Bright lights shone in Lin's eyes and he braced himself as the truck barreled towards him. As the impact occurred, he startled awake, sitting up in bed as he sweated. Lin quickly realized he was in his own bed, but the right side was empty. He'd had this nightmare almost every night for six months. It always upset him enough that he couldn't go back to sleep for quite a while.

Letting out a harsh breath, he threw the covers off and walked to the bathroom. He splashed water over his face and looked at himself in the mirror. There were bags under his eyes but his goatee was perfectly manicured, thanks to the theatre hair stylist. Inside, he was dying and barely able to function. The easiest part of his day was the three hours he played Hamilton each night. He got to emanate a character and no one was asking him questions. No one was tip toeing around him so as to not upset him.

Lin hadn't taken a night off since the week right after the accident. He poured himself into his work because it was all he could do to not fall apart. If he kept going he didn't have to think.

He walked out to the kitchen to get some water and found the television on. Lin quietly padded to the back of the couch and peered over. Elana was laying there on her phone. The phone he'd taken hours ago.

"How'd you get that?" He asked her, startling her so much that she dropped it on her face.

"Owwww!" She complained, rubbing at her face. Lin held out his hand and she handed it over again. He powered it off and made a mental note to find a better hiding place. Elana sat up as Lin turned off the TV and sat next to her.

"Can't sleep?" He asked. She shook her head and rubbed at her neck. "Me neither."

They both reclined and stared ahead silently for a minute. Lin glanced over and saw his daughter's arm still covered in black Sharpie. He gently grabbed it and started to examine her markings.

"Does all this mean something?"

Elana pulled her arm away and crossed them both over her chest. "Not really."

He sighed and stretched a bit. He and Elana had always been buds as she grew up but lately he felt like he didn't know how to talk to her. It seemed like he should talk about Juliana with her but then they'd both get upset. Sometimes it just seemed best not to mention her at all. That didn't feel right either but he didn't know what else to do.

"Got anything fun at school tomorrow?" He asked.

Elana snorted at the suggestion. "I'm suspended, remember?"

"Oh right," he said. Lin sighed and patted her leg. "You still need to keep a schedule though."

He stood up and offered his hand. Elana sighed and accepted, letting him pull her up. He sleepily led her down the hall, hands on her shoulders as she complained.

"But Dad I don't have to be up for anything," she reminded him.

"You have school work to do," he pointed out as they reached her room. Elana rolled her eyes as he pulled back her covers.

"School sucks," she said, then recoiled at her own words. Lin noticed his daughter freeze up, stopping before she climbed in.

"What's wrong?" He asked her.

Everything.

The last words she'd said to her mother were that she sucked. What a crappy horrible daughter she was. She deserved to be miserable after saying something so awful. The universe was punishing her for being a terrible person.

Lin gently squeezed her shoulder and she slowly slipped beneath the sheets. He thought he saw some tears swimming in her eyes but she quickly closed them. After a quick kiss to the forehead Lin left his daughter to sleep, though it would take nearly an hour for the guilt to wear her out enough to fall asleep.

—-

Carla and Vanessa walked around the Lincoln Park Zoo with Carla's four kids the next day. As she struggled with her crappy second hand stroller, the older two boys tried to give each other wet willies.

"Joseph, knock it off!" She barked in her Brooklyn accent. Carla had no time to sound sweet with four kids to take care of. Her husband was a firefighter who liked to pull overtime. Carla was a hard ass with her children. She had to be.

She looked over at her friend, who had her arms crossed. Once again, she had a letter in her hand, but hadn't been able to physically mail it yet.

Vanessa always had it with her. Her therapist had suggested writing a letter to the family of her heart donor. It could help her release the guilt she was feeling and move on.

"Don't you want to just...get it over with?" Carla asked her. "Don't you think you'd feel better?"

Carla knew she'd written it over a month ago but something stopped her from putting it in a mailbox.

"But a thank you for a heart?" She asked as they approached the bear habitat. "It seems so...not enough?"

"But don't you feel worse not sending it?" Carla asked, adjusting her baby daughter on her hip.

"Well, I mean I always have it," Vanessa admitted. Countless times she'd walked up to a blue mailbox, trying to psych herself up, but she walked away failing every time.

"So drop it in, be done with it and move on, honey. I'm sure they have," Carla suggested. She instantly thought that may have been a bit too harsh when she saw Vanessa's torn face.

She froze for about five seconds then snapped out of it. "Yeah," she agreed softly as they neared another mailbox. Vanessa approached it, envelope in hand and slowly opened the box. She turned to look at Carla, who nodded encouragingly.

"Let it go," she urged her friend.

Before she could think anymore, she suddenly let it fall into the box. She let go of the door, almost like it was hot, then shoved her hands in her pockets.

"Everyone clap for Auntie Vanessa," Carla told her children. "She just mailed a very important letter."

The kids clapped and Vanessa felt a combination of relief and fear. What if her letter offended the family? What if it brought back bad memories and sent them into clinical depression?

A loud scream jostled her out of her thoughts. A young girl, about four years old, ran past them as a woman chased her.

"Mariele!!" The woman scolded the child as she tried to run after her. The child was heading towards the fence, where the bear was sitting. There was a barrier, but still, Vanessa's instincts took over. She quickly grabbed the girl's arm to stop her, then knelt down.

"Sweetheart," she tried to coo calmly. "Slow down, senorita."

The woman was shouting in Spanish and the girl had an olive complexion with dark hair, so she was fairly sure the girl must speak Spanish as well. The little girl stopped and stared at Vanessa momentarily. They locked eyes and Vanessa felt her heart beating.

"Mariele!!" The woman caught up, out of breath. "No huyas de mí!"

Vanessa kept eye contact with the girl as she began to stand. The woman took the child's hand.

"Gracias," the woman told her.

"De nada," Vanessa replied and gave the girl a smile. She smiled back and looked over her shoulder as she was led away towards the gorillas.

Carla finally caught up, pushing the stroller, her brood in tow. "You're fast," she observed. Vanessa gave a small smile as Marco hopped over to take her hand.

"Alicia, hold mommy's hand," Carla reminded her second youngest. "All the time while we're here."

They began to move towards the gorillas themselves. "Does that remind you of Daddy?" Carla teased her children and they laughed. Vanessa sensed the child and what she assumed was her babysitter nearby. Mariele looked at the gorillas, poking her tongue in the side of her cheek. It seemed oddly familiar.

"Auntie Vanessa, are you okay?" Marco asked innocently, looking up at her with big brown eyes.

She thought for a moment. Her anxiety seemed to have lifted somewhat.

"Yeah," she told him. "I think I am."