★ ★ ★

6 MONTHS AFTER DECIMATION

DECEMBER 2021

★ ★ ★

Tiny, intricate snowflakes blowing gently past the window caught Marlena's attention from where she'd been curled up with a book in bed. She closed her book and placed it on the nightstand at her side, careful not to be too rough with it. It was a classic she'd plucked from her mother's collection many years ago back in Washington DC. Back when she'd originally taken it from her house, she wasn't aware the vintage copy of "The Great Gatsby" would go on to quite possibly be one of the last of her mother's belongings that she'd managed to hold onto after so much time. It was one of the few physical things she hadn't been able to let go of. It'd taken her all this time to finally read it; now seemed better than ever. She couldn't help but wonder if getting lost in another world that was not her own would somehow numb the never-ending pain that tormented her.

She left the comfort of her bed and met her reflection at the window, her breath fogging the glass as she leaned in closer to watch the gentle fall of the white flakes. Marlena felt a dull ache in her chest, deep within, as she thought back on a memory she'd been fighting to forget for the last few months. No matter how hard she tried to lead her mind somewhere else, the snowflakes were relentless on the other side of the window. They taunted her, making her remember exactly how it felt to watch the ones she loved fade into nothing.

With each flake that landed on the glass, only to melt within seconds, she was reminded of the thunderous snap that left her friends and family withering to ash beneath her hands and feet. She'd never felt more defeated than she had on that terrible day. Watching in silence as the snow seemed to mock her only left her wiping a single, stray tear away. She folded her arms over her chest and shivered, feeling cold and alone, just like she had since her life had been ripped from her hands.

Marlena lowered her head, unable to face it anymore. The snow was once something she loved dearly; the snow was something she longed to spend hours upon hours out in, making snow angels with her children and throwing snowballs at Bucky. Those dreams had all disappeared, however. A sharp pain pierced through her body as she felt the loss on every level, just as she had the day it happened.

She was startled when she felt the warmth of a soft blanket wrap around her from behind. She turned around, making no effort to hide the few tears that managed to escape her dim, hazel eyes. She was met with the face of a sleepless and equally distraught Steve. The worry lines etched into his forehead were for her, however, and she knew this all too well.

Steve had been a constant in Marlena's life since they'd returned home from the Garden. She needed someone, though she didn't dare admit it, and he didn't hesitate to be there for her as he promised he would be. He was suffering too, but he couldn't imagine how Marlena was handling the loss of her children; they were too young and too innocent. Not a day passed that he didn't think of their sweet smiles and bright, hopeful eyes. He missed them dearly, and he missed Bucky as well. He missed them all.

Steve dropped the blanket around Marlena's shoulders, hoping even the gesture of comfort would somehow heal her open wounds in the slightest. He felt as if he failed when it came to conjuring up the right words, but the ghost of a smile on her face as she peered up at him made him feel a bit better. He would never be able to piece back together the broken pieces of her, but he was more than willing to pick them up along the way. Things were quiet, always too quiet. He just wanted her to talk to him, but she didn't do much of that anymore.

Marlena had been nothing short of grateful that Steve opened his home to her when she had no place left to go. There was nowhere left for her to call home. She felt as if she was forever drifting, farther and farther away from the Marlena that once used to reside within her, the naive nineteen-year-old girl that religiously visited the Smithsonian to feel close to her father and indulge in the importance of her family. Time had been cruel to Marlena; it'd shown her no mercy, and for that, she was forever wounded.

Steve took a silent step back and Marlena gave him a nod, as if to thank him for wrapping the blanket around her. It was not the warmth of the blanket that brought her comfort, but instead his company—his dedication to watching out for her as she continued to crumble. He never forced her to speak; he never even asked her to show him how she felt. Steve just knew. He knew Marlena needed him now more than ever, and he was prepared to be there. He hoped one day she would find her way back to happiness, back to a place where she would know nothing but peace, love, and stability.

Marlena turned back around to the window, only this time focusing on the person staring back at her in the reflection. She felt as if she was looking right into the eyes of a stranger. Marlena had become so different over the last few months that she hardly recognized herself. Her once brilliant hazel eyes were still hazel, but a shade darker. The light that once shone inside them had burnt out long ago.

Steve placed a hand on Marlena's shoulder as she studied herself. Once upon a time it would have taken the lightest touch to reach into his mind, but even touch now felt empty, and Marlena hated the way it made her feel inside. She felt as if she would one day have to relearn how to feel any emotions other than sorrow, regret, and anger. She wasn't sure how much longer she could live like this, feeling as if every day she continued to exist was breaking the promise she'd once made to protect her children and Bucky no matter what. If anyone could help aid her in feeling once more, it was Steve Rogers, the one man apart from Bucky Barnes who seemed to know her better than she knew herself.

Marlena's eyes lowered to the floor; looking at him in the reflection was almost too intimidating for her. Without the ability to read his thoughts, she had no way of knowing what was on his mind. Was he expecting her to finally say something? Did he have something to say himself? Though she'd changed over the years, she still hadn't lost touch of the anxiety that emerged during stressful bouts.

Steve stepped closer again, his hand still firmly holding onto her shoulder. Of course, they'd exchanged words here and there. After all, Marlena spent the past six months in the guest room of his apartment. Steve disappeared often; hours would pass and the apartment would always be as quiet as it had been even when he was there. She wondered where it was he went to, but she never asked. The two never asked each other questions anymore. Steve knew better than to do so; the first month Marlena spent living there, she barely left her room. Any mention of Bucky, the twins, her family, their friends...it only sent her spiraling downwards and she'd locked herself away in the bedroom to hide from him.

Only it wasn't Steve she was hiding from; it was reality. Coming out of that room, out of the apartment, it meant becoming part of a world that continued to turn without those she loved living in it. Marlena wanted desperately to express to Steve exactly how she was feeling, but the part of herself that used to be so open and honest was hidden deep inside now.

Even Steve struggled to recognize her at times, but right now, in this moment, he could see the Marlena he knew peeking through. She looked lonely, so lonely. He wanted more than anything to hold her in his arms and comfort her, just as he'd done the night she destroyed the home she shared with her lost family. It was the night following the team's return from the Garden. Steve remembered the heartwrenching night crystal clear.

He watched as Marlena fell to her knees in her living room. She was angry, she was sad, she was heartbroken, she was absolutely shattered. They'd done everything they could to get them back, but they failed. They lost, and to Marlena that was as simple as it could get. The cries Marlena released that night were enough to shatter the windows in the house. In only a matter of minutes, Marlena was losing control of all she'd worked so hard to manage. The walls of the house shook. Glass shattered throughout the house. Books and toys came crashing down from their places. Steve rushed to salvage a raggedy blanket he knew Charlie adored; it was his attempt at saving at least one piece of Marlena's sanity.

Marlena used her abilities to remove Steve from the house, his already battered body falling through the first floor window. Steve knew exactly what she was doing; she was protecting him. Marlena had every intention of bringing that house down and quite possibly herself along with it.

"There's nothing left to lose," Marlena whispered to herself. She used every last bit of her energy to cave the house in on itself. The walls were closing in on her and the beams holding the second floor above her head were snapping with every thought inside her head. Her heart hurt so badly she was sure there was no way that pain wouldn't overpower that of the debris that threatened to rain down on her. She wasn't there long enough to know, however, as Steve burst back through the crashing rubble to retrieve her where she lay in misery on the cold floor.

"I'm not letting you give up, Marlena. You're stronger than this, and you know you are." He lifted her into his arms as she was now too weak and shattered to fight back once more.

Steve carried her out just as the second floor caved in, and Marlena watched through tear-filled eyes as the last piece of her life came crashing down. She whispered goodbye to the house where she'd brought her newborn babies home to after a long stay in the hospital, the house where she'd built the family she'd always dreamed of having.

Looking at her now, Steve could see that Marlena was just as broken as she was that night. Even so, she was still so strong. She would never see that within herself, but he always had. Only she could stand there like she did, so poised and quiet as if she had it all together. She put on a damn good show, but Steve was tired of it. He wanted her to let him in the way she used to. He wanted her to let him be there for her, because in the end, she was one of the few he had left too.

"Steve," Marlena finally worked the courage up to break the uneasy silence that had been looming over the two.

"Yeah?"

Steve was surprised she'd spoken up, but still, he wouldn't pry. He wanted Marlena to come back to him in her own time. He didn't want to make her talk about everything before she was ready. She was a girl who'd lost more than anyone he'd ever known; his heart ached just thinking of how she must've been feeling after keeping everything so bottled up.

"Tell me something," Marlena continued, swallowing the lump in her throat. She pulled the blanket tighter around her body, her nerves causing her to shiver even more.

Steve noticed this but made no move to do anything more; he feared that any sudden movement would cause her to shut down and retreat to herself again. He removed his hand reluctantly from her shoulder, her eyes following it as he did so.

"What would you like to know?" Steve asked, his lips forming a tight line.

"Where do you disappear to almost every day?" She clenched her jaw, feeling like she'd just ripped off a band-aid by prying.

It felt so uncomfortable for him to see how distant she acted; it never used to be like this between them. She never used to struggle like this when talking to him, and though he knew she probably just needed more time, he wondered how long it would go on for before he would finally lose it. He missed her; he missed her so badly though she stood right there in front of him.

He wanted to be honest with her and tell her that he disappeared because he was trying to figure out a way to reverse what Thanos had done. However, he could not do this as he knew it would only put ideas in her head. It would be giving her false hope and setting her up for disappointment. The past few months he'd worked to no end in trying to fix it all, and he always came back empty-handed. The truth was, he wouldn't get far without the help of geniuses like Tony Stark and Bruce Banner. He might've been Captain America at one point, but he was just a man in the end. A man with limitations.

"Don't tell me," Marlena spoke up again after several moments of silence.

Steve felt a little relieved at the sound of her words, though he could tell that the sadness quickly returned to her eyes. He couldn't lie to her, but he couldn't tell her the truth. Staying quiet was the only way to keep her calm, to keep her safe.

"I'm sorry, Marlena. For everything. I wish I could—"

Marlena shook her head and turned away from him, her eyes fixated on the window once more, "You know wishes don't come true much anymore."

Her words nearly broke him in two, not for himself but for her. Apart from Thor, who disappeared months ago, Steve had never seen someone lose so much hope. Marlena accepted this was her life now, or at least it appeared so to him. He raised his hand but quickly abandoned the idea of placing it on her shoulder. Steve felt as if he'd crossed too many boundaries already.

Marlena watched as his reflection vanished from the window, just as quietly as he'd appeared. She bit her lip, choking back another tear that threatened to spill. She was so tired of crying, but she couldn't always hold in it. Though not always successful her attempts, she'd spent many years trying to suppress her emotions out of fear she would lose control of her abilities. Her abilities were indisposed, however, so Marlena felt no issue in finally letting go.

She briskly crossed the room to close her bedroom door, the blanket falling off of her in the floor on her way across the room. However, Steve's hand stopped between the frame and the door just inches away from it shutting, and he pushed it gently, reentering her bedroom once more.

"What are you—?"

Steve stepped in and pulled his other hand from his back, revealing the old blanket he'd taken from Marlena's old house. The little yellow blanket smelled of smoke and dirt now, but it was soft and warm from the tight grip he'd held on it.

Marlena carefully and hesitantly removed it from his hand, feeling the familiar texture against her shaking hands for the first time since before the twins had vanished. Her breath caught in her throat and though she did part her lips in an effort to speak, Steve didn't force her to say a word. He knew it was hard for her to find words in a moment like this, which was exactly why he'd put off giving it to her.

"I thought it was time," Steve whispered, placing both of his calloused hands over hers as she held onto the small blanket as if it was Charlie herself. "I wasn't able to grab anything of Jay's. I'm sorry, Marlena."

Marlena looked up at him, a few stray hairs falling in her face. Even if her hands were not enclosed inside of Steve's, she wasn't sure she would have made an effort to remove them from her face; they somewhat concealed her expression, which was what she wanted. She didn't want Steve to see too deep inside. She was afraid of what he might think if he looked too hard, too long.

Steve released her hands and reached out, tucking the hair behind her ear before she could step back, though. He did not expect a thank you, or even a smile. He just wanted Marlena to have it; he'd held onto it for far too long in fear that the very sight of it would cause her to break down again.

"Months have passed and your abilities still seem unreachable. I figured it was safe to–to return that to you. It belongs with you." Steve sighed and ran a hand over his face.

He wanted to be strong for her, but he was just as close to breaking as he was sure she must've been after receiving her dead daughter's blanket. It brought back too many painful memories, but he hoped it would somehow make Marlena feel at home even though there wasn't a physical place she could ever return to.

Steve began to dismiss himself from the room, but was stopped by the sound of her voice when he reached the doorway.

"Thank you, Steve," she called out, though he didn't turn around.

He nodded, staying still for just a moment before disappearing once more into the dark. Marlena held the blanket up to her nose, desperate to smell something familiar on it, though she couldn't. Because of her actions, she was only met with the smell of rubble and regret, though the material was still soft again her tear-stained skin.

It didn't take long for Marlena to make her way back into bed, this time with the blanket in her hands rather than the book. It wasn't much, but it was everything to Marlena. The blanket was meaningful, but the fact that Steve went back after her detrimental breakdown just to salvage anything that might have been of importance to her was a gesture that spoke louder than words.