FIVE YEARS AGO

I woke up early on the first day of school, wanting to get to class before anyone else. I wanted to stake a claim on the best seat. Though, I'm sure no one would fight me to be at the front of my trigonometry class. I was in college now. More specifically, I was in N.Y.U. and I figured others would probably be as competitive as I was at wanting to succeed.

When I walked in, I didn't see anyone else there at first. Then I noticed a guy in the back row of the class sleeping with his head buried in his arms that were resting on his desk. I didn't intend to wake him, but when I went to pull out my chair, it screeched across the floor, startling him to attention.

"Hi." I smiled and couldn't help but notice a pair of beautiful eyes, even if they were slightly shielded by shaggy hair falling in his face.

"Hi." His sleepy voice rasped back.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to wake you." I sat down in my seat and turned slightly towards his direction.

"It's fine. I wasn't asleep. I was just resting my head. I'm saving my sleep for when class itself has started." He chuckled.

I giggled awkwardly. Then more kids started making their way into the room, filling up the spaces between him and me. All through class, I couldn't help but find an excuse to look back at him. Thankfully he answered a good handful of the teacher's questions, so it would have been rude had I not looked when he spoke.

*****

After my first month in school, the guy in class had only talked to me in passing. He'd say hi to me, but that was about it. I wanted to talk to him more but didn't know what to say, so I usually just ended up not saying anything.

Then I finally saw him outside of class. Walter Mattson and his three suite-mates announced they were having people over and insisted that my roommate, Amanda, and I join. We didn't really know many people when we got there. At first, there was just a handful of us, but by the time midnight rolled around, it turned into a whole dorm party. Amanda and I were hanging out in the halls drinking Seagram's wine coolers and chatting with a few guys when I saw him walk out of Walter's room.

"Hey! Ryan, right?" I said a little louder then I intended.

"Hey, Victoria." He flashed me a cute dimpled smile that made his eyes stand out more.

"It's Vicky," I corrected.

"Oh, sorry. Professor Yang always calls you Victoria, so I just figured that's what your name was."

"Oh, no, it is Victoria." I placed a hand lightly on his arm. "But Victoria sounds like a grandmother's name. Which it should, since that's who I got my name from. But, anyway, people just call me Vicky."

Why was I rambling so awkwardly? I wasn't like that with any of the other guys at the party. Why was he making me so nervous?

"Well, Vicky, not Victoria. How would you and your friend." He gestured to Amanda, who was eyeing us while still talking to the other guys beside us. "Like to join Walter and me in his room? He's got some good green, and asked me to find some friends to come along."

"Wanna go, Amanda?" I turned to her and asked, giving her a signal with my eyes that "No" wasn't an option.

*****

"So you have two older brothers? That's cool!" I asked, feeling the buzz in my brain from the alcohol and the last shotgun Walter gave me.

"Yeah. They're pretty cool, I guess. Peter is the oldest, he's been working for my parents' company for a few years now. Adam is currently interning there as he's finishing up his last year at Columbia." Ryan took the bowl from Amanda and brought it to his lips. Flicking the lighter over the top and taking in a deep inhale.

"Columbia! I couldn't get into that school even if I wanted too," Walter added to the conversation. "But thankfully, I don't want to." He rested back against his futon and stared at the psychedelic poster that was pinned to his loft bed and illuminated by a black-light.

"Me too." Ryan coughed out the smoke. "Columbia is filled with way too many." He coughed again. "straight-cut people. I love the diversity N.Y.U. offers." His last cough followed, which sounded like he had a hairball caught in his throat.

"Hey, Walter!" One of his dorm mates greeted, popping his head into the room. "It's your turn in beer pong. Do you have a partner?"

"Sweet! Hey Handy-Mandy, care to be my partner?" He leaned into Amanda's arm.

"Only if you promise not to call me that name again," she demanded.

Amanda and Walter left the room, leaving Ryan and me there alone. I patted the empty space that Amanda left. "You can sit next to me now. If you like."

Ryan had been sitting on the floor and gladly welcomed the opportunity to sit on the futon with me. "This is much better. Thanks."

"So tell me more about you. Your life sounds so interesting," I insisted.

"Hardly." He rolled his eyes. "How about you tell me more about you? Where are you from?"

"I'm from New York City." I smiled.

Ryan rested his head back to check out the poster, the same way Walter did. "No, you're most definitely not. You're too sweet and laid back to be from here." 

I blushed. I thanked the black-light for hiding my blush too. "Florida."

He raised his head slightly to look at me. "I knew it! Let me guess. Miami?"

"No. Naples."

"Ah, that makes much more sense!" He nodded, replacing his head back against the futon.

"It does? Why?" I joined him in leaning my head back to look up at the glowing white of the poster.

"I don't know." He laughed. "I forgot what we were talking about."

I laughed too. Then we talked for a while about my family and then his family. Then we naturally talked about our interests and what our majors were going to be. I was excited to hear he was also going to go into Urban Design and Architecture. Which made sense based on what he told me about his family's business.

It felt so natural talking to him. I was sad when the night ended.

*******

Over the next few weeks, Ryan would only talk to me briefly in passing, before class. By the time class was over and I wanted to talk to him more, he'd be gone.

I didn't remember everything we talked about, but I remembered enjoying the feeling being around him.

By the time we left for winter break, I had figured he wasn't really interested in me, so I didn't try to talk to him at all. Then came Sydney's apartment party. She was having crowds of students over to celebrate New Year's Eve again, since we were all home during the real one. She did it so she could have an excuse to kiss her crush, without it being awkward. I had to commend her for her creativity.

Her apartment was crowded, smokey, and sweaty when Amanda and I arrived. She and I grabbed red plastic cups filled with beer and found an empty space in the small apartment to get comfortable in.

"Hey, isn't that the guy from Walter's party?" Amanda pointed at a guy dancing like he knew what he was doing by the stereo.

He shifted his feet to cross over each other, spun around, and proceeded to kick his feet up in the air while planting his palms on the ground to do a handstand of sorts. It was impressive. When he jumped back to his standing position, everyone around cheered for him. Including myself, but I added a loud, "Whoop-Whoop!"

It must have caught his attention because his eyes met mine then, and his dimpled smile returned. He made his way through the crowds to me. "Hey, you! Happy New Year!"

"Not quite yet! We still have thirty minutes before the clock strikes twelve." I tapped the face of my watch.

He just laughed at my quick response. He greeted Amanda, too, before turning his focus back on me. "So, how was Florida?"

"A lot warmer than here." I took a gulp of my beer. I hated the taste of it but did my best not to crinkle my nose at the taste, like I would typically do.

"I bet. It's a little stuffy in here. Would you want to go sit on the fire escape? Sydney's put a portable heater out there." He pointed to the apartment window that was just behind me.

"Will you be okay?" I asked Amanda.

"Yeah! I actually see Skyler over there reading a book! I need to stop her and remind her she's at a party." Amanda made her way around the edge of the crowd to the opposite side of the apartment.

"Shall we?" Ryan offered, raising the window and reaching out his hand to me.

I took it, and we made our way out onto the metal landing. A gust of icy wind hit my face that made me instantly feel chill to the bone. The leather jacket I had on top of a thick turtleneck still didn't help me feel any warmth. We sat on the first step where the portable heater was. I was so grateful. Even the short two-second walk it took to get there, felt like an eternity.

"You are a Floridian!" He burst out laughing.

"Whatever! I just came back from beautiful 80-degree weather. Leave me alone. It's hard to readjust back to my new normal," I said through chattering teeth.

"Would you like to go back inside? I don't want you to freeze on account of me." He pointed back to the window behind us.

"No, this is nice." I hovered my hand inches from the red hot coils, enjoying the sizzle on my hands while the rest of me shivered.

Just then, Ryan's phone chimed a tune. "It's my brother, hold on." He held up a finger to me and answered. "What?"..."Seriously?"..."Oh, come on! She's that pissed that I snuck out? I'm nineteen fucking years old! I go to college now."... "Yeah, okay. I'll be home in a bit."...."Bye."

"Sorry about that. Apparently, my mom checked in on me to say goodnight and freaked the fuck out when I wasn't in my room." Ryan rested his face in his hands to hide his embarrassment from me.

"Hey, don't worry. My mom's the same way. Why do you think I chose to go to a school in New York instead of Florida?" I leaned in and bumped him lightly with my shoulder.

He bumped me lightly back and smiled. "Yeah, but my mom's been extra mom-like with me lately. It's probably because I'm the baby of the family, and she only has my dad to really worry about now."

"I get it! I'm an only child. My parents cried for a week whenever I'd call them. You'd think they'd like having their pre-child life back. Now they don't have to worry about me walking in on them fucking anymore." I laughed.

"Oh, please don't put that image in my mind." Ryan covered his ears and laughed. "I always told myself my brother's and I were delivered by storks. My mom seems way too uptight to ever get down and dirty with my dad. Crap, there I go with an image in my head. Thanks a lot!" He laughed again shielding his eyes as if that would help the image go away.

We talked back and forth for a little while about our different parental issues. It felt nice being able to give him some insightful advice.

"Well, just remember," I said as we made our way back into the apartment a few minutes before the New Year countdown was going to begin again. "Parents only base their advice from their own experiences and failures. What didn't work for them, doesn't mean it won't work for you."

"That's so insightful." He had to get closer to my ear so I could hear him as the crowd around us was getting louder and more excited. His voice so close to me gave me a different kind of shiver than the outside air did.

"Next time," I said, turning my lips to speak in his ear. "You just need to take what they say with a grain of salt. Thank them for the suggestion and tell them you'll take it into consideration. They'll think they've won, and you can then take the time to decide on whatever it is you want to do."

"Where have you been all my life?" He looked at me seriously.

Just then, the countdown from ten began. Ryan and I looked at each other as it got closer to one. As we went in to kiss each other and say "Happy New Year," another girl cut through and stole my kiss. I stood there for a moment, shocked as Ryan continued to kiss her. Not wanting to feel any more awkward than I already did, I moved away to find Amanda again.

Not-so Happy New Year after all!