This is it. The day I've been working so hard to prepare for. Now it doesn't matter, because I'm currently unemployed thanks to a self-righteous idiot who didn't care what happened to me.  I had a shot. My boss was willing to give me a test run that night, let me serve some elite's wine, and I was excited until all hell broke loose.

I wish I could find that guy and beat his ass to a pulp.

He's probably the one person that's going to keep me from my daughter.

"Stop biting your nails."

But I can't.

"I'm going to lose her forever," I sigh.  "That judge will probably term my rights today."

"You have that interview tomorrow," Turner reminds me with a slap on the back and a reassuring smile.  "She'll have to cut you some slack. You can't help what happened at work.  People are unpredictable."

"If I hadn't lost my temper..."

"It was a little extreme, Jace," Turner laughs. "I probably would have done the same thing."

He makes excuses because he's my best friend, but I know the truth. I should have held my tongue, just cleaned up the mess, and gone back to work.  I'd still have a job and good reference for the judge today. 

Now it's like...shit, I'm right back where I started.

It's not fair.  All I want to do is shove a needle in my arm to make this all go away. 

But know I can't turn back to that life.

Ava needs me.

"Jason, they're ready for you."

My social worker smiles as she opens the door for us, and Turner nudges me out of my seat when I don't react. I stand up, staring straight ahead for a few moments.  The empty courtroom lies before me; huge, intimidating.

Waiting to shut me down like it has so many times before.

"Come on, lets get this done." Turner puts his hand on my shoulder and gently guides me forward.

Then I'm in the courtroom, and my social worker instructs me to sit down next to her at the table beyond the courtroom benches. I do it silently, slug down two glasses of water, and look back over my shoulder at Turner, who forces a smile and mouths 'good luck' to me.

I know I'm alone, and it's up to me to convince this judge that I deserve to see my daughter again.

"I tried to clean up as much of that restaurant episode as I could so it would look decent on paper," Tammy, my social worker, whispers while we wait for the judge to come out.

"How clean did you get it?"

"I...did my best."

I sigh, look down at my lap. I know that means things don't look good for me, but I can't blame her. I know she tries hard because she likes me for whatever reason. "Thanks for trying."

"She might give you a break, Jason. Don't lose hope yet."

"She hates me," I laugh. "She's always hated me."

"You're not the same arrogant kid you were a few years ago," she reminds me. "I've seen the change in you, and I made note of it in your case file. She has to take that into account. At this juncture, I don't see why you shouldn't be granted supervised visitation. You're making an effort to change yourself.  You've just had some bad luck, that's all."

"Really bad luck," I empathize with narrowed eyes.

"Whatever the outcome, we'll work on your interview presentation over dinner," Tammy promises.  "Getting that job means one step closer to seeing Ava if the judge won't grant you visitation today."

I sigh.

"Jason."

"Yeah," I agree with a sharp sigh.  "We can go over it."

She pats my shoulder. I'm not reassured at all.

"Just don't swear at her like you did the last time around."

I chuckle. That was a bad choice.

"All rise."

I think it's stupid that we have to do it because there's five of us here. The court reporter, me, Tammy, Turner, and the child welfare worker who is determined to keep me from my daughter. We've never met but I  hate her. There's a different one every time. They never know me, and I don't think that's fair. I think in order to stand here and tell a judge that someone is unfit to parent, you should at least have coffee with them beforehand. When you have coffee with somebody, you can find out what they're all about in about an hour. Of course, the state of California doesn't believe in things like that.

"The honorable Judge Shaller presiding."

She takes a seat on her high throne and stares me down through her thin spectacles. She reminds me of my ninth grade history teacher. Strict, and bitchy, for no reason at all. If I got close to her, I'm sure she would smell like chalk and coffee too.

"Be seated."

We all do it, and I watch her intently as she opens a folder on her desk.  It's my file, full of my life's history, and current situation.

"Well, Mr. Houser," she sighs and shows me a tight smile as she looks up from the folder. "We meet again."

I just nod, but Tammy nudges me and forces me to speak up. "Yes, ma'am."

She looks back down at the file again and shakes her head. "You've been slipping up again, I see. Freshly unemployed, and still without a permanent residence."

"The job wasn't..."

But she silences me. "I'll let Ms. Collins take the floor first, then your social worker can say her piece."

I cross my arms, frustrated as I lean back in my chair.

"Relax," Tammy whispers.

But I can't.  The rage courses inside of me as I think about how unfair this all is. I want to yell, scream, do something to stop what I know is about to happen.

"Thank you, judge."

I look up to see who is about to tear me apart.

I can't believe it.

It's a slap in the face.

All I want to do is run away.

"The minor currently resides at Five Acres Center for Children," she says to the judge, head held high.  "Since her induction, she's been attending classes regularly, and her grade point average has increased fifty percent. The state has found it is in her best interest to remain at the facility rather than a foster home until a suitable adoptive family is located. She has been very social, talkative, and happy in general compared to her past mental state. We do not feel it is in the best interest of the child to reintroduce her father into her life during this mentally fragile developmental stage."

My jaw drops open, and I begin to tug furiously at Tammy's arm. "You never said anything about adoption!" I almost yell it, but stop myself. "What the hell? Tammy!"

"Just wait a minute," she grits out.

I rub my face with my hands.  I never thought it would come down to this. How can they give my kid away without my consent?

Oh yeah, because I barely have any rights to her anymore. Once they strip your kid away from you, that's it. You have no say, just gotta hope that they'll have some compassion.  But they don't give a damn about me, and Miss Collins over there? Her fiance got me fired.

God, I want to rip her apart. I wish like hell that I could.  

"Are there any prospective families at this time?" The judge asks.

"We've found several couples who have fallen in love with Ava," Miss Collins says with a calm smile.  "The state only needs your consent to get the paperwork started, your honor. Complete termination of parental rights is requested at this time."

I hold my breath, waiting for her to say'granted', and end my life right here and now.

"Miss Sommers," the judge nods at Tammy.

Now it's her turn, and I'm hoping she earns her paycheck today.

"Judge, I'd like to focus not on the current situation with Mr. Houser, but on his file as a whole. Since his release from prison, he has submitted himself to therapy, gotten a sponsor, and remained sober. As we all know, the job market isn't what it used to be, especially for ex-prisoners. While Mr. Houser may not have a job at the moment, he did hold down one at a local restaurant for six months while trying his best to seek other work. He has become a model citizen, and I truly feel that he should be able to have supervised visitation reinstated, if nothing else, at this time."

I look over at that Collins Chick. She's not looking at me, just at her notes, smiling pleasantly to herself as if she's already got this thing won.

"You seem to forget, Miss Sommers, that your client also verbally abused an innocent customer at that restaurant, possibly destroying the owner's reputation for quite some time. What type of example is that for a child?"

"Again, we are not asking for reinstated custody, just supervised visitation. Mr. Houser has not slipped back into narcotics, and I think for that he should be granted some compassion."

The judge sighs and sits back in her chair.

I feel eyes boring into my head now, and when I look I find that the Collins Chick is looking at me now, her eyes wide.

I know she remembers me now.

"Look, can I say something?"

Everybody looks towards the back of the courtroom. Turner is standing up now, hands shoved in his pockets, making an attempt to defend me. Only, nobody is going to listen, but I smile at him anyway.  He's the only person in this room who actually gives a damn what happens today.

"Who are you?" The judge says.

"I'm Jason's sponsor, Turner. I just want you to know that Jason is trying hard, and I wouldn't just say that. The only reason he got fired from that restaurant is because one of his customers was abusing him and he fought back. So he lost it? So what? We all do! I would have done the same thing! You know, you take his kid, and you expect him to do miracles. Give the guy a break. He can't always be mentally stable."

Tammy smacks her forehead.

I'm done for. Turner, God love him, he's not the best public speaker.

"I mean...I mean he is...mentally stable, most of the time," Turner corrects himself, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. "It's just sometimes...you know..."

"Turner...stop...it," Tammy hisses.

He nods quickly, and sits back down. I turn back around again to face the judge soon after, and watch her intently as she sits in her chair and continues to look at my file.

"Well, since we've heard from everyone else...Mr. Houser, do you have anything to say?" She finally asks.

For moments I'm blown away. She's never done this before, and I'm completely unprepared. I rack my mind for the right words, anything I can say that will prove I love my daughter, and I'm capable of taking care of her.

"Jason," Tammy whispers, nudging me again. "Say something."

"I...um..." I lick my lips. "I guess I agree with Tammy and Turner, and not because it's what you want to hear. I mean, I'm sober for the first time since I was seventeen, and I don't really think you can understand how amazing that feels. I'm a different person now. I just need a chance here, your honor. It may not seem like it to you but I do love my daughter. I'm really sorry that I messed up. It happens, you know? I'd just like another chance at this, before you hand her over to some strangers."

Silence.

I sit back down.

"That was good," I hear Tammy say.

I can't even look at her, though. I'm too scared that the judge will scatter my pleas to the wind like Miss Collins over there.

The judge takes her time, ponders what I've said for a long time, before saying anything more. Then she sits straight up in her chair like I've seen her do so many time before, and I know she's made a decision.

"You've had faults, Mr. Houser, that's a given, and your living situation at this time is unsatisfactory in this courts eyes. That said, I do not see a reason to terminate your parental rights at this time. I am willing to reinstate the supervised visitation for six months, as long as you abide by the following. You must seek out and find a stable job within that time frame, as well as obtain suitable living conditions. If these conditions are met, I will consider allowing you back full custody of the minor in question pending a formal hearing on the matter. However, if these conditions are not met, I will be forced to hand over full custody of the minor to the state, and terminate your parental rights. Are we clear?"

"Yes...yes..." I trail off and suck in a long breath, so I don't start sobbing like a fool. "Thank you.  Thank you so much."

"Adjourned." She slams her gavel down, smirks at me very quickly, and then walks out of the courtroom.

Tammy shrieks and I get up and hug her tight. I can't believe it. Just like that, even after the Collins Chick stood there and berated me to high heaven, the judge decided to give me a break. A short one of course. I'll have to work hard the next six months but I can do it.

Ava will get me through it, and make me stronger.

I can't wait to see her.

"See! I knew it would work out buddy!" Turner grins as he steps up to me and throws his arms around me in a celebratory hug. "We did it!"

"Yeah, no thanks to you...Jason's mentally unstable," I laugh. "Idiot."

"Hey I think it might have made you look saner when you spoke. You sounded good.  Real intellectual and shit."

"Turner, next hearing you're waiting outside," Tammy laughs.

"Congratulations, Mr. Houser."

The three of turn to face her, Collins Chick. I can tell she's pissed that her plans for my kid were spoiled but as for me, I haven't smiled this much in a long time.

"Karma's a bitch I guess," I say to her. "How's your prick boyfriend?"

Turner and Tammy look at me, completely bewildered.

Collins Chick scowls. "Your first visit is Saturday. I'll be out front of your home at eight sharp. If you're late, I'll report it."

She storms away.

I look at Tammy. "What's she talking about?"

"Well she has to escort you. She's going to be supervising those visits. It's her job. And by the way, you better be explaining that comment you just made to her, or I really will kill you."

"That goes for me too," Turner says.

Great. Just when I thought things were starting to turn around I have to deal with the Collins Chick from hell, and it's so surreal. What are the odds?

I guess nothing can ever be perfect, no matter how hard you try.