast half the percentage which I do and could come up to trust me a bit, we would have been in a better world now.

Whenever he had called me a bitch, a slut or a gold digger in the past, I have always thought that there would be a day when I would be his princess but today when the day came where i am indeed his princess nothing in me is capable of cherishing it and it all together made me to hate myself much more.

"hy Jaan, what's wrong? You look like you are about to cry" the voice that spoke to me contained soo much of concern in it.....how badly i craved for this before. He pulled me in his embrace and slowly combed my hair with his long fingers sending a tingling sensation back my spine.

"I asked you a question princess" but still I didn't wanted to answer him so I kept my mouth shut inspite of fully being aware that it frustrates him like hell. After all that happened I couldn't come up to speak to him normally like nothing happened, so I have decided to just settle down with one word replies these days and to my utter disbelief he is not trying to push me to speak much more over my comfortable level to which I am certainly glad.

I slightly pushed him to make myself free from his embrace and slightly shaked my head from right to left mumbling "no I wasn't" he just gave me a small sad smile and looked side ways as if  my words and actions are killing him. 

He then left to office not before giving me a long kiss on my forehead and "I will be back soon and please take care of yourself till then for me darling". This has became almost a daily routine for me to see this side of shlok. He started keeping my preferences before his and always looks at me very lovingly in which I could find his hidden longingness for me. But what to do i just need time, time to accept everything that is going on around me, time to accept that my baby is no more and time to believe that shlok is actually being sweet to me. With all these heavy feeling i closed my eyes to get a bit of relief.  

I woke up with the soft knock on my door and as soon as i let the permission to the person standing behind the closed door, anjali walked inside. Her features scared the shit out of me, she looked as if she was crying her eyes out from days and physically looked too weak for my liking.  And then i realized that its been days since i have actually met her, last time i have seen her was at the hospital when i came out of coma.  

"Anjali, whats wrong, are you okay?" i know it was a stupid question to be asked by looking at her state, but i couldn't resist. She slowly walked towards me and sat near my hip with most depressed expression playing on her face. 

"Bhabi, he will leave me" confusion hit me like a stone. what is she talking about and who would leave her? is she talking about that ri....rishab malhotra? 

Memories of that dreadful day flashed infront of my eyes making me to shut them back immediately. I can't call him as a murderer of my unborn baby as it was totally an unintentional move made by him. I am the one who went in between and I still remember his look when he realized that the person he had stabbed was me, he first looked horrified by his action later a total regret feeling clouded his face which is more than enough for me to forgive him.

"To whom are you referring to anju?" i asked to just confirm whether it an assumption of mine or the reality.

"Rishab bhabi. He wants me to come along with him, otherwise he said he will make sure that i wont see him in my life" god what is happening, why is this guy hell bent on causing problems to my family. 

"And, what was your answer?" i questioned looking directly towards her to know what's hidden in her heart. She looked at me with the most depressing eyes i have ever met and a dreadful feeling slowly started its way in my heart indicating that something bad is going to happen.

"I love him bhabi and i cannot survive without him, no matter what he does to me... my heart would still beat for him. But how can i leave my family behind they are my everything." my eyes started watering looking at her condition. One side love of her life and on the other side its family and no woman in the entire world could make a choice between them.

I want to stop her by putting some sense in her brain but deep down i know its soo wrong to do cause its her life and she knows her priorities much more than me or anyone else.

"Do you really think he does love you, as last time what i have seen was him being a total monster to you anju, he will hurt you and even you know that... right" i couldn't stop myself from asking out my queries to her.

"yes bhabi, i know he will hurt me and he will do much more than just hurting me but believe me bhabi i totally deserve whatever he is doing to me. And trust me when I say that he loves me more than anyone in this world, only that the things are too complicated between us to be resolved immediately" i guess she has gone nuts in his love and speaking shit. " anju, are you mad. why do you think that you deserve al..." 

"no bhabi you have no idea about our past, i have done some big mistakes and now i am being punished for all that" its too hard for me to believe about all that she is saying and for a second i felt i don't know anything about the family that i claims to be mine.

"Whatever your decision be anju, you know right that i'll support it wholeheartedly i may not be known of your past but i don't want you to regret your decision later, anyways it's you who have to decide what you want in the end." i assured her that i am with her in this grief time of hers.

"I am leaving bhabi, he wants me to be there within an hour and i need a help from you"

"You know right... you don't need to ask permission for that" i playfully replied her in this heated situation.

"When bhai comes and asks for me just manage him saying that i wanted a break so went on outing with my friends." various thoughts erupted in my head as soon as i heard about managing shlok. How will one understands that he is unmanageable but still i don't want to disappoint her when she is taking her steps towards building her future with the person she loves. I really wanted to contribute something by my side too.

"leave that on me" with that I hugged her to my heart assuring her about the promise I made.

One last look at me and then she is out of the room aswell as out of the house too.

Love can make people to do many things, especially those which we never would image ourselves to do like how Anju is giving up on her family for someone whom she loves. Sometimes all these sounds too crazy for me but when I myself had endured many stupid things in life for my love I am in no position to judge others....