LEX

I marked her.

I fucking marked her.

My wolf is howling in jubilation. His throat is open and singing to the moon.

Me? I feel like I'm at my mother and father's funeral all over again. That feeling like my future's this endless dive into a bottomless bucket of shit? Yeah, that's back. Except this time, it's my fault. My fault. Like it was me who put Mom and Dad in those coffins.

Because I had a choice, didn't I?

We had no choice, Lex.

I ignore my wolf. Fuck him.

But what I can't ignore is the memory of her perfect tits in my hand, the taste of her nipples. I can't stop remembering the way she clenched around me, again and again and again.

She was so responsive. So very wet and hot and wanting. Burying myself in her was heaven. I mean, if that's not what heaven feels like, then fuck it, send me straight to hell.

Goddamnit...I've never experienced anything so perfect in my entire fucking life.

But was it worth it?

Was it worth it, you selfish piece of shit?

Shame makes a pool of hot bile in my gut.

Because I could have ended it all tonight.

I could have ensured there would be no more knocking on doors at midnight. No more grave news to deliver. No more old, sweet faces peeking around the door asking, "Lex...why is my boy not with you?" No more widows' tears soaking my collar as I hold the weeping she-wolf whose mate I failed to protect.

But now there will be all of that and more. So much more.

All because I couldn't resist big brown eyes and flawless tits

We both know that's not what this was, Lex.

I know. I know. But why in the name of every moon goddess, spirit, and sylph did I have to fucking mark her?

Look at her, Lex. My wolf sounds reverent. How could you not?

Currently, I'm striding through the forest, cradling Kaelyn's naked, limp form tightly against my chest.

I want to ignore my wolf, keep my chin high, eyes forward.

You're a sucker, I sneer at my wolf.

But I've already gone so long without looking at her, and loathe as I am to admit it, it's starting to hurt.

Like, actually hurt.

It feels like my ribcage is twisting in on itself, my bones curling into painful knots. A sharp ache is blooming from my chest, bleeding throughout my limbs.

Behold your mate, Lex. Accept her.

Never, I think savagely, before my gaze immediately drops down to look at Kaelyn.

Instantly, I feel better. Everything untangles in my chest, unfurling back into place. The ache is replaced with a gentle, pleasant humming in my limbs. Just from fucking looking at her.

And once I do, I can't stop.

In the moonlight, her skin is glowing. If she told me that she was the Moon Goddess herself, I'd believe it. Her wild, auburn curls spill over my arm, and I have to resist the urge to lift her so I can bury my face in her tresses.

Maybe she's a wood nymph after all and I've been bewitched, because shit I have the wild, manic thought that even if she wasn't a goddess, I'd still be down on my knees before her, swearing my fealty.

Shit.

Me. On my knees. In front of Kaelyn. Pledging myself to her. Over and over again until she's screaming my—

Goddamnit.

I've been hard this whole time, even after our frantic coupling. And now that I've pictured myself worshiping Kaelyn on my knees, one of her long, smooth legs thrown over my shoulder?

Yeah, I'm even harder. This is a disaster.

I can't run with Kaelyn in my arms, so when we reach the edge of Shadowclaw territory, I broadcast to the wolves I have on patrol:

"Have Tamma prepare the great guest chamber. I want it ready by the time I have the castle in sight."

I hear an acknowledging howl in the distance, and I know it will be done.

***

The castle doors swing open before I've even reached the bottom steps.

"Oh, Master Lex!" Tamma says, gray curls tumbling from her lilac nightcap as she pushes the oaken double doors wider.

Her large, round spectacles and diminutive size give her the look of a sweet, little barn owl. But she's been running the Steele household since before I was born, and every corner has always been dusted, every meal punctual to the second.

She's gotta be some kind of wizard.

"We've got the great guest chamber all ready for—oh my!" Her wide eyes fall on Kaelyn and grow even wider.

"Not now, Tamma. Where is he?"

"But child! Is she...?"

"Fine. Alive. Sleeping. Tamma, where's—"

"Probably already stoking the fire in the guest chambers. Waiting for you, of course. Even though the poor man needs his sleep." Tamma sniffs and turns heel, but not before shooting one last worried look at Kaelyn's face.

I feel bad. She hates when I'm short with her. I roll my eyes. I'll have to send one of the juveniles to the store for Almond Roca tomorrow. It's the only way she'll start smiling at me again.

I take the steps on the staircases three at a time.

The only thing keeping me from losing my ever loving mind is the steady, gentle thrum of Kaelyn's heartbeat. Which, of course, I hate.

I reach the wide doorway of the great chambers that are now Kaelyn's.

Just as Tamma said he would be, Doc's squatting in front of the fire, iron poker in his hand, gently teasing flames from the hot coals. The back of his silver head is halo'd by the glow, and I see he's still wearing the flannel pants and white t-shirt. His sleeping outfit.

He really must have just leapt out of bed and come straight here.

"Well, kid," he says without turning around. "Hell of a wakeup call."

"Doc, I need you."

She needs you. But I'd rather bite off my tongue than make this about her.

"I should hope so," he chuckles. "You interrupted one of my favorite fishing dreams. I was about to catch the bastard this time." He sets the iron poker back on its ornamental stand and places his hands on his thighs.

With a terrific groan he struggles to stand. I've gotten used to suppressing the urge to leap to his side and put a helping hand under his elbow. It always earns me a rare growl from Doc. Plus, he insists he doesn't need it.

"Want some advice, kid?" He's fully upright now, bending back slightly to stretch stiff muscles. "Don't get old." He huffs a laugh. A little stiffly, he starts to turn around. "Alright, now, what is it this time? Papercut? Get some lemon in your—Jesus, kid!"

His eyes land on Kaelyn in my arms.

He goes from being Doc, my parents' best friend that I've known since I was a baby, to Dr. Benjamin Walker, Head Doctor of the Shadowclaw Pack.

"How long has she been out? Can you sense her heartbeat? How strong is it?"

We both stride quickly to the king-sized poster bed across the room. He rips back the plush comforter.

"Set her down on the bed," Doc commands. "Gently, Lex, gently."

"I'm always fucking gentle," I snarl at him as I lay her down on the sheets, light as a feather, tucking the comforter around her naked form. I guess my wolf doesn't like the accusation that I wouldn't treat his mate like a goddamn princess.

Our mate.

I ignore my wolf.

I'm never shitty to Doc, so he pauses his hurried movements to fix me with a piercing, searching stare, his eyebrows nearly to his silver hairline.

Goddamnit. I don't want anyone to know about my whole "mate" problem yet. Not until I figure out how to solve it.

I clear my throat.

"Sorry. It's been a night."

"I'd say so, kid." He returns his attention to Kaelyn, grabbing his doctor's bag from where he'd set it on the nightstand. "Lex," he sighs, "when I asked you to bring home a nice girl... not exactly what I meant." He's poking and prodding and measuring vitals with instruments I don't know the name of.

My arms are crossed, fists clenched, and I can't stop my feet from tapping.

"Is she okay?" I demand more than ask.

"Yeah, kid, but gimme a second, why don't you?" Doc winces. "And for heaven's sakes, do I have to do this with a faceful of your family jewels? My job's hard enough."

I roll my eyes. "You delivered me. You've been seeing my junk for twenty-seven years."

"Yeah," he frowns down at a gauge that I think is a blood pressure reader. "That's twenty-seven years too many. Go put some pants on."

I pull on some random jeans found in the well-stocked closet and go to stand next to Doc.

"Okay," he says, "blood pressure's within normal limits. A little lower than I'd like, but fine.. Pulse is strong." He tilts Kaelyn's chin to the side, continuing his physical exam. "I think she'll be just—"

He freezes, words dying on his tongue.

I squeeze my eyes shut, and turn my back to him, drowning in shame.

"Oh, hell, Lex," Doc says softly as he traces the fang punctures of my Mark on her neck. "What've you done, son?"

"Don't fucking call me that, I'm not your fucking son."

But he sees through my misplaced anger, ignores it.

"Lex," he says urgently, "Lex, if this girl isn't your mate, you've just doomed her to a life of—"

"She IS," I roar.

For a moment, all I can hear is the gentle crackling of the fire and Kaelyn's soft, steady breathing.

Doc doesn't say anything, but the quality of his silence is open. Patient. I take the time to swallow hard, take a deep breath.

I turn my body to face him. His gray eyes are grave. But kind.

It's what I need to get through my next words.

"This is Kaelyn Hart. She will one day be the Alpha of the Silverfang Pack. I didn't tell anyone, not even you, but I left our territory tonight with the full intention of killing her."

Doc's eyes grow impossibly kinder. I'm biting the inside of my cheek so hard, I taste blood. My eyes fall to my bare feet, clenching into the lush carpet.

"I—we—when we locked eyes, it just—happened out of nowhere, it just hit me... And then, it turned out she was my... that I actually have a... and then we—we—uh—well, you know and at the very end of it, I—I—" I swallow hard.

He doesn't need the gory fucking details, Lex.

When I look up to meet Doc's gaze, he's nodding thoughtfully.

"You know, kid?" He purses his lips. "I'm astonished you never went into public speaking. Because that was just damn eloquent—"

"Jesus, Doc, this is serious."

Doc walks up to me, places a warm hand on my bare shoulder.

"I know, Lex, I know. It is serious." He turns his gaze to Kaelyn's sleeping form. "And I couldn't be happier," he says quietly.

"How in the hell is this anything but life ruining?" I say. Doc is crazy. Absolutely crazy.

"Well for one," he tilts his head, turning back to look at me, "you've managed to end this night without becoming a cold-blooded killer."

Shame curdles in my belly. But that's what I am, I think.

"Stop it, Lex," Doc growls. His brows are furrowed, gray eyes pinning me with an angry stare. "Don't you think for a second that you letting this girl live was a mistake."

I shrug. No use arguing when he's like this.

"And for two," Doc continues, his voice softening, "I'm...ecstatic you found your mate. I had always hoped with all of my grizzled old heart..." His voice cracks on the last word.

Christ. I've never loved it when Doc gets all weepy. But on this subject? After the night I've had?

It feels like someone's scraping nails on a chalkboard inside my chest.

I stalk to Kaelyn's bedside in the guise of giving her a concerned once-over, but it's only to free myself from Doc's cloying tenderness. My skin is crawling.

But when I look down and watch the gentle rise and fall of Kaelyn's chest, her peaceful face beautiful in the glow of the crackling fire, I feel that unclenching in my chest once more.

I don't even realize I've fallen to my knees by her bedside until my fingers are tangling in her curls, my face inches from hers. This close, I'm drowning in her scent.

It. Is. Intoxicating.

I can smell the moonlight on her skin. It's warm and vanilla. There's also honeysuckle and amber, and—

"Ahem."

I'm pressing my nose into her neck. When did that happen?

I pull back, mortified, trying to hide my burgeoning erection from Doc who's standing at the foot of the bed..

"Tell me again," I growl through clenched teeth, "what about this is supposed to be good? How the shit can I be any kind of a good Alpha with this"—I jerk a thumb at Kaelyn's face—"hijacking my brain?"

Infuriatingly, Doc chuckles. He turns towards the doorway.

"You'll figure it out, kid," he sighs.

I turn back to look down at Kaelyn.

Something's different. Scent her again.

I want to tell my wolf to fuck off.

Instead, I frown, pressing my face to her neck once more.

Honeysuckle, warm vanilla and amber and—

"Doc, wait," I say, hating the panic in my voice.

To his credit, he doesn't brush me off.

"Something's off... She smells...different?"

"Maybe you just don't know what she-wolves smell like," Doc taunts, but makes his way over just the same.

It's embarrassing. I've never even really had anything more than a one night stand. And it's true. I always found humans to be simpler. No pack dynamics and shit.

Maybe Doc's right. Maybe my wolf is just being a little bitch and I'm just a dumbass for—

"Huh." Doc is frowning down at Kaelyn, nostrils flaring.

"What do you mean, 'huh'?" I snarl.

"Just what I mean. Huh." Doc scratches the stubble on his chin. "I'll get some blood from her when she wakes up. Run some tests."

"No," I say, and I can feel my eyes heat up and my canines sharpen a little, "You'll get blood from her now."

Doc snaps his gaze up to glare at my lengthening fangs. "You put those away, you damn fool," he snarls.

They shrink instantly.

Doc shakes his head. "Knucklehead," he mutters under his breath. He gives me a long-suffering look. "You don't take blood from an unconscious lady, Lex." Doc speaks slowly, like I'm a child to which he's trying to explain the concept of "sharing."

I open my mouth to command him. To tell him to obey. I'm biting my cheek again, tasting copper on my tongue.

What is the matter with our mate? I can feel my wolf pacing frantically to and fro. Force him to find out. Now.

But it's Doc.

It's fucking Doc.

"Fine."

I hate how painful it is to say. I don't want to give two shits if the bitch dies. But even as I think that, it feels like a hot knife skewers my chest.

"First thing tomorrow," I wince, pressing a hand to my ribcage.

"If she's awake," Doc says sternly.

He walks to the door, then stops, hand on the oak frame. "Hey Lex?" he asks, turning to where I stand by the bed. "Get some sleep, son. You look like shit." Doc gives me a wide grin before ducking out into the hallway.

Now it's just me and Kaelyn's sleeping form.

I don't know how long I stare down at her before I realize I won't be sleeping tonight.

How could I?

I live on a different planet now.

The fate of the entire Shadowclaw Pack lies in my hands. It's my job to save them.

And all I can think, the only question seizing every neuron in my brain is:

What's wrong with Kaelyn?

What's wrong with my mate?