"If they had not been so honorable, perhaps everything would not be so awful."
—Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Princess

"By the gods," I groaned. My head pounded like a drum. "Did someone smack me with a racket-stick while I was out?"

Anakin smirked. "Considering you drank nine pints of beer, someone probably should have."

I sat up and looked around. "When did I pass out?" I asked, looking at my measly quarters that Dark Jedi were provided.

"I think," Anakin thought, "We were in the middle of telling me a story about one of your friend's boyfriends."

I frowned. "That's not helpful. Gods," I cursed. "What did I even say last night? I vaguely remember a conversation about a... Nexu encounter?"

He looked both impressed and amused. "You remember that?"

My hand rubbed my head ineffectively, trying to ease my headache. "Sort of, but not a lot."

I could tell that he felt a little guilty about letting me get wasted. "Hey, I fun. But let's not do it again. It's not worth it in the morning." I groaned.

Anakin smiled. "Come on," he gestured toward the door. "You have a debrief meeting with the Council."

I groaned again, this time from annoyance instead of physical pain. If I had been allowed to use the Dark Side, even for a moment, I could have gotten rid of my headache.

But I had to admit: if a discomfort was the price of seeing my brother, then I would gladly resign myself. Anakin had grown more than I had, but that may have been due to my slowed Dark Jedi aging. While I could definitely pass for my actual age, a few heads usually turned for a double take.

I was excited when I found out that he and I still looked similar enough that people would easily mark us out as twins. Still, I should have been more weary that his connection me would have always given people a natural distrust of him. He was a Jedi, but I was a Dark Jedi.

I remembered how he used to be blond and hid a smile. His hair had darkened like mine, but his still maintained some of the straight locks instead of curls like mine.

But when I looked into his eyes, I could still see my reflection. I could still hear that piercing music of the Force. I could still feel that same completion I felt while he was near me.

There was something else, too, something I didn't recognize. In his strange and bizarre aura I could pick out a feeling unlike I had ever felt before. I wasn't sure what it meant, but I thought to keep it to myself.

I could easily keep up with him as we walked through the Temple, his superior height not deterring me. "Was this planned early just to annoy me?" I asked.

Anakin shrugged innocently. "It's probably been planned for weeks. The Council likes to plan ahead."

I sneered in disgust at the ungodsly hour of the morning.

•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

"You understand that this is purely a diplomatic event?" Master Windu said it more as a statement than a command.

"Yes, master," I nodded. "I will be happy to see Senator Amidala again." I hoped my smiled looked genuine-enough.

The Council members looked at each other like they were having a psychic conversation. "Good," Master Windu conceded. "Will expect you there on time." I noticed that his statements always had an underlying threat to them.

As I stepped out of the Council Chambers, Anakin appeared to my side like he had been waiting for me. "What did they want?" He inquired.

I sighed heavily, my hangover no longer my biggest problem. "After being kindly reminded that it was Senator Amidala who originally brought me to Coruscant, they told me that she had invited me to a senatorial dinner where I am to dine with the politicians." I held my head in mock high-graces, pursing my lips to purposely look like the fool I believed Senators to be.

I expected Anakin to laugh, but he just looked at me sideways. "I haven't seen the senator in as long as you have."

Neither of us spoke of how it had been Senator, née Queen, who's ship it had been that brought the Jedi to us. We didn't speak of Master Qui-Gon Jin, whom I had been told had immediately gotten close to Anakin. Nor did we speak of the time before that ship changed our lives forever.

But how I wanted to.

I wanted to pour out myself, my memories, my nightmares out about that time before. I wanted to be reassured that there were times before that were good. I didn't want to remember only that endless agony of that horrible sickness.

After my already too-many years of experience, I didn't even notice when I hid my desperation. I clasped my hands together, subconsciously rubbing at the dark blue scars to remind me of my promise.

I was Arrainne Leeleein Cortana Skywalker. I had to be strong.

It was a long time before we said anything. In fact, it was Anakin's master that joined us and broke the silence. "I heard about your political endeavors." His attempt at small talk was a damn good one. "Are you planning on joining the Council?" He asked me.

I looked at him with confusion. "I was invited by Senator Amidala. And I have no interest in politics."

Master Kenobi looked mildly surprised. "That's the thing about gossip: it's always unreliable."

It was my turn to looked surprised. "I'm being gossiped about?" It was hard to imagined anyone talking about me without my knowledge. I wondered how many lips had formed my name without being in front of me.

He gave me a strange look. It wasn't hard to imagine Master Kenobi as the new Jedi Knight he had been when he was the age I was now. But I had to remember how poor my communication skills had been. Obi-Wan was used to correcting me on my terribly flawed Basic. He was gaping at my understanding of the language.

"How was Nequek?" He changed the subject.

I was at a loss. No one was supposed to even know the name of our sacred planet. "How do you—"

"Because I've been there." He interrupted. "I was invited to train under the Dark Jedi. I ultimately refused, obviously, but I know how their structure works."

It was rare that a padawan refused the Dark Jedi. I looked at Anakin. Due to his lack of reaction, I was guessing he knew. "It was difficult." I answered. "Never a dull moment. But I wouldn't trade it for anything."

The thing was, I meant it. My decade of training was more valuable to me than the optional training with the Jedi or my home back on Tatooine... or even Anakin.

I wouldn't have traded Nequek for Anakin.

My friends back home had formed a family with me, and I often found myself nearly forgetting that I had a blood brother somewhere in the galaxy.

If I could have nothing else in my life, I could keep those ten years.

Immediately I felt horrible. The Jedi were far more selfless than I was, and my thought process reflected it. Anakin would have doubtless given up his training to be with me if he could have. I saw the protective look in his eyes whenever he looked at me.

Why, then, could I be selfish?

If the Jedi had not been so honourable, perhaps things would not have been so terrible.

[A/N:

Did I need to repeat this chapter's quote? No.

Did I need to emphasize my point? No.

Do I think y'all are smart enough to understand? Absolutely!

Why, then did I restate my quote at the end of the chapter?

Because I want each of my books to have a theme. Call me a lit nerd (it's a compliment), but there's a reason for each theme.

Last time, and several of you noticed it, I stated the theme of Reminiscence in chapter 11. I copied it:

We all bowed to each other as equals. In that moment, they were not Gray Jedi Sentinels who were twenty years older than I, and I was not a young Dark Jedi Padawan. We were simply people, all equal in our own right.

As it should have always been.

I wanted that book to be about equality. In this book, a equal-mind-setted Arrai will see equality being broken and abused. To you old readers, you'll remember the obvious dislike of Dark Jedi from the original series.

I like to compare the Dark the that of the American-Japanese during World War II. America put them in camps where they would be 'out of the way', but still expected them to fight in the war, since they were still Americans.

Good idea?!

HELL NO!

Without the Dark Jedi, the war against the Separatists would be hanging in the balance, but they are still treated as inferiors among their 'betters'.

Guess what that means for the honour of the Jedi?! *laughs dryly*

Yeah... it'll be broken in the next book. For now, enjoy your honourable Jedi!

Peace, love, and
~Art