*ALEX'S POV*
( WARNING: There is a panic attack in the flashback. Don't read if you don't want to. I'll put in bold when it starts and ends)

     When Washington said that, I kept my mouth shut. It was pretty obvious that he could see the defience in my eyes. "I'll be back when soon." Washington said with some understanding in his voice. I wanted to fight. He knew it too. I can't just sit here! It's just not part of my nature! Well... That guy that was shot isn't fighting. And John wasn't ordered to fight and had to take him to the nurse-"Hey Alex! Be back on a bit!" John said as he ran into the "battle field," Musket loaded and ready to shoot. Everyone I knew was fighting and I was just laying down on my cot!

     I've had injuries before and fought just as I usually do! Wait no... Washington dragged me back like...3 times.

      *FLASHBACK*  (this is a continuing         
              flashback from ch.5)

    "Alex, the nurse said that you can't fight for at least 2 weeks...You were shot in your side!" "But sir-" "No. This shouldn't even be a conversation." He sighed." Son. Everyone thought you were dead!" "I'm not your son..." I grumbled. "You should listen to your father more Hamilton!" Charles Lee mocked With his head poking inside the tent. "He's not-"
"Alex calm down. Don't listen to Lee. He sucks." John said as he pushed Lee out of the tent and he walked in. Laf and Herc followed.
"Anyways..." I started. "I am in perfect condition to fight." "You need to stay in bed..." Washington said. "Yeah...Hamilton , you are still injured."said Herc.
"Who's side are you on!" I asked irritated. "Washington's...Duh" They said in unison. "You guys suck..." "Just stay in the cot." Washington said, sounding exhausted from the "meaningless" argument.

They thought that I would just sit there doing nothing. Well... I did for about 2 days. Then, when I was really bored and I could just ignore the pain most of the time, The British had attacked our camp. "That's it. I'm not sitting here anymore. I'm fighting." I said to myself.

I ran out there with my gun in my hand, and the great feeling of adrenaline pumping through my body. Yes! I'm out of bed and ready to-"Hamilton! What are you doing!" shoot. Washington can see me. "H-hey sir...lovely day isn't it?" I asked. He had made me go back to rest. I repeated this many times, trying different strategies. Like going places Washington wasn't. Or trying to get away. Sadly, a few times, one of my friends or soldiers reported to Washington if they saw me trying to fight. Snitches... He probably told them to keep an eye out for me.

After about a week of doing this, I was starting to loose hope of fighting. It was taking so long to heal! Doesn't he know by now I need something to do! I cannot just sit down and watch everyone fight! He actually started to drag me back. Probably because I either got away before he would grab me again or try escape a few times...which obviously didn't work. He said I was being immature. For your information I was not...

"Ok let's try this again. 10th time's the charm..." I mumble as I walk outside the tent. I again, had my musket in my hand, loaded...I'm finally fighting! I thought after about 5 minutes of great luck. I had already shot a few British soldiers. It was a little hard to ignore the pain in my side today. I had been getting away with this for about 10 minutes or so when a familiar voice started yelling. "Hamilton!" Oh no. He sounded angry.
I was about to take a run for it when I felt a hand grab my wrist. He was dragging me back again! Im 23 years old and being dragged back like some kid! "You are acting like a child Alex..." He mumbled. Am not!

    "Sir! Let me go. I'm fine! I can fight!" I said.
"When will you learn!" Washington yelled as he was dragging me holding onto my wrist knowing I would try to get away.
"Learn what sir!?" Now I was angry too. "That we care! We care about you son! Your friends and I care about you!" This infuriated me. "Who could care about me?! I'm just a bastard orphan!" No one cares! I dont even have family to go back to! If my father cared about me, he would have stayed! If my cousin cared, he wouldn't have commit suicide with my brother and I inside the house! I have no one!" "Alex, you have Lafayette, Hercules, John and myself. We would care if something happened to you, and We did when you got shot. "You are all probably just my friends out of pity!" There were tears stinging my eyes. "That's not true Alex. Your friends were in tears hearing that you were dead."
No one!...could ever care." I said in almost a whisper.

     I hated this. There was always pity. I don't have any family to go back to after war. I have no one. No one cares about me. What will I even do afterwards? Will I just be homeless again?! Just then, over weighted with thoughts, my knees gave out as I collapsed on to the floor. "Son!"
Thoughts were circling my mind.
(starting) I was starting to panic. What do I do when my friends leave. Lafayette and Hercules were going home. I don't know about John but I doubt he's staying around me.
Why did my family have to die and leave me alive to suffer. what if Washington leaves me. He can't. He's all I have left.
"Son! Are you alright? What's going on!"

I couldn't hear him. Only the thoughts. They were screaming negative things. Tears were streaming down my face. I couldn't see, I couldn't hear, I couldn't breathe. I became dizzy and overwhelmed. My breaths became shaky. "Alexander...Breathe...I need you to calm down." I couldn't calm down. My breathing only became faster. He hates you. You're just a burden. He doesn't look at you as any more than a worthless orpha-
Son...look at me." I looked up with tear stains on my face.
"Breathe in and out... Un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq, six, sept, huit, neuf." (end :))
Wait...Washington doesn't know French...When John, Herc or myself was freaking out from something, most likely stress of everything going on, Laf would count to 9 in french. It always worked. I guess He heard Laf and noticed that it was a good strategy. Washington repeated the counting while I was slowly calming down.

"You had me worried there son." Washington chuckled with a bit of relief in his voice. Then my friends walked in and saw my current tear stained, shaky, state. "Alex, are you ok!?" John said as they all ran up to me. Then the rest of my friends joined in questioning me. The sudden loudness and the quick questions made me flinch. "G-guys..." I said, Still in a little bit of panic. They were kind of making it worse... I guess they were just worried though. I just looked up at Washington for some assistance. "Everyone...shh. I just got him to calm down." Washington chuckled. "What happened?" Laf asked. "I'm pretty sure he just had a panic attack..." "Oh...sorry Alex." Herc said.

"I-its alright...I'm sorry sir." I sighed as I looked up at Washington. "For what?" He asked. "Everything." He still looked confused, as well as my friends. "This whole...situation.
Sneaking out...The panic attack. You gave me an order to stay in the cot, and now, we're dealing with...this. And I shouldn't of freaked out like that.
"Okay...First if all, you can't control a panic attack, second, I probably should have known that you would never just sit around doing nothing."  "True..." I mumbled.

*FLASHBACK OVER*

That was...something. I think I was going a little stir crazy, and I think I am again. I haven't even lasted an hour... Let's see how this goes.

Words- 1359

Why are you reading this? It's so cringy!
I got this done quick so I wanted to post.

Also...GUESS WHO'S SEEING HAMILTON TODAYYYYY!!!!! 😆😆😆
*cough*...me *COUGH*

OK I'm done bye!!!😂❤️