I fought with myself the whole cab ride over to Ryan's apartment building. Part of me would think of innocent justifications as to why I was going to see him. While another part of me kept calling me names, like "hussy," "slut," "floozie," or worse. When the doorman outside of Ryan's apartment opened the car door for me, it took me a minute to move my legs.

I paid the cab driver and inched myself towards the entrance of the high-rise building. The doorman, who was probably in his early fifties, dashed over to jump ahead of me to hold the door open. I thanked him, told him who I was and that I was here to see Ryan Herman.

"Ah, yes, he did call down and mention he was expecting you." The man smiled with kind eyes. I wondered if he'd still look at me the same way if he knew that I was engaged to someone else and about to see Ryan on matters that weren't related to work in the slightest.

He called the elevator for me, which was already parked there. It was a charming elevator. Definitely not like the rickety one in my building. Even though Eric and I lived in a decent apartment building, our elevator always scared me. I swore it would break off the pulley system it was attached to, one day. It was just a matter of time.

The doorman pressed the button for the twentieth floor, one level below the penthouse, bid me goodnight, and stepped back into the lobby as the doors closed. I looked at my phone to check the time as the elevator moved through the levels. It was almost nine. I set my phone alarm for eleven so that if I wasn't paying attention to the time, I'd be reminded to leave to get home by one in the morning, at the latest.

My heart raced as I watched the elevator numbers get closer to Ryan's floor. Then it stopped as the elevator pinged, announcing I had arrived at my destination. As the doors automatically slid open, I hesitated for a moment about stepping out. If I stepped over the line, then there was no turning back.

"Hi," Ryan greeted softly, appearing just outside the elevator, startling me.

"Hi!" I felt like my voice strained to let out such a simple word.

He placed his hand against the elevator door to prevent it from closing. I took the sight of him in. He looked like he had just taken a shower. He was wearing a Yankee's t-shirt with a pair of black basketball shorts, and no shoes. His hair was falling naturally, like it had the day we left Salt Lake City. Seeing him this way, actually made me relax a bit. Though, now I felt slightly overdressed myself.

"Are you going to come out of the elevator?" His question simple, yet it felt like that hardest question on the hardest exam of my life.

I didn't respond with words. I had to mindfully move one foot forward and repeat the action with my other foot until I was out of the elevator and standing next to Ryan. He removed his hand from the door, and it instantly shut. The elevator promptly rode itself back down to its home in the lobby.

Ryan led the way around the corner towards his apartment. We passed three other apartments on his floor, so I knew that it meant that his apartment was going to be large, at least in comparison to mine. He opened his door and allowed me to step in first. It was very spacious, with a semi-open concept. The floors were made of beautifully stained wood. Though there were two large, simple area rugs. One in the living room and the other in the dining area. They complimented his choice of simple furniture. Which was vastly different from the lush furniture that was in his office.

"Would you like the grand tour?" He noticed I was scanning my surroundings with great interest. I couldn't help it, it was the architect in me. I loved seeing all the different layouts that were possible in such a small place.

"Yes, please." I nodded. Ryan asked to take my coat and hung it up in the closet next to us. I could feel his eyes looking me over. I looked at him and saw almost a twinkle of a smile on his face. "This is your living slash dining room, I take it?" I went on, trying to ignore his gaze growing hungry.

"Good observation," he teased. "Yes. Sorry, it's such a mess." He moved to pick up an empty pizza box that sat on his couch, along with the used napkins, and two empty beer bottles sitting on the end table. He walked into the house, ushering me to come along as he went through the kitchen archway.

The kitchen was separate from the main living area, which you didn't see as often anymore. Open-concept floor plans were still what was in fashion. It was a quaint kitchen. It even had a little eating nook next to the window.

"Well, that brings back a fun memory." I pointed to the fire escape that sat just outside the window.

Ryan was washing his hands in the sink, but turned to look at what I was pointing at. Then he looked back to me and smiled. "That was a great night. I never thought I'd like New Year's Eve that much."

I giggled lightly. "Yeah. But I'm still mad that my kiss was stolen." I couldn't believe I just admitted that to him. What was I thinking? He was going to think I was crazy for bringing it up now, over four years later.

His smile ceased immediately. He dried his hands on the kitchen towel that was draped over the oven door handle, then stepped closer to where I was standing in the doorway. Ryan was less than a foot away from me now. The smell of his shampoo and body wash played with every fiber in my body. It was hard for me to look at his piercing eyes, but also hard for me to look away. I didn't know what to do. Should I move on? To indicate to him to show me the rest of his place. Or let him take the lead to whatever was going to happen next?

"Ten...nine...eight..." He moved, closing the distance between us. When he saw that I wasn't backing up, he continued. "Seven...six..." His hand reached out and guided my purposely loose strand of hair behind my ear. "Five...four..." He left his hand rested behind my neck and guided me closer.

"Three...two...one," we said together.

"Happy New Year, Vicky." Those were the last words he said before I let my guard down completely and allowed our lips to meet.

Since it wasn't actually New Years, there weren't any fireworks going off, but there were definitely some going off in every part of my body. As Ryan and I continued kissing deeply, he wrapped his arms around me and guided me to his tan leather couch in the living room. He went to lay me back down on it, but I pushed back slightly, stopping him.

He looked at me with concern, making sure he wasn't doing something I didn't want him to do. I smiled and kissed him again, to reassure him, I wanted more. But I insisted he sit down on the couch. He obeyed without question. Once he was seated, I straddled myself over his lap and leaned into kissing him first on the lips, but then I allowed myself to explore him fully.

The television was on, but I couldn't tell you what was on it. All that I was focused on was Ryan. As I moved to kiss his neck, the same way he did to me in the car ride, he groaned, and his fingers gripped my thighs, where they had been resting. It pleased me, pleasing him. I could just kiss him and feel satisfied. Well, almost satisfied. I knew I wanted to take things further, but I could still hear that other part of my brain telling me not to do this to Eric.

"Vicky, I want to be inside you." His breath was heavy against my ear. It was all I needed to hear, and the thought of Eric faded out at that moment.

I lifted myself off of him and stood there, in the center of the rug in his living room. He went to stand, but I pushed him back down onto the couch. "Just stay right where you are," I ordered. 

I glanced around the room and spotted his stereo along the wall beside his TV stand. I walked over to it and saw that it had a port plug that fit my phone. I went to my purse, which I had placed on a little half side table by his door.

"Are you leaving?" He turned as he watched me looking through my bag.

I laughed. "That would be the right thing to do, Ryan." I grabbed my phone and waved it at him as I walked back to his stereo. "But no, I was just wanting to put on some music. If that's okay?"

"Sure. But, I do have a collection of CDs right over there." He pointed to the CD rack that was on the opposite side of the TV stand.

"Well, I was thinking of playing my Blackmill station on Pandora. And besides, who uses CDs anymore?" I gave him a goofy smile as I clicked my phone into place on his stereo.

"I do." He raised a hand in the air. "You can't get the same quality like you can on a CD."

"That's what people who like vinyl records say too." I picked up the controller that rested on top of the stereo and pressed the play button, which instantly started the music on my phone. I adjusted the volume slightly to make sure it was the perfect pitch, before setting the controller down. "Now, where were we?"

Ryan went to speak, but instantly shut his mouth as he saw me starting to sway my hips to the rhythm of the music. As the beat moved, so did I. Then, I began to unbutton my shirt and let it pool at my feet. Ryan smiled with intrigue as I proceeded to dance and remove my skinny jeans and socks effortlessly. All that I had left was my black bra and matching panties on.

The song ended, but another quickly began. Remaining in my underwear, I returned to sitting on Ryan. Greeting his lips with mine again. He kissed me back, guiding his tongue to meet mine. As we continued kissing, I pulled his shirt up, breaking our kiss for only a moment to remove it altogether. Every muscle in his arms and chest were flexing as he reached around to the back of my bra. He fidgeted with the clasp a few times before succeeding in separating the two ends, allowing it to fall from my chest. He flung my bra across his living room, having it land at the foot of the TV stand.

I stepped up off him, to remove the last piece of clothing I had on. He, too, removed his shorts and boxers that shielded his engaged arousal from me. We looked at each other's naked bodies, and I could tell by his expression that he was as satisfied with what he saw as I was.

"Do you have protection?" I knew it was a silly question, but I had to ask.

He moved as fast as he could to his wallet that was by his keys in a bowl on the front side table. He opened it and pulled out a shiny square from it. He quickly returned to his original position on the couch. I smiled and grabbed it from his grasp. He watched me as I tore the edge of the packet and removed the condom. I saw his penis jump as if it knew what was about to happen.

I kneeled in front of him, slowly felt his bare penis first, then guided the condom down his shaft. Once I knew it was secured in place, I kissed my way up from his navel to his pecks, to his neck, and finally back to his lips. The wait was finally over. I sat on his lap and guided him into the depths of me. Even with the condom on, I felt the pleasurable sensation of his erection filling all of me.

After we fucked on the couch, we took a mini-break, only to move to his bedroom, where he started kissing me from behind. That led to him requesting that I bend over, using his bed for support as we fucked a second time. Then as I was heading back to the living room to change back into my clothes and head home, he bombarded me, which made me scream and laugh at the same time. It, of course, led to us fucking a third time. This time I was sitting on top of his dining room table as his arms supported my legs. Our eyes were locked on each other with lustful pornographic gazes.

By the time my phone alarm went off, we were utterly spent and lying on the rug under the dining table. I couldn't believe we fucked so much in such a short two-hour window. That was a record for me.

I dressed and insisted I had to leave, thirty minutes after my alarm had gone off. I let him walk me to the elevator and kiss me goodnight. It wasn't until I was heading back down to the lobby that the rush quickly faded and the guilt set in.

What was I going to do now?