Eric had the taxi take us back to my place. The whole ride home, I really didn't feel like trying to explain what Ryan's date was talking about. My head was starting to hurt as the alcohol was wearing off and my hearing was adjusting back to normal. Thankfully he didn't seem to want to talk either.

When we pulled up to my apartment, he asked if he could come up to stay the night. I kissed him lightly and asked him if we could just see each other the next day. Making sure to comment that I really wasn't feeling good and just wanted to crash. He was disappointed but wanted to respect my wishes and said he'd call me.

I stood at the bottom of the gray stone steps at the entrance, as I watched his taxi make a U-turn on the narrow street and drive off. Instead of heading straight in, the lights of the Manhattan skyline captured my attention. I turned, walked to the end of my building, and crossed the road. I leaned against the cold stone wall and zoned out. The streets were empty, but I could see the chain of cars driving across the bridge in the distance.

If it wasn't so cold, I probably would have stayed there watching the city of lights until the sun rose again. But I started shivering and knew I had to get inside. I waved to the night security guard who sat up straighter when I walked through the entrance and told him to have a good night as I stepped onto the elevator.

"Hold the elevator!" Someone shouted from the entrance.

I reached my hand out to stop the door from closing. As I peered out to see who it was, I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me when I saw that it was Ryan! Really?

"Excuse me, sir, do you live here?" The guard asked as he was stopped mid-tracks.

Of course, the alcohol was still affecting my judgment and the words that came from my mouth. "He's with me, John."

"Oh, sorry, Ms. Ashcroft. I didn't realize," he muttered and allowed Ryan to continue.

He thanked the guard and stepped onto the elevator. The two of us stared at each other as the doors closed.

"You know you can't just show up to my apartment whenever you want! Especially at two in the morning! And you saw that Eric left the club with me! What if he's here, waiting up-"

Ryan stopped my reprimanding lecture by kissing me. Again, I blame the alcohol, but I raised his kiss by draping my arms around his neck and pulling him into me. He responded by grabbing my waist, hugging my body back. We were so lost in the passionate embrace, that I almost didn't hear the elevator open when it reached my floor.

We reluctantly separated. I fumbled with my keys to unlock my door while he moved the collar of my jacket and kissed my neck.

Finally opening the door, I pulled him in, to return to where we were in the elevator. As I leaned into him, the door quickly shut with a slam. The sound startled me and brought me back out of my animalistic haze. I focused my eyes on Ryan, feeling all kinds of emotions.

I could see he was confused as to why I suddenly stopped responding to him. While I knew I wanted him so badly, I also knew we couldn't start this thing between us all over again.

I pulled myself away from his firm hold, brushed down the back of my hair, and tried to casually remove my coat. As if what had just happened between us, didn't. I kicked off my shoes by the door. The pain from the heels was still in my feet, but they were ever-so-grateful when I finally allowed my whole foot to plant itself on the warm, entrance rug.

"So." I felt my throat drying up and tried to clear it with a light, rattling cough. "What happened to your oh-so-darling date tonight?"

"I had a cab take her home, and I took another one to come here," he said as if it was no big deal that he just showed up at my place. He proceeded to remove his coat, which he hung on the peg next to mine.

I turned and walked a few steps into my kitchen, to the fridge, and pulled out my jug of filtered water. I poured two glasses and handed him one.

Taking a sip from mine, I leaned against the fridge and thought about his response before asking, "Why?"

"Because she was wasted."

"No. Why did you come here, Ryan? Was it just to get your rocks off because your date was too hammered to fuck you? I bet you were thinking something like, 'Oh, yeah, Vicky's a good lay, and I know I can get her to do things if I just act like I want her.'"

He chuckled at my impression of him and drank his whole glass of water in a few gulps. Then he placed it on the counter and stepped towards me. "It's not an act. I do want you. I always want you. I've tried staying away from you. And I know I told you to marry Eric, but..." He stopped himself from continuing, almost like what he wanted to say scared him to put it out there and let his guard down.

My heart was racing. I was angry, excited, and terrified all at the same time. I wished I was still drunk enough so I could just jump into his arms right then and not worry about it until the morning. But I couldn't do that. I made my decision, and he helped me make it.

I stepped closer to him. I could smell his dried sweat from the club on his shirt, mixing with his remaining cologne and alcohol remnants. I loved his scent, it made my body want him more.

I could have kissed him then, but again, my mind was regaining control of itself. "I'm getting married in eight weeks, Ryan. You had your chance to stop it, but you blew it. We just have to accept that we are not meant to be, as much as we want it."

He looked at me with an emotion that resembled hope, appearing in his eyes. "We want it?"

"What?"

"You just said 'as much as we want it.'" He smiled, which made his magnetic eyes even more intoxicating.

If I wanted to remain in control, I couldn't stand there anymore. I walked past him, making sure not even a pinkie brushed against him and went to take a seat in my new favorite armchair. I turned to see the Manhattan skyline again, which soothed me. I was so lost looking at it, that I didn't even notice Ryan had sat down on the couch near me.

"Of course I want you, Ryan." I didn't make eye contact with him. Instead, I just continued to stare, mesmerized by the view. "I can't stop thinking about you. There are days at work when I see you and Bruce walking and talking to and from one of our meetings, or going to job sites, and I wish it was still me by your side. Not that I want to be your damn assistant again, but just being next to you makes me feel alive.

"When I hear one of the songs come on my Pandora, from the night we had that dance-off in your apartment, your fucking sexy smile is the first thing I think of. When I'm in the grocery store and see the Italian sausage links by the butcher's area, I think of that night you took me to that German restaurant. There are so many things in this city that make me think of you first."

"Me too," he added softly.

I finally looked away from the view and met his eyes. "But then I think of all the shit you and I have been through since day one. I think of the torture I felt seeing you with someone else, even when you weren't mine. I think of the hurt I felt when you had the chance to take my whole heart, which you turned away. Those thoughts are more powerful than the good ones, and I just can't go through it all again."

He moved from the couch to the base of the chair and clasped his hands on mine, that rested on my lap. "I'm sorry for all the hurt I've caused you. I really am. I was just too scared to let you in. After having my heart broken all those years ago, I knew I never wanted that pain ever again. But I'm here now to tell you that if I want anyone to break my heart, I want it to be you. Of course, I'd rather you didn't. But what I mean is, you have my heart. All of it. And not for just now, but forever, Vicky."

As much as these were the words I'd long for him to tell me. His timing was the worst. If he had just said this to me two weeks ago, I would have dived into his arms and given him my heart. But this wasn't then, and things were different now. Plus, how could I know if what he was saying was true or not? While he had a way with words, his actions spoke louder.

I looked at him with cold eyes. "Do you expect me to just ditch Eric and ride off into the sunset with you, Ryan? You only ever tell me these things when you're drunk. How can I believe anything you're telling me? Especially when all you've shown me is someone I can't give my heart back to.

"All you've done, since I've known you, is go from one woman to another. So how about you come back when you're sober and prove it to me then. That I am who you want."

We sat there for a moment in silence. I looked down to see his hand still rested on mine. I expected him to cower and pull his hand away, defeated, but instead, he kept it there. As I looked up to meet his gaze, his mouth twitched and curved up into a subtle smile. "Victoria Ashcroft, with all my heart, I accept your challenge."

With that, he leaned up and gave me a gentle kiss on the lips. Which for better or worse, I allowed, and responded. Then he rose to stand, grabbed his coat and shoes, and left my apartment.

It took all my strength to resist running after him and bringing him back to bed with me. But instead, I turned to stare back at the Manhattan skyline. The one thing that was always constant, and the one thing that would probably help me survive the next eight weeks, if not the rest of my life.

When I finally got into bed, it was almost three in the morning. Even though I was exhausted mentally, emotionally, and physically, I found it hard to fall asleep. But as soon as I started thinking about all the possible things Ryan could do to prove he really wanted me, I began to relax. The thoughts soothed me to sleep.