My night couldn't have gone anymore different than I had planned. Ezra still had me spinning. The loneliness began to overtake me in the silent darkness of my car.  My heart raced and my mood began to shift. The night of the accident changed everything for me; I was damaged and lost. I had gone through this too many times to count and needed to talk to someone, anyone really. I pulled out my phone and dialed JD.

I cried into the phone when he answered.

"Hey." He whispered in a deep, sleepy voice.

"Who is it?"  Anna asked in the background.  Not only had I woken my brother up, but I had also ruined Anna's sleep too.

"It's my sister." He whispered to her.

"What's wrong, Lil bit?" He sounded like he was asleep, but I could hear the concern in his voice. Over the last few months, JD had been the one who kept me grounded when my emotions were too much to handle. He never yelled or was impatient with me when I would call. It didn't matter what time it was; JD always answered when his troubled little sister needed him. 

"I... I...." I cried, not able to tell him about seeing Ezra tonight. I wasn't intentionally planning on hiding this from JD, but my wounded brain wouldn't let the words come out. "I am having a horrible night."

"I can come to get you." He offered gently. JD had bailed me out before when I was struggling, this wouldn't be any different tonight except that I wouldn't be able to hide the hurt seeing Ezra had caused me. I was in agony. I didn't want to exist, and I just wanted it all to stop.

"No, I'll be fine. I was just freaking out for a second." I said, sniffling into the receiver. If I told JD how I was actually feeling right now, then he would call my parents and they would make me go see another doctor.  I had been to four already. The doctors gave me the same diagnosis every time. They concluded I wasn't a danger to myself, but I was fighting with depression over the loss of the baby.

"You don't sound fine. Did something happen?" His big brother radar was on high alert.

"No, I just... I just needed someone to talk to. I'm sorry I woke you up." I said, trying to sound like it was no big deal.

"Riley, you know you can talk to me?" JD said, knowing me too well. He knew I was barely holding it together under the best of circumstances. He sensed something was wrong but knew I was still fragile and he couldn't push me too hard.

"Yeah, I know. Goodnight JD. I'll see you tomorrow. Tell Anna I'm sorry I woke you guys up."

"Lil Bit, you know I am here for you anytime. Call me if you need me. Goodnight, Ry." JD was yawning into the phone. I felt guilty for making him worry about me. The last thing I wanted was to give my family more reasons to worry.

I hung up the phone and held my head in my hands. The tears were spilling out like a waterfall. My body was shaking and I was falling apart. Loud sobs escaped from the pit of my stomach and my body began heaving. Why did he have to come back to find me after all this time? Wasn't what he did to me cruel enough? How did he even find out where I worked? Do I need to quit my job since he knew how to find me? My mind was racing with the dread I was feeling.

I grabbed my stomach and wanted to hold the baby I would never get to meet. I should have never agreed to get in the car with him that night. I thought I was protecting everyone by agreeing to go with him. I didn't realize the thing I should have been protecting was the little life growing inside of me. He was so unstable that night and I should have run the first time he ever laid his hands on me. He was entirely unhinged and I made a terrible decision thinking I was enough to hold him together. This was my fault as much as it was his.

I sat in my car for twenty more minutes before finding the strength to turn the key. I needed to go home and hide in my bed where he wouldn't be able to find me. My stomach dropped and the panic rose. He knew where I worked. Would he know where I lived too? Would he be on my doorstep when I got home? I placed my phone on the passenger seat so I could grab it quickly if I needed it.

My drive home was dreadful. I was so anxious that I had to pull off the side of the road multiple times. I almost called JD back to ask him if I could stay with him and Anna at their townhouse tonight. I decided I would have to get my big girl pants on and face whatever would happen head-on. I could drive away if he was there. I could run from him like he had run from me.

When I pulled into the dark parking lot, I was relieved to see no one lurking on the entrance stairs waiting for me. Like a paranoid person, I scanned the parking lot for any strange cars before jumping out and sprinting to the door. I fumbled with my entry key and forced it into the lock. I pulled open the door and slammed it behind me. Normally, I would grab the mail, but tonight it was a priority to get behind my security door. I took the three flights of stairs two at a time, which was amazing since I was so short.

I unlocked my apartment door and slammed it behind me. I leaned against the door panting hard, trying to catch my breath.

"Uhh, you like that." I heard a male voice grunting from Brynn's room. Great, Brynn brought another guy home tonight. I had no chance of sleeping. Between the racing thoughts and the rhythmic pounding, I would be up all night.

"Harder, fuck me harder." She screamed back at him. She was yelling as loud as she could. It sounded like it was more for show than from the pleasure. I rolled my eyes and walked to my bedroom. Even with the door shut behind me, I could hear them.

I pulled out a tank top and some shorts to sleep in. I wiggled out of my work uniform and threw it on the pile of clothes in the corner and then pulled on my pajamas. I jumped under the covers trying to convince myself they would protect me. I opened the top drawer of the nightstand that held my earbuds and I pulled them out to stick them in my ears. I was greeted with my phone playing the Camo song when Ezra's fingers first slid under my skirt. I grabbed my phone and deleted the song. Not going to happen. I fell asleep listening to some singer/songwriter crooning about being home.