Song: Black Orchid- Blue October

Once we land back home, I decided to go down to the café just to see her. However she is not there. I ask the manger if she will be in today and he stated that she quit. Something about a new job and he thinks she is seeing someone new. I make my way over to her apartment and knock of course no one answers the damn door. I go back out and wait till dark and she never comes home. I get that feeling deep inside of me that feels like it is tearing my insides up and twisting my gut. How could I let her leave me?

A week goes by and then another week before I realize it half the year has gone by and still no sight of her. I tried looking her up and doing research on where she could be but nothing shows up. Hell I even made a point of going to several Clubs just hoping to bump into her with her friends and nothing. I have tried being at her place at odd times to catch her but nothing and once I see a neighbor come out of the building I walk up to her and confront her. "Excuse ma'am..." She turns around to look at me with a kind smile. "Sorry to bother you...I am one of Stella's friends have you seen her lately?"

"Oh...Stella...she is such a sweet young lady. Yes...yes it's been a good week or so now. She...moved out."

My hand tightens into a fist. I so want to smash something right now. I have to remind myself that this lady is just telling me what I need to know. "You wouldn't happen to know where too by chance?"

"Oh now let me see." She pauses as if to pick her brain apart...come on is it that fucking hard to remember. I try to be patient as long as I can but at the moment I just want to shake it out of her. "Oh...I believe she said they are moving on down south a ways...she was with some fellow. Nice look man."

I grit my teeth at the very thought. A guy...and he looks nice. I had my chance with her and I fucked it all up. I should just let it all go. Maybe this is for the better. "Thanks. Sorry for keeping you."

"No problem. Hope you have a nice day." She says with a wider grin and turns around to walk away from me.

I should head home, maybe doing a good workout to get her out of my head, however I choose to go to the bar on the corner and down a few drinks. I should not let this get to me. As I down a shot in the glass I think of him touching her. I down another shot and another. I start laughing and hand the bar tender a few twenties and ask him to keep it coming.

"Looks like you had a shitty day....here have one on me." He smiles and hands me another shot.

My phone keeps buzzing and I ignore it. I am not in the mood to deal with anyone. I for sure am not in the mood for doing a job right now. Around the forth time I freaking answer it. "Whoever this is better have a good reason to be fucking disturbing me." I slur into the phone.

"Is this Atticus...Atticus Cortez?"

"Yes...who the fuck wants to know?"

"This is Dr. Freeman at St. Thomas Medical...we have your mother here. Sir she had a light heart attack and needs someone that can come to help fill out all the paperwork."

I run my hand through my hair. Shit...I am fucking feeling this buzz and not sure I even need to be driving. I debate on calling Ashton to come get me. "I will be there as soon as I can." I click the phone and slide it in my pocket. I grab my keys and head out.

Maybe this wasn't the best idea. I swerve all over the fucking road trying to get there. I'm shocked that I don't get pulled over. When I get there I can barely walk straight going in. I find my way to front desk and ask about my mom. She is up on the third floor. I go in and she is sleeping in the bed. I go in and sit down beside her in the chair. When the doctor comes in he gives me the low down and I fill out all the paperwork that he needs. I'm there for a good hour before she opens her eyes and looks over at me.

I was fine until she opened her mouth. "Atticus where is he. I need him."

"Mom he is not here. You know by now he is gone."

"Atticus...don't be like that. He was your father all these years he has taken care of you."

"He was not my father and never was. Mom I am not here to talk about him; I am only here because the doctors needed me to fill out paperwork and I'm here to make sure that you are all right."

Her smile turns flat and she looks away from me with sadness. She is disappointed in me. "Atticus you should not be that way. He really did care a lot about you and still does."

"No...mom...you are so wrong. He hated me. I can't remember a time that he cared anything about me."

In that moment her eyes roll in the back of her head. Her body starts to twitch and she is either having a stroke or a seizure. The alarm starts going off...machines are beeping like crazy and as I am standing up to touch her, the door opens up and doctors and nurses rush in. I get pushed out of the way. Before too long I am being pushed out the door and I find myself in the hallway. I pace back and forth for what seems like forever, in reality it is only like five minutes.

Then the door opens back up. I see the expression on his face before he even has to say anything to me...I know that she is gone. "Atticus...we tried...we did. I'm so sorry."

I just nod my head. "Yeah..." I couldn't find any other words...nothing came to my mind...in that moment I felt sorrow. I wanted us to be like we were before him. I wanted to have that love again and he took it and even right before she passed on...she was only thinking of him.

I walk past the doctor and out to the truck. I climb in and bang the steering wheel a few times, once hitting the damn horn. I crank up the engine and storm out of the parking lot. I find myself at the liquor store and buying a bottle of whisky. I don't think twice before opening the bottle and taking a long nice swig of it letting the liquid burn my throat all the way down. Killing him was nothing; I felt nothing taking his life. I take another long swig. Watching Sara die was hard...but seeing my mom die that hurt like hell. Another long swig...the bottle is almost empty.

I start to drive and end up at home...my home growing up. I drive the truck into the lawn all the way up to the front porch, knocking down rose bushes and slamming into the house right into the front porch busting the headlight before coming to a complete stop. I jump out and fall on my ass. I guess I had one too many to drink.

I bust down the front door and walk in, looking around as if he is going to be there. Hell I know he is gone...I killed him. Everything looks the same as if she couldn't bear to get rid of any of his shit. I run through the house taking all of his shit out and throwing it all into a heap in the backyard. I'm not thinking straight as I set all the shit on fire....his shit that is.I run back into the house to go through her things...I want to find something to keep with me forever and then I see it...the necklace with the silver cross. It was one of her favorites back in the day...before him.

 I find my way back into my old room. I glance around and everything has changed there are no traces of me ever being here. As I grab it and place it in my pocket there is a loud ruckus and men yelling. You would have thought the house was on fire but it wasn't; it was just his shit burning outside like a freaking bonfire.

Two of the firemen come running towards me and notice that I can't walk straight...hell matter of fact I can't see straight either...everything is swirling around me. They help me out and the EMT's are looking me over to make sure that I am alright.  Of course I'm not, I'm fucked up from all the liquor swimming around in my stomach and my body feels super light and care free.

Within seconds Zane pulls up and walks over to see what the hell is going on.