KAELYN

Holy shit, I was sure Lex was going to kill me. The way he came at me, his eyes a molten orange...

But then he just...left. Even after I nearly took his face off. He deserved it, though. That asshole, that absolute asshole.

I run over and try the door, knowing it's going to be locked. But I still start crying when I jiggle the handle and it doesn't turn.

He locked me in. I'm trapped here, held prisoner by a man I hate more than anything else.

You don't hate him, Kaelyn, my wolf tries to soothe me.

I do, I insist.

But my wolf is sort of right. Hate isn't the only thing I feel for him. It's just the primary one.

I go to the windows and shutter them, one by one, sealing the room from any hint of sunlight. Then I crawl under the covers even though it's barely noon.

And I cry.

I cry because I miss my own bed. I cry because I miss Aunt Cinda. I even cry for Lex's mom. She always had a quick wink and caramel in her pocket for me. She was the first to come running when I fell and scraped my knee, trying to chase Lex.

Spirits, he's been an asshole since I was five. But then again, what ten year old wants to hang out with a "little baby," as he used to call me?

What am I going to do? There's no way out. I checked the windows. They're bolted shut, small, and we're four floors up at least.

The Shadowclaws are filthy rich. And still, Lex feels the need to keep me prisoner? He could just buy a girl. Why can't he let me go?

He can't buy a Mate, my wolf rolls her eyes.

He acts like he hates my guts, I say back. I know he hates my guts. At least a little.

Lex, of course, does not hate you. But I know what you're talking about, Kae, she concedes, I've smelled it too. It's...complicated. Since he marked me, I'm finding that I can smell him a little stronger. Things like anger and hate I get in faint waves.

I'm supposed to be slammed by it, essentially feel what he's feeling, but, not surprisingly, it feels like there's something blocking the way. Not a full one, but it's enough that I feel only a trickle, not a river, of his feelings.

I wish I could block him the whole damn way.

But as it is, I'm forced to feel the singe of his bitterness and bile. And then, of course, that's not the only thing I feel.

What about when he was checking my temperature and asking if I was okay? I felt a rush of concern, a keen longing to see me protected. That had to be his wolf. Not Lex, his wolf.

I hear my wolf growl, and I'm suddenly struck with an image:

Our wolves are running together underneath the moonlight. My silver fur is pressed against his, black as night, only just for a heartbeat, because then I'm flying ahead, laughing and howling as he tries to keep pace.

I close my eyes and bury myself further under the covers.

That was cruel, I say miserably to my wolf.

Just think about it, Kaelyn, she says gently. Every night could be like that. And like last night. Mmmm, my wolf is purring. Like a damn cat. Remember last night?

Oh, goddess, last night. How could I forget? In fact, I'm trying not to think about it. Trying. And failing. But now I'm flooded with memories: Feeling his tongue on mine. His blue eyes so undone and helpless. The look on Lex's face the first time I came on his cock. And the second.

I squirm, fighting the urge to think about him thrusting up into me again and again and—

"Arrrrgh!" I yell. Sometimes, the only way to block something out is to just scream it away.

I catch myself feeling a little guilty about slicing Lex's face open.

Only a little.

Most of me is still pissed. Let's see him try saying shit about me and my parents again.

I mean, how could he bring up the fact that I don't have a mom? At least he didn't bring up Dad.

Shit, if he had, it wouldn't be his cheek I'd slice. That'd be a throat slitting offense.

Because Dad's death is...I can't think about that. Like, ever.

Dad's hard to think about in general.

He was supposed to be meeting with the Alpha of Shadowclaw. Guess who that was? I knew that Lex's dad had been killed, but I didn't know that his mom...

I remember the day that Lex's dad died. Alpha Xander.

Dad came home late, much later than usual. It was a few weeks after my twelfth birthday. He went straight to the solar, skipping dinner, barely greeting me.

That night, after everyone had gone to bed, he sent for me.

"Kaelyn," he said, after the door was shut, "Lex is now the Alpha of the Shadowclaw Pack."

It had taken me a moment to fully understand the implication.

"So Lex's dad is...?" It felt too awful to say.

"Yes," he had said softly, looking into the fireplace. "Xander...Alpha Steele is dead." I hadn't seen much of Lex in the years before at the time. He began his Alpha training when he turned fifteen, and I didn't care much for him anyway.

At that point, my main memory of Lex was that he never let me play tag with him, undoubtedly because he always lost.

Still, the look in his eye and the tone of his voice had frightened me. When I began crying, he pulled me close.

"Little bird," Dad had said, "Lex needs me. He's still a boy, and he'll need guidance in these early days. The Shadowclaws are our greatest ally, and they need us, Kaelyn."

"I need you," I had whispered into his waistcoat.

I can still remember how safe I felt, held tight against him.

"You have me, Kaelyn," he had pulled back to look down on me. "Always."

I'd smiled weepily up at him.

"But until I get back," he had grown grim again, "be safe. There are fouler things at play. I don't buy for a second that it was some freak accident that...well. I promise I'll tell you everything when I get back. It might not be safe until then."

I nodded, and I still remember feeling how my wolf couldn't stop whining from worry.

"Keep an eye out, and never leave our territory. Especially not until I get back."

I had woken up before dawn in the hopes of seeing my father off. But even before sunrise, he had already left.

No matter, I had thought. I'll stay up late to welcome him home.

A week later, I was in the kitchen, asking Mandy, our cook, for an extra blueberry scone when I heard the bell tolling, the one only rung for emergencies.

"He's dead!" I heard Aunt Cinda scream. "They killed him, oh Kaelyn, they've killed them!"

"Uncle Davis?" I gasped, my blood running cold.

But when I made it to the yard, I saw Uncle Davis holding Aunt Cinda, her greying black hair tumbling around her face as she shook from weeping.

No. I thought. Anything but this.

Kaelyn, my wolf, still a pup, had whined, Kaelyn, something's wrong.

I'll do anything, I remember praying to the Moon Goddess. I'll never leave my room again. I'll only eat broccoli. I'll stop stealing scones.

I'd never had a more fervent prayer.

I was already on my knees in the grass when Aunt Cinda turned in Uncle Davis's arms to face me.

"They've killed him, Kaelyn," she wailed. "The Shadowclaws! Betrayed him! Sliced his throat open. Opened his belly, his guts on the ground!" She was hysterical, out of her mind, screaming.

"Killed who?" I gasped, even though I knew. I had known the moment I saw Uncle Davis standing with Aunt Cinda. My little pup of a wolf was already howling and howling, and I wondered if she'd ever stop.

Aunt Cinda said it was one of our scouts that discovered Dad's body. It had been found just outside Shadowclaw territory.

No one knew any details, but we all knew that it was a Shadowclaw who killed my father.

A week after Dad's body was discovered, Uncle Davis sent three of our most powerful Betas over to parley with the Shadowclaw. The next day, their heads were thrown over our gates. No notes.

None were necessary.

This was a declaration of war.

The Shadowclaw and Silverfang packs had been at war ever since.

Uncle Davis refused to see me and never let me into any of his war council meetings. I got the feeling he liked being Alpha and didn't like the idea of the rightful heir sitting at his side.

Also? I think he's a sexist asshole. But I didn't care. I just wanted to find the fucks who killed Dad. I wanted to figure out how and why the Shadowclaws struck so sudden and violently. I wanted to beg him to deploy more wolves for reconnaissance. I made it known to Aunt Cinda that I would volunteer to lead them!

She would just shudder and squeeze my hand. "That's no job for a lady, my darling," she'd say.

So this? Being behind enemy lines? It's the most intel I've gotten. Ever.

And all I had to do was fuck and mate the man possibly behind my father's murder.

Lex would never do that, my wolf says, shocked.

How the hell do you know? I snarl.

And how do you? my wolf snaps back. Kaelyn, I want to avenge our father just as badly. The Moon Goddess would never play such a cruel joke.

Wouldn't She?

I'd never prayed harder than that day for the Moon Goddess to save my father. And she let his guts spill on the ground.

Would she make my mate the one who spilled them? Was it Lex that sliced my dad's throat open?

This is the first time in years I've thought about it.

Aunt Cinda tried to get me to go to a therapist once. The therapist gently tried to tease out a conversation about my dad and his murder and how ignoring it and burying it actually makes it worse.

I told her that when her father was murdered and her mother already gone, she could tell me just how good thinking about it constantly works for her. Then I walked out.

Aunt Cinda didn't try again.

Point is, I don't think about my dad's murder.

Not yet, I had been telling myself. No point until I'm Alpha. After I take my seat from Uncle Davis, then I can start thinking about revenge and who to exact it on.

Looks like my time table moved up a little more than I expected.

I was going to get home and give Aunt Cinda all the intel I'd gotten from this little misadventure. I even had the thought that maybe I could use this mate stuff to my advantage? Lex seems like a pretty pathetically basic guy. Lick my lips and he gets all distracted. I was gonna go home, see if Aunt Cinda had a way to figure out how to use this to our advantage.

Aunt Cinda detests blood and violence, but she does have a keen nose for strategy, and she did love my dad. I feel like I could convince her.

But it really does look like I'm not going anywhere.

So I have to figure out what to do.

And right now it looks like my best next move is...no move at all.