★ ★ ★

4 YEARS AFTER DECIMATION

JUNE 2025

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Marlena quickened her pace as the heavy rain drops grew relentless against the baby blue umbrella she held above her head. She hadn't expected to get caught out in the storm, especially at such an inconvenient time. She'd just completed her final exam for the year, and she was more than happy to opt out of a taxi in order to ensure traffic would not delay the celebration of her hard work alongside someone she knew would be just as proud of her as she was of herself. She'd accomplished so much lately and she wanted to share that with the person closest to her.

After almost a year of consideration, along with a very persistent super-soldier, Marlena finally pushed herself to do something she'd given up so many years before. Finishing college was always a dream of Marlena's, but when she was unknowingly thrust into the world of the Avengers back in 2014, every opportunity that awaited her was ripped from her very hands.

Now, though the reasons behind it all made her extremely emotional, she could no longer make excuses as to why she was not pursuing the dream she'd once sacrificed in order to help protect her world. Losing her friends, her family, and her powers caused her years of pain and grief that she would never fully recover from. However, the life that'd grown as a result of this great loss was a life she thought she would never have a chance at again. Now, she was able to work towards a goal that she'd been far too occupied to pursue, and knowing she'd reached that point in her life was a feeling she'd never known.

Marlena was well on her way to becoming the person her powers and abilities prevented her from becoming. She was on the path to becoming a psychiatrist with an additional major in biochemistry. She'd fallen head over heels for the studies she'd been immersed in over the last year and a half or so. She was someone who struggled tremendously with her mental health, and the thought of helping someone else struggling with their own made her feel she wasn't so alone after all. Her studies also seemed to help remind her of a time in which it wasn't so difficult for her to pick someone's mind. The human mind was very intricate, and often very fragile, and she understood that on a level she wasn't sure anyone else ever would. The human mind was to be taken care of, not manipulated or destroyed the way her abilities so easily allowed her to do.

The apartment building's door slammed shut behind Marlena, finally creating a barrier between her and the torrential rains that flooded the empty city streets. She managed to escape the rain, though she was convinced the lingering smell of it remained within her damp locks. She collapsed her umbrella before making her way towards the elevator that lead to the hallway she and Steve resided on.

Upon unlocking the apartment door and stepping inside, she was met with a delicious smell and two words instantly came to mind, but Steve spoke them just as she closed her eyes to take the sweet scent in.

"Pancakes!" both Steve and Marlena hummed the words at the same time, resulting in a smile that spread from his face to hers.

This had become somewhat of a tradition amongst the pair. When one did something they were nervous to do, or accomplished a goal they set for themselves, they celebrated at the end of the day with chocolate chip pancakes smothered in maple syrup. Of course, Marlena was the founder of this beloved tradition, but Steve was all for the idea from day one. They knew it probably seemed like a silly thing to do, but sometimes the two of them found it difficult to take time to care for themselves. They always looked out for each other, and sharing a delicious treat for even the smallest of victories they had really helped them appreciate the little moments in their new lives.

Marlena pulled the strap of her bag over her head and placed it on the barstool next to her at the kitchen island. Steve wasted no time in tossing the final pancake of many in the air, letting Marlena watch as it landed perfectly on the plate in his other hand.

"You've really mastered the art of pancake making, Steve. The ratio of chocolate chips to batter has improved tremendously over the years. Do you remember when they used to be burnt lumps?" Marlena chuckled to herself.

Steve shook his head and shot her a warning look as he wiped his hands off on the hand towel, then tossed it over his shoulder, "Marlena, the only pancakes that ever looked like mangled dirt clumps were the ones you made."

Marlena reached across the island and smacked his arm, her mouth gaping open, "At least I tried, asshole."

She could not fully conceal the smirk that followed her statement, therefore making Steve aware that she was still joking with him. His words were nothing but true; Marlena hadn't participated in the actual creation of the pancakes for a long, long time. The first time they were so rock hard that Steve was convinced not even the Hulk could crush them. The second time, the entire kitchen filled with smoke, and Steve was left opening all the windows while Marlena waved a baking sheet around trying to prevent the alarm from going off.

Steve pushed her stacked plate across the island and she looked down at it, her heart warming at the sight. There was something so meaningful to her knowing that rather than doing anything else for himself, he spent his evening preparing the food just to honor the completion of her very first year as a college student.

The two spent the remainder of the evening talking and laughing, and of course devouring pancakes. Marlena had grown to love having Steve as a roommate over the years, but it was times like this when she truly valued his companionship and his support of her in everything she did. If it hadn't been for Steve, she never would have survived life after the snap, let alone pursued her lost dream. She owed him everything she'd become, though her successes took long strides and hard, hard work, and she knew for this she could never truly repay him.

"Thank you for this, Steve," Marlena spoke up, causing his eyes to flutter open once more. "For all of this."

They'd finally finished their breakfast-for-dinner and moved to the living room where they stayed up rather late talking about all Marlena had learned and looked forward to learning in her studies. Though Steve was extremely interested in everything she had to say, he'd been so exhausted as of lately that he found himself on the edge of falling asleep as soon as the opportunity presented itself. He still hadn't  confessed to Marlena where it was he sometimes disappeared to; she'd made so much progress over such an extended period of time that he feared telling her the truth would reset the clock. He feared that if she found out all along he was still trying to find a way to bring back their family, she would never be able to live out her life as she deserved to. Marlena Claire would spend the rest of her life waiting if it meant there was even a speck of hope that one day she would see her family again.

Steve offered her a warm smile as he looked over at her; she sat curled up at the far end of the couch, barely able to keep her eyes open, as well. Even with her hair still damp from the rainstorm and her ridiculously large David Bowie tee shirt hanging loosely off of her petite frame, Steve found every bit of her remarkably beautiful. He found himself thinking this way often, though he kept his thoughts to himself and never dared to voice them aloud. He respected that the unique relationship he and Marlena once shared years and years ago had changed and evolved due to the tragedies they'd faced time and time again.

The loss of his best friend was a tragedy that affected Steve greatly, in ways differently than what Marlena felt. Losing Bucky was losing the last piece of the Steve Rogers he'd never been able to leave behind. While he always tried to stay true to himself, Steve could not deny that during the years in which he'd become one of the most essential aspects of the Avengers Initiative, he'd lost an important part of himself. Decades before, he made a promise to always follow his heart and he always did...except for when it came to Marlena.

He let himself do it once before with her, and that was the day of Peggy Carter's funeral. He'd broken down after having said goodbye to the first and only love of his life, only to realize that the deep love he once felt for Peggy was still inside, but was no longer reserved only for her. He realized he loved Marlena long ago, and while their relationship had evolved over the years, they were always friends above anything else. It was clear then and clear now that no matter what he did, he would never compare to Bucky and everything Bucky meant to Marlena. So, he now kept that part of his heart very guarded, and no matter how badly at times he wished he could be open and honest with Marlena, he knew it was not worth the risk of losing her. He'd convinced himself Marlena could never feel the same way, especially after all the loss she'd endured.

"You don't need to thank me, you know I'll always be here for you," he responded after thinking carefully over the words he felt he could express to her. She knew this already, however; he told her time and time again.

"I know that." Marlena pulled the throw blanket around her closer, feeling the soft material brush against her face, "Even through everything that's happened over the last few years, you've still managed to stay you, and knowing I still have you makes life a little bit easier to handle."

And it was true. For years, Steve was always right there to catch her when she fell. He refused to let her sell herself short, and it hurt him to hear her speak so lowly of herself as long as she'd done following the snap. She constantly blamed herself for the death of her friends, family, and those across the universe just the same as everyone else had. She felt at fault for the fall of humanity, and for that, she'd never been able to forgive herself. However, Steve was helping her cope. He was always giving her that extra push, even when she didn't really want it. She needed his help, and he knew that, and she appreciated that he did it without her ever having to ask.

"Y'know, a very important person from my past once made me promise that no matter what happened, I would stay true to who I was. I was and never will be the perfect soldier, Marlena, but this person didn't care about that. He thought I was a good man, and that meant something." Steve leaned forward in the chair opposite of her, his elbows propped on his knees.

Marlena smiled to herself as he spoke. Hearing Steve speak of his past in a positive way, reminiscing about the good times, made her feel at peace with everything they couldn't go back and change. She often had this feeling when he talked about Peggy, but she hadn't yet managed to feel this way when he talked about Bucky. Whoever this person was that he was talking about now, had to have been long before Steve went into the ice. Though she knew many people would consider Steve a good man, she just knew the person who said this knew the Steve before the super-soldier the world knew as Captain America came into light. It was subtle, but she knew Steve well enough to know this much to be true.

"You gave up everything to help a lost soul find himself again," Steve began carefully.

Her heart began to sink as he referenced Bucky; though she felt more capable of facing whatever the future may bring, she still struggled sometimes to accept the past. She was moving forward, but one mention of the past and she was sent falling right back down. Steve rarely made her talk about him, knowing the reaction she had to even his name was something she took days, or even weeks depending on the conversation, to recover from. She just hadn't been able to let go of the past, though she knew there was no chance of him ever returning. Bucky Barnes was gone forever, and with him, a piece of herself that she loved dearly. Bucky helped Marlena discover who she truly was, but Steve was trying to show her that though this was true, that part of her still existed, even without Bucky there.

"You've been beaten, battered, and pushed to the very edge of life more than anyone should ever have to experience, but there's one thing that's always remained the same, and that, Marlena, is that you are forever, undeniably, endlessly good," Steve said to her with a soft smile on his face. "Despite everything, you're still you, too, and knowing I still have you makes life a little easier to handle as well."

And it was in that moment as she gazed into his honest blue eyes that Marlena Claire realized no matter what she did, she'd never be able to do enough to make her worthy of having someone like Steve Rogers within her reach.

Truthfully, since the kiss they'd shared following Peggy's funeral in 2016, Marlena had at times found herself in turmoil. It was just two short years after she and Bucky became involved. It was a memory she'd always clung to with incredible guilt, as she didn't want to recall any of it while she was with Bucky. It was hard for her over the years to come to terms with the fact that deep down, she felt love for both of the men at one point in time. How could she not? The two were so similar, yet so different on so many levels. When Bucky left her back then, as he struggled internally trying to face the heinous crimes the Winter Soldier had done at the hands of Hydra, along with the repercussions he'd left for the better part of himself to deal with, Steve offered her solace that she was in desperate need of. Once upon a time Steve was a friend, and then suddenly, during Bucky's absence, he became more, even though back then she had no way of knowing what was yet to come. Since then, she'd been in and out of touch with all of the emotions and feelings overflowing within that complex brain of hers. Thanos's snap had completely shaken her, and to this day, four years later, she was still sifting through the memories and feelings that she hadn't been ready to face again until now.

As Marlena lay in bed later that night, unable to keep her mind from racing in every direction, she couldn't help but reflect on the lot of memories she somehow tucked away during her grieving, only to have recently retrieved as she finally came to terms with what her life had become. Of course, there was a permanent ache deep inside her heart that she could only recognize as another form of grief present. It'd taken her a while to understand what exactly it meant, though.

Now, as the brunette lay there sleeplessly, she was sure that it must have been past two o'clock in the morning. She'd spent the better part of the night lost inside her mind. She was finding the answers to questions she'd never asked out of fear she wouldn't be able to handle them. She was beginning to understand the grief she was feeling deep within was no longer the grief she'd known for the last four years. She grieved the love that seemed lost between her and Steve. Her biggest regret was that it had taken her so long to recognize it.

Then came the guilt. The guilt was inevitable and unavoidable. Marlena Claire loved and would love James Buchanan Barnes until her last breath, but so many things had changed. Bucky was gone, and Marlena knew he wasn't coming back. The pain of missing him would always remain with her, but she was no longer his and she never would be again.

She tossed in her bed, kicking the sheets off of herself in frustration as she felt her body overheating.

Grief, guilt, love—these three things were eating away at her, so much so she could feel them gnawing at her bones. She felt these three emotions deep to her core, in ways that the average person would never be able to comprehend. And it was because of this she struggled to live with herself; she was always trying to find a way to control things she would never be able to. Some feelings, no matter how subdued or how long they remained subdued for, were not feelings that could be locked away and tossed aside forever. Sooner or later, she'd have to pull the box back out and face the mess that she'd unintentionally created. It only made sense that the time would be now.

Marlena made one last attempt to fall asleep, though the second she closed her eyes, she was met with the thought of Steve's. She was left thinking of the times they seemed to linger on her for longer than they should have. She thought about the way they'd flash to her lips for a single moment and then abandon her altogether, leaving her to wonder what made it so difficult for him to look at her a second more. She thought back on the last four years, in which those crystal blue eyes were all she needed to look for when she felt she had no reason to go on.

Could it be? Could Marlena still have those feelings she once had? Could someone ever truly let go of feelings like that, especially after everything they'd been through together? Was she lying to herself if she told herself Steve no longer felt the same? Did she really believe Steve ever stopped loving her? Were people like them even still capable of that kind of love?

The thoughts that stirred inside her mind were torturous, and she wanted nothing more than to vanish into the confines of her bed to escape. She'd spent years avoiding her feelings. She forced herself to believe they'd disappeared, simply to appease the guilt within, but she was now forced to accept her feelings hadn't disappeared and likely never would.

Unbeknownst to Marlena, in the room just down the hall, Steve was experiencing a similar agony. Only Steve didn't have the same questions she did; he never did quite learn how to bottle up deep feelings such as those he felt for Marlena. Of course, he'd learned to live with them, and he'd learned over many years that he was able to coexist with his desires without issues. He rarely slipped up, or at least that was what he thought. He never did a single thing to interfere with the relationship between Bucky and Marlena. The love he had for the two of them and the respect he held for their relationship was worth more to Steve than his own feelings. His entire life was one big missed opportunity, and while he was saddened that the only woman he'd ever loved aside from Peggy would likely never be within his grasp, he found a beautiful symmetry in how the things he desperately wished for were never obtainable.

Steve ran a hand over his face and glanced over at his bedside clock, surprised to see that he hadn't heard Marlena talk in her sleep or call out from a nightmare yet. Her episodes were not something she suffered from nearly as often as she once did, but he discovered she was far more susceptible to having them following conversation regarding the past. Though he only brought up Bucky briefly during the earlier portion of the night, he'd done so with the expectation that she might have a dream about him, whether that be losing him to Thanos or some other falsified scenario her brain was cruel enough to torment her with.

He turned over on his side, finally feeling he might be able to force himself to sleep as the hours kept ticking by. He laid there for quite some time in silence, not a sound coming from the room down the hall. He believed about another hour must have passed before his reflexes caused him to snap out of his dazed state.

A creak at the doorway caused him to turn back around, and he peered through the darkness. There she stood, silently and gracefully. Her presence alone brought him peace. He wondered, though, why she'd come to him. If she'd had a nightmare, certainly he would have known. There were a few times where it happened, but on her worst nights, there were times she asked him to stay with her until she could fall asleep again. As of lately, those nights seemed especially far away. Marlena hadn't needed that from him in quite some time. She'd been making significant improvements in her mental state since starting back to school and focusing her energy into doing what she truly enjoyed doing.

"Marlena, are you alright?" Steve sat up, the sheets rustling beneath the weight of his body.

Marlena swallowed the growing lump in her throat. She felt like her world was collapsing in on itself, which she determined was sometimes what love was supposed to feel like. Suppressed love especially, if that was the feeling that lead her to him at such an obscene hour. She dared to take a step further into his bedroom, the only light shining in coming from the full moon beaming through the curtains.

The moonlight caught Marlena at just the right angle; even from his place in bed Steve was able to notice her glistening hazel eyes. He could see that she was in some sort of distress, but it wasn't quite the same emotion behind her eyes he was used to seeing when she was awoken by her bad dreams.

Marlena could feel Steve's scrutinizing gaze on her, as well as the desperate tears threatening to spill from her eyes. She wasn't too sure why she felt like crying. She was so overwhelmed with the build up of feelings and emotions that until lately, she felt she was doing a good job at hiding. Tonight, though, Marlena was done hiding away in her room. She was done keeping her thoughts and feelings in a locked box where not even she could find the key. She felt it was only fair to the both of them if she ripped the band-aid right off the wound. It could be bloody, but she would never know if she did not try.

"Steve, I can't pretend anymore."

Her words reminded him of a night they shared over two years ago. It was the night she told him how she was sick of pretending they were capable of saving the world.

"No one's asking you to pretend, Marlena," Steve assured her, quickly removing himself from the comfort of his bed. Within seconds he was inches away from her, ready to wipe away her tears as they fell and fight her solemn comments off one by one if he had to. Only he was all but prepared for what she would do next; he never would have anticipated what it was she was thinking.

"We've been fighting our feelings for years, Steve," Marlena whispered breathlessly as she closed the space between them, pressing their foreheads together. Marlena could feel Steve's jaw tense as she did this, and she knew in that moment he had no expectations from her. Though he still cared deeply for her, he never thought she owed him anything. He was more than happy to be who she needed to be all this time, even if until then Marlena thought all she needed was a friend.

Steve's eyes lowered, and he made no effort to keep them off of her rose-colored lips. The charade was coming to a close, otherwise Marlena wouldn't have been present. He knew she was never foolish, he knew it'd likely taken her this long to realize that he never truly let go of how he felt about her. And maybe, just maybe she was beginning to realize that the same still stood true for her.

"I don't wanna fight anymore," Steve muttered, his chin extending dangerously close to hers. The one thing that seemed to be inevitable at this point had not yet happened.

Marlena shook her head softly. Her eyes were still locked on his for the most part, though she found herself unable to keep them from flickering to his lips just the same. She'd never looked at them so closely before, and now in doing so, she realized how supple they seemed.

"Then what do you want?" Marlena spoke gently and raised her hand to rest on the side of face. She watched Steve very subtly lean toward her touch, and a soft smile pulled at the corner of her lips. She hadn't truly realized the effect she had on him.

"I want you."

"Then I'm yours," she told him, her voice barely above a whisper. "Our war is over; we don't have to fight anymore."

Just when there seemed to be no empty spaces left between them, Steve heard her say those words. He'd heard them once before, in a dreamlike state. In a world that would never be a reality. Only now, in this moment with her, he knew what she was saying was very real. Their fight ended long ago, and they were finally ready to accept that the world might never need them again. One thing always proved true against everything else, though, and that was that the two of them would always, absolutely, and unconditionally need one another.

Their lips collided in a gentle notion, and the two clung to each other, almost as if their lives depended on it. This was the closest either of them had been to anyone since before the snap, and it was the first time they'd ever been so unwilling to conceal their feelings for each other. Suddenly all the reasons holding Steve back were no longer standing in his way; his mind was no longer foggy but instead crystal clear. He knew what he wanted and it was what he'd always wanted, and that was for Marlena Claire to feel exactly how undeniably in love he was with her.

Tonight, she would not fall victim to another nightmare. She would not spend the night alone, lost in her thoughts. She held onto Steve more desperately than she ever had before, and not only because she needed him, but because she wanted him. She buried such strong feelings for him so long ago that now, as they resurfaced, they were so overpowering she had no other way of acting on them other than showing him, knowing that words would never quite be enough.

And though there was a part of Marlena's heart that was forever occupied by Bucky Barnes, she didn't feel as if she were betraying him by following her heart. She loved and she lost, and now, she was not letting another second pass by without showing Steve how much she truly cared for him.

Steve gripped the small of her waist with a rugged hand, only a small sliver of her skin exposed beneath his palm. The littlest contact was enough to make him crave her more. His other hand cupped her face, and he held her closer. He'd never felt more awake, though holding her close, feeling their lips meld together in a blur, felt so much like a dream. The day before he never would've expected any of this, yet he was grateful beyond words that she was there with him now, connecting with him in a way he never thought she would be able to.

Marlena's hands found the back of his neck and she pulled him down closer to her, so that they were nearly on the same level. He was quite a bit taller than she was, so as he pulled her down with him to the lower end of the bed, she was relieved she no longer needed to strain herself in order to reach him, though she had no issue in doing so if necessary. All she could focus on was how right it felt to be kissing him and touching him; she hadn't shared such a moment with anyone in years, and though with him it was new, and intimidating, Marlena was unable to deny how unapologetically good it felt that Steve was the one she was holding onto.

Their feelings were out in the open. The band-aid had been torn off, leaving them exposed and vulnerable in each other's arms, but that was okay. The two waited long enough for a win, and this moment together, felt victorious. Steve wasn't afraid for Marlena to know just how much he desired her and loved her. Everything was simple, and they were finding peace in one another as they became lost in the moment, tangled in the sheets and embracing one another as if they could disappear at any second.

And that was the fear they lived in every single day, knowing that tomorrow was never promised. Steve wasn't letting Marlena live another day unsure of exactly how he felt for her; she was an amazing person and she deserved nothing but the truth. This was his truth. They were just two people who suffered great loss, and the beauty of it all was that even though they'd lost, they'd lost together. This was just one more thing they were doing together, and there was nothing about it that felt like a loss in the slightest.