I managed to make it back to the apartment about twenty minutes later. I was relieved nothing happened to me because I didn't even remember the walk home. The last thing I remembered was that Sean trying to get me in the car with him and then nothing. I was impressed that I had I found my way back so easily in the dark. My drunken navigation skills were on point tonight.

I dove headfirst into my bed as soon as I fumbled through the apartment. I was exhausted emotionally after running into Ezra again. Everything hurt so bad when he was near me, but I wanted everything I had lost with him back too.

How was I supposed to move on when he was standing behind me everywhere I turned?

My medication for my nightmares was on the little table next to my bed and I began to grab it until I realized I wasn't supposed to mix it with alcohol. The nightmares would be back again tonight and I cursed at myself for trying to pretend like everything was normal. I was not normal anymore. I was completely screwed up.

Drunk, crazy, and kind of lonely—extremely lonely if I was being completely honest with myself.

I pulled out my phone and called the only person I wanted to talk to right now.

"Hey Ry," Aiden said in a cheerful voice.

"Aiden." His name slurred and lingered too long on my lips.

"Um, Riley. Are you drunk?" He asked, concerned.

"Just a little. Brynn took me to a party and left me." I said. I kicked off my shoes and rubbed my sore feet. Aiden was silent on the other end and I took that as my cue to keep going. "I was drinking with some guy who asked me to go upstairs with him."

"Wait. What?" Aiden said in a confused tone.

"Yeah, he gave me vodka and said I needed to be put on a leash." 

"Riley, please say you didn't go upstairs with that guy."

"No silly, Ezra took me to his room instead." I hiccupped and laughed.

"Ezra was there?" Aiden asked furiously.

"He was, but he left me after he tried to take off my dress."  I rambled.

"What the hell happened tonight? Are you ok?" Aiden was almost yelling at me through the phone.

"Don't you worry, Aiden."  I laughed back at him. "I didn't sleep with him and his roommate when they wanted me to.  I told them both no, I would absolutely not do it."

"Both of them, like at the same time?"

"No, I'm not Brynn."  I laughed.  "I would have made them take turns."

"Oh my god, Riley," Aiden said, horrified.

I stood up in front of my mirror and started to take my dress off.  I removed the phone from my ear and lifted the dress up. The zipper got caught in my hair as I struggled to pull it over my head.  When I finally pulled it off, I stuck the phone back to my ear.

"Riley, Riley? Are you still there?"  Aiden called through the phone.

"Sorry, I was just taking my clothes off." I laughed back at him.

"Ok, so you didn't sleep with anyone, but now you have no clothes on while you are drunk dialing me." I heard Aiden's breathing start to change.

"No, silly, I am still wearing the stockings that are attached to my garter. I also have on panties and a bra." I rolled my eyes at him.

"You are in your underwear talking to me on the phone."  Aiden corrected.

"Well, yes, but only because I need some help." I was slurring badly.

"What, like help taking it off?" He said, clearing his throat.

"Aiden. You are so funny." I laughed while looking at myself in the mirror, studying the outfit.

"What do you need help with then?" His voice dropped down low and soft. 

"I'm trying to figure out if I like the way this looks.  I bought these and I haven't worn them in front of anyone except Brynn. She said they looked really good on me when she helped me put it on."  I said, staring at myself frowning.

"She watched you try it on?" He whispered.

"Yeah, she's my best friend. She helps me all the time. She even had me lay on the bed so she could attach the buckles to the stockings for me." I know he didn't like Brynn anymore so it was probably uncomfortable hearing about her.

"Did you like wearing them when you were on the bed with her?" Aiden was asking me such silly questions. I was giggling into the receiver at him.

"Of course I liked it on the bed, that was why I wore them. Aiden, you are so smart."  I praised him. 

"I'm sure you did." I could hear him smiling over the phone.

"I don't think I like this bra anymore, though. I'm taking it off now." I reached back, unclasped my bra, pulled it off my shoulders, and threw it to the floor. I turned and looked at myself in the mirror and ran my hand over my stomach, touching the smooth, soft skin. I stood there quietly, watching the girl in the mirror as she looked back at me.

"Riley, you got quiet on me. What are you doing now?" He asked impatiently. 

"Looking in the mirror and touching myself. What are you doing?" I asked back curiously. My fingers and lips were still tingling. I was feeling really good for the first time in forever.

"Oh, shit..." He paused.  "I am...um...um...um... working on spreadsheets for work. You know work stuff." 

"Well, that doesn't sound like much fun. You should be having fun right now."  I said, sticking my tongue between my teeth. "Is it hard?"

"It is so hard, Riley." He groaned.

"I wish I could be there to help you. I could help you finish so you don't have to do it by yourself. I'm a good helper." Aiden shouldn't have to work so much. I bet his boss was really mean.

"Yeah, it would be so much better if you were helping me right now."

"You know, I can't decide if these tights and garter would look better with or without my panties? What do you think?" I turned to look at my panties in the mirror, studying them. 

"Oh... I'm not sure. I don't know what they look like. What color are they?"

"Black." I pulled at my panties.

He got really quiet. The only thing I could hear was his heavy breathing into the receiver.  I stood there, waiting for an answer.

"On or off? Tell me which one."  I said, annoyed that he wouldn't give me an answer.

"Take them off and touch yourself in the mirror again. That will probably help you decide which way you like it better. You have to do it or you might get it wrong." Aiden suggested. His breathing was hard and his tone was low.  He must be working hard on his spreadsheets.

"That's an excellent idea." I said, slipping them off over the tights.

"Are you doing it?" He whispered.

"Yeah, they're off. I think it looks better this way. Maybe I should take some pictures just to be sure."  I chewed on my lip, looking down.

"Oh...shit..." He moaned into the phone, panting.

"Are you still there?"  I asked, concerned when he didn't say pictures were a good idea. "Would a video be better? I might have to do it on the bed, though. I can put the phone down on the bed and bend over to get a really good angle. Do you want me to send it to you when I'm done so you can tell me what you think?"

I heard a noise in the background rustling around and Aiden was silent on the other end.

"Aiden, are you almost finished with your spreadsheets?" I asked, pulling my eyebrows together, frustrated.  I wish he would stop working and pay attention to me instead. This was a really important decision for me. 

"Um, spreadsheets. I just...oh my god. Fuck yeah...spreadsheets." He moaned and I laughed at him. He got quiet on the other line for a minute as I stood there looking at myself while I chewed on my lip.

"Hello? Aiden, are you done yet?" I asked when I was tired of the silence.

"Yeah, I just finished." He whispered into the phone.

"You must really like to work now.  Maybe you could show me what you do some time. I really want to watch how you do it." I said curiously, wondering why he was working at three o'clock in the morning. He seemed so excited about it. Maybe I needed to try working at a bank too.

"I'll come over there and show you. I can be there in ten minutes." He offered. 

"I want you to, but you know you can't. Brynn will be back soon and she'll be very mad at me if you're here. I think I am just going to go to sleep."

"Another day then? Maybe my place?" He asked.

"Aiden, I love you so much." I blurted out.

Aiden's tone was relaxed and sweet and I could hear him laughing into the phone. "I love you too, Riley. Call me if you change your mind about me coming over tonight."

I hung up the phone before he even got a chance to say goodbye. Drunk Riley just told Aiden she loved him. It was true, I did love Aiden, but I wasn't sure if it was in that way. Aiden had always been there for me and he had been a great friend. Could I find a way to love him the same way I had thought I had loved Ezra? Ezra's version of love consumed me until he bled me dry. Aiden would never hurt me the way Ezra did. Aiden would take care of me. My eyes closed, confused by my swirling thoughts. The alcohol was clouding my judgment. I was way too drunk.

I looked down and realized I was standing in front of the mirror like I was about to star in an adult movie.  What was I thinking?  I barely remembered anything about the conversation with Aiden except the I love you part.  I hoped I didn't embarrass myself too much on the phone.

I took off the rest of my outfit and pulled on some pajamas that were much more comfortable.  I pulled back the blankets on my bed and my eyes closed as soon as my head hit the pillow. I would have to call Aiden and apologize if I said anything crazy to him. He must think I had lost my mind.