Monday. September 6

Nahun took a few hesitant steps out of Hope's room and stopped. He'd been so nervous the moment the brutal, cold man had spoken of the surgery and the serious conversation he was about to have. He frantically went over the possible scenarios in his head, but no matter how it went, it all came down to the fact that he had no idea why they were having this conversation. His body by all indicators was ideal for donation, he had signed and submitted all the necessary documents - his blood type and liver were suitable and could give this twelve-year-old girl a chance to save her life.

While thinking about it, the boy didn't notice Dr. Williams come up behind him and with a smirk said almost in his ear:

"Skip to the elevator, bunny. My office is one floor up."

At the same time, the surgeon's hand appeared to his right, pointing in the right direction, and looking at it, the boy noted for himself thin, long, beautiful fingers with a perfect manicure, like a professional pianist's, and not a cheap Blancpain watch, the kind his father had given Nahoon for his eighteenth birthday

They were alone in the elevator car and went up in complete silence. Blue glanced at the man a couple of times, but then averted his gaze because the cold blue ice-blue eyes were staring back at him, studying him. What did he want to see? It was impossible to read from the expression on his face what it was that interested Dr. Williams. Maybe the gulf between his serious decision and the far from serious plush bunny suit? With that thought, the boy pulled the fluffy ears off his head. Or perhaps he wondered why a guy at such a young age decided to become a liver donor for a stranger?

Nahoon's last guess was confirmed as soon as he sat down on the offered chair across from the doctor's desk, who immediately settled into his leather swivel chair and, moving closer to the guy said:

"Now, Nahun Chan-ta-ran-gu, why have you decided to undergo this very dangerous operation for your life?"

"I want to save this girl," the boy replied simply and honestly.

"As far as I know, she's not related to you. So what's the reason?" - The deep vibrating voice and chilling stare traveled across Nahun's skin, leaving phantom burns that he felt on a physical level that even made him shiver slightly.

"I don't know her, it's true. But why can't I... just help?" - the guy felt very uncomfortable, even though he often interacted with all sorts of people in the office and in the Club and thought that from his experience he would never feel so stupid around someone.

"Huh, even relatives sometimes don't agree to donate after learning of the possible dangerous consequences. The chart says you're familiarized with all the details of the surgery, and your signature is in place... Aren't you scared at all?" - Nahoon exhaled as Dr. Williams averted his gaze to the computer screen, but after asking the question, he began to burn his gaze through it again, causing another wave of discomfort. The boy was angry at his body's reaction. He was no longer afraid of anything in this life - everything he held dear was irretrievably lost, so, giving in to his interlocutor's side, Nahun decided to turn the situation around:

"I don't understand what you're getting at, Dr. Williams. Is there something about my questionnaire that confuses you?"

"Honestly? Yes! You lost your parents, then your sister, and now you're juggling your organs left and right, giving them away to strangers. It's thought-provoking," the man narrowed his eyes and shortened the distance between them, placing his arms and chest on the table.

His words about his parents and sister pricked a needle in his heart, and Nahun's eye twitched slightly. He had conquered the nervous tic long ago, but this neurological manifestation sometimes returned when he was very nervous. There was no way he could show his weakness now, so he lowered his head with a smile for a second to give himself a brief respite from the cold stare of his interlocutor, and then looked into the blue ice-colored eyes again and said:

"You've had a good look at my questionnaire and chart, which means you've seen the psychologist's report. I have undergone a complete medical examination at this hospital and am healthy on all fronts. You may not understand, but there are altruists in this world who are ready to help, even to some extent to their own detriment."

"That's a nice way of putting it. But it's not as simple as you say. I know our psychologist, his superficial examinations and these conclusions, pfft. For example, I will never voluntarily sign up for anything that has even a one percent chance of my imminent demise. Unless, of course, it involves my family, but thank the gods I don't have one yet. I want to enjoy this life to the fullest," the doctor leaned back in his chair with a smirk, but didn't look away.

"You must love yourself very much," Nahun said, copying the man's grin.

"And you don't?" - A bushy eyebrow flew upward.

"I beg your pardon, this is the first time I've seen you and I don't know you well enough to have tender feelings for you," Nahun quipped, as he wanted to put the doctor in his place as soon as possible and get away from the unpleasant conversation he was having.

"You got me, Mr. Rabbit. What about warm, tender feelings for yourself?" - followed by a vibrating short laugh and a question that ran like sharp blades across an unhealing wound.

Nahun sighed and decided to put a stop to this conversation:

"Dr. Williams, with all due respect, but I believe your question is inappropriate. I have made an adult, informed decision and I will not change it. I don't understand why you're so interested in my humble self. Do your job and we won't see you again."

"Are you sure? Maybe then you'll decide to donate a kidney or a retina?" - The icy stare and smirk was joined by the measured tapping of fingers on the wooden tabletop.

The man hit the spot with his question, making his insides tighten, but Nahun didn't move a muscle, only sighed and stood up from his chair and said:

"If that's the end of it, I'd like to leave. I have business to attend to."

"All right, ride on, Mr. Fluffytail. Just remember, fearless bunnies have a sad ending," Nahun didn't care about the abrupt switch to informal conversation, he just wanted to get out of this office where he was breathing harder by the minute.

Slamming the door behind him, he bent down for a few seconds, resting his hands on his knees in an attempt to bring himself to his senses. The merciless vise that had forever clasped his heart clenched so tightly that his eyes darkened. Though he had once made a pact with this instrument that it would torment him only long enough for him to move on in an attempt to fulfill his mission.

Nahun was even partially grateful to this surgeon, but only for not following him out and seeing the state the guy had been driven into by his words.

After catching his breath, he went downstairs, grabbed his things from the hospital locker and, after changing in the restroom, ran outside.

It was enough to push a button as the black crossover he'd left behind after his parents' death blinked its headlights and rumbled audibly to greet its owner. Quickly jumping into the driver's seat, he laid back on the steering wheel:

"Nahun, it's okay. You've chosen your path, and you're doing the right thing. This is what it takes to pay off. You've already thought it over a thousand times. You shouldn't react to someone else's words like that... Shit!"

Tapping the steering wheel, he squeezed the gas, and the car took off sharply from the spot.

***

"Blue, hi! You're late today. What's up, honey?" - Violet pulled away from Orange's makeup and froze with brush in hand, looking at his friend as he entered the Rainbow Room.

"There's been business. Business as usual," Blue forcefully pulled on a smile that lasted exactly a couple seconds of their greeting and then turned sharply toward the lockers so his friends wouldn't notice his unsteady state and red eyes. The guy still stopped a block away from the Club, though, as he replayed over and over in his head his involvement in the deaths of people dear to him, and finally let the tears flow... for the first time in a long time.

Grabbing his uniform, he quickly made his way to the bathroom to pull on a blue robe, style his hair, slather on his favorite perfume, and head out in all his glory for another dose of his daily well-deserved punishment. He chose it to give himself a chance to move on with his life, to drown out his guilt for the time he needed.

Today he had four regulars on his schedule. He was going at it willingly and knew what to expect - pain, physical, piercing, to the point of bruising, to the point of tearing. He allowed the incoming men everything and more, so he had about twenty regular whippersnappers who enjoyed subjugating this staunch guy who, no matter what they did, didn't sob or whine. They were happy to humiliate a strong man, they felt full unconditional power, which could not but bribe and become an outlet for them, chasing away the anger and stress accumulated during the day.

That night, as on all previous nights, he was pounded mercilessly into the bed, hard fingers digging into his soft, slender body, scratching his skin, choking him, shoving hard cocks into his mouth-hotting his whole gut, pushing the limits of tolerance again. Not a sound, except for frequent breathing. Blue forbade himself emotions around these people, even those who treated him humanly, because after what had once happened, he no longer believed in sweet talk.

Nahun had to balance on the edge - on the one hand, he was hurting himself by the hands of others, on the other hand, he had to save the vessel in which his tattered soul was fluttering for those who could be helped by the blood flowing through his veins and his still healthy organs.

He arrived home at nearly four in the morning. He liked Siam Square at this time - deserted and quiet, greeting his tortured body with silent stillness and the dim light of streetlamps, as if it understood his condition. It was what his mother used to do when he came back after failing at a competition, calmly and gently embracing him, comforting him without saying a word.

He did all the necessary manipulations required to keep the vessel in the right condition and went to bed. The silence of the huge apartment no longer caused panic attacks and choking tears - all that was in the past, now it brought comfort. For over a year now he'd been carrying Blue's burden, and seemed to have accepted this life, accepted his new self, but... this doctor... with his piercing icy stare and stupid questions....

"To hell with him! He doesn't know what I've been through or what I want. Just forget it, Nahun!" - the boy did not speak his thoughts aloud, wanting to preserve the stillness and serenity of his abode. A single tear burned his cheek and then dissolved on the surface of the white pillowcase, and he fell into sleep.

***

Nahun got up at nine in the morning on weekdays, exercised, showered and drove to his day job. The parents' company, Chantarangu Logistics, lost a little ground in the market after their deaths, but was still generating a steady income.

With the owners passing away, the only people who left the office were those who didn't believe the business would continue without the management family, but Nahun's father had picked a great team of talented, loyal and honest people, most of whom lived the job and eventually recognized the young man as their boss. The deputies, and at the same time friends of the family, supported with all their might the child who had suffered a difficult fate.

Almost four completed years of business studies gave Nahun confidence in his abilities. The first eight months were the most difficult. He became a full-fledged owner of the family business, but he was still a long way from being a good manager. It was incredibly hard to grow up so sharply and stand at the helm of a not insignificant company, so the guy after a month began to relax in his favorite bars, and then contacted a company of young daddy's boys, who wasted their lives and parental money.

His father's right-hand man, Thirasak Chaichana, initially took matters into his own hands and tried to bring the heir up to speed portion by portion. Nahun regretted that dark time when he had led a life of debauchery, trying to put some color back into it, and he would often walk into his office with a bad case of booze and a crumpled suit from the previous day, which certainly upset the older man who looked so much like his father.

The morning, which Nahun repented the most, began with him trying not to die after another night of drinking and roughhousing with a stranger in the toilet stall of a second-rate club. A man walked into the office as the guy was greedily gulping down water with antihopper, and sitting down in the visitor's chair, said seriously:

"Nahun, I can't bear to watch you ruin your life. Pull yourself together at the end of the day, kid! Life goes on, you have someone to take care of, Lamai is just a kid, and you... How long can you go on? You've dropped out of school, and your appearance... you give the office chattering jaywalkers daily grounds for ridicule and judgment."

A sleepless night, soul bent to the limit and beating in fits of self-injury after the death of his parents had taken its toll, the guy got angry and started up half-heartedly:

"Khun Thirasak, know your place! I'll take care of my own problems and you can go fuck yourselves with your lectures and teach your jays!"

"OUR jays," the man sighed doomfully and stood up from his chair and walked to the door. - For the sake of respecting the memory of your parents, I will let those words pass, Nahun. But we shall surely return to this conversation yet."

"Get out," hissed the alcohol in the guy who was unwilling to listen to instruction from a man who was essentially nothing to him.

Six months later, the guy learned of his sister's illness and immediately abandoned his rambunctious lifestyle, focusing on work and on the health of the only family member he had left. He often thought of Thirasak's words, and cursed himself for not having listened and taken care of Lamai. It was as if the man didn't even remember his disrespectful behavior, helping him find the right doctors and taking care of most of the projects and deals.

Nahun often tried to go to his deputy and apologize for his past behavior, but he did not dare to bring it up again in front of the old man, who acted as if this humiliating period in his ward's life had never happened.

One rainy day, when Lamai had already been in the hospital for two days, Nahun came to work in disheveled feelings and made his way first to the office of his right-hand man.

"Khun Thirasak, may I?" - He peeked into the deputy's office unassumingly.

"Sure, kid. Run in," came a soft baritone.

The boy sat down on the guest couch and didn't know where to begin. He had no loved ones to whom he could express, cry out his grief, but in this man he had always seen his father's character and his mother's kind smile.

"Nahun, do you want to discuss our affairs? I'd give it all out in the briefing, but since you're here... The contracts with RT and SP have been signed, and it's a good push forward for the company. We could make a good business out of shady contracts and transportation and storage of illegal cargo, but your parents have always been against it, so I'm not digging in that direction," the man said in a calm voice that reminded me of his father's. It became warm and stuffy at the same time, tears came up to his throat and Nahun turned away to the window.

"Kid..." - the man called out, and when he didn't answer, he walked over to him and sat down beside him and put his hand on his shoulder. The boy could not stand it and, turning around, pressed himself against his chest. Tears were pouring in hail, through which he tried to say something:

"I'm losing... her... She'll go... to them. Forgive me, uncle... for all I've said and done... I don't know... How will I... live if I have... no one else?"

"Well, well, well, you have me, you have company, and most importantly you have yourself. Kid, I know it's hard for you right now, but you gotta hope for the best. My wife found another program, maybe..." - The man soothed and stroked the dark tangled hair.

"No... Nothing works. We've tried so many things," the tears continued to burn his skin, Nahun's hands were dropping as he fought this sister-eating disease.

"You'll get through this, Nahun. For the sake of your parents... for the sake of those who loved and love you. You are bound to be happy. Sweetheart, after black comes white - this I tell you from the height of my almost seventy years. My friends have put so many good things in you, I see in you their strength, kindness and love for this world. Pull yourself together and give away what you have not squandered to those in need, and you will receive much love in return, you will find yourself. And I'll be there for you, we'll go through all this together," - these soothing words of the old man could not drown out completely all the burning sharp pain that sat firmly in the soul and body of the boy, but it was like a haze, became aching, tolerable.

From then on he often came to the deputy's office to talk and get a new dose of sedative.

Nahun worked six hours a day, and the rest of the time he stayed in his sister's room, trying to brighten her days. The symptoms of the final stage of cancer were relentless and terrifying: constant headaches, convulsive seizures, nausea often ending in vomiting, frequent mood swings, and partial memory loss. In the last month, his sister's eyesight had deteriorated badly, and Nahun spent hours reading her favorite works. He cried only when his sister fell asleep, so as not to show her his pain, so that she would not consider herself a burden to her brother.

On another Friday, the boy came to work completely shattered after a hard night of Lamai's screams and pain, and out of inertia went into the deputy's office. He wasn't there, the secretary wasn't there either, and the guy walked down the hall to his office. The young girl who had been hired a couple of months ago to take his assistant's place was sitting at the desk, wiping her flushed eyes with paper napkins.

"Good morning, Fueng, what's up?" - The young head of the company asked.

"Khun... Khun Thirasak... passed away last night... cardiac arrest," she barely spoke out and started sobbing again.

"I'll be there for you, we'll get through this together."

"It's not like that anymore. I'm alone again."

Another sudden blow of this merciless fate sent him into shock. Nahun grabbed the secretary's desk top to keep from falling, unable to believe that he had to endure such a thing again.

"My dear, after a black streak there is bound to be a white one - this I tell you from the height of my almost seventy years."

"There is not and will not be any bright streak! And you are no longer around!"

Piece after piece had been slowly cut away from all that was light in him, and now there was almost nothing left to keep him in this world.

To the house of the deceased Nahun came the next day. The embalmed body of Thirasak was in a rectangular coffin on a wide table topped with flowers and incense, around which sat relatives and monks who were reciting prayers. Guy made an offering, the man's favorite brandy, which had replaced his father and mother for a short time, and then sat at the window of this spacious room.

(From the author: Preparation for a funeral in Thailand takes an average of 7 days. Immediately after a person passes away, emergency officials are called to record the death. Then the body of the deceased is taken to the morgue at the temple, embalmed and returned to the relatives again. Embalming is an extremely common funeral procedure in Thailand, as the climate is quite hot all year round. Sometimes the procedure is done at home.)

The smell of incense and the measured whispers of the monks put the boy into a trance. He saw himself in the once brightly lit spacious living room of his home, but it wasn't like that now. With the death of his parents, the main light in that room had been turned off forever, but there had been a floor lamp in the corner of the room that had kept him warm and secure in the worst of times, but now it was gone forever... only the candle burned in his palms. The flame burned faintly, the dim light enough only to see his hands... which would never again touch his loved ones, who could not and would not be able to return what he had lost.

As he left Thirasak's mansion, drowning in grief and sobs, he walked slowly through the sunset-lit streets of Bangkok, unable to see anything in front of him.

The candle was still burning, but he knew that this dim glow would soon leave him. The pain was tearing him apart, he no longer asked the questions "Why? Why?" but simply accepted this outcome.

"Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep," with the loud honking of a car that stopped half a meter away from him, consciousness cleared and Nahun found himself in the middle of a busy highway.

A host of unhappy feelings were boiling up inside, and they needed to be extinguished before he could return to Lamai's room, so Nahun set a course for the nearest bar.

The alcohol dulled the pain a little as a man approached Nahun and covered another glass of whiskey with a huge palm:

"Been drinking for a while now, maybe something else would help?"

The guy gave the subbed man a groggy look and liked what he saw. The man had obviously come here on a bike, tattoos on all parts of a pumped-up body that was barely covered by a loose white T-shirt, a fancy leather jacket in his hands, numerous finger prints, and a rather handsome large face with sharp cheekbones and dark big eyes.

"I... agree," Nahun muttered and placed his palm over the man's hand.

"Great. There's a hotel not far from here," the man raked one hand over the kid, who was almost half his size, and with the other hand handed the bartender a card to pay for all the drinks Nahun had ordered.

Nearly three hours later, the guy was lying on his stomach on the bed of a cheap hotel room, recovering his breath and trying not to pass out after two hours of non-stop, non-stop, sparkle-inducing cock pounding into him. The man had initially been kind and wanted to do everything gently, but Nahun had asked for it harder and got what he wanted more than enough. The biker pounded him into the bed fiercely and roughly, to the point of screaming, to the point of muscle spasms, but it was a far more merciful pain than the one that choked him on a daily basis.

"Do you smoke?" - The bulky man asked.

"No," he replied hoarsely.

"Will you give me your license plate? I love speed and drive. And what it was, me and my dick like it," Nahun didn't look in his direction, but he knew the biker was smiling and could feel his gaze on his battered body.

"Yeah," the kid reached for his cell phone. He hadn't had sex in a long time, and now more than ever in the last year he felt it was helping him deal with his mental torment. He had experienced an orgasm, but he didn't feel it. His brain focused on the pain of hell, and it, as strange as it was, brought joy. Was he punishing himself? Yes, this was payback for everything he'd done wrong in this life.

Taking his phone, he unlocked it and was about to hand it to the bully, but it vibrated in his hands. It was Lamai Hospital:

📞 "Khun Chantarangu?"

📞 "I'm... listening," the guy tried to say it as confidently as possible, but his voice still trembled.

📞 "I'm sorry. Fifteen minutes ago, your sister passed away."

Nahun immediately hung up the phone and buried his face in the pillow, cutting off his ability to breathe.

Darkness enveloped his whole being. The candle had burned out. There was nothing left. Again the sharp pain pierced his body, his organs knitting themselves into tight knots, reacting to the heavy thoughts and feelings:

"I didn't even get to say goodbye to you, baby. I wasn't there for you, Lamai, when you took your last breath. I was drinking and fucking. I wasn't worthy, and the Gods took you from me."

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" - he shrieked into the bowels of the soft rectangle that sucked in that cry.

"Is something wrong? Do you need help?" - A heavy palm rested on his back, and the boy remembered where he was.

Silently he pulled on his things and on shaky legs he walked out of the hotel. He wanted to hide away from the people, the sounds, the smells, the thoughts, the whole damn ruthless world. He waved to the cab driver and, when he pulled up and rolled down the window, gave his address.

The once bright apartment looked at least like a dungeon, at most like his private quarters in hell. That perfect life, full of love, fun family picnics and board games in the evenings, after which his cheekbones ached from prolonged laughter, was gone and would be gone.

His feet led him to the kitchen, where he took the knife and immediately collapsed on the ceramic floor, ignoring the pain in his torn channel.

A few cuts and no one would find him, no one would save him, he would die here by morning in a pool of his own blood.

As soon as the cold blade touched his wrist, a native baritone sounded in his mind:

"You'll make it, Nahun. For the memory of your parents... for the sake of those who loved and love you. You are bound to be happy."

"Happiness is no longer for me. I have failed everyone who loved me," the boy bit his lip to the blood, tears pouring from his eyes, pooling on the damaged skin. From the depths of memory suddenly came a picture of his mother blowing on his just-treated wound on his bloody knee and smilingly saying, "It's not so terrible, dear. It will all heal soon. You're very strong and brave, aren't you?"

The hand with the knife began to shake violently, leaving scratches on his pale skin.

"Pull yourself together, give away what is unspent to those in need, and you will receive much love in return, you will find yourself," Thirasak's voice came again from afar.

"Aааааа... Aааа!" - Nahun tossed the cleaver aside and it clattered resoundingly into the kitchen island, bouncing even further away from the screaming guy covering his face with his hands.

"Okay... I'll give it a try. I owe this world, my parents, my sister, my uncle. I'll beg for forgiveness... I'll give myself wholeheartedly, and then I'll leave quietly," he whispered a semblance of an oath into the void and wrapped his arms around his body to feel alive for a little while.

Our days. Thursday, September 9.

After signing the day's few documents, Nahun left his errands to his hardworking team and left early, rushing to see the children in the oncology ward. The idea of becoming a volunteer animator started in his mind more than a year ago, when he was picking up his sister's death papers from the hospital and saw bored boys wandering sadly down the corridor.

Every time the guy came up with something new to entertain the sick kids and distract them from their heavy thoughts. These little ones were very clever beyond their years, life had made them adults before their time, not allowing them to fully enjoy their childhood. Nahun, too, had a huge malignant tumor, the only difference was that it was phantom, but the pain it carried with it was real, unrelenting and excruciating.

A lot of time had passed since his sister's death: the Club had given him friends he didn't think he deserved, the hospital had become his second home, where he helped in any way he could: with money he earned from two jobs, with deeds and blood. The next step wasn't far off - giving away the unwanted to those who could still be saved.

On the first floor Nahun was met with a smile by the head of the oncology department and informed that there were more children than usual, as patients from other departments also wanted to see his performance, so the event would have to be held in the corridor, where benches had already been prepared for the children.

Nahun regretted not wearing some sort of costume today, as he would have to perform in front of a lot of people and he would probably be a bit shy. Today he planned to tell a good fairy tale to the kids, for which he had brought along a toy fox and a rabbit.

When he, cheerfully saying hello, walked to his improvised stage in the form of a faux-leather seat and saw the eager eyes and smiles of familiar and unfamiliar children, he immediately let go. He was among his own, people like him, maimed by merciless fate, only they, unlike him, still believed in a miracle.

"Today I will tell you a tale about a miracle and how important it is not to miss it. We all wait for it in the New Year, make wishes and pray to the Gods. Here was a bunny sitting on the highest hillock on this cold night, looking up into the sky, waiting to see a miracle..." - Nahun began, instantly transforming himself into a professional storyteller, changing the intonation and volume of his voice in the right places, sometimes to a whisper.

During his story, the children sat still with their mouths ajar and sweetly clapped their eyes.

"The bunny snuggled closer to the fox and asked: "When will the miracle happen?"

- I really want to see it. We'll wait. Aren't you in a hurry?

- We'll wait, of course, I have never seen a miracle before - Eeyore gradually warmed up, hugged by the fox's tail, and became more talkative.

The fox strongly pressed the bunny to his chest and quietly hummed a song, and the bunny, sticking his head out from under his embrace, sang along with him. So they sat looking at the starry sky and waited for the New Year's miracle, not realizing that it had already happened».

Nahun began to sing a children's song about happiness, and the boys suddenly began to sing along. At that moment he felt like someone else - the Nahun of today couldn't feel that way, only that distant one from the bright, unmarred past. His eyes watered, but the boy finished the song and then smiled at the children applauding him.

"More!" - the children asked, and Nahun sang them a few more songs to the accompaniment of little hands clapping.

As he was about to say goodbye, a six-year-old girl from the "older ones" came up to him. She gave the lad a hug, and then announced ringingly:

"P., how about next time we invite Dr. Smile to your show."

"Who's that?"

"She's talking about Dr. Williams," immediately explained a boy of about twelve.

"Why do you want to invite him?" - Nahun asked in surprise, not expecting to hear that name.

"Every time you come to see us, he peeks through the windows. Probably thinks it's only for the little ones and they won't let him in. Why don't we invite him next time?" - The little girl unknowingly gave out information that Nahun tried to digest as quickly as possible.

"Why do you call him Mr. Smile?" - He asked his first question.

"He always smiles like you do and jokes around a lot," the little girl blurted out. This information didn't fit with the image of a cold to the point of goosebumps Dr. Williams in any way, so Nahun asked another question:

"How long has he been peeping? I want to find out more so I can talk to him and invite him to the next show."

"Well...," the girl looked up at the ceiling and tapped her index finger on her chin. - Probably as soon as I got here."

"I see. Thank you," Nahun turned around sharply, and saw a shadow slipping sideways behind a translucent door at the end of the hallway.

"Been peeking for three months now... What does he want? Though it's not the fact that he's looking at me, maybe really likes the performances? Well, noooo. What the hell!" - The doctor's actions were incomprehensible to him, so he just decided not to dwell on it.

***

Everything went on as usual until Saturday.

Hope had texted that he couldn't make it this time, though he was already back from his trip, so the rainbows gathered at Nahun's apartment with an unchanging company.

"Let's perform tonight, shall we? Why stay home?" - Jiraiyu suggested, breaking the silence.

"I'm in favor. It's about time. We may not have our main soloists with us, but we can do a lot too," Fum replied.

(From the author: I'll duplicate it again for ease of comprehension:

Orange - Jirayu, electric guitar,

Blue - Nahun, keyboards,

Violet - Fum, drummer).

Nahun simply nodded in agreement. The third anniversary of his parents' death had crept up unnoticed. It was already tomorrow. So it had been a drag for the guy since the morning, but as usual, he supported his friends in return for the tremendous support they freely gave him on a daily basis.

As the guys, laden with equipment, stepped out into the bustling Siam Square, twenty meters away from them cheerfully chimed in:

"Thank you all so much for your support! We look forward to seeing you on our website! Our first album will be out by the end of the year! It's going to be bombastic!"

A guy with blue hair jumped off the stage and Fum immediately walked up to him:

"Hi! Are you guys leaving? Can I take a seat?"

"Hi there, yeah, sure. We've warmed up this stage, it'll be easier for you, the people aren't dispersing yet," he merrily rambled on, assessing his interlocutor with a glance.

"This is the first time we've performed. They'd better not listen," Violet chuckled.

"You don't believe in our strength?" - muttered Jiraiyu and walked with a huge bag towards the stage.

"That's very interesting. I'll stay to listen," Brian smirked, winking at the guy with purple hair.

When the musical instruments and equipment were ready, Violet said hello to the crowd, then sang two songs in Thai and Korean. He liked light pop, in his opinion it lifted his spirits and provided glimmers of joy in his shitty, tedious life.

Next up was Orange, who performed two songs, skillfully reciting a rap, with the guys picking up on the chorus.

It was Blue's turn. He, without choosing for long, decided to perform Creep by Radiohead. He started a cappella, then added keyboards, and in the chorus came the guitar and drums.

But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo

What the hell am I doing here?

I don't belong here.

I don't belong here.

He put into the words his heartache and the pain that had accompanied him for the past three years. The song ended, and feeling his eyes stinging, he glanced quickly into the applauding crowd to distract himself, and suddenly he came upon two familiar cold ice flakes. The picture was blurred by the tears that came, he quickly brushed them away and looked back into the crowd, but the man was no longer there, it was as if he had vanished.

"I guess I imagined it," he thought, and turned to his friends and made a cross, indicating that he wasn't going to sing anymore. Violet nodded and announced into the microphone that they were not going to end on a sad note, and gave the chords of a new pop song, with which they ended their small first concert.

As the guys started to pack up the equipment, Fum walked up to Nahun and asked:

"I haven't had anyone die or be born today. Why don't we hang out at your place until the work day starts? Celebrate?"

"We can at my place... But... without me. I'll hang out in my room..." - the guy said quietly, as today's mood was to 'throw himself off a bridge' rather than celebrate and be happy.

"Black day. Black thoughts. I see," Violet nodded.

"Nahun, let's watch about your favorite superheroes or..." - Orange decided to give it a shot after all.

"Come on. How long have we known each other! Has it ever helped? If he wants to, let him be alone and we'll watch a horror movie that we'll definitely never watch with him," Foom interjected.

Jiraiyu nodded, and a few seconds later, he squealed: "Whoa!!! Guys, look!"

There was a thick pile of beige 1,000 baht bills in the guitar case, and they had clearly been left by one person, as the rest of the small bills were scattered apart.

"Someone really liked our performance," Violet stated the fact.

"Take it, and let's go home already," Nahun said on an exhale.

"Split fair for three," Orange muttered cheerfully.

"I don't need to. You're the ones who are barely making ends meet and won't accept my help in any way," Blue decided to remind his friends again that he could and wanted to help them.

"At least take some for ice cream," Jiraiyu offered, ignoring his words.

"Okay," Blue smiled, raking up all the coins in his palm and putting them in his pocket, while a happy Orange took the bills, waving them cheerfully in front of Violet's nose.

That evening, Nahun drove to the Club with an eerie and very distinct feeling that a tight collar was around his neck, preventing him from breathing properly. Even his friends merrily trending in the back seat couldn't distract him from the haunting thought of the tight strap squeezing his throat.

According to the plan Norman had sent, there were four regulars and one newcomer; the names of the VIPs were never announced, but the guy didn't care about that - they all looked the same: bossy, rude, willing to possess and humiliate for money if they couldn't do it in normal life.

Those he knew showed nothing new and did not do anything new, acting according to the program that had already been worked out many times. Blue felt no better or worse than he had during the day, though usually the clients' abuse of his body lessened the heartache.

"You got another one?" - Violet asked, pouring water into a glass in the Rainbow Rest Room

"Uh-huh," Blue replied, lying back in the soft chair and not opening his eyes. His still damp post-shower hair was touching his face, and he tried to focus on the sensation so he wouldn't think about anything else.

"I have too. Maybe I should go to your place tonight. You haven't looked well all day. We can bring Orange with us too, he has three two-hour clients today, he'll be free earlier, but he can wait," his friend asked.

"No need. I'm going to the Temple tomorrow morning. I want to be alone," the guy in the blue robe waved him off.

"You know you can always come to us for help, right?" - Violet's voice was quite close.

"I know, buddy. But, there's no saving me now," Blue said the last sentence in a half-whisper so that his interlocutor wouldn't hear it.

***

Blue entered the blue room with his usual confidence. The client was sitting on the bed with his back to him and fully dressed.

"Some pervert again? Wants me to undress and wash him myself? Fuck, I don't give a fuck. I'll certainly do it," he thought, and then spoke aloud:

"Khun, good evening. Can I help you undress and shower?"

The man slowly turned around, shifting his feet, and Blue jerked, taking a step back, unable to hold back the short sound on the exhale that escaped his throat.

"Well, hello there. And I didn't believe it when Troy told me you worked at this place. Look at that, I even guessed the blue t-shirt," the quiet velvet of the voice spread across the room, and the corners of his lips rose for a split second and then immediately lowered.

Blue was silent, simply not knowing what to say or, more importantly, what to do now. His body stiffened and stood stone-still at the door.

"The more I get to know you, the more I don't understand," the doctor's voice became cold again, just like the first time they met.

"Why? Why to recognize me? And even understand me?" - the guy tried to strain his meanderings, but the puzzle in his head wasn't adding up, so he broke the heavy silence:

"Do you keep track of all your donors?"

The voice didn't fail, and Nahun relaxed just a little.

"No. It's just that I like to solve complex problems in life. Right now, YOU are the unsolvable equation with a bunch of unknowns for me," the man replied, lifting one corner of his lips.

"I'm... just a regular person," the boy muttered.

"You really think so?" - A smile spread across a chiseled face with sharp cheekbones, but the eyes were... sad?

Nahun jerked his head, waving away any foolish and naive assumptions that might in any way clarify why this man had come here, leaving the paramount: "He paid. I have to work it off."

"Did you come here to ask questions? Take what you paid for and go back to your wonderful life," Blue said as he walked over to the man and, with a slight movement, untied his sash and pulled off his robe.

The doctor slowly ran his burning gaze over his body, from his neck to his toes and, suddenly, gently touched his thumb to one of the many red hickeys on his chest left by previous clients.

Blue decided Williams was ready and moved closer so that he could feel the surgeon's hot breath near his solar plexus.

"Big Ears, that's not why I'm here. Get dressed. And... put some healing ointment on your bruises before you go to bed," the man pressed his warm palms against the boy's narrow waist, and then, pushing him aside, stood up and made his way to the table with snacks and drinks for the customers.

Nahun stood for a few seconds at a loss, but then quickly pulled himself together, picked up his robe from the floor and barely pulled it on with almost stiffened hands.

"I've paid, you're right. So you're going to answer me a few questions. The first one sounds like this - you own a pretty good company, you have money and an apartment in Siam Square, why then do you...work here?" - Williams turned around with the glass in his hands, and his eyes drew the boy's gaze back to him. They no longer seemed cold; the ice had become clear-clear, cool but not scalding.

Nahun couldn't truthfully answer this question to a stranger, so simple and brash words escaped his lips to end this conversation quickly:

"I like sex."

"Rough sex, judging by the state of your skin," he didn't ask a question, but stated the fact by swiping the silhouette of the guy in the air with the index finger of his free hand.

"Any more questions?" - Nahun swallowed the lump of irritation gathering in his throat.

"There are many, but from the looks of it, you're unwilling to answer them honestly. Which means we'll postpone this conversation. Get some rest and lick your wounds, because tomorrow, as I understand it, you'll have to work hard in that blue room again," the man's face contorted briefly in a grimace of distaste at the last phrase.

Williams went toward the door, but stopped suddenly beside Blue and, with a sigh, added:

"You didn't list this place of employment on your application form. That moment will definitely take you off the donor list. I'll see to it."

It was a low blow, Blue had been through so much to get this chance - a chance to save someone's life to replace the one he hadn't saved. So the reaction was appropriate, the boy quickly walked over to the doctor and without hesitation touched his bare shoulder with the palm of his hand:

"Please, Dr. Williams...I can't lose this opportunity..."

"Another marvelous opportunity to cripple yourself? Your ultimate goal is to drive yourself into a coffin?" - Bushy eyebrows drew together at the bridge of his nose and his eyes left burns on his skin again.

"I... I..." - Blue couldn't find the words to the question that exposed the real intentions for the rest of his life.

"You can say nothing, the answer is read in your eyes now. I will not make a single incision on your body, nor will any of my colleagues undertake it. Now I have a strong argument for that," the man's words were frightening, as he could ruin everything Blue had been working towards for so long. Something had to be done immediately:

"But... I always use protection... and I get tested weekly. My body, my blood, is perfectly fine."

"Ha, commendable. And your head?" - the man chuckled unkindly.

"Why do you need all of this? Just forget about me... these tasks... and... You're a good surgeon, just do your job, save this girl's life," Blue lowered himself to a pleading tone.

"I can't do that..." - Williams cut off and motioned for the exit.

"Why?" - The boy asked superciliously, but the answer was only the slam of the closing door.

Left alone, Nahun could no longer hold back the tears that had longed for release all that gods-damned day-the day on which three years ago he had called his parents and childishly insisted on their promised visit to Pattani.

He'd left the room before the "office hour" was over and wanted to quickly dash to the break room, change his clothes, and escape so he wouldn't have to answer his friends' questions about his condition, but Orange was there, and he'd figured it out right away:

"Buddy, you look like shit. Let's wait for Violet and go to Siam Square together. Don't you dare run away, we're gonna find you and we're gonna be there for you, you understand?"

"Got it," Blue sniffed. There was no chance of sneaking out, he knew his coworkers and they knew him like the back of their hand. Jirayu and Fum could tell when he was in a mood, and whenever he had a wild urge to leave the world, they could sense it and were there for him, putting all their work aside.

***

The boys kept Nahun company on the trip to the Temple and stood by while he talked with his parents at the chadi with his father's and mother's ashes. Then they passed the offerings to the monks together and prayed. Nahun was really just pretending, his thoughts not being here at all. He was concerned about the situation with Dr. Williams, and he was sure that as the work week began he would receive a call informing him that the transplant surgery had been canceled.

But he received no calls from the hospital on Monday or Tuesday. Wednesday also passed in suspense until the incident involving Wylett and his client who nearly died during the appointment. It happened quickly, exactly as it had with Panit, only this time the man was saved. Blue had suggested that his friends stay over that night to discuss the matter, but Fum had said that dead people were normal for him and that this incident would not affect his sanity, so he would go home to his brother, who needed a guiding hand now more than ever.

On Thursday, Nahun was to entertain the children again. During the bubble show, he kept looking back at the door, hoping to see the doctor, but the clear window was empty. He never ventured into the surgeon's office, so he quickly left the clinic as soon as he finished his business.

On the same day the long-legged handsome Green visited the Rainbow Room, treated the boys to sweets and happily informed them that tomorrow was his last day. Blue was genuinely happy for his colleague, who like him was working here voluntarily, but this situation unsettled his mind:

"Although Green didn't speak, but the reason he was in this hole was a valid one. So he was able to break down these internal barriers? Will I be able to...? No. Definitely not."

On Friday, as Nahun was sorting out the paperwork for a new warehouse to expand the business, he got a call from Norman:

📞 "Blue, hi honey. Makoto's birthday party is tomorrow. All rainbows are told to be at the Club at 15:30. You will be taken there by 17:00."

📞 "Oh shit."

📞 "Unfortunate, but we can't escape this."

📞 "Do the others know?"

📞 "Yeah, just called them."

📞 "How many of us will there be?"

📞 "Six. No, maybe seven if the new kid Yellow comes."

📞 "Copy that."

Just then, a message came from Green:

<Green: "I'll be with you tomorrow. I'll hold off on quitting for now."

The general chat room was starting to get active as well.

<Orange: "Fucking bitch and her fucking birthday! It took me so long to come back from the last one."

<Violet: "Shit! I still haven't fully recovered. When I think back... Even Norman couldn't get three pissed off perverts off me last time, Makoto forbade him to interfere. I can feel everything they did in my body. Eat my memory!">

<Jiraiyu: "Why don't we run the fuck away?" >

<Nahun: "How many times have I offered you my help? You can safely leave right now!">

<Fum: "And leave you there alone to be eaten by those things?"

<Jirayu: "By the way, how many of us will there be?"

<Nahun: "Maybe seven, if the new guy comes."

<Fum: "How seven? Did you count Green too?"

<Nahun: "Green was supposed to sign the papers to leave the basement today, but for some reason he changed his mind.">

<Fum: "Oh, shit. And the new guy didn't come at the wrong time at all.">

<Hope: "I'm sure everything will be fine, guys. Let's not panic.">

<Jirau: "Whoa! What makes you think that?">

<Blue: "Hope, are you just trying to cheer us up, or do you have reason to think that?">

Hope never responded to the messages, and everyone slowly calmed down, accepting the inevitable.

Nahun finished his business as soon as possible and arrived at the Club earlier than usual. Norman entered the lounge almost immediately without his usual smile, followed by a kid with the most miserable expression in the world. The manager must have been in a hurry to get somewhere, for he usually took a lot of time with the newcomers, but not this time. He handed Yellow into Blue's "safe hands" and left the room with a quick step.

The stubby boy answered one-word answers and kept to himself, and Nahun understood his state of mind. It was the same way Hope had behaved when he became part of their rainbow company. So the old-timer just sat there and explained the ground rules and gave some advice, and then his friends came in and broke the silence with emotional speeches.

Saturday, September 18. Makoto's birthday

Most likely, many Bangkok residents would like to get to this luxurious celebration, everything around shouted about the wealth of the birthday girl and her not the last place in the top of the Thai elite: the place, the decoration of the premises, fabulously expensive food and drinks, numerous staff, which included professionals of their work.

Only the rainbow six didn't care about all this lavish opulence, they were exposed as one of the dishes that any of the guests could eat without observing the rules of propriety.

After a humiliating inspection, the boys were escorted into the hall, where they were greeted by hundreds of pairs of eager male eyes, many of which were already anticipating the fun to come.

Trays of hors d'oeuvres were handed out to the Rainbow Men, and Blue had no sooner moved away from the bar than he was approached by two men in tuxedos. He was squeezed from all sides, feeling the repulsive touch of their hands on his body.

"Kid, you want to have some fun? There'll be two of us at once, you'll get twice as much fun," one of them chuckled, greedily running his fingers down the guy's back and trailing a finger under his jeans to the inter- buttock crease.

There was no way to defend himself from the dirty harassment, and Blue didn't want to, he saw it as another punishment for everything he had done in the past. The pain was going to take over again, this daily battle was an opportunity to move on. For one moment he met his gaze with the blue eyes of Red, whom he sympathized with like his old friends, for they had not chosen such a fate.

Suddenly one of the huddled guests was pulled aside by graceful hands and a tall, dark-haired handsome man said flirtatiously cheerfully:

"Gentlemen...if you'll yield me that blue tie now...then after the event I'll...leave you a number and we'll play a game of endurance with you..."

Hungry eyes turned to the approaching man and traveled greedily over his slender body. Smirks lit up their faces, and they glanced over and nodded approvingly.

The guest led Blue up to the second floor and into the spare room, then walked to the window with his hands in his pockets.

Nahun sat down on the bed and undid a button. A soft clank of metal drew the attention of the handsome man, who immediately turned and said:

"Sorry, kid, but I'm not interested in your ass. Just sit tight, it'll be over soon."

Nahun was little to say surprised, shock was most likely read on his face at this point. He had expected anything but this kind of behavior from his guest. He watched his actions carefully and realized that the guy was worried, glancing at his phone often, moving slowly around the room in his thoughts.

Blue buttoned the button on his jeans and just waited for him to continue. The unknown scared him more than the already known.

He didn't know how much time passed before there was a knock on the room and a man in a strict three-piece suit ran in and called out:

"Khun Lien! You're needed! It's urgent!"

Before running out into the hallway, the guest, whose name Blue now knew, tossed a farewell:

"Stay here. They'll be coming for you soon."

Blue looked out into the hallway, he could hear talking and even shouting from downstairs, he walked back to the bed, sitting down on the floor and leaning his back on it. He didn't have his phone with him to find out how his friends were doing right now.

He had to sit in silence and wait. Time stretched agonizingly slow, the darkness inside pressing more and more with each passing minute. Nahun feared and avoided such moments - alone with himself, with his thoughts and feelings, which like a huge ruthless machine, like a draglane with a ball-baby, monotonously crumbled the walls of the flimsy structure he had built to somehow organize the meaning of his existence.

As the huge metal ball swung again, the door opened abruptly and the savior of his nearly shattered consciousness entered the room. It was Green:

"Blue, honey, come on, move your feet, hurry up! We're leaving."

Nahun jumped to his feet and quickly made his way down the hallway, where he was met by a smiling Orange and Violet, an uncomprehending Yellow, and the two needle-dressed Foldie twins.

"Here you go," Orange handed his friend his duffel bag. Blue took it and nodded gratefully.

"So, is it all rainbows in here?" - One of the brothers asked.

"No Red," Blue said in a whisper for some reason.

"We haven't found him and he's not answering his phone, but I saw him being picked up by... What did you say, syrupy? The Kitittchat family? My boys say he should be okay and I believe them. Let's get out of here," the long-haired handsome man quacked like a hen, gathering all the chickens under his wing. Special tenderness went to the newcomer, who looked as if he had just landed on planet Earth for the first time.

(From the author: Green has loved double-syrup lemonade since childhood, so he calls the Foldie brothers "syrupy.")

They left the mansion quietly, the street was crowded with a huge number of dressed-up people, who stood in bunches and were actively discussing something. The twins walked forward, breaking through the crowd, and the boys followed them until they reached a black limousine standing almost at the exit of the grounds because of its size.

When they ducked inside this luxurious product of the American automobile industry, they immediately smelled luxury: the smell of leather and expensive perfume.

Green carelessly sat down next to Yellow, put his arm around him and began to soothe him, stroking his still bare arms, since none of the rainbows had had time to change:

"Kid, pull yourself together, nothing happened..."

He was rudely interrupted by one of the twins:

"It is for now, but it might if you don't stop pawing him!"

A silence hung, but the car moved almost immediately, and the second Foldie brother pulled Green without a word and placed him on his lap. The handsome boy, without resistance, immediately nestled his lips against the neck of one of the jealous men, ran his tongue shamelessly over it all the way to his ear, and purred:

"Jealous of the child? You should have figured out by now what I like and what I don't."

"Still, not pleasant," Green was herded into a seat and found himself sandwiched between two Foldies.

Blue smiled at this pretty picture, then asked quietly:

"Will you tell me what happened?"

"Oh, you don't know yet! Freeee-dom - that's what! Makoto passed away right at the party, and the receiver in the will is our daddy! Classy for all the rainbows!" - Green replied cheerfully, while holding his boys' hands that were slowly moving down his thighs.

A chorus of sighs of relief went through the cabin.

"Gods, don't give this evil thing a chance to reincarnate! So Norman has become the full owner of Makoto's entire business? Whooah," Fum whistled.

"Where is he?" - Blue asked, peeling off his blue tie.

"No one knows. Hopefully we'll all find out from his lips soon. I really need his signature on my resignation letter," replied Green and kissed one of the guys hugging him gently on the cheek.

***

Nahun pulled on a T-shirt and asked to be dropped off half an hour's walk from his house. His friends immediately asked if they needed to keep him company, to which he said with a smile in a confident voice:

"It's fine. I'll see you guys tomorrow. I'm not going to be sad on THIS day."

But left alone on the street, he removed the mask from his face, which he used to guide his friends away from following him back into his dreary world. All too soon he was returning to his apartment, sleep was not at all desired, which meant that his brain would again take up its painful activity.

Almost an hour later, he walked slowly through Siam Square, which was flashing with neon signs, shouting, singing, twinkling, and insanely annoying in its cheerfulness.

Turning finally to his driveway, Nahun pulled his keys out of his bag and looked up. Suddenly, on the stairs leading up to his apartment, he saw Dr. Williams sitting hunched over. His heart twitched, the thought, "What's he doing here?" was followed by an unexpected next thought: "Whatever. It's a good thing I won't be alone tonight."

Stepping around the man, Nahun opened the door and, without turning around, said softly:

"Come on in, since you're here."

He had to turn on the light, which he hadn't done in a long time, since he'd come back in the night and go straight to the bedroom, following the path he'd known since childhood. He was suddenly surprised at how big his dwelling was, too big for him alone. Another stone flew into the basket of sadness, and he made his way to the kitchen and asked, again without looking at the unexpected guest:

"What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to talk. You weren't at the Club, so... figured I'd come here," came a velvet baritone that sounded beautiful in this spacious room with gorgeous acoustics.

"I see, are you hungry? I only have instant noodles," Nahun looked anywhere but at the doctor as he began searching for a pot in the depths of the spacious cabinets. Perhaps it was fear of continuing the conversation he had started, he didn't want to talk about the serious stuff. "Just sit next to me," he mentally pleaded.

"I wouldn't say no... Although I don't eat that kind of stuff," the guest said, taking a seat on a high bar stool by the kitchen island.

"Hmm, not surprised," Nahun hummed, pouring filtered water into a pot. Turning on the fire, the boy sat down across from the man, and couldn't resist lifting his gaze from the countertop and peering into his cold eyes.

To his surprise, he didn't see burning ice flakes, it was water, the calm, shiny surface of the lake, which he couldn't look away from for a few seconds. And then he saw the movement of well-shaped velvet lips before he heard the sounds they made:

"Nahun, I regret what I said the other day. It made me very angry."

"You bet. You don't take prostitutes as donors," the landlord smirked, not interrupting the gaze directed at the chiseled, slightly sad face of his interlocutor.

"That's not the point," the guest sighed and lowered his head.

In the meantime, the water was boiling and Nahun began manipulating the seasonings and noodles, immersing himself briefly in his thoughts.

Dr. Williams was handsome, very handsome even, but the boy avoided the likes of him since he had already dealt with a smarmy rich man who had bought him out in Dragon for three months straight. Blue loved him and thought the feeling was mutual. He gave himself to him daily as if it was the last time, already immersed in rosy dreams of a beautiful future next to this man.

For the last month the man demanded more and more and the sexual fantasies were more and more perverted, but the loving Blue wrote it all off to the cheerful, rebellious character of his partner, who by virtue of his creative profession had the right to mood swings and violent periods. But everything ended badly - after another fuck, abnormal even by the standards of sophisticated people in sex, the man quickly dressed and threw a farewell to the tormented guy: "Yeah, I thought you'd last longer than the others, but no such luck. I'm not interested in you anymore, Lavender. Ciao!"

"Digest... Come on, me," the doctor snapped him out of his unpleasant memories, taking the stirring spoon from his hands.

Nahun took a couple steps back and leaned against the island, watching the surgeon's unhurried but precise movements. The dull, aching pain in his soul hadn't gone anywhere, but it was no longer torn as it had been in the hours of solitude.

"Sit down. Everything will be here soon," the man said calmly, and without asking unnecessary questions, he found the plates and chopsticks himself.

Nahun sat down at the table, and savored this unexpected calm that had descended upon him this evening. No, there was no joy, excitement, curiosity about what was happening, but there was no bitterness, anxiety, self-loathing, or brokenness either. He savored this surely fleeting moment of inner silence.

For the first minute they ate in silence; after another obscene sound of noodles being sucked into his mouth, Nahun couldn't stand it any longer and got up to turn on the first radio he could find.

Now they were eating to romanticized songs about love, which was quite out of place. After the singer's phrase, "You're sitting across from me, but I'd like to hold you and taste you," Nahun bit his lip and looked at Williams, who was staring at him and obviously trying to hold back his laughter. The guy jumped up abruptly and sat back down, turning off the radio. There was an awkward silence for a few seconds, and then the doctor, still unable to hold back, jumped.

Nahun was stunned for a few seconds, but that gushing laughter still forced him to smile and say:

"That was awkward... Are you full?"

"Yes, thank you," the doctor nodded, suppressing a laugh and pinching the bridge of his nose with his fingers.

"Are you staying the night?" - Nahun blurted out, as he instinctively wanted to prolong that sense of calm.

"Uh. That sounds like fun. If it's okay, I'll sleep on the couch. I have a shift at 9am and it's a long way from home," the man replied as he stood up from the table and carried his plate to the sink.

Nahun suddenly exhaled with relief and began to speak:

"The couch will be uncomfortable..."

"Are you offering your bed? Just like that?" - After asking the questions, the doctor came very close, which made the guy press his back into the tabletop and quickly muttered:

"There are a couple other rooms available. It's cleaned up in there. Pick any one you want. There's a bathroom in each, and disposable supplies and towels in the lockers. If you need clothes, there are also robes in the bathroom for guests."

"Good. Pick a room yourself," came the reply, and the man took a step back.

After escorting Williams to Lamai's former bedroom, Nahun politely wished the man a good night's rest and made his way to his room. Collapsing onto the bed, he put his palms to his heart, it was beating too often. Probably because at the end of the day he didn't want to be up against the wall in this cold, stuffy room that had once been his home, where he had rushed to in every mood, where he had been welcomed and loved. But it was ruined, erased by his own hands, and now it was nothing but soulless walls and shelter for the night.

The thoughts were tearing, tearing, breaking again. Nahun jumped to his feet and went to the shower, where he stood under the barely warm water for a long time, concentrating on the jets hitting the top of his head and the drops rolling down his body.

"Now if only the water could take the pain with it."

By the time he emerged from the tub in his pajama pants, it was early one. He quickly wrapped himself in the blanket, wanting to fall asleep sooner, but it didn't work. Now thoughts of the doctor were popping into his head:

"Why did he come? To talk me out of going into surgery? Why does he want to solve this problem? Just interest and excitement? What was he angry about?

Why am I even thinking about him?

His eyes were different today.

And yet, there's no denying it, I'm grateful to him. He showed up just in time to save me from loneliness and self-harm. He didn't tell me about my second job at the hospital. And also shelled out so much money for the Club reception... Money! Maybe it didn't show, and yet at that performance it was his eyes among the crowd, and his bills?"

The boy really wanted to get answers to all his questions, and also a warm feeling of gratitude to this man blossomed inside, so as if under hypnosis he got out of bed and tiptoed quickly across the distance to his sister's room.

Carefully, very slowly, he opened the door and took a step inside. The man was asleep, stretched out in the middle of the wide bed in a beige terrycloth robe.

Nahun couldn't answer himself why he had come or what he intended to do. The man was asleep, which meant there would be no talking, he had to go back inside, but... he didn't want to leave so badly.

"I'll just lie next to him for a while. It'll help me not think about anything. Fuck, what if he wakes up and thinks I'm harassing him?"

The guy dialogued with himself for a while longer, taking a step forward and then back again. The voice clamoring for "stay here" won out, and the guy slowly made his way across the soft carpeting to the bed and carefully lay down on the edge, curled up. The smell of his favorite fruit shampoo, Williams' measured breathing, and the warmth that was very close by and missing in his life did their job, and Nahun didn't notice how he fell asleep.

He awoke from his sleep as the first rays of sunlight pierced the darkness of the night. The curtains were not drawn, so the first thing he saw was the man's face a few centimeters away from his own, and only then did he feel his hand on his waist.

There was that calmness again, where had it come from? Nahun listened to himself - the itchy heartache was there, but it was as if it had been covered by a massive hood. Surely this man had put it up. Gratitude - that feeling took the stage again as the boy contemplated the sharp cheekbones, the long fluffy immobile eyelashes, the straight nose, the large sensual lips.

Nahun once again remembered all the Williams moments, and that "feeling of gratitude" gave his body a boost.

"Let it be so. I'll give him what he clearly wants, and he'll go away. He doesn't need someone like me."

Slowly removing the man's heavy hand from his body, he got off the bed and went to his room to get condoms and lube.

When he returned, he removed his clothes and applied lubricant to his anus, then took a condom out of the package and walked over to the bed.

Carefully undoing the belt on the man's robe, Nahun gently laid him on his back and hovered over his still sleeping body, then with the agility of a cat he reached down without touching the strong legs and pulled up the black boxers with his fingers to release and saw what he was aiming for. The doctor's cock was beautiful and the size was good even at rest. Running the full width of his wet tongue over it, he circled the head with his lips and gently ran it from the frenulum to the hole at the tip. The shaft twitched and began to wake up. With a few movements, deepening the shaft into his mouth, he achieved what he wanted - to engage the doctor in his play.

The man only moved when Nahun released his shaft from his mouth. There was only one thing left to do. The guy began to carefully pull the rubber band over the already hard enough cock, kneeling beforehand and hovering over the sleeping man.

Only when he ran his hand several times over the apparatus encircled with his fingers and put it to his not yet prepared hole, the doctor opened his eyes. But the guy was already doing his thing, gently pressing his body against the head so that it went inside.

"What, why?" - The man lifted his body on his elbow, while he rubbed his eyes hurriedly with his other hand.

"Shh, shh," Nahun put his index finger to his lips and began to bob up and down until he drove the hard shaft under the very root into his canal.

The doctor let out a wrenching groan, lifted himself up, and, enclosing the guy in a tight embrace, whispered in his ear:

"What are you...doing...silly?"

Nahun ran his fingers over the hedgehog on the back of the doctor's head, causing him to roll his eyes, and then sliding his hands under his robe and gently pulling it off his shoulders.

As the guy began to move slowly, withdrawing and reintroducing, the man wrapped his large palms around his buttocks and pressed against him:

"Grrr, answer... the question. Otherwise there will be no continuation."

"Just... relax and take what... you wanted..." - Nahun whispered, feeling good with his gut-spreading cock inside him. This doctor's cock. The man who had entered his life so easily.

"This is not what I... desired. Not like this..." - came the words next to the boy's ear as his body flew onto the bed. Now the man was on top of him and confusion was read on his face.

"Let it be just that... It'll make everyone feel better," the guy's hands traveled over the relief of the chest of the man sitting on top of him and so not out of it.

"For me... no," the doctor muttered.

"You don't know yet... I... definitely feel better," Nahun put his arms around the man's neck and pulled him to him, pressing his lips against his. He led the kiss for a while, the sensual lips yielding to the caress and opening to taste the tenacious bunny, and once their tongues were entwined, Williams no longer resisted and even took the initiative.

The man's caresses were assertive, but they didn't hurt, didn't burn his skin. He swung full length into the boy, withdrew and entered again, bringing pleasure. Nahun gritted his teeth against his lips to keep from making noises, as he was accustomed to doing in the Club.

"Ah...fool...I forbid you...to be...silent," the husky velvet accompanied by heavy hot breath sounded at his ear, followed by a tongue that traveled along his earlobe and wrapped behind his ear.

"Mmmmmmmmmm," Nahun let his ligaments escape, but his lips never parted.

"Louder...I can't hear you," the man said languidly, sliding more and more into the supple body and beginning to nibble and suck alternately on the peas of the boy's nipples.

The boy arched his back, bringing his chest closer to the mouth that was caressing it, and suddenly let out a moan:

"Ah...aaaaaaahhhh."

"That's it...that's better...if you want to scream, scream," Williams looked into her blue eyes, which seemed incredibly huge at such a short distance, right into his soul as his hips continued to ram into her tight hole and his hand rested on his jiggling cock.

Nahun didn't always but cum and more than once with clients, but it was the physiological result of some action with his body that gave a second sense of release. But here and now, being under this man had opened the door of his dungeon and it suddenly swung open wide. Not more than a minute passed as the doctor's long fingers framed his taut shaft and guided it from root to head, occasionally running a finger along the oozing hole, and the moment of release came. Nahun hit a high note, letting out a full-throated moan, unrestrained, as if letting out all the unspoken things he'd been silent about for three years, and breathed often.

"Good boy...bunny..." - The doctor praised the obedient man and briefly embedded his tongue in his mouth, licking his palate, then quickened the pace of his hips.

The guy looked up at him with puppy dog eyes, unable to believe what was happening to him now. His body was shaking, he lifted his buttocks, asking for more, dug his fingers into the tense muscles of his arms, inhaled the aroma of a mixture of musk and fruit, looked at his partner's heated and beautiful body, which had drips of sweat rolling down it seductively, which he wanted to lick off with his tongue.

At one moment Williams' eyebrows came together on the bridge of his nose, he made a couple more movements and with a throaty moan, like the roar of a predatory animal, pressed against the guy with his whole body, shuddering in ecstasy. The finale was intoxicating for both of them. The man tried to even out his breathing, and Nahun was afraid to mentally call it happiness, giving it a simple ugly name - "I feel good now".

In the lingering silence, Nahun tried not to think about anything, listening to the rapid pounding of their hearts. Hands traveled down the doctor's back, and when they touched his hair, the boy came to his senses and placed it on the bed:

"That's it for now."

"So are you going to explain what that was?" - the man suddenly asked on an exhale and left a gentle kiss on the kid's neck.

"That's my...gratitude," he whispered, looking into the blue, deep lakes of his eyes.

"For what?" - The man lifted himself up, keeping his body weight on his straight arm while the other began to fix the boy's disheveled hair.

"For not turning me and my second job in, for coming in yesterday...I needed it," Nahun didn't understand why the revelations. He should have ended the conversation and said goodbye to this man.

"Do you know why?" - The deep gaze wouldn't let go of his eyes trying to escape eye contact.

"I know, you said. It's a complicated problem with a lot of unknowns. But the solution is insanely simple. I'm like that... Now you can forget me like a bad dream... Let's go back to simple - 'donor-surgeon'," the guy put his palms on the pumped up male chest and pressed down on it gently, wanting to get free.

Williams pulled his cock out of the guy, but immediately grabbed the bunny boy who was trying to escape and held him against him and slowly spoke:

"I want you to trust me. You don't need this job at the Club and you shouldn't be donating your organs to people in need. You..."

"I have nothing else in this world to hold on to," the flood of revelations was unstoppable, the warmth and calmness of this man's voice crumbling the walls holding them back.

"You're wrong, bunny. You have friendship - I've seen your friends and they're not bad guys, at first glance. You have a favorite thing, yes even two - your parents' campaign and music. And then there's love..." - The doctor continued to squeeze the boy's trembling body.

"Love? It's a feeling only for the chosen few. I was unlucky..." - The emotions began to not just seep in, but come out in heavy clots.

Williams loosened his grip a little and pulled back, looking into his interlocutor's eyes, "I'm strongly and have been drawn to you for a long time... I think it's lo..."

"Stop it, don't talk nonsense! It's impossible to love someone like me... you can't!" - Nahun practically shouted these words into the doctor's unwavering face as he was shocked at what he was hearing, it didn't fit with his view of the realities at hand.

"But, I've already done it..." - Again that measured velvet, and a hand stroking the boy's back as if to soothe him. Nahun shook even harder and the dusty chest opened with pain, emotions rushed out along with the words, trying to tear down everything in their path:

"No! You just don't know me. I! It was me and my selfishness that killed my parents, my whining caused them to crash that day... And then... all those same murderers plus a life of binge drinking and fucking prevented me from seeing my sister's illness at an earlier stage... maybe she'd still be alive now!"

"Shhhh, it's not your fault...it's not your fault," the man squeezed the boy tighter.

"It's my fault! Isn't that enough for you? And the fact that I was fucked in every slit on a daily basis for over a year? There were a lot of them... a lot of them... huge, hard... ruthless..." - My heart was pounding so hard. The doctor frowned, Nahun's words had hit a sore spot, but he, still holding him, said loudly:

"Enough!"

"What do you want? Take my body as many times as you want, calm down, and run away. I haven't done anyone any good in my whole stupid life," the guy felt tears start to fill his eyes at a great rate.

"You stupid little rabbit... I'll tell it like it is - I LOVE YOU!"

"You... oh, I can't be loved for all that," Nahun put his hands to his chest, pointing to himself. - Go away! I'll see you on the surgical table..."

"I'm not leaving," he heard back.

"I'm not the man...that you want..." - The first tear rolled hotly down his cheek.

"You are..." - the man persisted.

"My life... no longer a life, but a duty. I will save as many people as I can... do as much good as I can and leave," Nahun could no longer hold back the loud sobs.

"You can't... not anymore. I won't let you," Williams' hands began stroking the boy's back and head again.

"Why... why are you... doing this?" - Nahun asked through sobs, but a little quieter.

"Doing what?" - The man interjected, whispering in his ear.

"Giving hope...confusing," the boy replied, also in a whisper. This man strangely let light into the pitch darkness, it wasn't scary to be around him, but it was scary to realize that this man wanted to be with him.

"Kid, I've been watching you for a very long time. At first it was just interesting, and then... I didn't notice how my feet carried me to the oncology ward to see you one more time... Now the task is completely solved, everything fell into place. And no matter what you say, I can't let you go. In that fairy tale you told the children, I'm sure - Fox knew for sure that Miracle was sitting next to him, and Bunny kept looking for him in the sky. Look at me. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere," the words were so sincere, and in the blue lakes of his eyes I wanted to dive into them and never come out.

After long seconds of thought, Nahun muttered:

"I'm healthy on the outside, but on the inside... so many wounds... Are you sure... you want to mess with this?"

"Have you forgotten? I'm a doctor. And I'm sure," a smile lit up the handsome face before lips drew the boy into a sweet-salty kiss, sweeping away all his built up walls, giving him hope that the heartache that still sat firmly within him would eventually subside.

"You'll get through this, Nahun. For the memory of your parents... for the sake of those who loved and love you. You are bound to be happy."

The candle was lit.