Amanda instantly invited me into her house when she noticed my distressed expression and the clear tear stains on my cheek from crying on the way here. It was hard to drive and it was stupid of me to do so but I luckily managed. Amanda pulled me into a hug, letting me cry on her shoulder while she rubbed my back to try and comfort me.

"What happened?" she asked as she guided me to the couch in her living room to sit down. I kept quiet, hesitant to tell her the truth. "You can trust me, I'm not going to judge," Amanda reassured me as she held onto my hands.

"I almost kissed Jack," I muttered in a rush.

"You almost kissed Reece!?" she exclaimed with wide eyes, taken aback. I pray that there's no one in her house that just heard that or I'd be embarrassed. "How did that happen?"

"We got caught up in the moment while we were slow dancing and before I knew it, we were leaning in but I realised before anything could happen and ran off," I explained. I cast my eyes down to my lap and fiddled with my hands. Amanda sighed.

I already feel ashamed of my actions but I can't just turn back time as if I were in some Marvel universe, as much as I wish I were. If only I could forget what happened. The awful thing is, firstly, I'm a horrible human being and secondly, things are going to be incredibly awkward if I go back to Lisa's place. I can't go back, not now, not when I can't even face Jack without immense guilt.

"I'm not angry at you or judging you Amy, you can relax," Amanda reassured me. "I don't believe you had bad intentions."

"I know but how will Sarah react? How will Dillon react!? Oh god, he's already been jealous of Jack, this will just make him lose his shit and prove that he was right for his mistrust in me and Jack!" I cried as I buried my face in my hands. Amanda instantly wrapped her arms around me, pulling me into her arm.

"Listen, I can't tell you what to do, that'll have to be your decision, but what I can say is that you shouldn't be beating yourself up about this, you stopped it before anything could go further. Though I do think you should talk about this to either Sarah or Dillon when you're ready," she advised. I remained silent.

She was right. I knew she was right. It doesn't mean the fear in me will diminish; it's very much still there and will remain, my mind racing with negative scenarios of how they could both react. Dillon would freak out and he would have a right to. Sarah would probably be mad at me and that's also understandable. I just don't want to lose them because of my stupid actions and lack of control over my emotions.

"Amy, look at me," Amanda demanded as she put her hands on my shoulders. I glanced towards her with a deep frown. "You're not going to go through this alone, I will be there to support you ok?"

"Why would you?" I questioned.

"Because you're my best friend, I can see how much this is killing you, the guilt is eating you alive, you had no ill intention, others would, you stopped yourself, you know what you did is wrong, and you want to fix things, you're learning from your mistakes," she stated. I sighed.

Nothing is going to make me feel any better until I get everything off my chest. I want to talk to Dillon mainly but my fear is what's preventing me from telling him. I know that if I prolong the inevitable, it will only make things worse but I just want a day or two to just prepare myself on how I'm going to tell Dillon and Sarah.

"You'll be alright ok?" Amanda said.

I nodded numbly at her but inwardly I didn't believe that. I hate that I put myself in this predicament and am put in a position where I'm scared to say anything. This is all my fault and now I'm paying the price for my actions.

"Hey how about we take your mind off of things, we can watch a movie?" Amanda suggested. I shook my head.

"No, thank you for helping me but I think I just want to curl up and sleep the night away to forget about this for just a moment," I replied.

Amanda frowned but didn't try and push it any further. She offered for me to stay the night in the spare room which I accepted. I changed into the clothes given to me before crawling into bed for the night, wishing that this were all over; that I didn't have to face Dillon or Sarah tomorrow despite my relationship with them.

My mind was racing with so many thoughts that I barely slept the night. I was dead tired come morning but I woke up on my own. I dragged myself out of bed to get ready, changing into something of Amanda's before heading out of the room and down the hall where I found Amanda in the kitchen along with her parents. She smiled and got up from her seat to give me a hug. I accepted her hug but I still wasn't in a joyful mood, I probably won't be for a while.

"How are you feeling?" she asked softly. I shrugged.

"I'll be fine," I answered with a mumble. She sighed.

"Morning dear, how are you?" Amanda's stepmother, Fiona, asked with a bright smile. I forced one of my own.

"I'm fine thank you," I said.

"How's school been, Amy?" Grant, Amanda's father, asked.

"Good thanks," I nodded as I sat next to Amanda.

"So what's the plan for today?" Amanda questioned in a whisper, tilting her head as she took a sip of her coffee.

"I don't know, all I do know is that I'm not ready to face Dillon today," I mumbled, taking a sip from my own mug full of coffee that Fiona gave me. Usually, I wouldn't drink it but I needed it after feeling like I was about to drop dead on the table and call it a night.

"Then don't," Amanda stated with a shrug. I frowned and furrowed my eyebrows.

"It's not that easy Amanda, I can't just avoid Dillon, he'll notice," I pointed out.

"I'm not so sure about that," she grumbled.

"What do you mean by that?" I asked with curiosity rather than offence.

"Nothing," she said, avoiding the topic.

I didn't push any further; I had other things on my mind like the panic that was starting to officially set in. Not only do I have classes with Jack who I'll have to deal with if he decides he wants to either speak to or confront me over what happened, but there's also the confrontation from Dillon.

We haven't talked much, not even during the holidays. We barely hung out. Already my relationship with him was on the rocks; I'm worried about what this can lead to. I didn't want to break up with him but ultimately, that's not my decision whenever I do decide I'm ready to tell him. I'll have to accept whatever he does, no matter how much it'll hurt me in the end.

"Ready for school?" Amanda asked as she stood up. She glanced at the leftover pancakes on my plate with blueberry compote. It was largely untouched since I had no appetite to eat it.

"Yeah," I replied.

"Bye! Be safe you two," Fiona beamed.

"Have a good day," Grant smiled. I gave them another forced smile in return instead of a verbal response.

I walked past Amanda to grab my bag, the only thing I had with me other than the clothes that I wore yesterday when I drove here, hearing her sigh on my way. I know she was disappointed with how I was acting but I can't just tell myself to be something and instantly my mood or personality will shift with the snap of the fingers. My emotions are where I lack control of, it's my worst enemy and I believe my top flaw.

When we got to school, I avoided the few gazes from my peers as I walked beside Amanda to my locker. It's like I just reverted back into my shell and the funny thing is that this time, it's my fault rather than someone else's doing.

"Morning babe," Dillon greeted as he pecked my lips and wrapped his arms around my waist expectantly. I jumped at first but kissed back although I felt numb to any previous spark I used to feel.

"Morning Dillon," I faked a smile, ignoring the voice screaming in my head to run away.

Amanda eyed us with a frown. It's easy to tell why but that's not the one that was starting to bother me, it was another set of eyes watching us from a distance. From behind Dillon, I could see Jack standing across the hall in the distance leaning against the lockers with a deep frown. I averted my gaze to focus back on Dillon. No more Jack, no more anything to do with him.

"Are you alright?" Dillon asked, snapping me back to reality, away from my thoughts.

"Huh? Oh, yeah, of course, I'm just...tired," I lied to reassure him. He was quick to believe it with a nod. When the bell rang, he kissed my cheek.

"I'll see you later," he said before pulling away and walking off to class.

I followed suit to class on my own after telling Amanda I'd see her soon during our break. I knew I was going to be late but luckily when I arrived at the classroom, I noticed we had a substitute filling in for our teacher for Chemistry, Mr Hayes. I sat in my seat at the back, away from the class, where I could seclude myself from society and do my own thing.

I began on the worksheet given. We were doing some theory before we would have to actually mix some chemicals tomorrow. Always a worry in this class when not a lot of people pay attention to the theory part and mess up the practical part because of it. One person almost blew up the lab and another burned off her eyebrows after trying to use the Bunsen burner and failing.

I jumped when I felt a hand on my shoulder, startling me out of my thoughts. My eyes widened at Jack now sitting beside me. He had a concerned frown drawn across his lips. When did he get here and why was he sitting next to me? This is not good. I didn't want people to see us and I didn't want to speak to him either anyway. How can I? It's not easy after what happened, it's just pure awkwardness.

"Are you ok? You've been avoiding me," Jack asked. There was a weird sensation in my abdomen but I ignored it. I opened my mouth to reply but no words came out. I then removed his hand from my shoulder and looked down at my worksheet to continue filling out the answers instead. "What did I do?"

Nothing

"Did I do something wrong?"

No, you haven't and that's the frustrating thing

"I'm trying to work here," I bitterly grumbled.

He sighed but didn't continue any further than that. I bit my bottom lip, instantly feeling the guilt start to gnaw at me but I brushed it aside. Well, actually, I'm attempting to but the voice in my head keeps telling me that he doesn't deserve this.

Once class was done, I tried to exit class but as soon I did, Jack quickly caught up and stood in front of me. Well, there goes my chance to be on time for my next class, English. I sighed as I hiked my bag strap further up my shoulder.

"Are you avoiding me because of-"

"Don't say it, don't you dare say it," I snapped with a glare.

"Are you seriously scared to admit what happened?" he asked in disbelief.

"Nothing happened and nothing will ever happen, I made a mistake but I stopped it before I did do something that I would regret for the rest of my life," I snapped. I had no control over what I was saying; my mouth had a mind of its own at this point.

"You really are a coward," he scowled.

"Fuck you," I spat before pushing him aside and storming off.

I hate to admit that hearing him say that hurt me more than I thought it would. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, forcing myself to forget about what happened. I mean he deserved it...right? I groaned as I ran my fingers through my hair, changing my direction from my next class to the auditorium where it would be quiet and I could be alone. I instantly chucked my bag aside and lied down on the cold wooden stage floor, staring up at the lights.

"What are you doing?" I flinched and sat up instantly to see Jessica. My eyes widened as she furrowed her eyebrows and frowned.

"That's personal," I muttered before lying back down.

"Is this about Dillon and Jack?" she asked. Can't she leave me alone? There's a reason why I'm ditching class last minute and have resided here.

"Why would I tell you about my problems?" I mumbled.

"Because I believe and know that you shouldn't trust Dillon," Jessica stated. That piqued my interest, unfortunately. Now it was my turn to frown as I looked at her again. "I know I'm not the person to be telling you this seeing as you hate me and I'm not a fan of you but from one woman to another, don't trust him, everything will ultimately lead to heartbreak and you will experience it if you don't prepare yourself for the inevitable," she explained.

"Why should I trust you?" I questioned, squinting my eyes with suspicion.

"Because I've been hurt before, I was played for a fool because I was blind to what was in front of me and in the end, I wished that someone warned me but I have to move on from my mistakes in life," Jessica replied.

Could she be telling the truth or just playing games to meddle with me and Dillon's relationship? That would make Thalia beam with excitement, I can imagine. Evil bitch.

I didn't know whether to believe her or not. She could be lying since she's friends with Thalia and she definitely hates me. I don't trust them both but with this, it's messing with my head. Maybe it's a lie; Dillon wouldn't give me a reason to mistrust him.

If anything, he should not trust me because apparently, I can't control my emotions or actions. It's like my mind, or heart, has a mind of its own. I don't know, it feels like ever since I moved back here, my mind and heart have been battling against what I should do nearly every day.

"Thank you," I mumbled, not knowing what else further I can say to that. She simply nodded before walking off. It wasn't even five minutes before I heard another voice interrupt my self-pity session.

"What's this I see? Well, if it isn't Amy Prescott in the flesh and...crying? That's new," they teased. I turned my head to look over my shoulder at the side entrance to the stage to see an old friend, John Hart. I beamed as I instantly stood up and ran to throw my arms around him. He laughed as he wrapped his arms around me in return. "Whoa there Prescott, you could actually hurt me," John joked.

"Where have you been all this time?" I asked as I stepped away from him with a wide grin.

"What do you mean? I'm not the one that left," he pointed out. I rolled my eyes.

"Yes but ever since I came back, you've been AWOL," I said. John chuckled.

"Sorry I was avoiding you, little runt," he joked as he ruffled my hair. I huffed in annoyance as I swatted his hands away.

"Not the hair," I ordered as I attempted to fix my now mess of a hair.

"What's going on here?"

We turned to see Amanda standing at the main entrance with a frown. She glanced between us as she walked up to me slowly.

"This is an old family friend of mine back when I was like ten, John," I introduced. John nodded with a grin as he threw his arm around my shoulder playfully.

"I know him but why-how are you two so...nice to each other? Didn't he hurt you? He's Jack's best friend," Amanda asked, stuttering in the process and stumbling over her words.

Right, I forgot, she still doesn't know

"We remained friends ever since we met from our parents, his father was my father's best friend and yes he was close with Jack but he was the one that helped me a lot of the time by comforting me, keeping Jack away, and patching up any wounds or helping me get a new pair of glasses," I explained.

We may have not seen each other often but he was still there for me whenever Amanda was busy. Amanda of course can't be there all the time, she had many things to handle and I would never let her drop everything to fret over my 'drama'. John always offered to help and a lot of the time, I accepted it, but some other times I would decline and only accept the offer of someone to talk to and listen.

"You used to help her?" Amanda asked John in a meek voice. I looked between the two, trying to figure them both out as John stared down at the floor.

"Is it such a surprise?" John questioned back.

"I'm sorry, I have to go," she muttered before spinning around and running off. I took a step forward to run after her but John put his hand on my shoulder to stop me.

"Let me go after her, I did this, let me see if she's ok," he suggested. I nodded with a sigh.

"Please just let me know how she's doing and what's gotten her so upset," I pleaded. He nodded before running after her.

I hope you're ok Amanda

John's POV

I ran after Amanda, attempting to keep up with her since she was faster than me. I had to talk to her about why she was upset. I didn't do anything, I keep trying not to do anything to hurt her but today, I have no idea what I did to put her through distress to the point where she's probably crying or something. It was never my intention; I'm not a monster.

I know why Amanda hates me and it's understandable, I can't change how she feels no matter how much I wish I could. After the realisation hit me like a bucket of ice that I had strong feelings for her a few years back, I tried to get over her but every time I attempted to move on, she was right there, making me remember why I liked her in the first place with her caring persona and bright smile.

The label 'a player' has stuck with me throughout my senior year in high school and only because I was always seen with a different girl at some point in the year. There's a reason for it but let's face it, no one could give two fucks about the explanation, they just hear gossip and rumours and practically foam at the mouth because it spells drama when you're in high school.

Unfortunately, Amanda got caught up and believed what everyone said about me. I tried to be in a relationship but it never lasted because either I let the thoughts of Amanda consume me or it just didn't work out because of other things. I never 'used' them.

I sighed as I ran my fingers through my hair, pushing it back while I paused in the middle of the deserted hallway. She was nowhere to be found, I lost track of her. I'm not surprised; she loved doing track but never liked to compete for our school but rather with her friends sometimes.

"Fuck," I muttered with a scowl at the floor. I should have ran faster. "Where are you, Amanda?"

I heard a thud, as if a bunch of stationary just dropped onto the floor from being knocked over. I instantly looked over towards the door I was assuming where the noise came from. I could be wrong but it could be Amanda since the classroom was supposed to be empty. Unless ghosts decided to haunt the school and in that case, that's rough, depressing haunting ground I must say.

I opened the door to the classroom to see Amanda kneeling down on the floor, collecting the fallen stationary to put in the pencil holder that also fell as she continued to grumble under her breath.

"Go away Hart," she ordered, not even looking up to the entrance.

"No, not until we talk about this, about why the hell you're upset," I said firmly, crossing my arms. She looked at me over her shoulder.

"That's not your call to make," she snapped. I rolled my eyes and rubbed my temple.

"It is when I have no idea what I did to make you run off like that," I argued. She instantly got up and slammed the half-full pencil holder on the desk.

"Listen I don't want to talk about this and you can't make me do shit," Amanda glared. When she attempted to walk past me, I moved to quickly block her path, closing the door behind me. She gaped at me. "You've got to be kidding me? You're that desperate to get an answer out of me?"

"Yes actually, haven't you heard? I always get my way my dear flower lily," I smirked. Her eyes narrowed, attempting to challenge my stance.

"Fine, if this is the extent you'll go to get me to talk, I'll comply," Amanda conceded. I nodded for her to continue. She rolled her eyes as she too crossed her arms and walked over to sit on the teacher's desk. "If you must know, I was confused," she muttered lowly. I raised a brow at her answer.

Confused?

"Over what?" I questioned.

"Over you, your actions, your...whole being!" she exclaimed.

"What did I do?" I asked with a frown and furrowed eyebrows. She sighed.

"Nothing! I-I didn't know you would be...compassionate or even be friends with Amy," she admitted. I think I knew what she was getting at now. What she saw and heard didn't fit her image of me that others have shoved down her throat for a couple of years.

"You're surprised?" I raised a brow.

"No, yes, maybe," she muttered. "Forget about this!"

Amanda went to walk out but I stood in front of the door again and shook my head. She groaned as she threw her arms up.

"We're not done here," I said.

"What else do you want to know?!" she exclaimed in frustration.

"Why are you so bothered by 'the surprise twist' in my personality?" I questioned, leaning forward and leaving little space between us as I stared into her eyes. A blush appeared on her cheeks as she instantly looked down.

"No reason," she mumbled. I glanced at her up and down.

Her body language said otherwise but I was already pushing it, I didn't want to push my boundaries further. If she doesn't want to tell me then that's fine, I can wait until she does. I would ask Amy, but there's no way she would tell me or anyone else anything her best friends says, she is tight-lipped about a lot of things. I can't even get her to admit she's upset or the reason why. It takes time to get her to talk about things.

"You're free to go," I said with a sigh.

I stepped aside and opened the door for her. She eyed me with suspicion but left nonetheless, running off to God knows where. I would hope back to Amy to ease her worries because there's no doubt she's losing her mind knowing her friend is distressed. I've accepted that that was probably my last chance to talk to her, guess I'll have to hope there's another chance but I highly doubt that with my luck when it comes to Amanda.

Why do you have to be so stubborn?