Ding-ding-ding

Hope woke up at 5:00 to the sound of his alarm clock, and a smile spread across his face. The happiness that had settled in his heart yesterday was not about to leave him, so he stretched sweetly and looked out the window. There had been a heavy rain during the night, and the raindrops glistened on the glass in the first rays of sunlight.

"I'm going to enjoy and appreciate every moment of life, especially now...especially with him," the thought gave such a bright charge that Hope's emotions flooded over the edge, he squealed quietly into his pillow and hugged his legs, trying to curb the joy bursting out.

Getting up, he turned on some upbeat music on his cell phone and went to the bathroom, swaying his hips. Getting ready was fun, he even played with his hair a bit, giggling at the horns, Mohawk and macho style, and then did something he'd never done before – a selfie.

When Hope left the room and went downstairs quickly, he found no one. Apparently Grandpa and Panit were still asleep. While he was making himself some tea and tuna sandwiches, Troy came running down the stairs in just his pants and bare torso.

"Hey, son! Can you make it through the morning without me today? Jogging is a must! And Panit and I have some important business to attend to," Grandpa said, winked playfully, and then took a bite of the kid's sandwich before grabbing a one and a half liter bottle of water and running upstairs.

"I see what's wrong with you, Grandpa. Panit showed up and I'm now overboard on this love boat. But it's even good, or else he would have arranged the usual interrogation about Lion, and I would have blushed again," - with these thoughts the guy had breakfast, put on a sports suit and went outside.

The weather was perfect: fresh cool air with the scents of flowers, birds singing, a light breeze, not yet hot sun, reflecting in almost everything that raindrops reached.

Hope ran through the streets of their neighborhood and looked around, out of habit noting and memorizing everything he saw: houses, cars, people, and even pets. He said hello to a familiar man trimming the bushes on his property, and then he ran two blocks and saw the same man, but in different clothes, coming out of a store to buy something.

"How did he get here so fast? Maybe on a bike?" - A thought ran through his head, but he didn't dwell on it and continued to enjoy the moment.

Forty minutes later satisfied with himself he ran home, took off his jeans and t-shirt, showered and put on his uniform.

"I'll walk to school, there's still plenty of time to think," Hope smiled to himself, put on his headphones, turned on his favorite playlist, and walked down the still nearly empty streets of the outskirts of Bangkok.

As a result, instead of the usual brainstorming, only simple, joy-filled phrases sounded in his head: "How nice it is!", "What a beautiful sky!", "And this shadow from a tree - as if two people are hugging each other tightly, and here is a heart! ", "How cute is that baby hugging the bear!", "Oh, that doggy is just like Focus!", "I can afford to relax a little", "What a lovely morning!", "Thank you, gods, for giving me so much beauty today!", "I'm pretty well recharged!"

He walked through the small recreational park by the Chao Phraya River, stood for a while and looked at the dark waters from the bridge.

"I wonder what temperature the water in the river is!" - he thought, scrutinizing the sun's glare on the surface.

Upon reaching school, Hope realized that it wasn't long before first class, only fifteen minutes. He looked for the silver Mazda in the parking lot, and when he found it, he sighed in relief and smiled, thinking, "I'll see you today, Hia! Mmmmmmmm, I'm curious to see what you're up to and what's next for us. You'll be able to take me in, won't you, Lion?"

When the head teacher entered the classroom, all the classmates were already in their seats.

"Hope, hi!" - Jean shouted, and everyone immediately looked at him, but no one said hello or smiled.

"That's weird. Maybe they're worried about today's test?", Hope thought as he made his way to his seat. He put the necessary textbooks and notebooks on the table and looked around the classroom - there was some mysterious, unusual silence. Jean turned to him, winking and smiling unnaturally, while Pruit pretended to read.

"Very strange," it went through his head again.

The bell rang, but the history teacher was still gone, only a couple minutes later he entered the classroom with a quick step:

"Hello!"

"Good afternoon, teacher!" - the students chorused and folded their hands in respect.

"Tavin! Ah... no, not you... Jean, please bring the checked papers from the teacher's room. They're in the box of your class. I completely forgot," the historian continued, and Jean immediately looked at her friend, because usually only the class heads were allowed in the teachers' lounge.

Everything went on as usual, but the atmosphere in the classroom was a little tense, Hope caught the occasional glances of the boys, and, assuming that perhaps he had dirt on his face or something wrong with his hair, worriedly ran his hands over his head.

The bell rang and all the students got up at once and left the classroom, with only Jean left with Hope.

"Honey, do you happen to know what's going on? I feel a change, but I can't understand anything," the headman immediately turned to her friend.

"Hopie, honey, just don't worry..." - Jean began, but at that moment the door swung open and Phichit entered the room.

She stood up with her arms crossed and announced loudly:

"Much honored Tavin Buatong, we ask you to come to the hallway! You are expected!"

"Phichit, what's going on?" - Hope furrowed his eyebrows as this kind of behavior from the parallel class head girl made him irritated.

At this time, Jean slowly held out her cell phone to him. Hope took it and looked at the morning's posting in the general school forum. The caption read "A Presidential-status cesspool rat lives in our house!" followed by pictures of Red sitting on the laps of men pawing and kissing him. Hope's heart stopped beating and he didn't breathe as he leafed through the photos, of which there were many, and none of the Bar's visitors were the same.

The guy's eyes went dark, his pulse was racing, and it seemed to him that he was falling into a bottomless dark abyss, and the same questions were playing in his head:

"How? Why? Where from? How did this happen?"

"President of the sewer pit, we're waiting for you!" - Phichit's harsh voice sounded.

"Hope..." - Jean called out, and the boy saw tears come to her eyes.

"It's okay... I'll go," Hope walked slowly, it was as if the air around him was not air but a liquid denser than water, each movement was given with great difficulty.

As he stepped out of the classroom he looked at the familiar faces, the entire hallway was filled with high school students.

"We are gathered here to give you proper honors, you filthy scum!" - Phichit was the first to shout, and a hail of angry and barbed phrases rained down on Hope from all sides. There was an eerie buzz, but the boy could hear some of the remarks: "Ugly cocksucker!", "Whore!", "Faggot!", "Prostitute!", "You're disgusting!", "Whore!".

Jean nudged Hope in the back and whispered: "Let's get out of the building," and then started yelling at individual particularly vocal guys to shut their fucking mouths.

The guy moved forward in small steps, the students slowly parting in front of him without stopping to berate him.

"Red, help me!" - screamed Hope's consciousness, who was trying his best to shut off his senses.

"That fucking whore we elected as a president?! Stomp the bitch!" - shouted a guy Hope couldn't see, and then he felt spit on his cheek.  Many people supported the last person who spoke, and immediately the spittle of the screaming flew into the outcast's face.

"That's not me! Not me!" - mentally shouted Hope, his soul torn to pieces as he dragged those pitiful but very heavy dark shreds behind him.

Suddenly Pruit was in front of him, "Is that really you in those pictures?" - There was hope in his voice, but it was clear from the look on his face that he knew the answer. Hope remained silent and only looked at his friend with regret. In a moment, Pruit's gaze changed, he looked disappointedly at the spat on the boy and stepped aside, turning away.

"Aaaahhhh!" - there were no thoughts in his head, only a cry of despair.

Hope staggered onward to the incessant shouts of the crowd:

"You're a man-whore! Have you tried many cocks?"

"To associate with you, you bastard, is to disgrace yourself!"

"Your whole life, whore, is to ask for sugar from the master!"

At the corner door of the M6-4 classroom, someone's light hand rested on his shoulder, and he flinched:

"Is there anything I can help you with?"

Hope looked up and saw the face of Witt in front of him, who didn't take his hand off of him, the other as if he was covering him from the crowd. Everyone began to speak sharply in the direction of the neat guy with glasses:

"Headman Witt, are you one of those too?! You're the one who's giving men your little ass too? Don't you dare defend that dog, or you'll pay the price!"

Hope didn't want the guy to get in trouble because of him and, whispering: "Don't," he took his hand off his shoulder and moved on.

When he reached the stairs, there was no more patience and he rushed down to the place where he was supposed to get help. Hope wanted to be in his lover's arms as soon as possible, to smell the saving musky scent that promised safety:

"If he supports me, I can survive anything!"

Without a knock he burst into the coach room, stopping and wiping his face wet with spit with his sleeve. Jake was sitting at his desk, absorbed in something, as he hadn't heard the door open.

Trying to calm down, Hope began to breathe slowly, keeping his gaze on the man. He slowly approached him and called out in a quiet, trembling voice:

"Hia."

"Hope!" - Jake suddenly looked up, "It's good of you to stop by. I wanted to talk to you."

Standing up from the table, Jake walked forward and stood at the window facing the captain, lowering his eyes, "I've been thinking about us for a long time, barely slept this night, and I have a decision I'm ready to voice..." - The boy's heart was beating so fast it felt like he was about to take off.

"We're not going to get through it. I'm the coach, you're the apprentice. You're going to have to work at the club for almost ten more months. I won't be able to sort it all out... It won't work... I'm sorry."

Hope's insides did somersaults, the blood seemed to stop circulating in his body, his limbs went numb, his brain completely lost control of his body, his eyes saw nothing but Lion's face, on which he couldn't make out a single emotion.

Jake's words and his look made it clear that the decision was final, there was no point in crying and begging, it would only aggravate the situation and not bring the desired result.

"I get it, Hia," a low whisper escaped his mouth, and Hope turned toward the door, not expecting another blow.

"Don't call me that again. Let's go back to formal address. I hope you understand," the phrase pierced the center of his already bleeding heart like a marksman's bullet, and Hope turned even paler, but accepted without reservation that the man whose body he'd embraced yesterday, whose lips he'd kissed, didn't love him. The thought that someone knowing everything about him could have tender feelings in return was self-delusion.

"Yeah... of course... P'Jake. I got it..." - The boy slowly made his way to the exit and took a step into the hallway. He wanted to turn around, to make sure again, that this was serious, but he couldn't do it. Tears rushed as soon as the door closed:

"We're... gone. I... am... gone. I want to disappear from this world! I want the world to disappear!"

After a while, Hope tried to gather his thoughts and the first thing that broke through the shroud of despair were just two words, "Troy! Home!" He whispered them like a hypnotized person, repeating them over and over to guide his unruly body to the right path as he walked down the hallway toward the building's exit.

He walked slowly down the porch steps, and when he looked up, he saw a crowd of students outside. It seemed that the entire high school was here, several hundred people, and all, as one, were looking at him.

In the middle of the first row stood Phichit. Smiling wryly, she put a small megaphone to her mouth and began to speak loudly, changing gradually to a shout:

"We will not allow such injustice in our school! We will not accept a whore as president! The honor and dignity of our alma mater has been trampled by this vile man, whom we respected and revered without knowing what he does behind these walls! Let's show him his rightful place! A rat belongs in the gutter!"

"Yes!!! The rat belongs in the gutter!" - cheered the crowd.

Then there were solitary shouts from all sides:

"You told us every day about virtue and decency, and then you go and lie down under dirty men for money!"

"You taught us with your filthy mouth! It's disgusting and disgusting to the point of vomit!"

"Dirty bastard! Faggot! Filthy cocksucker!"

And the crowd echoed them again. Over two hundred pairs of eyes stared hatefully at one single target. They were like a huge pack of hyenas who had caught an elephant and were now waiting with saliva in their mouths for a quick reprisal and feast.

"Home! Troy!" - Hope repeated mentally and walked forward, trying not to look into the angry faces of his once comrades.

Suddenly there was a high-pitched squeal from the back rows and everyone fell silent. Hope stopped. The crowd began to part to one side, letting someone through, and suddenly Mali ran forward:

"P'Hope, is it true? Is what they're saying true?" - She sobbed.

"Mali," the boy called out faintly and held out a hand to comfort her, which was immediately slapped sharply:

"Don't touch the girl with your dirty hands! Where and on whom have they been!"

Mali was led away by two high school girls, and the students encircled Hope on all sides, with Phichit being the first to set the tone. "Phoooo!" - she took the note, and a simultaneous chorus of voices followed to back up the soloist, "Phoooo!"

Hope didn't know how long this went on, he couldn't take a step, he wanted to cover himself with his arms, but they hung lifelessly along his body.

Suddenly, everyone abruptly backed up 5-6 steps away from the rejected man, and C came out to him with a large bucket. Hope only had time to close his eyes the moment its contents were poured on him. A hellish stench wafted up his nose.

"Bird shit and slop! How's that? You like it! That's exactly what a man like you should look and smell like!" - Shouted, sputtering with drool, Phichit.

"A slop-shit president! Crap president!" - came from all sides.

"I should call Grandpa," the guy suddenly remembered his cell phone and, sticking his hand in his pocket, pulled out his phone.

"What are you doing? Gonna call your daddies, you dirty bastard? Don't expect any help!" - One taller guy yanked the phone out of his hands and tossed it to the other. Hope tried to take it back, but his body wouldn't listen, it was like he didn't have those daily training sessions from his grandpa, he was like a five year old kid looking at the tall teenagers and couldn't do anything.

The phone was tossed from hand to hand, this game was accompanied by wicked laughter and hooting.

As it flew close to Hope, he touched one of the people playing this, just for them, hilarious game while trying to catch it.

"Aaaaaaah, don't touch me, asshole!" - shouted the big student, a look of utter disgust on his face, and kicked Hope in the chest with all his might, sending him flying downward, then angrily slammed the phone against the concrete slab, shattering it into tiny pieces.

Hope couldn't breathe, and now it wasn't just his soul that was aching and torn apart. But that sharp pain helped his body to wake up a little, Red pulled himself together, stood up and spoke in disgust at his surroundings:

"That's just the way it is! You're right!!! I suck the cocks of rich bastards! But you are no different from them! Only by the size of your body and your wallet! You belong in the zoo, you won't stand out much there!"

He didn't want to justify himself, didn't want to explain anything to a wild animals he would never see again.

The guy who had smashed the phone gritted his teeth and swung around, but then a skinny Jean appeared and blocked Hope.

"Run! Run, Hope! Go home! Do you hear me, please go home!" - shouted her friend, tears running down her cheeks as she held back the big guy's arm that had swung in.

"Thank you, Jean. I'm sorry..." - And Red did as she commanded. He stood up and walked:

"Go! Just go! Away from this place."

The students parted and hissed like snakes as they did so, continuing to utter the occasional barbed phrase, showing their disgust for him.

Once outside the fence of the school grounds, Hope tore toward his target. The end point was home. He ran as fast as he could. Tears were choking him, but they were no longer coming out, but flooding inside. Hope felt like he was drowning in a green, slimy sludge that stank and consumed him more and more with each movement.

Suddenly his body stopped, and he didn't immediately realize why. Closing his eyes, he concentrated, then lifted his head and looked around. Hope saw a pay phone standing alone on the street and realized why he was standing now. His brain threw a signal to his body but immediately erased the information from his memory, everything inside him was broken.

"Make the call. I gotta call!"

He stepped into the booth and closed the door behind him, the horrible smell of manure, which he had barely smelled before, immediately hit his nose as it was blown away by the wind. Hope sobbed only once and picked up the phone.

When he dialed Troy's number, he heard the dial tone, and his whole being clung to it, as if he could see that salvation was at hand! But the beeps kept coming, and the man he had hoped for didn't answer. He didn't believe what was happening, Troy always picked up after the second ring, so he called back again and again, but the result was the same. Then with shaky hands he fumbled for a small piece of paper in his pocket: "Green! I'll call Green!"

With numb fingers, he dialed that number as well several times, but his signal for help was not picked up.

"No one...no one can help me. It's as if the world has emptied out and I'm alone in it," with this thought he left the booth and rushed onward until his feet brought him to the Chao Phraya River.

He stood on the edge of the bank and gazed into the dark water. The breeze created small ripples on the surface where the sun shimmered, and it was as if the river was smiling at him.

"Are you beckoning to me?" - Hope asked aloud to the river, there was no answer, then he asked another question, "What is the temperature of your waters after all?" - and stepped a foot into its bounds.

The boy immediately, holding his breath, was completely immersed in the airless environment. The coolness enveloped his entire body, the water washing away the dirt, the fluids of evil people, and the stench.

"It is good here. It's peaceful. The black birds inside me are rejoicing! They have already pecked out my entire gut, and now the well-fed ones spread their wings tiredly, filling me with darkness..."

When the air was completely gone, Hope twitched and opened his eyes:

"No! Not like that!"

The decision was already in his head, and he surfaced from that dark, cold pool.

The boy barely crawled ashore and lost consciousness. In his half-sleep he saw a pack of dogs, he approached them to pet them, but they bared their teeth and lunged at him, he had to run away, saving his life. He ran for a long time through the empty streets until he ran into an alley that met him with a high wall, there was nowhere else to run, he pressed himself against the brickwork and turned to the dogs, who looked at him with hungry frenzied eyes, saliva dripping from their mouths. Suddenly one of them, scraping his claws on the asphalt, with a loud growl pounced on him, wanting to devour...

The picture changed abruptly, and now he was playing with Focus in the yard of his old house, the dog, sticking out his tongue, lying on the grass with his paws up, and Hope scratching his belly. Mommy is standing nearby in her blue silk dress and, smiling, calls out to him, "Hope! Hope, it's time for lunch! Get up off the grass, honey, you'll get your shirt dirty! Hope!"

The boy opened his eyes abruptly, "Mommy! Mommy! I'm coming, Mommy!" He got up and wandered home.

On the way he talked aloud to himself a lot:

"How was it sung?

With arrows thin but sharp

They pierced my body and soul,

Not knowing I'm already dead.

Sounds good."

It got dark outside, the city lights came on. People walking by didn't seem to see the soaking wet guy and often pushed him or stepped on his foot:

"It's like I'm invisible. That's good. I don't need your pity."

Hope felt nothing: no cold, no hunger, no pain. Everything inside him had died out.

When he reached the porch of Troy's house, he collapsed his knees on the concrete driveway and said in a husky voice: "I'm almost there..."

The lights in the windows were off. Gathering his remaining strength, he stood up and walked through the door. Turning on the kitchen light, he saw a note on the table:

"Son, Panit and I have gone to Lampang. The kid wanted Khao Kan Chin, so I decided to treat him to some northern cuisine right up north. Isn't it great?"

(From the author: Khao Kan Chin is a northern Thai dish, consisting of rice mixed with blood, minced pork, all packed in banana leaves, steamed, and then generously drizzled with garlic butter)

"It's even for the best," ran through the guy's mind, and he picked up this piece of paper and held it to his chest.

At that moment the little black birds of anxiety, despair, resentment, hatred and disappointment inside him merged into large birds of sadness that tore apart the little white birds of hope. It became warm and peaceful, the huge black birds embracing and comforting Hope: "It's all right now. We'll be with you until the end."

He took off his wet shoes and socks and walked slowly up the stairs, stepping barefoot on each step. With each step, Hope remembered the happy moments this house and its owner had given him. He heard Troy's voice in his head and saw his vague outline from his memories:

"The whole house smells like peppermint again! Are you praying to your herbal gods for something again?"

"Son, I used to do many things when I was young! But I won't tell you, I'm ashamed. So I warn you right away, you can tell me everything, you won't surprise me!"

"Eat first, and praise me later, or you'll choke! Of course I can give you first aid, but I'm afraid I'll break your ribs."

"Nothing, son, we'll get through this! The main thing is that we have each other."

Going into the room, he walked to the closet and pulled out a small box from the top shelf that held a memory of his mom. He sat down on the floor and opened it. Here were her favorite silver star carnation earrings, all the gold she had sold when they were in trouble and she kept these as a keepsake. Here is her favorite silk blue blouse with a bow that dad gave her for their anniversary, you can still smell it on her.

And here was the blue faux-leather file Hope had given her for her last birthday. In it, she'd kept a memorable photo, the one of them he loved the most.

The photo was already faded, but you could still see the laughing nine-month-old baby with blond hair and his mother kissing his forehead.

"Once we were together and happy."

Hope took off his wet T-shirt and put on his mother's blouse... it was cozy and warm. The box also contained the key to the house where they lived, and he put it in his pocket.

Looking around the room once more, the boy felt good, fully accepting the inevitability of what was about to happen. Going downstairs, he made his way to the garage, taking a small can of gasoline and a Troy's lighter given to him while he was in the service. He stroked the white Mercedes on the hood and thanked it for the warm memories, for in that car he was always close to the man he respected and loved.

Then he left the house and walked to the neighboring lot where there was a small old house, the owners had never been able to rent it after his mother's death.

Hope pulled a painfully familiar key from his jacket pocket and opened the door, which greeted him with a sad creak.

"This is where we lived with you, Mommy," the boy whispered and touched the bow on his blouse with his hand.

Walking into the small room, Hope patted the table and chairs, "This is where we had breakfast and dinner together. I remember you smiling your tired smile at me and telling me interesting stories from your youth."

Hope touched the worn couch weightlessly, "This is where you sat and watched your favorite cooking show and often giggled at the chef's wry humor. And I massaged your feet. I loved those moments."

Hope made his way to the small bedroom, "And this is where you died, on this bed. I still remember in great detail the day you were gone."

"Do you miss me, Mom? I miss you."

Hope picked up the canister and began carefully pouring gasoline on all the things he'd said goodbye to, then made little streams of gasoline that converged in the center of the living room and sat down at that very point.

"We'll meet up soon, Mommy. Grandpa, I'm sorry...no goodbye notes...they only make it hurt more," he flicked his lighter and looked at the light, "You're so small now because you're in a cage, but I'll give you the gift of freedom and you'll thank me in return"

Lowering his hand, he looked around - everything around him was colored yellow and red. "It's so beautiful! I am not afraid. I won't suffer anymore. I will soon be free."

And the flames swallowed him whole.