As I was nearing the subway at the end of the day, my phone rang. It was Eric! I considered ignoring him, especially since I planned on calling my parents to talk to them about my promotion. But I knew he'd probably keep calling until I answered. Or worse, he'd show up at my apartment to talk in person.

"Hi, Eric," I greeted, trying to be as polite as I would be when speaking to a client.

"Hey, Vicky," he responded in his usual friendly tone. "I was just leaving work and was hoping I could swing by your place to talk."

I started feeling sprinkles of rain landing on my hand. I looked up and saw the dark, ominous clouds above. I couldn't help but think how perfect the timing was for the bad weather to arrive right when Eric called.

"I'm not home."

"Oh? Where are you?" He asked, like this was any other casual conversation.

I realized I never did tell him that I got my job back. "I'm just leaving work."

Thankfully, I reached the subway entrance just as the rain started to pick up.

"You got another job already? Wow, you don't waste time. Another reason why I knew I wanted to marry you." I could hear he was impressed by his tone.

I cringed when he said that. Knowing that he only ever saw me as someone who benefited him and his future images of being part of a power couple. "I actually got my job back. Mr. Giam agreed to only work with the company if I was leading the project." I don't know why I told him that, but I did.

I swiped my MetroCard and made my way, along with the rest of the rush-hour crowd, to the train platform.

"Wow, that's incredible, babe. Congratulations!"

"I'm not your babe anymore, Eric," I whispered harshly, looking at the other yuppies around me to make sure I didn't recognize anyone.

"Sorry, old habits die hard. As I see, the same can be said about you. Going back to your old job. I bet you're already fucking Ryan again, too," he jabbed.

"Fuck you, Eric." I was enraged. "I don't need to listen to this anymore."

My train rolled in as I arrived on the platform. I hugged the wall along the bottom of the stairs as hoards of people piled in and out of the cars. I decided to wait for the next train, as I knew I wasn't in the right state of mind to put up with being tightly packed with no room to breathe. I was too pissed at Eric to deal with any other asshole that would try to even accidentally touch me.

"You're right. I'm sorry." He sighed into the phone. "It's just a knee-jerk reaction. I'm still trying to navigate the whole idea of having an open relationship. Which is what I wanted to talk about."

I moved further down the platform, to a less crowded area, and watched the train pull away. "Well, I don't think this is a conversation I want to have over the phone. Or ever, if I can avoid it."

"I get it. It's not a conversation I'd thought I'd ever have. I don't want to be like my parents."

I already knew Eric didn't want to be like them. He had always resented them for ruining his teen years. He had even told me of a time when his father brought one of his mistresses with them on a family vacation. She was roughly sixteen years younger than his dad, and the whole time everyone was told she was Eric's cousin.

I pitied him as I realized he was in the same predicament as me. "Why don't you tell your mother that? I'm sure if she heard it from you, she'd be more willing to just let us part ways instead of having to go through with something we both don't want to do."

"It's not that simple, Vicky. Can we just meet up and talk about this in person?" I could tell he was getting frustrated.

"Not tonight." 

There was no way I wanted to lose my happy vibes, more than I already had. I wanted to continue enjoying the feeling from being back at work and getting a promotion.

"Then when? The bachelor and bachelorette weekend is coming up, we should probably talk before then. Especially if our parents are going to be around each other."

"I know, I know. We will talk." I paused as the next train rolled in. I was grateful to see that it was less crowded than the last one. "Why don't we meet for lunch tomorrow at our usual spot?"

"Great! Thank you, Vicky."

I stepped on the train and grabbed the last available seat on the bench. "Sure. I have to go now. I'll see you tomorrow."

I hung up and threw the phone into my purse. I watched as more people tried to squeeze in before the doors closed. Leaning my head back against the window, I zoned out to the sound of the train moving. It was a very therapeutic sound. The clanking of the metal wheels going down the metal tracks sounded like the percussion to a futuristic dystopian song. At that moment, I realized that was the theme song of my life. Dark. Repetitive. Numb.

*******

Listening to soft techno music while lying in my bed, snuggled up in Ryan's arms that night was so comforting. We had unbelievable sex, as usual. And more than once. But my favorite part was just relaxing my naked body against his while we talked, laughed, and enjoyed the present. I never recalled it ever feeling this comfortable with Eric.

I shifted to lie flat on my stomach and rested my chin on my hand, which rested on his relaxed, yet still defined chest. I studied every inch of his face. Trying to burn the image into my brain so it would be there for eternity. Then there was his smile. Oh my God, that perfect smile is what kept me going round after round. I had to mindfully tell myself to simmer down.

"I could stare at you like this all night," I finally said what I was thinking out loud.

I could see him blushing slightly. "I won't stop you."

My fingers drummed to the beat of the music on his chest as a thought crossed my mind. "Ryan?"

"Hmm?"

"Why don't you come back to work? I know it was only my first day back, but I can already tell it won't be the same without you."

Ryan smile faded a little. "As much as I would love to work with you and get to see you every hour of every day, I know going back to work with my family would be the worst decision.

"Don't get me wrong. I enjoyed what I did, but I just don't have the passion for architecture or real estate, as you or the rest of my family does. It was more like I worked there to please everyone else." He thought quietly for a moment before continuing. "You know, I think a lot of my drinking problems stem from forcing myself to be someone that suited others and not being who I want to be."

The next song started playing, but both Ryan and I gave a sour look to it. I sat up, reached for my phone, and tapped the thumbs down button. It skipped to the next song, which was much better. I remained seated, which Ryan appeared to enjoy as his dangerous smile returned.

I tried maintaining my serious conversation expression, but it was difficult. "So who do you want to be? I mean, do you even know what you're passionate about?"

He sat up then too, curling up his knee and resting his arm on it. His hand stretched out slightly and started tracing my face. "There's only one thing I'm passionate about."

"And what's that?" I stared into his charming eyes that were always so hard to pull my gaze away from.

"You. Making you happy is my passion," he said, as he hooked a finger under my chin and subtly drew our lips together.

His kisses always knew how to recharge my brain and body. It was impossible to resist him.

I wanted to continue our conversation, but I also wanted to keep having the physical conversation our lips and bodies were getting into, for the fourth time that night. I straddled his lap, feeling his excitement increasing rapidly. His hands trailed down my back and guided my hips to move closer as if I wasn't already practically glued to him.

His shaft stiffened more as he felt how turned on I was getting. As I continued to rub against him while we kissed, I knew it wouldn't be long before he'd be inside me once more. Pausing our kiss, I asked, "Do you want me to go grab a condom?"

He nodded as he stared into my eyes with his familiar animalistic gaze.

I darted out of the room as fast as I could to the kitchen, where we had removed our clothes to have sex the first time. I grabbed Ryan's jeans that were crumpled by the fridge door and felt through his pockets.

"Vicky, wait!" He shouted as he came charging out, completely naked, just as my hand reached his wallet inside the back pocket.

"Why?" I asked as I withdrew it, looking at him with a have-you-gone-crazy look.

He reached out his hand towards me, looking slightly nervous. "I'll get it. Give me my wallet."

I looked at him sideways and ignored his request. "What are you hiding?" I turned my back to him as I pulled the folded, black-leather wallet open. I didn't see anything unusual, just cash, credit cards, ID, and a square foiled packet. I turned back to him, looking confused. "What's with the overreaction?" I asked as I pulled out the square.

Then I heard something metallic bouncing across the kitchen floor. My eyes followed the sound. Resting by Ryan's bare feet was a silver ring. He quickly picked it up and hid his closed fist behind his back before I could get a good look.

"What is that?" I pointed to his hiding arm.

"Don't worry about it. It's nothing," he insisted, grabbing his wallet from my hand. He turned his back to me as he replaced the ring back in, clearly not wanting to show it to me.

I was growing very suspicious. "Wow, that's really mature of you, Ryan! I could clearly see that it was a ring. But why do you have it in your wallet?"

He turned back to me, picked up his jeans from the floor, and replaced his wallet back in the back pocket. "I said, don't worry about it. It's really nothing."

"Well, if it's nothing, then let me see it?"

"No." He gestured to the doorway, trying to encourage me to leave the kitchen. "Now, can we please go back to continue what we were doing?"

I was getting frustrated at the vague responses and lack of information. I crossed my arms over my chest. "I don't think I'm in the mood anymore."

He sighed, taking a step closer as he pulled out the wallet, and opened it. He retrieved the ring from the fold and glanced down at it before handing it to me. It wasn't silver, but actually white gold. It was smooth with nothing defining on the band, but it elegantly twisted around two solitaire diamonds as if they were being hugged together. Even though it was so simple, it was probably the most beautiful ring I'd ever seen.

"Why do you have an engagement ring?" I looked at Ryan with interest.

He looked sheepishly at me and shrugged. "I thought that this could be a way to solve the Eric problem."

We stood for a moment in the kitchen, staring at each other, still both completely naked. Though I wasn't focused on his perfect body. I was trying to understand his thought process in all this. "You think marrying me would be solving the problem?"

"No. Which is why I didn't want to show it to you in the first place," Ryan stated. "I saw it when I was heading home on Friday and thought it'd be a good idea. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I don't want to marry you for the wrong reason."

I handed him back the ring. "Well, it's not like you can marry me anyway. I'm getting married to Eric, and that's that. You and I will just be fuck buddies until you get bored of me and find someone who deserves that ring more than I do."

I instantly regretted the words that came out of my mouth. I could see that they hurt his feelings. I wanted to apologize, but my stubbornness was keeping the words from coming out. I just stood there as I watched Ryan pick up his clothes from the floor, walk into the bathroom, and close the door. Suddenly feeling self-conscious that I was standing in my apartment kitchen naked, I walked back to my room, grabbed my bathrobe from my closet, and put it on.

As I was walking out of the bedroom, Ryan walked out of the bathroom, fully clothed. "Are you leaving?"

I could still see the look of hurt in his eyes as he nodded. "I'll call you tomorrow. Good luck with your lunch with Eric. I hope you two figure whatever this," he gestured between us, "is going to be. Because I'm honestly starting to feel like whatever I want is not even being considered."

My hands nervously fiddled with the tie of my robe. "That's not fair, Ryan! You know what's at stake if I don't go through with this."

"You're right, I do. But you clearly don't realize what's at stake if you do go through with it. Or maybe you do, and you just don't care." He said with disappointment as he opened the front door.

I grabbed his hand to stop him from walking away. "I do care!"

He kept his hand linked with mine and stepped closer to me, cupping my cheek with his other hand. He kissed me delicately and looked me deep in my eyes. "I've proved to myself and to you how much I want you. Now it's your turn."

With that, he released my hand and walked away. I peered around the door as I watched him walk towards the stairwell. Not turning back to look at me even once. My heart ached as I realized what I was giving up, but fear kept me from running after him.