Beth

"You have to come with us!" Olivia says, her arms clasped tightly around my neck. "It won't be any fun without you."

I reach behind my neck and gently try to disentangle her arms, but Olivia just holds on tighter. The girl is technically 12 years old, but she often acts as if she were closer to 9 or 10.

"Livie, you know I have to stay here for this competition. I explained all the reasons, but you don't need to worry about it. Aunt Alice will take good care of you, and I'll video chat with you every night. You can text me anytime, and I'll come visit you in person whenever I can. Okay, love?"

Olivia sniffles and nods, finally releasing me.

I turn toward Toby. He has a Seattle Seahawks cap pulled low over his forehead and a pair of earbuds planted firmly in his ears. He nods at me, apparently too cool already for a hug, but I'm not having any of that. I haul him in close for a tight hug and plant a kiss on his forehead. Toby makes a face, but I suspect deep down he doesn't really mind.

"Any day now," my sister says in a testy voice. I glance at Mariah, but look away just as quickly. It unnerves her how close her children and I are. She can't help but notice the difference between the stiff hugs they give her and the genuine affection they show me, and I know she resents it. Mariah has never been comfortable around her children. She is constantly annoyed by them, yet she wants affection without building their trust, and that's not going to happen.

I hug my sister gingerly in one of those "I'll miss you, but not really" sort of embraces. Sadness washes over me when I think about the tight relationships other sisters have. I wish we had that.

Father moves forward then and air kisses both sides of my face. I hate kissing this way. It feels so formal and impersonal, but if does fit our relationship.

"Don't feel too badly if you're eliminated early, Beth," he says.

Thanks for the vote of confidence, I think wryly, but he's not finished.

"Remember you're a Malcolm, and Malcolms handle adversity with a stiff upper lip. You can always join us in Nantucket this summer if things don't pan out the way you hope. Besides, I am confident that before the summer ends, my company will be thriving and we can return to the way things have always been. You'll see."

As he opens the door and gets into his 3 month old leased BMW with Mariah and the kids, I stare thoughtfully at them. It's so typical of my Father to always turn the conversation back to himself. He's been promising his luxury skincare line will be successful for years now, but unless he lowers his pricing and adjusts his marketing model, it's not likely to happen. Not that he wants my opinion, of course.

Thinking about his words, something inside me snaps. I don't want for things to return to the way they've always been. Even if I lose the competition, I can't do it. I can't go back to living under the cloud of my father and sister's disapproval.

Really? My inner voice taunts. Even if the children suffer in my absence? Who do you think you're kidding?

Aunt Alice is the last to say her goodbyes.

She hugs me close and pulls back to look at me with her pride in her eyes.

"You look beautiful, Beth. Just like your mother. A day doesn't pass that I don't think of her and miss her. She would be so proud of you for entering this contest. Ignore your father's pessimism. I know you have it in you to win. Just try your best, and no matter the outcome, know that I'm rooting for you to succeed with your business. We will find a way to make it happen."

I find myself blinking the tears away. Auntie probably doesn't realize just how much it means to me to have at least one person in my corner.

"Thank you," I whisper, and she gives me one last squeeze, then joins the others in the car.

Olivia rolls down the window and waves until they turn the corner and I can't see them anymore. Turning with a sigh, I lock the front door to my home and carry my bags two houses down to Sophie's house. I don't look back.

I knock on Sophie's door. She flings it open and throws her arms around me.

"I'm so glad to stay, Beth. It will be so much more fun with you living here! Here, let me take a bag. Good grief, this is heavy. What do you have in here? Rocks?"

"Books!" I laugh. She shakes her head, smiling, but knows me too well to be surprised.

She shows me to my room. It is her old bedroom (she's staying in the master suite for the summer). It is a lovely, large space, with honey-colored wooden floors and a comfortable-looking bed with a cozy white duvet and a half dozen pillows. It wouldn't surprise me if the sheets are made with an insanely high thread count.

My favorite part of the room is a window seat with a comfy cushion. It's sweet of her to let me stay here, especially since she knows how much I will miss the window seat in my old bedroom. It used to be my favorite spot to sprawl out with a good book.

"Lots of space in here to store your books," Sophie says, then turns to me with concern in her eyes.

"So, how are you holding up?" she asks. I blink away a tear that's threatening to spill. Now that we are finally out of the house, it's settling in that I may never live there again.

"Sorry. It's finally sinking in that this is really happening. I don't know if I'll ever live in my house again."

"C'mere," Sophie says, giving me another hug. "It'll get better, I'm sure. Who knows what the future holds?"

I pull back and begin unpacking my things.

"Wasn't David's party amazing? Oh wait, you didn't get to stay long enough to enjoy much. Why did you leave anyway?"

"Olivia got a stomach bug and was too sick to stay," I say.

"Oh. That's too bad. How's she feeling now?

"Much better."

"Good. It was so great meeting so many of the contestants. It will be like seeing old friends tomorrow."

I feel a twinge at this. I don't make friends easily, not like Sophie anyway. It's too bad Olivia got sick, but I don't regret going home with her, especially since I will be away from her for the summer.

"Did you know that David has wall panel lights that work through static electricity? All you need to do is dance by them and they automatically light up."

I laugh at Sophie's enthusiasm. It's a nice distraction from the tight feeling in my chest when I think of being away from the children. I will miss them something terrible. I rummage through up my suitcase and start hanging my clothes in the closet. Sophie helps.

"David has all sorts of interesting inventions at his house," I say. "Did he show you the self oxygenating fish tank? The houseplants that operate his kitchen clock? Or his workout room? The treadmill and stationary bikes use the energy you generate to charge a cell phone."

"No, but then again, he was pretty busy. I did get to talk to him at one point. He told me something very interesting, and I'm more than a little miffed you never told me!" Sophie says as she slips a business suit onto a hanger and sticks it in the closet.

"What's that?"

"David said he proposed to you several years ago, but you turned him down!"

My hands pause in the suitcase. Great. This isn't exactly something I feel like discussing with Sophie right now. I answer carefully.

"It's not widely known outside our little circle of family and friends, but yes, it's true. I did."

"Why?" Sophie asks. "David's the whole package—funny, smart, successful, filthy stinking rich, need I go on? I would have jumped on that offer in a heartbeat. Just think! If you were married to him, I could hang out at your house all the time. Then again, if you were married to him, I might never had got to know you, so maybe I should be glad it didn't work out. Hmmm."

I shrug noncommittally.

"We just weren't right for each other," I say. "I am glad we've been able to remain friends all these years though."

"Well, I did like his wife. She seems to calm David. It was confusing, though. Sometimes they seem to like each other, other times they seem really distant."

I shouldn't be surprised by Sophie's ability to discern, but I am. She's more aware than I give her credit for. Still, I'd rather not get into David's marital struggles. It's his private business, and I don't want to gossip about it.

There's something she hasn't mentioned yet that has been eating at me ever since I left the dance. How did Isaac take me leaving?

"So, did you get the chance to pass my message on to Isaac?" I ask.

Sophie's eyes lit up.

"Oh yeah, and you're in trouble, girl! How come you never told me about Isaac? That guy is hot! Makes me wonder what other hunks you're hiding from me."

I try to smile and hope Sophie's too distracted to use her discernment skills on me.

"I haven't been hiding him. He's been living in Africa for years. So he was okay with me leaving early...?"

"Yeah, yeah. You don't need to stress that all. He was just fine. Danced with lots of girls. I danced with him three times, and I'll tell you what, he is a really good dancer. I bet he would be an amazing kisser. Do you know if he has a girlfriend? Not that I expect him to want to date me since all the other girls in the room had their eye on him, but a girl can always hope, right?"

"I don't know. I didn't ask."

"Well you should ask him. I wouldn't mind dating him, unless, you aren't interested in Isaac, are you?"

"No, of course not," I say, then wince internally at how I stumble over the words.

"Oh good! I was hoping you didn't like him like that. He didn't have very kind things to say about you."

I feel like I've been slapped in the face. I shouldn't be surprised, considering I know how much I had hurt Isaac, and how much reason he has to resent me. It still hurts.

Sophie pulls out a champagne colored dress.

"Beth! This is so pretty. You ought to wear this tomorrow with that cute cardigan you just unpacked. You'll be so stunning, the judges won't be able to take their eyes off you!"

I don't care what I'm going to wear on the first day of the competition, nor what the judges will think about my attractiveness. All I want to know is what Isaac said about me. I shouldn't ask, but I can't resist.

"What did Isaac say?" I ask. Sophie makes a face.

"Beth, I'd really rather not say. I don't want you to feel bad about it."

"Really, Sophs. It's fine. I'm tough enough to handle it. I want to know."

"Are you sure?"

I nod.

"He said you've changed so much, he barely recognizes you. Don't worry, I defended you by telling him I think you're pretty and talented. Who cares what he thinks, right? You deserve a guy who thinks you're beautiful just the way you are."

I kick myself internally. It's mortifying enough I've stooped to asking Sophie what my exfiance thinks of me. Even worse, Sophie felt she had to defend my looks. She could have no way of knowing how much his words sting, especially when the memories of him looking at me like I'm the most beautiful thing he's ever seen refuses to fade. 

Of course that was ten years ago, when I was young and fresh and carefree and not burdened down by life. When I was more like Sophie.

Sophie picks up a stack of my shorts and sets them in a dresser. I have more questions for her, but I think I've humiliated myself enough for one night.

"Uh, oh. I know that look," Sophie says. "The only prescription for that is watching Gilmore Girls in our PJs and consuming lots of Rocky Road."

It actually sounds good—anything to take my mind off the past. And anything to keep Sophie from talking about my checkered love life with David and Isaac.

"You get the ice-cream; I'll set up Netflix. Deal?" Sophie says.

"Deal."

I head toward her freezer, pull out the carton of ice-cream and snag two bowls and spoons. We spend the evening laughing and numbing ourselves with sugar, which is exactly what I needed. By the time the evening unwinds and I am in the bathroom brushing my teeth, though, my nerves are kicking in again. I wish I could be entering the competition like Sophie, with no pressure if I lose. There is so much riding on me winning that I'm afraid I'm going to psych myself out.

Deep breaths, I tell myself, remembering what Aunt Alice told me earlier. Even if I don't win the competition, I can still make my dreams happen.

Even so, I really, really want to win.

_______________

If you enjoyed this chapter, please hit that star!

So what do we all think of Sophie's revelation to Beth? 

Here is a picture of what I imagine Livie's little brother Toby looking like. He's a handsome fella, don't you think? Makes you think Mariah's husband Trevor must have had some dominant traits for her to end up with two brown haired, brown eyed children.

Next chapter, I will share a picture of the outfit Sophie picked out for Beth for the first day of the competition. I update every Tuesday and Friday, so looking forward to seeing y'all Friday!

Dedication for the chapter goes out to the lovely Skywalker15. Thanks so much for your awesome comments Sara! I appreciate it. You can follow Sara and check out her writing (including Star Wars fanfiction - yesss!) by clicking on the dedi link.