I move along and don't stop walking until I come upon a familiar octangular in shape building. Here too were Gargoyles with their mouths open in silent angry snarls. The figurines were everywhere I looked from the wide flat steps that led up to the front of the balcony to the sloping of the roof. And they were so detailed and lifelike that they actualy seemed like they'd been real at one time, real-monsters crawling all over the building until something or someone had frozen them in place.

Once I got to the library I eyed the gargoyle parched on either side of the grey stone steps. The statues loomed over me and both gargoyles sat at attention heads held high.

dont try me buddy i joked eyeing them eerily. 

Ignoring them completely I walk up the small flight of duo stairs without touching the handrail encased in a chunk of frozen water.

Using my sleeve I pull on the frozen door handle but it didnt budge open.

Looking past the glass I use my hands as a make shift binocular to see if I could perhaps gain a better picture of what was ging on in the library but as far as my eyes could tell it was pitch dark and there was no movement coming from the inside.

It was my free period and i wanted to spend that time in the library.

I get anxious quickly and evidence was starting to show. I could feel my heart rate pick up, hear the thud of blood rushing to my ears. I looked around and quickly wiped my hands on the hem of my skirt.

I was growing anxious because nobody was around to tell me why the library was closed. it could have been anything really. With no evidence of any movement I turn away from the building with my head down, I insert my hands in the pockets of my hoodie, and sigh. Sullen and forlorn I put one foot in front of the other and descend from the top of the stairway.

Once I hit the bottom level I wrap my arms in front of my buttoned up heavy coat, because I was shaking, and look around the desolated stretch of a once upon a time well-established stomping ground, but see nothing out of the ordinary.

It was barren save for myself. No librarian to give me that 'you're here again' look. A look i which i was a so accustomed to. many a time. 

No classmates running late to class. a happening in which caused me to be late. I was cold. So very very cold and tired. I wanted to go to my dorm, to take a bath and to forget.

sigh

I withered underneath my jacket in the storm. i could feel boogere dripping from my nose thats how cold i actually was and at this rate orried i might catch a cold. The only noise that my ears could possibly detect was the howling of wind which was pretty loud so if someone were yelling at me from a distance I wouldn't be able to hear them in the first place.

I was used to being alone but at that moment, standing in the middle of a snowy windstorm for the first time I aw myself for what I was. And that frightened me.

sure I was acting fine like nothing could bother me, but the truth was, I didn't know what to feel, let alone how I should act. They all told me I should forget all about kira and her betrayal. i knew we were better off without her if that's really how she was. She was a follower of my evil aunt Avalon. They were trying to find the hidden treasures of the founding father that was somewhere on stark house land. 

Supposedly it would bring the bearer ultimate power. I didn't know if I believed or not. So far there were no sightings of either of them. I wouldn't know if my heart could stan seeing them again. Kira was my best fried, or so ithought. So when she along with a band of goons sewuestered me in a run down warehouse I was a goner. Until Wesley and the rest of the gang came and rescued me that is. Avalon had killed those two men in front of me. it was strange, witnessing someones death right in front of your very eyes. to see the light in their eyes go out, their bodies quiver one last time until their legs stopped shaking. Yeah, good times. I roll my eyes at myself. really Aislin get it together. You aren't there anymore. Get a grip.

On days like this i thought of myself as machinelike. i was on autopilot mode. It was during those rough days the pain felt like it would never end; it hurt to breathe, i couldn't fake a sweet smile even if I had wanted to, not to mention getting up in the morning was always a fight. the steaming hot baths helped. 

The medicine fell short of a cure. The emptyness that was always there never ceased to remind me that I was as alone as I felt. That nothing; not the drugs I was forced to take for three months when I was institutionalized, not the spells that my alumni friends invoked, none of it helped.

During my childhood and eventhroughout high school I couldn't help but feel like a marionette doll with no sense of ryhthm; everyone who'd ever tried to control my lifemy mother and stepfather who took me to mass to 'save me', like the countless doctors i've seen who couldn't medically fix me no matter how many specialists tried could atest that I wasn't bad just flawed.

I just wasn't like other people my age.

The realization that I should start walking back toward my dorm hit me and I came to the conclusion that it wasnt my fault if nobody said the library would be closed today so I started walking back to my dormitory in hopes to burry my head and find solace from the wind. Besides, if I got in trouble by the headmistress for leaving early I could just as easily make her understand my side of the story.

Couldn't I?

I bundle my hands in the jacket pocket and pray that I made it fast enough before my feet and hands turned completely numb. On my way out of the quad I see a girl about my height wearing a grey bubble jacket passing by me.

uh-oh. real or not? these days i was getting better at reading them. this one just seemed to run cold. 

I stop and turned my head. "Uh excuse me? Do you know is anybody in?" I ask pointing to the building behind me.

Gloves on, she rubs her hands to keep her blood circulating. Without looking at me or even stopping the girl shakes her head. "It's closed." she merely says.

I don't stop her when she walks on by me across the grey bricked wall in a hurry.

Since for whatever reason the library was closed I decided to make good use of the empty campus and head directly back to my dorm building happy that I didn't have to deal with a bustling crowd that would usually have interfered with me being on time any place I went. I usually had to sprint around talking bodies just to get through campus on a regular day. It was getting exhausting.

Following the serpentine cobblestone path I keep my purple hoodie down and walk fast hoping that if I was quiet enough I could arrange a quick visit with Josh and maybe go sightseeing if we had the time. With both of us busy we hadn't done much practicing our bond and now was as good a time as any to start.

plus i was going to see him later today. so i was hyped about that. 

I knew josh well enough to know when he was caught up in some wookie stuff and I couldn't shake the feeling that it might have had something to do with Stark house. For all of its grandious perfections Stark house was strange and cold and imposing.

The only time I ever felt cozy and content was in the library. 

Feeling a change in the air I look up and didn't know if I should go any further when I see a ring of students having what seemed to be a heated conversation filled with hushed voices followed by pushing.

On autopilot my feet urged forward.

Interfering was not apart of the plan, neither was stopping halfway out of poor judgement skills and watching them from a distance. mesmeized then horified. 

Maybe I was maxed high on anxiety and had overfilled my capacity to be emotionally distraught for the day but I could have sworn I saw spiky hair pop out from behind someone. Kira? Could It be her?

I supposed I was just one of those few people who, after an extremely intense period, lost all intelligence and strode into situations head-on without thinking things over like any person with good sense would do.

Like coming from out of a spell I walk closer to the group only I wasn't me anymore, nor was I in my body, there was a girl there I didn't recognize who was runining to go and help.

I watched from afar as the long-haired girl panted and grunted as she ran across the quad to some place she had no business being, let alone without a proper jacket to protect her from the bitter cold.

This was stupid and non-sensical, and I wanted to tell that to the strange girl. I was being a jackass by butting in some place that didn't need me or my mediator skills.

Even though I wasn't the girl walking even closer to the scene I could feel her legs in motion propelling up and down, the young girls face distorted with devastation and worry, her grey/green eyes filled with water from the sting of the freezing wind.

Moving my attention outward I could clearly hear the shouting and bodies being thrown.

I could feel the girls heart beat pick up in agonyzing response at the sight and sound of trouble and that she was needed even if they would call her a jackass later for bulldozing in and interupting their fight.

Even if it meant the black haired angel on the ground would hate her for it later and call her stupid for being such a worried widow and that he would storm away saying he knew what he was doing.

Though the dark-haired girl was perpetually aware of all the ways it would play itself out she couldn't conceive a good enough reason not to help.

No it wasn't kira.

As her emotions got the best of her, her mind reduplicated similarly hysterical and frantic ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod echo of objections. The dark-haired girl picked up speed, her arms now my arms swinging back and forth as I went faster.

-and that's when I noticed they were huddled together, the three of them, unaware I was standing close by. I didn't want to interrupt just yet so i stood there jumbled in between a few trees waiting, watching for the right time to but in.

I watched them. Someone was shouting now in all hysterics. In all the chaos it was hard to tell what was hapening at first and that made me look harder.

mason had managed to calm Wesley down somewhat.

We were surrounded by white snow and dead trees and I was thankful that no one could see my relieved reaction when I knew Wesley was okay. Despite the bloody nose he would be fine.

He was still fuming were he stood as he ranted and raved with his hands in the air saying things like stupid agendas and swearing he would get back at the bastard.

MAson was the first to break his attention from Wesley upholding a sympathetic smile my way. Before I could ask if it was allright Mason looks at me and shakes his head.

I watch from the sidelines as Mason continues to lay a comforting hand on Wesleys shoulder wishing that that was me helping him calm down. Wait, what? I hated him. didn't i? yet my hart was telling me the opposite. I should be over there helping them give Wesley solace even if I didn't have a clue how. Wesley was such an inigma.

While contemplating how I was not going to be well-recieved I parade my way over anyway.

This time I couldn't fake hysteria and blame it on illussions. Going back was not an option since they already saw me and were not thrilled. Too bad

"Are you guys allright? What happened?" I ask looking from one pissed off face to the other, ignoring the 'look' I was getting from each of my friends.

Wesley shoves Mason off him.His intense blue orbs were piercing despite his smile. "Get away from me." he snarls.

If I was any good at reading faces I would say Wesley was on the verge of loosing his good consiounce. A part of me worried because I'd never seen Wesley react that way.

At the same time I was arguing with Wesley, rider was discusing something with Mason who kept a straight face.

"Is he the reason you're upset?" I demanded. Knowing full well he would not submit and just tell me already.

Wesley didn't even look at me when I spoke let alone awknowledged my prescence. In fact, he made it a point by talking to Mason instead of me. I was trying not to get worked up myself. All this time I thought it was some aweful story he didn't want to have to explain when in truth it was me.

He didn't want me involved in his life outside of class. And here I was stupid to think he was just being nice. But if Rider did hurt Wesley then I was going to do something about it even if Wesley played the silent treatment and ignored my presence.

"None of you get it." Wesley seethed through his teeth. He stood with his back to me, his fists balled next to his sides, visibly tense underneath his black wool coat.

I tried not to notice the fact that I didn't see any corporeal forms around. It was strange because whenever I saw somebody I also got a good look at their ancestral line. Dearly departed loved ones liked to act as guiding angels from the other side. Yet mason didn't have any. Strange. I knew they had families. Parents that cared enough about them to send them here.

They're the ones who stopped you just before you crossed the street where there were no traffic lights. They announced genders from the birthing rooms and they even witnessed the arrival of new souls coming to earth. There energy was full of compassion, high-energy vibrations, and pure unconditional love.

The only time I saw guiding angels was with mya and Rachel and the rest of them from the black rose.

I slowly walk over to Wesley.

"At least give me a chance." I plead my throat tight with anxiety and anger.

Wesley breaks away from Masons grip and yells furiously. He turns on me with wild eyes.

"I don't want your help. Stay out of it." Wesley snaps looking at me. His face was blank like he was forcing himself not to show what he was feeling but his eyes flashed hatred.

My chest ached so deep I couldn't form words.

I stand in place feeling crushed that he wouldn't let me in. Powerless that my friend was in agony and there was nothing I could do to help him.

Instead of saying goodbye to my face Wesley keeps a good distance from my reach as he walks away. He didn't want to talk to me, wouldn't awknowledge me, what next? He would tell me we were better off not being friends anymore?

I couldn't undertand why he shut me down in the first pace. I wanted to make him feel better. Yet somehow I got the impression I just made things worse.

As Mason ran after Wesley all I thought about was how stupid I could be to ever get involved. Obviously Wesley didn't need or want me around.

I watch as mason ran off to meet up with Wesley.

When I hear footsteps behind me I redirect my energy from Wesley to someone even better I could launch my anger towards.

I march over and grab hold of riders wrist before he got the chance to get far.

rider turns on me. He lifts a sardonic black eyebrow. "Whatever. I'm leaving and you can't stop me." he snaps bitterly.

"Oh no?"

I stand my ground in the midst of his turning mood and squeze my fingers tight around his wrist. If I kept insisting that he hash things out with me I would be the one he would lash out to and I had to prepare for that.

"What's the matter with you? Why did you attack Wesley for?" I looked directly in his cruelish brown eyes waiting for him to tell me that he picked on Wesley because it was convenient.

"Stay out of it."

rider sighs when I don't leave him alone.

"Quite frankly, Aislin, you have no idea what's going on here. These people who you call your friends are not the kind of people someone like you should be around. You dont know what they're capable of."

"Theyre my friends. I trust them with my life."

"Find different friends. Aislin if you know whats good for you, if you even care about the truth forget about us. I'm geniunely telling you this because I don't want to see the same thing happen."

"No." I tell him. "I'm sorry but I can't do that." Did he honestly think he could bully me?

"Wesley and Mason, they're all kinds of bad for you and you're too focused on I don't know what to see that. You may think you can help by telling me who to hash things out with but things aren't so simple so please for your sake please stop trying."

I step in front of him before he could leave.

He towered over me but his height didn't intimidate me like I'm sure it did others. I got used to stepping on my toes when I was proving a point.

"Wesley is my friend." I sigh thoroughly exasperated with him and angry because he wouldn't stop treating me like one of them.

"Just tell me what you did to him."

"What I did?" rider actually looked confused for a second- i almost felt bad for him until i remembered why i was mad.

He shakes his head at me. "Pretty girls never choose their friends wisely." His expression was far away into another thought.

My eyes narrow into slits. If I was any taller I would have slapped him.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

I grow agitated by his refusal to answer a simple question and dare to take a step closer.

Though we dressed with many layers to protect us from the wintry wind I could still get a whiff of rider. He smelled clean like soap and earth and his favorite cologne.

rider jerked his arm with menial strength and gave me a stern warning. He was trying not to hurt me and that pulled at my heart strings.

"Let go. I have some place to be and you're in the way."

Heart racing fast, I looked down surprised to still see my fingers wraped around his wrist. Stunned, I release my hold on him.

"I'm sorry."

I don't go after rider. This time I watch him walk away.

Eventually the bell rings. School was over and I wanted to use this strange twist to an end to make use of my alone time and take a hot steaming bath.