Three Years Later

I looked at Lennon, drawing circles with wax on my surfboard. I couldn’t help but think about how good my life was. It was easy to forget for a while, everything she’d been through when life was good, but I wasn’t sure if she ever forgot even for a second.

Bradley couldn’t hurt her anymore, we made sure of that. His trial went in our favor. With all of the evidence and the drugs they found, he got five years in prison. Of course there was always the chance he could get out on good behavior but we were taking it one day at a time and right now he was in jail. I think that put Lennon’s mind at ease, but I could tell there was always the worry that someone else would hurt her the way he did.

Her parents were unsure about letting her move out and probably more unsure about her moving in with me but I think it was the best thing for her. She needed to get out of that town where everyone knew her story. No matter how much people say they don’t judge, they do and I didn’t want it to have to define her. She deserved better than that.

“Okay, what now?” She asked, pulling me out of my thoughts. I checked the board to make sure there was enough wax and she wouldn’t slip.

“Do you want to practice on the beach?” I scratched the back of my neck, hoping she would say yes.

“Practicing is for wimps.” She pouted at me and leaned against my chest. “I just want to get into the water, it’s like a thousand degrees in this wetsuit.”

“But-”

She didn’t even let me get a word out. “Please? I’ve seen you do it. How hard can it be?”

“Harder than you think.” I laughed, secretly admiring her confidence.

She pecked my lips. “Please?”

“I think I’m going to need more convincing.” I teased and she stared me down with lust in her eyes.

“Oh yeah?” Her eyes sparkled as she kissed me passionately, sliding her tongue into my mouth. I pulled her flush against me and felt her hands on my bare back. It ended too soon and she pulled away, panting. “Okay, now I’m really hot. I’m ready Rowan, come on.” She tugged at my hand, taking a step towards the water.

“Okay.” I huffed, giving in. “Let me do you up.” She turned around and moved her hair to the side so I could zip up her wet suit. Then I zipped up my own.

“Are we ready?” She smiled, excited.

“Almost, just take the leash and put the cuff around your right ankle.” She quickly did as I said and jumped back up, making an indentation in the sand. I picked up the board but she shook her head.

“I got it. If I’m going to be a pro surfer I got to learn to carry my own board.” She winked. She went to take it from me, but this time I shook my head.

“And boyfriends carry things for their girlfriends.” I shot back.

“Fine have it your way.” She folded her arms across her chest and stuck her tongue out at me, playfully. I carried the board out into the water and laid it onto the waves, lifting the nose over the break.

“Hop on, I’ll pull you out a little ways.” I looked back at her. She had an anxious look on her face. “If you don’t want to-”

“No I want to. Show me what to do.” She nodded forcefully and I kissed her softly. I smiled, excited. It felt like I was sharing half of my life with her. I loved to surf, it gave me a sense of freedom and I wanted her to feel it too.

I took her hand and placed it in the rim of the board. “You want your feet to be near the back and paddle alongside the rims, like this.” I showed her the motion, cupping my hands and drawing them back. She laid down on the board, hanging onto the rims tightly. “You okay?” I put my hand on her back and she nodded.

“I’m good. What next?”

“I’m going to get you out past these next few ways, just hang on when the waves come. I’m going to guide the nose over.” I told her, taking a hold of the nose of the board. A wave was in sight. I moved towards it and pulled her over as it broke against the water. She shook the water from her face and we kept going. We went out so I was just touching the bottom. “I think this is good, do you want to try catching a wave?”

“That’s what we’re here for.” Lennon smiled.

I spun her around. “I’ll tell you when to paddle and then when you feel a surge of power, try and stand up. You got this.” I let go and moved to the back of the board. “Here one comes… Start paddling.”

I cheered her on as she paddled forwards. She looked fearless as she drove her hands into the water. I knew she felt what I felt when I was surfing. The rush that was followed by freedom. She felt the surge I had mentioned and time moved in slow motion. She grabbed the rails and tried to get her footing, but instead she slid forward and plummeted into the water.

I raced towards her and grabbed the board. She quickly resurfaced, coughing. “You okay?”

A smile came to her face. “That was amazing! I want to try again!”

--

The TV was on but I was having trouble keeping my eyes open. Lennon’s head was on my shoulder, her eyes plastered to the screen. “Do you always feel this sore afterwards?” She asked, chuckling to herself.

“Not anymore, used to for a while though.” I told her, honestly.

She turned herself around so she was looking into my eyes. “Thank you for today.”

“You don’t need to thank me. It was fun.” I looked back at her. She looked beautiful, her sun kissed skin, the salt water amplifying her curls and her plump pink lips. I ran my thumb across her cheek. My emotions were running high after the day we had. “We should do it again some time.” I licked my lips, in anticipation of kissing her.

“Yeah we should.” She agreed with me but her eyes never left mine, until they flickered down to my lips. “I love you Rowan.”

“Love you too.” It felt like a promise, we were promising ourselves to each other. Her lips found mine and I deepened the kiss. I held her against me, arching my back into her. It was soft and gentle but it quickly turned passionate. My body lusted for her, to be closer to her but I held back and moved my hands back to her face.

I pulled away but her hands trailed through my hair, pulling me back in. Her tongue slid against my lower lip, sending a shock wave throughout my body. My heart was beating out of my chest, I wondered if she could feel it.

“I’m ready…” She muttered against my lips.

“Ready?” I asked confused.

“Please Rowan, I’m ready. Make love to me.” She whispered, her voice full with lust.

“Are you sure? You know I can wait.”

“I’m sure.” She assured me, tugging at the hem of my shirt. She leaned forward and kissed down my jawline, down my adams apple, until my shirt got in the way. I raised my arms, helping her take it off.

Each kiss was more intense than the last. I laid her back against the couch, as her hands fiddled with the button of my jeans. I carefully kicked them to the side. A pulse grew between my legs, making me feel weak at the knees. “Is this okay?” I asked, moving to the buttons of her shirt.

“Yeah.” She nodded, forcefully. I’d seen her naked before but this felt different, more vulnerable. I slid her shirt off her shoulders, revealing her bare chest.

“You’re so beautiful.” I wrapped my arms around her back, pulling my lips to her stomach. I wanted to kiss every inch.

“You’re amazing.” She mumbled, breathlessly.

“We can stop any time.” I looked into her eyes, making sure it was truly what she wanted.

“I’m ready Rowan. I love you.” She brushed her lips against mine, just enough so it drove me crazy.

“I love you too.” I reached down to the band of her leggings and slid them down over her thighs. Underneath was a lacy black thong. I was nervous, worried about if I was going to do it right. I didn’t want to hurt her. I wanted her first time since him, to be amazing. I wanted it to be everything her first time should have been.

I lifted her slightly, crawling between her legs. Her hands slid around my back, exploring the bumps and grooves of my muscles. I kissed her with everything I had. In that moment it was like she was the only girl I’d ever need, I’d ever love. A moan escaped her lips.

“Rowan stop.” She muttered, I almost didn’t hear it. “Get off me!” She said more forcefully. I pulled back, sitting up on the couch. Tears streamed down her cheeks. I mentally cursed, shit. I thought she was ready. She wrapped her arms around her chest, uncomfortable. I waited until time and space came back to her and I scooted closer to her. She shivered under my touch. “I’m sorry.” She pulled her knees up to her chest. It was like she was afraid to look at me.

“It’s okay.” I grabbed my shirt from the floor and wrapped it around her shoulders. “Lennon, it’s okay. I can wait for as long as you need.” Carefully, I rubbed her back. I didn’t want to cause her any more pain.

“That’s not fair to you.” She buried her head in her hands.

“Stop, I’m not some sex crazed guy, I can wait and I will wait.” Her head shot up and her eyes searched mine. She was checking to see if I meant it. I cupped her chin with my thumb. “I love you.”

I picked her lips and she brought her head down to my chest. She yawned and I slid one arm under her knees, lifting her up. I carried her into the bedroom and laid her down gently, pulling the blankets up over her body.

She grabbed onto my hand. “Rowan?”

“Hm?”

“I wish my first time was with you.” She whispered. I frowned.

“I wish that too.” I kissed her forehead and crawled into bed beside her. “Try and get some sleep.”

“Goodnight…”

“Goodnight.” I looked up at the ceiling, lost in my thoughts.

When I knew she was asleep I got up. All I wanted was a cold glass of water. I closed the bedroom door behind me and flipped on the lightswitch. I planned on going right back in after getting a glass of water but I got distracted. The storage room door was open.

I peered in and noticed one of the boxes was now on the floor, the top left ajar. Lennon must have needed something. I bent down and began to close the box when something caught my eye, a familiar notebook. Lennon’s journal. I sat down with my back against the wall and picked it up. It was what brought us together. So much had happened because of the journal.

What would have happened if I had never found her journal on the bus that day? I tried to imagine where I’d be, but I couldn’t. I just knew that life would have turned out very different. Lennon and I wouldn’t be together. I wouldn’t know that she was raped and Bradley wouldn’t have gone to prison.

I stared down at the pages and thought, I wouldn’t change any of it.

I yawned. It was almost two in the morning. I shook away my thoughts and packed the box up, placing it back in it’s designated spot on the shelf.

Lennon had fallen back to sleep so I carefully climbed back into bed. I didn’t want to wake her. This time I was out like a light.

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