Flashback, 2010

Senior Year of High School

(18)

NOVEMBER

"Lucky pencil, check. Lucky eraser, check."

Baekhyun zips up his bag after shoving his pororo pencil case inside. If he were to describe his emotions right now, they could be a mixture of anxiety due to his rattling nerves, and chills due to this snowy weather. Checking the time, he still has a good thirty minutes to prepare before the CSAT commences. He must ensure he has all his lucky items with him first before he goes to the examination center with Chanyeol.

"Granny's lucky coin, check."

He puts the coin inside his sock, right under the sole of his feet. His Baekbeom hyung did it when he took the test, and he successfully hit the cut-off score for the college program he was aiming for. This ritual is proven and tested.

"Hmm. What else?"

In front of the mirror, Baekhyun properly fixes his wool scarf around his neck to keep him warm and toasty for the entire day. He is also wearing Chanyeol's winter coat as he believes it will bring him good fortune. Remembering the most important part, he peeks inside his pants to check if it's red. He can't leave the house without it.

"Lucky underwear, check!"

Clenching his fist, he cheers himself on and takes a deep breath. He's now ready (he thinks). He diligently studied for the whole year just to get this far. He must do his best for this test no matter what. His future depends on it.

"You can do it, Byun Baekhyun! Good luck!"

Mrs. Byun's voice yelling at him to finish his milk fades out in the background. Baekhyun is running out of the door, fog coming out of his lips.

"Dude, hurry up!"

Chanyeol is already waiting for him inside the car parked in front of the Byun convenience store. Chanyeol waves his hand out of the window, so Baekhyun rushes to get in the backseat, sitting with his best friend.

"Thanks!" He says, tightly holding Chanyeol's hand for emotional support. He inhales and exhales, trying to calm his nerves down. "Let's go."

Chanyeol nods at the driver.

"Mr. Choi, let's go."

The smile on Chanyeol's face is bright and sparkling, his eyes glowing with anticipation while looking at Baekhyun beside him. Baekhyun's fingers are cold and sweaty in his grasp, indicating that the other is feeling anxious. To ease his worries, Chanyeol strikes up a conversation.

"You had a full breakfast, right?"

"Yup. How about you?"

"I ate well. Mom cooked for me for the first time again."

"That explains your good mood. Oh, wait. Did you wear your lucky underwear, too?"

"No need. I already have my lucky item with me."

"What is it?"

"What? You mean, who."

"Who is it, then?"

"You."

"Me?"

Chanyeol gently squeezes Baekhyun's hand.

"I'm holding it right here. My lucky person."

Baekhyun scoffs and rolls his eyes, chuckling at Chanyeol's antics.

"Man, are you for real? You wanna bomb it? I'm literally a walking bad luck. Don't put your hopes on me!"

"Hey. Don't be so negative, alright? Trust me. We're both gonna get a high score."

"You, Park Chanyeol, no doubt, will rank in the top 4%. But as for me? There's no telling if I could even get past Level 5 in Mathematics."

"You'll place in the top 1%. I could feel it."

"That's impossible. I don't wanna retake if I score poorly. My mom's gonna kill me."

"Pfft. Calm down."

"Argh! Give me a bit of your confidence, will you?

Chanyeol briefly glances at the rear-view mirror. He momentarily meets Mr. Choi's kind gaze before the man continues driving again.

"Sure. I'll give you a lucky charm later."

Bits of snow fall from the skies, dampening the road packed with people. A huge banner welcoming examinees is hung by the entrance, bringing more tension to the air. High school seniors dressed warmly are entering the gates in an orderly fashion.

Mr. Choi drops them off, reminding the boys that he'll pick them up later.

Baekhyun's designated room is different from Chanyeol's. His is located on Building A, 2nd floor while Chanyeol is on Building F, 4th floor. Their examinee numbers are also far from each other. Having to separate in the hallways, they promise to rendezvous once the exam is over.

"Give me your hand."

Baekhyun spreads his palms. Chanyeol places a candy on top. It's a bonbon.

"Here. Eat this when you're having a hard time solving a problem. The answer will automatically show itself to you on the paper. It's a magic candy."

"Pfft. You expect me to believe that shit?"

"Yoora noona told me about this. Look where she is right now "

"Give me a whole bag of these."

As a supportive best friend, Chanyeol escorts Baekhyun to his assigned room. He doesn't mind if the building is in the opposite direction of his. What's important is that he sees for himself Baekhyun sitting right on his desk before the examination begins. Students gradually occupy the vacant seats, filling the testing room.

Break a leg! Chanyeol mouths, balling his hands into fists to send Baekhyun good luck. How can he even take his eyes off him? Baekhyun looks too adorable wearing his navy blue scarf today. His face is literally so small that the scarf can cover it completely.

Ah... If only he could pinch Baekhyun's cheeks right now... They must be so squishy to the touch... And smoochable...

From his seat, Baekhyun stares at Chanyeol and points at his watch, wearing a panicked and worried expression.

Aren't you gonna leave yet!?

But Chanyeol is too locked in, daydreaming and admiring his crush, to even notice the passage of time. Suddenly, the ringing of the bell resounds in the air, alerting the examinees. It's a signal for the five-minute grace period.

Alarmed, Chanyeol perks up and realizes what's happening. After waving his final goodbye to Baekhyun, he dashes in the direction of Building F. Four minutes left on the clock. Will he make it on time?

"Oh, fuck! I'm gonna be late! Aaaaah!"

Fortunately, he's a buzzer beater. He arrives exactly when the test papers are being sorted out and distributed. Awkwardly heading to his seat (the only one empty), he places his stuff on his desk. Heavily panting and sweating, he's all red, disoriented, and breathless from running too fast.

"You may begin," the proctor announces through the palpable atmosphere. Students flip their testpapers in unison and write on the answer sheets. Nobody is lifting their heads.

Still recovering from his adrenalin rush, Chanyeol accidentally knocks over his things. His papers clatter on the floor so he quickly picks them up.

"S-sorry," he quietly mutters to the person next to him, before going back to his seat properly.

The comprehensive and lengthy exam will last for approximately eight hours. Divided into several sections, the CSAT will cover different subjects, mainly Korean Language, Mathematics, English, Korean History, Social Studies/Sciences, and Second Foreign Language.

Chanyeol checks the time on his watch. It's now 8:45 in the morning. At 5:45 pm, the exam is expected to be finished. Cracking his neck side to side, he finds the most comfortable grip on his pencil. Taking a deep breath, he concentrates his mind on the first question. It's now time to get serious.

"Alright. Let's do this."

*

Thud! Thud! Thud!

"Hey, little punk! How long are you planning to mope in your room? It's been a whole week."

"Go away, Baekbeom, you moron! Don't knock on my door!"

"Mom cooked dinner. Get out."

"I'm not hungry!"

"Fine, suit yourself... Oh, isn't that Chanyeol? What brings you here? You're looking for Baekhyun? No. He's not home."

Peeling himself off his bed, Baekhyun excitedly bursts out to the door. Instead of seeing his best friend, he is lifted in the air without warning. Next thing he knows, he's already being transported downstairs as his brother carries him over his shoulder.

"What the hell!? Put me down! Hey!"

Baekbeom throws him in the center of the dining table where his family is gathered. The curse Baekhyun is supposed to yell dissolves in his throat the moment his mom plops down the food in front of him.

"Eat, or I'll beat your ass."

Baekhyun jolts in fear, quietly stuffing his mouth with the bowl of rice. His dad avoids eye contact with him as if he were saying, You're alone in this.

"No. But seriously. This is the first time I've heard someone falling asleep in the middle of a test," Baekbeom says, laughing in between his loud chewing. "And during CSAT, no less!"

Baekhyun's face reddens in humiliation, recalling how he startled himself awake when he dropped his pencil on the floor. With drool on his chin, he continued answering the rest of the questions in a hurry. How he finished the exam and what happened afterwards were all fuzzy. He was having a mental breakdown, crying to Chanyeol as he got home.

"Don't mind your older brother. It's okay, sweetie. I'm sure you're going to still ace the test. My grandson is a genius after all," Grandma kindly says, taking Baekhyun's side. Baekhyun's heart swells up, hearing his granny's sweet words.

"If ever Baekhyun can't qualify for SKY University with his scores, he can just retake next year or choose another program," Mr. Byun says. "He can apply in a different university too, as long as it's in Seoul. Right, son?"

"Or better yet, just stay here in Bucheon and study finance or accounting at a mid-tier university," Mrs. Byun interrupts. "That way, Baekhyun could land a decent job just like his father. He could work in a bank or in a firm after he graduates."

"I doubt his brain could handle all that complicated stuff, mom. Baekhyun could just apply in Physical Ed. That's easier," Baekeom says, smiling at the shorter dude glaring at him. "Hey. I can help you out. You love moving around, don't you? PE is perfect for you."

Looking at everyone and "appreciating" all their opinions, Baekhyun comfidently verbalizes his thoughts. His decision is firm and final. Nothing can change his mind. He'll chase his dreams together with Chanyeol whatever it takes.

"I'm sorry, but my mind's already set. I'll get into SKY University with Chanyeol no matter what. We'll apply for a game development program and become roommates. I'll follow my heart, and that's it."

For a moment, silence lingers in the air before everyone returns to eating and ignoring him.

"Not that again, young man. Stop playing too much video games, will you? Just listen to me. Mother knows best."

"Pfft! Hahaha! You'll follow your heart? Is Chanyeol your heart?"

"Shut up!"

"Sure thing, son. If you ever need money, just tell your dad. I'll break a piggybank for you."

"Hey dad, that wasn't funny!"

"I'm serious, though. I have enough savings for your little brother's college funds!"

Tch. No one's taking me seriously, Baekhyun mutters to himself. I'll prove myself to them.

Not until Baekhyun remembers again how he messed up the last part of the exam when he accidentally nodded off.

His spirts are crashed instantly.

Grandma Byun reaches for his hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. She smiles affectionately.

"I believe in you."

Baekhyun sniffles, holding back his tears.

"Grandma..."

After having dinner, Baekhyun is tasked to looking after their store with his brother. He is taking out the trash, when all of a sudden, a text arrives from Chanyeol.

Are you still up? Wanna hang out? My parents aren't home and I'm lonely...

Baekhyun thinks of a reply.

My mom's gonna chew me out if she sees me leaving at this hour. But I'll find a way to escape!

Don't worry, I'll tell her we're gonna study for the finals. Go grab some snacks.

Pfft. Okay! I'll be there in ten minutes!

Baekhyun peeks at the counter. Baekebom is in the register, busy with his phone and talking with his girlfriend. The guy is smiling and laughing to himself like an idiot.

"Perfect. He's not looking."

Baekhyun snatches some chips and candies from the junk food section and shoves them inside his hoodie pocket. Tiptoeing, he sneaks out of the store, unlocks his bicycle, and mounts it before cycling away in record speed.

"All set!"

Plopping on the couch after the preparation, Chanyeol tosses his phone away and smiles. He reaches for the remote and turns on the TV, choosing a night sky background full of stars.

"Hmm... Does this look real enough?"

The heavy silence that echoes throughout the whole house reminds him of how alone he is right now. Peering over his shoulder, a flashback appears in his mind. His dad reading his daily newspaper in the living room. His sister filming him with a camcorder while playing video games. His mom cooking in the kitchen and beckoning everyone to have breakfast together.

But then a call from the telephone would come, making his parents leave for the airport. They'd come back several days later, and the cycle would go on and on again.

Chanyeol shakes his head to brush off the memory.

"Right. I'll clean up before Baekhyun gets here."

Together with the box of takeouts, the empty soda cans and used chopsticks go into the trash, while the note Yoora wrote stays on the fridge door. Don't order junkfood. Eat something healthy for dinner!

He picks up his dad's credit card and slots it back into his wallet, same with the yellow bills his mom left on the counter. He never spends them unless it's necessary. Because of this, he's able to save and buy games he'll play with Baekhyun when new ones come out. If that counts as necessary, then it is necessary.

[Yeol! What took you so long to pick up?]

"Sorry, I'm in the middle of washing the dishes, noona. What's up?"

[Nothing, just wanna check in with my little brother! By the way, I just got the advanced textbook you wanted to borrow. I'm now heading to the club room with my friend...]

Hearing the voice of his lovely sister, Chanyeol imagines her walking in a hurry. She must be done with her classes and still at the uni right now. Often times, she'd give him a call when she missed him, especially if she couldn't come home on her break.

[So. Have packed your suitcase yet?]

"Yup. Three days in advance."

[Look who's excited for his birthday trip to Japan~]

"Our family's gonna get together again after a long time, so of course, I'm looking forward to it. Dad says we're going to Disneyland but aren't I too old for that?!"

[What're you talking about? You're still a baby! What gift do you want? Come on, noona will get it for you.]

After clearing the sink, Chanyeol takes off his apron and rubber gloves. With his phone sandwiched in between his shoulder and ear, he speedruns putting away stuff in the living room. Baekhyun shouldn't see these dirty socks lying around the couch.

"I don't need anything. Just spending my birthday with you, dad, and mom, will be enough for me. Actually, we could just have a simple dinner at home and I'd be so much happier."

[Aww, since when did you get so mature? So proud of you.]

"I've always been so mature."

[Oh, crap. I gotta go. The meeting starts in five minutes and our sunbae's looking for me already! Talk to you later, okay? Love you!]

"A club meeting at this hour!?"

Yoora hangs up, leaving Chanyeol speechless.

"University students sure are on a different level."

The doorbell ringing makes Chanyeol jolt in absolute excitement. He quickly fixes his hair in front of the mirror before answering the front door. Baekhyun's wide grin and rosy cheeks welcome him, his breath turning into fog on this chilly night. Baekhyun's bicycle is parked outside while his hoodie pocket is filled with snacks and goodies.

"Hey, you made it."

Baekhyun bounces on his heels, flashing him an adorable smile.

"Always."

Smiling back at his best friend, Chanyeol lifts his hand. He touches Baekhyun's hair and swats away the tiny clumps of snow on his fringe. He clears his throat when it dawns on him that they've been staring at each other for too long.

"C-come in! Let's have some hot choco."

"You prepared something, didn't you?"

"Wait. How'd you know?"

"The look in your face says so. Where is it?"

In the corners of his eyes, Chanyeol quietly watches as Baekhyun saunters into the living room where a makeshift indoor camping setup is arranged. On the carpeted floor, a tent is pitched up. Two camping chairs are facing the electronic bonfire. Orange lamps are hung on the wall. There's a small table serving hot chocolates and blankets. To finish it off, a stargazing telescope is pointed at the TV that displays a picture of the milky way galaxy.

"Imagine we're camping on a private island. Just the two of us."

Baekhyun gasps in amazement.

"Wow... This is so cool. Aren't you so creative?"

"You know how much I've been wanting to do this outside."

"Nice, you really made it possible. Inside."

"Hahaha. Outside's too dangerous. Our parents won't let us."

"Once we get a little older, we'll go camping in an island for real. We could go stargazing just like you wanted and swim in the sea."

"Sounds great!"

Instead of the chair, Baekhyun sits on the carpet as he empties out his pockets. Chanyeol flops next to him and reaches for a blanket, draping it on Baekhyun's shoulders. The fake bonfire illuminates their faces, tracing pretty silhouettes on the wall. The flames may not bring actual heat, but to Chanyeol, Baekhyun's presence already warms up his heart.

"My birthday's in three days, right? I'll be away on that day, so I decided to celebrate it with you in advance."

"Where are you going on the 27th?"

"Tokyo. My family picks a place every year."

Baekhyun frowns, feeling sad and guilty. If only he had figured out Chanyeol's plan sooner, he would've bought something for him. He was actually thinking of weaving a bracelet for Chanyeol as a birthday present. Guess he'll just give it to Chanyeol when he returns from the trip. He could write Chanyeol a letter too, and make him their traditional birthday coupons.

"You should've told me we were celebrating it earlier. I didn't get you any..."

Chanyeol laughs, shrugging.

"It's fine. I have you here with me, after all. There's nothing I could ask for."

"Happy birthday, Chanyeol."

"Thank you."

"Wanna make some s'mores?"

"Sure."

Role playing that they're actually camping, they talk about everything under the sun. They open the snacks and heat up the marshmallows using a blowtorch. Chanyeol eagerly listens as Baekhyun shares his post-graduation plans about becoming roommates in college if possible. He's grateful for how Baekhyun naturally includes him in his future. It was as if Baekhyun was thinking of him as his own self.

"Mom wants me to stay here and get into finance. Baekbeom hyung said I should apply for PE just like him. Dad doesn't have any particular major in mind as long as I get accepted into any university in Seoul. But Grandma's different. He supports my decision to study game development with you."

"Granny's the best, as always."

"How about you? You applied through early admissions, right? What did your parents say about your choice? Are they okay with it?"

Chanyeol pauses as he recalls a memory of his mother calling him to her office last week. She wanted to know how the counseling with his homeroom teacher went. Their "talk" was interrupted when she got a call from her secretary.

"I still have to discuss it with my mom one of these days. But I'm pretty sure she doesn't mind me choosing any program as long as it's at SKY University."

"Really? That's a relief. I hope your results go well."

"I hope so, too. Come here. Let's take a picture together."

"But I didn't wash my face!"

"It's fine. You still look good."

While fake camping, it's Baekhyun's childish idea that they're also pretending to drink alcohol. It's just apple juice poured into wine glasses. Doing a toast, Chanyeol bursts into laughter as he acts drunk and silly with Baekhyun, sipping the juice like it's wine. They're inside the opened tent, sitting cross-legged next to each other.

"Ah, I feel like an adult already..."

"Me, too."

Chanyeol swirls the liquid inside his glass. Its yellowish, translucent color looks like the champagne his mom drinks at night when she can't fall asleep.

"Hey. I wonder what it tastes like. Alcohol."

"When you guys have fancy family dinners, haven't you thought of asking your dad for a little sip just for kicks?"

"It crossed my mind, but I'm scared to ask him. You know how my dad is. He's a serious man."

Baekhyun scoots closer and whispers into Chanyeol's ear.

"You see... I've tried it before. Soju."

Chanyeol's eyes widen in shock.

"No way. How? When?"

"My brother was drinking with his friends one night and he called me over. He let me take a sip of his drink. After that, I threw up. It tasted awful."

"Pfft. I knew it."

"But it was amazing. My throat burned. So was my face. I felt like a real man back then. Hahaha."

Baekhyun lies on the floor and grins at Chanyeol menacingly.

"Hey. I saw something hidden in the cupboard when you took out the wine glasses."

That certain tone of voice, Chanyeol knows it by heart, not to mention the suspicious gaze Baekhyun is shooting him. His eyes are glinting. He's definitely up to something "inappropriate."

Baekhyun wiggles his eyebrows.

"Wanna open it?"

Chanyeol shakes his head and laughs, combing his hair through his fingers.

"Nuh-uh. My sister's gonna kill me if she finds out the wine's missing. She'll tell dad and I'll get scolded."

"Easy. Just say you broke the bottle while you were cleaning or something."

"You, Baekhyun, are a fucking..."

"What? I'm a fucking what?"

Baekhyun's smirk gets even wider and Chanyeol hates himself for instantly wavering. He's such a sucker for that face.

"Come on. We're not gonna finish the whole thing?"

"We can't drink yet. We're still minors."

"Not anymore in, like, 14 months? Besides, we're almost 19. That's already legal in other countries."

"We're still technically 18 and this isn't another country."

"The wine is from another country?"

"Why are you still so curious anyway? I thought you'd already tasted alcohol before."

"Not the expensive brand?"

"It doesn't matter. Still no."

"Please?"

"Nope."

"Just a drop? The adults won't know if we seal it back again, right?"

"Seriously, man... We can't. What if we get drunk?"

"We won't get drunk, I swear."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Just trust me in this, alright?"

"Fine. If you let me kiss you, I'll think about it."

The heavy pause that ascends after Chanyeol's statement has them point-blank staring at each other. Chanyeol is the first one to break eye contact, racking his mind for excuses to say. Of course, he was just bluffing. He was just teasing Baekhyun when he said that. Because there's no way he would actually-

"Where do you want it?" Baekhyun asks.

Flabbergasted, Chanyeol gulps nervously. He's having a mental breakdown. His chest is doing backflips and he's internally bi-panicking.

"W-w-what?"

"I said, where do you want it? The kiss?"

With a serious face on, Baekhyun uses his index finger to touch Chanyeol's forehead. "You want it here?" And then he smiles cunningly, booping Chanyeol's cheek. "Or here?"

Lastly, he points at Chanyeol's lips.

"Or maybe here?"

Mustering all his courage and willpower, Chanyeol successfully manages to back away before he can blush in utter humiliation. The obnoxious laugh Baekhyun is letting out echoes behind him as he escapes to the kitchen. Fuck it. He might need to drink that liquor after all.

"Pftt. HAHAHAHA! It's really fun to tease you once in a while!"

"Shut the hell up! That was so lame."

"You should've seen the look in your face!"

Wiping his imaginary tears, Baekhyun is still in a laughing fit until Chanyeol returns next to him (with the bottle of wine, of course).

"No, but seriously. Now that I think about it, I will let you kiss me."

"Says the one who threw a fit when I stole his firsㅡ"

Chanyeol cuts himself off before he can retell the story of his accidental first kiss* with Baekhyun. (*Chapter 9)

"When did I throw a fit? What did you steal from me?"

"Haha... N-nevermind."

Chanyeol just smiles. He probably forgot about it... As he should.

"Anyway. That's how much I feel comfortable around you, Chanyeol. That's just how much I trust you! We could do the craziest things and I won't even bat an eyelid."

Chanyeol snorts and tries not to break into a chuckle. Baekhyun could be really annoying sometimes. If only this guy knew his effects on him...

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever."

"Listen. You're my ride or die. My soulmate. My platonic husband. My partner in crime. Nothing will come between us no matter what. I'll grow old with you. I'll spend the rest of my life with you. I love you till death do as part. Got it?"

"Pfft. Why're you reciting your wedding vows to me?"

"Just practicing my lines in case they come in handy."

Snickering, Chanyeol opens the wine with a corkscrew just like he remembers his dad doing it. "Don't tell me you got drunk off the apple juice?" When the cork pops, he pours the liquor into both of their glasses, which Baekhyun has been long anticipating.

"Still about to, with the grape juice."

"Hey. I said we were not getting wasted. Consider this just a taste test, okay?"

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever."

Spoiler alert: They both got drunk. They finished the whole bottle together.

Hiccuping and giggling, they mumble sluggishly to each other. Flushed cheeks, bodies curled, and heads dizzy, the two of them are fighting for the empty bottle. Chanyeol steals it and hugs it across his chest.

"Give it to me... My turn."

"No... It's my turn now...."

Raising the bottle, Chanyeol tries to drink straight from it when he realizes there's no more drop coming out. Baekhyun has gotten all quiet; he must have passed out already.

Chanyeol is about to shake Baekhyun's shoulder when the other flips himself around and faces him.

"Hehe... Hic! That wasn't so bad after all..."

Baekhyun is not sleeping yet. He's half-awake. His eyelids are slightly open, so as his mouth. His lips are parted not too wide, just enough for him to breathe. His lips are pink, and they look soft. And strangely enough, it reminds Chanyeol again of his first kiss with Baekhyun that particular night.

They promised to forget about that kiss. They swore not to think it ever happened. But promises are meant to be broken. Chanyeol admits that the memory visits his mind from time to time. At night. When he's alone in his room. In his thoughts. When he's confused about his sexuality. About his emotions.

He thinks about that kiss more often than he should.

"Baekhyun."

"Mhm?"

"You asked where I wanted it."

Baekhyun blinks, feeling sleepy and goofy.

"The kiss?"

"The kiss."

Chanyeol slowly gets up, his weight supported by his elbow as he looms above Baekhyun. He scoots closer until their personal space is invaded and until the tips of their noses are touching.

"You said I could kiss you because I'm your platonic husband."

"Haha... That's right."

"Then I want it on the lips. I want to kiss you on the lips just like that night."

"Why?"

"Because I have feelings for you. I want to kiss you because I love you. Can we do it again?"

"Oh... Of course."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. Happy birthday. Kiss me all you want."

Hearing Baekhyun's reply, Chanyeol doesn't think twice anymore. He wastes no time cupping Baekhyun's face and pressing their lips together for a sweet kiss. Deep and long, he claims Baekhyun's mouth, their breaths mingling into one. He pours all his heart and soul into the kiss, confessing his love for his best friend through this heartfelt action.

Closing his eyes, Chanyeol can taste the strong grape flavor of the wine spreading in his mouth. He moans when Baekhyun, surprisingly, uses his tongue to lick his way inside. Baekhyun wraps his arms around his neck and takes the lead, kissing him sloppily and grabbing his hair harshly.

"Mngh... Haaa..."

"Fuck..."

Rolling over the floor and hugging each other, they make out passionately, heatedly, and experimentally. They have no idea what they're doing with their tongues. With their hands. With their mouths. They might be eating, nibbling, and sucking one another's lips too hard but nobody cares. They are lost in the moment, drowning in their young, drunken state.

Adults say alcohol makes people honest, and it might be true. It doesn't matter anymore what happens next. Everything about this feels scary but also exciting. Baekhyun is never letting go of him, and Chanyeol thinks his heart is going to explode. He's so happy that he wants to cry.

How can a kiss be this intoxicating? Why does it feel so good? So carefree? Is it because it's with Baekhyun? The person he likes? The person he loves the most?

"Hey. What's the matter with you?"

"Huh..."

"Why are you sucking that bottle?"

Chanyeol cracks his eyes open. Baekhyun's disgusted reaction is the first thing he sees.

"You called my name so I asked you why? But you suddenly started kissing the bottle.. And moaning..."

"What the fuck..."

"Looking at you like that, I immediately went sober... Damn, you must be really sloshed that you were making out with a bottle! Hahaha!"

Shit. Shit. Shit. I must be out of my mind! What the hell did I just think about? What the fuck did I just do in front of Baekhyun?

Shriveling up in embarrassment, Chanyeol turns around to hide his flustered expression. He aggressively slaps his cheeks, waking himself up from this stupid fantasy. Fucking hell. This is insanely humiliating.

"I'm never gonna drink again..."

DECEMBER

The letters they are holding will dictate the trajectory of their future. CSAT results have just arrived in the mail today. With bated breath, they look at each other seriously, nodding as a go-signal.

"On the count of three?"

"One."

"Two!"

"THREE!"

In sync, they drop their letters on the four tables they compressed together. Luhan slaps his palm against the desk while Jongdae confidently puts his paper down. Chanyeol has his letter flipped sideways while Baekhyun misses the beat, nervously placing down his paper last.

The bustling classroom noise fades into the air as their eyes scan one another's papers. Chanyeol is more interested in Baekhyun's terrified reaction than in his own results. He finds himself smiling, watching his best friend cover his eyes with his hands and peek through the gaps between his fingers. He looks so adorable like that.

"Are these... supposed to be good?" Luhan asks, confused, about the numbers and scores he is seeing. Jongdae properly aligns their letters for easier comparison.

"Hmm, let's see..."

"I think they're all pretty good," Chanyeol answers with a proud smile, his gaze automatically directed at Baekhyun. "Everyone did a great job!"

"What the fuck? You got Level 1 in all subjects?" Luhan exclaims, aggressively shaking Chanyeol's shoulders. "You must be in the top 4 percent! No, you could even be in the top 1 percent! What kind of brain do you have?"

"You're not so bad yourself either," Chanyeol answers, grinning at him. "You got Level 3's on the Korean subjects, when, in fact, you're Chinese. That's impressive."

"I won't major in something Korean anyway," Luhan says with a shrug. "Though many say that my Korean is good."

"Congratulations, guys. I'm sure we'd get into good universities with these scores," Jongdae says, heaving a relieved sigh as he holds his chest. "My father won't scold me anymore."

"H-how about me?" Baekhyun worriedly asks, expectantly looking at his friends. "Can I get accepted into SKY University with these results? I think mine look mid..."

"THEY'RE NOT MID!" The three blurt out in unison. Baekhyun appreciates how his friends try their best to compliment him. Chanyeol's smile brings comfort, reassuring him that everything's going to be okay.

The bell rings to end the lunch break. After rearranging the desks, Chanyeol sends Baekhyun back to his classroom. They promise to go home together and drop by the bookstore later.

"We have practice for the Christmas carole competition after class, so I'll just wait for you if I finish early," Chanyeol says, taking Baekhyun to the door. "Wait. Isn't the counseling with your homeroom teacher scheduled after class, too?

"Yeah, so I'm kind of nervous." Baekhyun says, feeling anxious. "If Mrs. Jung tells me I'm not qualified to get into SKY University... And if my scores aren't enough to be with you..."

"Hey. Look at me."

Chanyeol holds his best friend by the shoulders, looking him in the eye sincerely.

"If we can't do something about the situation, we still have Plan B, right?"

"No, no. Not Plan B! You applied for early admissions. You could secure a spot up there and I can't ruin that for you."

"My CSAT scores can get me anywhere. My parents... I can just convince them to take another option."

"Why would you adjust for me? I should be the one catching up to you."

"Baekhyun."

"Though I'm one to talk here. I'm not even sure if I can make it to a top-tier university, let alone to SKY University... But did I ever back down? No."

Baekhyun holds Chanyeol's hand and squeezes it.

"I will do everything I can with my little power to be able to stand next to you. So just watch me, Chanyeol."

Chanyeol falls into a state of bliss, watching Baekhyun disappear from his sight. The afternoon lecture feels like a blur to him as he blankly stares out of the window. Recalling the scene, Baekhyun appears dazzling in his mind while reciting those lines. That was really cool and admirable of him.

Chanyeol slumps his head against his desk, hiding his blushing face on top of his opened book.

"Fuck... This is why I love you so much."

Setting aside Baekhyun's letter, the homeroom teacher folds her knuckles on top of the table and gives her student a warm and kind smile.

"Baekhyun, you've been studying hard lately, right? I can see how much you've improved."

"Thanks, Mrs. Jung. I've been actually working diligently. But I'm worried because my scores seem a bit... I think they're not enough."

"I want to be honest with you. Based on your CSAT results, it might be difficult for you to get accepted into SKY University, considering you also didn't go through early admissions. The competition is really tough these days, you see."

"I tried my best, I really did..."

"Don't be discouraged, okay? On the positive side, you can definitely get into a number of mid-tier universities. There's a list of colleges you can receive offers from based on your scores. I'm sure you have a huge chance of getting accepted into any of them."

"Is there any way I could enroll in my target university? Even on the waiting list?"

"The reality is that your current scores might not meet the high standards of your first choice. But if you're really aiming for SKY university, you could still send in your applications. Recommendation letters would be a great help to you as well. There's no harm in trying."

"I understand, Mrs. Jung. That's all I wanted to hear."

"It won't be easy for you, so you might consider the other options, too. You are a bright kid, Baekhyun. You have good opportunities ahead of you."

"I will keep that in mind. Thank you."

Disheartened, Baekhyun politely bows to his homeroom teacher before closing the door of the counseling room. He finds Chanyeol outside, worriedly pacing back and forth. Chanyeol perks up as soon as he sees him.

"What did she say?"

Baekhyun tells Chanyeol everything.

The atmosphere inside the car is somber. While calmly driving, Mr. Choi glances at the two students through the rear-view mirror. Nobody is speaking a word to each other, but their entwined hands speak otherwise. Baekhyun is keeping his tears at bay despite his trembling lips. He's not going to cry. He's already a grown-up.

"It's time, Sir. They are waiting."

"You don't have to call me like that, Mr. Choi. I'm way younger than you," Chanyeol mutters within the silence. The man insists that he must still do his job as Mrs. Park's secretary.

Baekhyun releases his best friend's hand. They have arrived at Byun's residence.

"Thanks for giving me a ride. I suddenly felt like a young master. Haha," Baekhyun manages to joke. He wears his backpack, offering Chanyeol a grateful smile. "See you at school tomorrow."

Flashing him a sad look, Chanyeol deeply sighs. He doesn't wanna let Baekhyun go just yet.

"Are you... Are you gonna be okay?"

"Why won't I be?"

"Don't beat yourself up too much, alright? We'll find a way together."

"Maybe I'll look for answers on the internet, too. They say it can solve everything."

Oddly enough, that makes Chanyeol laugh.

"If I know, you'll just end up playing online games again."

"Your family wants to see you, right? Go on. You shouldn't keep them waiting."

"I'll text you later?"

"Okay. Goodbye."

"Bye-bye."

The tiny smile Baekhyun is wearing slowly disappears the moment the car drives away from their house. He pats Mongryeong when their excited dog greets him at the front door.

"Want some treats, Mong-mongie?"

"Woof!"

*

The Parks are getting together again after a long time. Last time was Chanyeol's birthday held in a hotel in Tokyo, and tonight is in a renowned five-star restaurant located at the heart of Gangnam. Seeing his parents and sister as Mr. Choi takes him to the private room, Chanyeol almost wells up with tears. Clad in his uniform, he meekly puts down his bag and sits in between his mom and dad. They are beaming at him proudly, but Chanyeol is oblivious to the reason why.

"Your acceptance letter from the early admissions has just came in today. Congratulations, sweetie. You made it to SKY University."

Flabbergasted by what he has just heard, Chanyeol stares at his mother in absolute shock and disbelief.

"Why the surprised face? I've been actually expecting this to happen!" Yoora exclaims as he shakes Chanyeol's hand. "Congrats! Are you happy?"

"Among the three schools, which one do you prefer? Any of them is fine, son. Your mom and I are alumni of S University so personally, I'd want you to study there too," their father says.

"Or perhaps, you wanna be with your sister? She's attending classes at Y University. It'd be more fun if you two were together. Don't you think so, too?" their mother asks.

"I... still haven't decided yet," Chanyeol says, smiling at his parents. "Will you give me more time to think about it?"

"Of course, dear."

"Why don't we all eat first? I bet you kids are already hungry."

Chanyeol's mind is somewhere else the whole dinner until they arrive home and until he gets to his room. Reading his acceptance letter brings him mixed emotions. Relief, worry, and fear linger in his chest as he constantly thinks about Baekhyun and the last conversation they had.

Mrs. Jung said it'd be hard for me to get into SKY University, let alone get accepted through general admissions. For wider options, she advised me to apply to mid-tier universities just like my mom told me.

Yeah, it's a good idea but let's not lose hope, okay?

I could still send in my application letter and portfolio to them, hoping I wouldn't get rejected. As for the other universities... Well...

You should also give them a try.

And if I get accepted?

Let's do Plan B. I'll apply to them, too.

Chanyeol. No. You can't. We're going to Seoul together no matter what.

And I will do everything I can to be with you no matter what. So if there's anything I can still do to help, just tell me.

Having you here with me is more than enough. Thanks for holding my hand and giving me strength. I won't be standing like this if it weren't for you.

Sighing, Chanyeol folds the letter and hides it in the bottom drawer of his study table. He reaches for his phone and opens it, staring at Baekhyun's contact information.

"For sure, he won't be surprised if I tell him about it now..."

Changing his mind, he eventually sets his phone aside and shoves his face into his palms. There is no way he could sleep in this situation, knowing their future might not be what he and Baekhyun had imagined. He can't be fully happy for himself. He's utterly torn apart deep inside.

So this is reality. So this is what's laid out ahead of them. How about the promises they made to each other? How about the games they're going to create together? Are they all just gonna be dreams that won't come true?

Hey, you still up?

You got accepted, right? I know you did! I heard from our neighbor that the early admission results just came out.

Congratulations! We should celebrate!

Reading Baekhyun's texts has Chanyeol smiling to himself. Pouring himself a glass of milk, he drinks it fast to make him feel sleepy. Walking around the house late at night might help him organize his thoughts.

"Haaa... What do we do now?"

The light footsteps approaching behind him jolt Chanyeol in surprise. He turns around in panic, seeing his mother, Park Youngmee, clad in a long nightgown and a cardigan. Without makeup on unlike during the day, she looks like a ghost.

"Mom! You scared me!"

Youngmee laughs at her son's freaked-out reaction. She fumbles with the cupboards in the kitchen and brews herself some herbal tea.

"And why are you still awake, young man? Have you got no classes tomorrow?"

"I can't fall asleep yet."

"Wanna talk for a while? I know you have something to tell me."

Fiddling with his hands on top of the table, Chanyeol waits in thick silence as his mom looks at his CSAT results. She is sitting across from him, the overhead lamp illuminating the two of them. The soft ticking of the clock striking midnight adds to his uneasiness. It's like he's being investigated for crimes he didn't even do.

She hums in satisfaction before putting away the letter and taking a sip of her tea.

"For a backup plan, your CSAT scores are very impressive, son. I knew it was you who got my brains while-"

"While I got my looks from dad."

"Exactly."

Chanyeol lets out a quiet giggle. He admits he misses moments like this with his mother once in a while. She's always been busy and out of town, and even seeing her not on the phone and wearing normal clothes seems unreal. He's thankful for every little moment she spends with him. They're all precious to him.

"So. Do you already have a particular program in mind?" Mrs. Park asks gently. "Medicine? Law?'

"No, mom. I don't wanna study for too long."

"Is it engineering, then? Architecture? Natural sciences?"

"No. It's not that complicated like what you think."

"Is it perhaps business related?"

Chanyeol visibly flinches. His mom's face lights up.

"Business administration? Perfect choice. You already know what's ahead of you."

"Actually, I want to create games with my best friend. It has nothing to do with business."

"What?"

"I'm aiming for a game development program. I wanna study how to make games with Baekhyun, mom."

Her expression slowly falters. "Oh." She recovers with a faint laugh. "Games, you say?"

Chanyeol nods, tightly clenching his fists and taking a deep breath.

"Yes. This is what I'd like to do in the future. I wanna help Baekhyun achieve his dream of becoming a game creator. I believe we can make it big someday."

"How about choosing a different field? Are you not a bit interested in managing our company ten, twenty years from now? Haven't you thought about being the CEO in the future?"

"I did think about it, but I guess I'm still too young to understand stuff related to that."

"Right. You're just eighteen. Of course, you wanna enjoy your life to the fullest. That's your number one priority for now. To study and learn. To have fun. To go on adventures. To discover yourself more. To be where your heart is."

"Will you let me do that? Have my freedom?"

Youngmee watches how Chanyeol's eyes glow under the lights, and it melts her heart to see her son speaking with such enthusiasm and passion.

"I want to be where Baekhyun is, mom. That's where my heart is."

"Oh, dear."

She gently chuckles, studying her son's interesting expression. Chanyeol really does fancy this friend of his a little too much, doesn't he? Baekhyun must be a really good kid.

"Okay. So except for being with Baekhyun, what is it that you also want? Your second priority?"

"Well... It is to make you and dad proud."

"We've always been so proud of you, both you and your sister... One second, I have to check what this is about."

Chanyeol only stays quiet while his mother wears her eyeglasses. She opens her phone to probably check some emails from work. When she's done texting and looking at the calendar, she turns to him again, a kind smile on her lips.

"Sorry, what were you saying again?"

"Mom."

"Yeah?"

"You... must be really tired, right? Being a working mother and all."

"Adults do this, you know. For their children."

"When the time comes and you and dad can't go to work anymore, just stay home and I will work for us instead."

"Oh. You wanna work for us?"

"Yes, I will do my duty as your son. But not now. I have to fulfill my promise with Baekhyun first."

"And after that?"

"After that, you can take a break and I will do the rest for you two."

"Okay, then. Shall we make a deal?"

His mother gives him a radiant smile.

"You can apply to any university you want. Pick any major you like. Have fun so long as it's legal. Date so long as they're not bad people. Surround yourself with good peers. Create games with your best friend and make it big. Get a job and soon get married. I will support you a hundred percent. But if ever the time comes that your dad and I need you, you must help us run the company. Deal?"

"Deal!"

Their deal was sealed with a curt handshake before the two of them burst into a fit of laughter. Affectionately, Youngmee pats her son on the head.

"If ever you forget about it and change your mind as you grow up, it's okay. No pressure."

"I will stay true to my words. I will never forget."

"You promise?"

"I promise."

"Great. I'm holding on to it, then."

"Mom, can I ask you for a favor?"

"Sure. What is it?"

"Dad mentioned during dinner that you and him were alumni of S University, right?"

"Yeah, we are. That's where we met. We were both in the same club back then. We're also good friends with some of the professors there now. Why do you ask?"

"Can you write a recommendation letter for me?"

"A recommendation letter? You don't need it anymore. You just got accepted through early admissions."

"It's not for me. It's for Baekhyun. I'd appreciate it if you could help us out, mom. Please?"

"Oh, is it for your friend's general admission application?"

"Yes."

"Sure thing. Anything for you."

Happy, Chanyeol stands up and jumps at his mother, hugging her for the first time again.

"Thank you!"

"Goodness! That surprised me. Haha."

JANUARY 2011

"Chanyeol! Hey!"

A familiar voice breaches through the crowd of people and snow. Chanyeol turns his head around, spotting his best friend catching his breath, his hands perched on his knees. Baekhyun animatedly waves at him on the far side of the street, running through the crosswalk when the lights turn green. Chanyeol meets him halfway, holding him by the wrist and taking him to a bench where they can sit together.

"What are you doing here?" Chanyeol asks, surprised, about seeing Baekhyun in flesh. He fixes the other's beanie on his head. "Did you come all the way to Seoul by yourself?"

"Nope, I came with hyung. He's meeting his girlfriend so I decided to tag along. I thought I'd see you and send you my regards. Surprise!"

"Wow. This is really unexpected."

"Are you that happy to see me?"

"Of course."

Chanyeol can't hide his happiness, speechless, as he smiles at Baekhyun brightly. He hopes Baekhyun will just assume that the flushing of his cheeks is because of the chilly weather.

"Today's your interview with S University, right? And the contract signing?"

"Yeah. I'll turn in some additional documents, too. I'm meeting with my academic advisor after this."

"Nice! Look who talks like an adult now." Baekhyun chuckles, weakly punching Chanyeol's arm. "You're so handsome in a suit, by the way."

"Thanks. You're making me blush."

"Wait. Your tie is a bit crooked."

"You know how to fix it?"

"I think so. I see mom doing it to dad every morning."

Chanyeol stays frozen in his seat, holding his breath as Baekhyun unfurls his tie with gentle fingers. It's taking every inch of his willpower not to squeal embarrassingly. This is one of his shameless pipe dreams, imagining that he and Baekhyun were married. They were living together in a nice house with two pets. A cat and a dog. He was the provider while Baskhyun was his loving househusband seeing him off to work.

"There. All done."

"Thank you."

Baekhyun pats him on the shoulder.

"Right! Before I forget, I have to give you something. Are you gonna be late already?"

"No, no. I still have an hour to spare," Chanyeol says excitedly. "What is it? A present?"

Baekhyun fumbles with his bag, searching for that special keychain he made in handicraft class. He hands it to Chanyeol. It's made of yarn and beads.

"Here."

Carefully, Chanyeol lifts it in the air and inspects it. He's forever grateful, but... What kind of creature is this?

"Are you sure this is for me? Can I really have this keychain?"

Baekhyun clears his throat.

"Well, you're the first person that came to mind while I was making it in handicraft class, so..."

"Thank you. I appreciate it. Is this supposed to be a cheetah? Oh, no wait. It's a leopard, right? Or maybe a cow..."

"Dude, that's a giraffe."

Chanyeol laughs.

"Oh! But the pattern is a bit... And the neck looks like... And the ears are a little... But it's cute!"

"Y-you know what? l'm taking it back! I'm not giving it to you anymore!"

Frowning, Baekhyun tries to snatch the keychain away, but Chanyeol is way faster. He raises his arm so that Baekhyun can't steal it.

"But why? You already gave this to me. It's mine now."

"I'll just buy you something else. Something that's not ugly..."

Chanyeol cups Baekhyun's face, teasingly squeezing his chubby cheeks.

"This, Baekhyun, is the most beautiful keychain I've ever seen. It's perfect."

"You think so?"

"Yup. I love it so much."

Pouting, Baekhyun also touches Chanyeol's hands surrounding his face.

"Hey. Your hands are super cold. Did you bring gloves with you? How about some hot packs?"

"Sadly, I didn't bring any. Will you be my gloves instead? I'm freezing right now so please warm me up."

"E-excuse me, what!?"

"Wanna go to a nearby cafe? I'll buy you something yummy."

"Right now?"

"Oh! Why don't you come with me to the university, too? I'll give you a campus tour."

"Do I even have a say in this? Wait, my hand...!"

FEBRUARY 2011

Graduation is just around the corner.

Their remaining days as high school seniors are spent attending classes, club activities, and counseling, and finalizing college preparations. For the time being, Baekhyun is waiting for his general admissions results to come out. Notifications will be released later this month, and by then, he is expecting offers from universities he has applied to.

Because Chanyeol commits to enrolling in S University, Baekhyun strongly hopes to receive an acceptance letter from them (if he manages to qualify successfully, that is). S University is actually his first choice among SKY. Meanwhile, Chanyeol is in the process of course registration and student housing applications. He says he's doing it for the two of them as roommates, so the only thing Baekhyun must accomplish is to get to where he is.

Taking a break from their hectic schedules, the students hold an end-of-school year event. Chanyeol participates in organizing the teacher-appreciation party. They'll decorate the classrooms and hand out letters to their teachers as a thank-you.

Chanyeol is in the middle of folding paper flowers when a classmate calls him to the door, telling him someone's looking for him outside.

Is it Baekhyun? They've just seen each other at the graduation photo session this morning, though. They coincidentally bumped into each other in the gymnasium. They decided to have lunch together with their friends after that.

Did Baekhyun forget to return something? A game? A book?

"Hi. Can I talk to you for a moment?"

"Sure. What's up?"

Chanyeol recognizes this girl. She's from the photography club. She's the one roaming around the school and taking pictures for the school website.

"Uhm. Can we go somewhere else private?"

Ah. So this is what it is...

"Do you mind just saying it here?" Chanyeol says in the most polite way he can. "We're pretty busy right now, so..."

"I was wondering if you got the letter I sent you? I asked your friend to hand it to you before Christmas break. Do you already have a reply?"

"A reply?"

"Yeah. To my confession?"

Chanyeol remembers Baekhyun giving him that letter. He even thought Baekhyun was the one confessing to him, and that made him happy, even for a short while.

"I appreciate the letter you wrote for me but I already have someone in my heart," Chanyeol says straightforwardly. He reads the nametag on her uniform. "Thank you for admiring me, Junhee."

"Oh. Are you... Are you dating her?"

"No. It's completely one-sided. But I still want to keep liking that person."

"I see..."

"I'm sorry."

Chanyeol can see the way her expression changes, her eyes turning downcast. She didn't cry, but he can tell that she's obviously heartbroken.

"I-it's okay! I wish all the best for you, Chanyeol."

"I wish all the best for you, too."

Chanyeol would be lying if he said he didn't feel sorry about rejecting girls who'd try asking him out. But it's better than lying and getting their hopes up. Turning people down before giving them a chance makes him feel guilty, too.

Unlike that one person he knows who seemed strangely glad after rejecting an admirer...

That's right. It's Baekhyun.

Makes him suddenly remember the conversation he and Baekhyun had before his Chinese friend, Luhan, transferred schools.

"Hahaha... Luhan said... Hahaha... Well... He said that he liked me. Hahaha!"

"The fuck?"

"Luhan told me he liked me! Can you believe that?"

"And that makes you happy?"

"Why not!? It's such a relief!"

Chanyeol can't help smiling behind his hand. A relief, huh? What does that even mean?

"Pfft. He's really weird sometimes."

If so, he's the one who should be feeling relieved. Now that his potential rival has been eliminated (thanks for your service, Luhan), he can be at ease. Having Luhan frolicking around Baekhyun, knowing that the guy is gay, honestly made him anxious.

Now he doesn't have to worry anymore. He has Baekhyun all to himself from here on out. They'd be together (hopefully) in college, too. How exciting.

"Why are you smiling like that?" A classmate asks him, noticing his giddy reaction. No. He's supposed to be feeling bad about the girl. It's all Baekhyun's fault for randomly crossing his mind. "The one who just left. Is she your girlfriend?"

"No. She just dropped by to ask me something."

"Is that so? Anyway, we need help carrying the supplies to the faculty office. Can you lend us a hand?"

"Sure thing."

Due to the snowfall, Chanyeol can't hang out with Baekhyun on the weekend, so they opt to stay home and tune in to Skype instead. With their cameras on, they do their own thing while talking about all kinds of stuff.

Chanyeol strums his guitar in front of the computer. He's playing random keys as he watches Baekhyun fondly. Baekhyun is busy stacking up jenga blocks while facing his laptop (the one Chanyeol gave him). Right now, they're playing Last Letter Game. The loser will do a penalty.

[Cute.]

"Eye."

[Evil.]

"Love."

[Every.]

"You."

Baekhyun pauses.

[Wait a minute...]

Chanyeol internally panics, putting down his guitar.

"H-huh?"

[I can't think of a word thats starts with a U.]

"Oh." He laughs nervously. "Uhm, umbrella?"

[Right... Damn it, I lost!]

"Then how about we play something else instead?"

The voice of Baekhyun's mother blares from the outside. She is calling Baekhyun, saying he has a package for him downstairs.

[Wait, I'll go check on that. Don't hang up!]

"Alright. Take your time."

Baekhyun's messy bedroom in full view, his loud stomping fades away while he disappears from the computer screen.

The door clicks shut, and Chanyeol breathes in relief, covering his face.

"Shit. That was close..."

How could he mutter those words without thinking? Must be because of his fuzzy mind recently. With all the university preparations and upcoming graduation, he keeps having thoughts of confessing to Baekhyun. He keeps having thoughts of telling Baekhyun what he truly feels. This might be his last chance. This might be his best shot.

Back then, the moment Chanyeol realized his feelings for his best friend, he had already decided to bury these emotions deep in his heart. He should fulfill his promise to Baekhyun's brother, too. His friendship with Baekhyun is the most important above anything else, and he can never risk it no matter what.

But sometimes, on days when he'd get delusional, he'd think of those what-ifs. What if he asks Baekhyun out? What if Baekhyun accepts him? What if Baekhyun starts liking him back? And considers him as a boyfriend?

While in college, they could try dating secretly. They could do things normal couples do. Like going on dates and having sex. Traveling. Eating good food and visiting nice places. Studying together. Sleeping over. Touching, making out, and pleasuring each other. They could kiss and hug when they're alone. Hold hands when no one's looking. Fuck when they're horny during the day. Make love during the night when they crave body warmth. Have breakfast the next morning and go to lectures together. And then repeat.

It must be amazing, to spend romantic moments with Baekhyun. To do romantic things with the person he loves the most.

"Holy fuck... I must be really crazy for thinking like this."

Thankfully(?), Baekhyun wouldn't catch on to his subtle love declarations. Actually, Chanyeol could even say he loves Baekhyun right in his face, and Baekhyun would tell him he loves him, too. As his best friend, of course. That's just how Baekhyun trusts him. Or maybe, that's just how Baekhyun sees him as nothing close to a romantic partner. After all, Baekhyun is straight to begin with.

How sad. This is reality. He doesn't even stand a chance with Baekhyun from the get-go. Yes, the truth hurts. But at least, he can still love Baekhyun unconditionally without expecting anything in return. With the relationship they have right now, they can be together despite the differences in their love for each other.

"Hey, you're back."

[Yup! Why is your face so red? Did you eat something spicy?]

"Nah. Must be the lights or something."

[Wait. Don't tell me you watched porn when I was gone?]

"Yeah, I kinda did."

Thank god, it's not up, Chanyeol mutters in his mind. Good job holding it in, self.

[Ew, dude. You're gross.]

"Gross? You watch that stuff, too. I saw your browser history, you little shit."

[W-why were you snooping into my browser history? Who allowed you?!]

"Idiot, you have your screen shared with me, remember? I can see everything on your tabs."

[Aaaaaah! Fuck you, son of a bitch. Don't look at them!]

"Hahaha! You horny bastard. It's your fault for leaving those adult sites open."

Look how embarrassed he is. He's so cute, I'm going to die, Chanyeol mentally says, seeing how Baekhyun, instead of deleting them, opens all those erotic tabs to taint his virgin eyes.

What the fuck. This shameless brat. Why is this guy so stupid? So Baekhyun was just acting shy awhile ago? How naughty.

[Heh. Wanna watch them together?]

"Pfft, seriously. You're crazy."

[I bet you want to~ You masturbate to this shit, don't you?]

"No way. I don't masturbate. What is that? I'm pure and innocent."

[Pure and innocent, my ass! Hey. Look at these massive tits.]

"Ugh. Get those away from my face. I'm hanging up."

The uncalled knocks on the door trigger Baekhyun's fast reflex. Before Baekbeom could even pop his head in, Baekhyun had already switched to Youtube and clicked on some girl group music video.

Chanyeol is at awe. He is speechless. He is beyond amazed.

"Hm. Thought I heard some moaning and slapping noises in here."

"W-we were just streaming some music videos," Baekhyun lies through his teeth. "Chanyeol is a huge fan of SNSD."

Even through his computer screen, Chanyeol can sense chills running down his spine as Baekbeom glares at him.

"I see. Turn that off when you're done. The internet's lagging."

"Okay."

Baekbeom closes the door and leaves.

They both exhale, before exploding into a huge fit of laughter.

"So. What kind of package is it?" Chanyeol asks. Baekhyun came back with a box and some envelopes.

[Oh, this? It's a mouse. I saved a lot for it! Thought it'd be nice to pair it with this gaming laptop you gave me.]

"Nice. Show it to me later. And the other one?"

[I'm not sure. Mom said they're lettersㅡOH MY GOD, PARK CHANYEOL!!!]

"Huh!? What is it!? Are they out already!?"

[Yeah...]

"Finally!"

[This is... I got four... Four letters... Four letters came back!!!]

"Aaaaaaaaaahhh!"

[AAAAAAAAAAHHH!]

Excited and nervous, Chanyeol shoots up from his seat. He almost knocks his desk over with passion.

"What the hell, Byun Baekhyun!? What are you waiting for? Open them right now!"

[I still don't know if these are acceptance letters or rejection letters, though. I'm scared.]

"Don't worry. I'll be here for you, okay? We can get through this together."

[Haaah... Alright. Here we go.]

Out of six universities Baekhyun sent his applications to, four got back. The other two must still be underway. SKY University, M University, H University, and B University. The last three are outside of Seoul.

[Together with M and H Universities, I also got something from S University and Y University, Chanyeol. I'm shaking right now. I don't know if I can do this.]

"I knew it! They're all acceptance letters! Claim it!"

[I hope so!]

Chanyeol can see the way Baekhyun's hands tremble as he carefully tears the envelopes. His heart is pounding for Baekhyun, too. He is sweating and bouncing his knees. He might pass out at this rate. Each passing second of waiting in silence has Chanyeol on the edge of his seat.

Baekhyun shows his results from M and H Universities first, and as expected, he got accepted. Chanyeol is not surprised. He's extremely happy for Baekhyun. Those are good universities but they're outside of Seoul.

Y University is where Chanyeol's sister, Park Yoora, studies. Chanyeol also got into Y University through early admissions but unfortunately, they declined Baekhyun. It is Baekhyun's second choice. More importantly, it's in Seoul, but they rejected him outright.

The opening statement, "Thank you for your application but we're sorry to inform you that..." sends Baekhyun's heart sinking into the pits of his stomach. He is completely devastated and crushed. If he didn't make it to Y University, then what more to S and K University? They all basically have the same standards, right? Without even opening it, he can already tell the content of the last letter. He has no courage to read it anymore.

As Chanyeol sits with Baekhyun in thick silence, the mood starts turning dark and glum. He can't bring himself to say something in this situation. If anything, he wants to go to Baekhyun right now and comfort him in person.

[I'm sorry...]

"Hey. Look at me. Don't give up yet. We still have one more, right?"

[I think I already know what it says. I'm losing confidence...]

"Let me read it for you, at least."

Anxious, Baekhyun takes a deep breath and nods. Without looking at the letter, he unfolds the paper and faces it toward the camera. He trusts Chanyeol with it.

Chanyeol scoots closer to his computer screen and squints his eyes.

"Let's see..."

It takes him a couple of seconds to react. He's totally frozen, reading the lines over and over again.

Is this real? Is he not dreaming?

[So what does it say? I got rejected, didn't I?]

Ah.

What the fuck.

Chanyeol is so happy that he wants to cry.

Baekhyun still has his hands on the screen, showing Chanyeol his acceptance letter, without planning to put it down.

"Baekhyun."

[Just say it! You don't have to feel bad for me.]

"You got in."

[What?]

"I said, you got in. We're going to Seoul together."

Upon hearing those words, Baekhyun slowly turns the letter towards him and reads it himself.

His eyes grow wide. His face burns up. His soul ascends to heaven.

"Congratulations! We are pleased to inform you about your acceptance to S University for the incoming semester..."

Again, they sit in heavy and unwavering silence together as the good news sinks in. The expected screaming and jumping didn't come. The supposed powerful burst of excitement is expressed quietly.

They stare into another's eyes, letting the profound sense of happiness and gratitude flow through their gazes. Baekhyun finally smiles, so Chanyeol smiles in return, tears of joy streaming down his face. He is the one crying instead of Baekhyun, reminiscing about Baekhyun's hard work, late nights, and perseverance. His efforts have been rewarded and paid off.

Thank god, Baekhyun got accepted. Thank god, they will be together on the next chapter of their lives, a future that is bright and full of possibilities.

Rubbing his soaked eyes against his sleeves, Chanyeol laughs through his broken sobs and sniffles.

"I... I want to hug you right now..."

Baekhyun nods, masking his happy tears with a soft chuckle. Deep inside, he honestly wants to go to Chanyeol right now and cry on his shoulder all night. He wants to run to his grandma and then cry again. He wants to show it to his family and celebrate.

"Yeah... Me, too."

But right now, he just allows the feeling of relief and achievement to flood his entire being. Words aren't enough to describe his overflowing emotions.

And he knows Chanyeol feels it, too. How happy and thankful he is for believing in him. Chanyeol has become the pillar of his strength. He is the reason behind his acceptance. Without Chanyeol, he can't make it to where he is. He is forever and will always be grateful to him.

[Congratulations, Baekhyun. I'm really really happy for you.]

"Thank you. Let's celebrate tomorrow. My treat."

[Of course! Can't wait.]

"I'll text you the place and the time."

[Hey. You lost in our last game. You have to do a penalty.]

"Yeah. Sure, I'd do anything you want."

[On our graduation day, let me kiss you.]

What the hell is this guy saying? Baekhyun laughs, carefree, happy. He feels like floating. He feels invincible. He can do anything.

"The fuck? Do that with a girlfriend or something."

[I don't have a fucking girlfriend. I only have you. Just think of how boring that is.]

"And how is that my problem?"

[You should take responsibility. I've been single all senior year because of you.]

"That's not my fault."

[Look, man. I'm graduating high school, all alone and loveless. Isn't that so sad? Make me happy on that day. You said you'd do anything.]

"Fine. I'll just buy you a gift."

[I don't want a gift.]

"What do you want?"

[I just told you!]

"How about I just kiss you? No homo."

[Nah, you always do that. Smooching me like I'm your nephew! Just let me do it to you this time. Okay?]

"No way! What if you make out with me? What if you use your tongue!? My chastity's at stake here!]

[Jesus... You're overreacting.]

*

The gymnasium buzzes with applause after the principal shares his words of wisdom and congratulations with the graduates. High school seniors are wearing their uniforms for the last time, feeling proud, nostalgic, and emotional. Parents, teachers, faculty and staff are seated with the audience as they witness the distribution of diplomas onstage.

When Baekhyun's name is called, Chanyeol cheers the loudest, while Baekhyun does the same. The official ceremony ends with a speech from a representative of the student body, followed by the giving of flowers to commemorate the event. Inside the graduation hall, each class takes pictures with their teachers, families, and friends. The classrooms and hallways also serve as a place for photo sessions while everyone bids farewell to one another.

After mingling with his friends, Chanyeol passes through banners and congratulatory wreaths lined up in the courtyard. Parents are accompanied by their sons and daughters, unlike him who is still waiting for his family's arrival. As he saunters to the crowd, he catches a glimpse of Baekhyun with his family. Carrying a bouquet, Baekhyun poses for the camera, wearing a huge smile on his face. His mom, his dad, his brother, and his grandma. They're all present to support Baekhyun at his graduation.

Chanyeol looks at his own bouquet, smiling quietly to himself.

"I'll just talk to him later."

His phone vibrates, making his expression light up. Chanyeol, they're landing soon! We'll make it, I promise! The text from his sister says. Okay. I'll wait, he replies. He separates himself from the festive gathering as he walks away, deciding to visit his old classroom.

The room is silent and empty when he walks in. Lost in thought, he places his diploma on the teacher's table while reminiscing about precious moments and fun stories with his classmates. As he ventures a new journey of his life, he will treasure those high school memories in his heart. He sits at his old spot and gets a pen from his pocket. He writes something on the desk. The date today, a heart, his initials, and Baekhyun's initials.

Baekhyun knows exactly where to find him.

"Hey."

Chanyeol jumps in surprise. Quickly, he covers the vandalism with his palm. He acts chill, flashing him a grin.

"Oh. You're here."

Baekhyun gives his best friend a brighter-than-the-sun smile, occupying the chair across from Chanyeol. He spreads his legs as he sits, using the backrest of the chair to perch his elbows over.

"I was looking for you. Thought you'd be here, and I was right."

"Weren't you with your family?" Chanyeol asks.

"Yeah. I asked them to go home first because I said I wanted to be alone. Of course, my mother got angry. She pinched my ear. Look."

Baekhyun shows Chanyeol his pink ear.

"We're celebrating tonight anyway so it's fine if I disappear for a bit."

"Man. Now I feel guilty," Chanyeol jokes.

"How about you? Where are they? Your parents and sister?"

"Oh. They also went home first."

Baekhyun hums.

"That's a lie."

Chanyeol just laughs, shrugging.

"They'll be late but they'll make it to dinner. We're probably just gonna celebrate in a restaurant or a hotel."

"But they didn't see the ceremony... You couldn't take pictures with them, too..."

"I asked the teacher to film me when I was receiving my diploma. I'll just let them watch the recording later. About the photos, well... We could just take one in the car or at home."

Baekhyun's expression falls. His heart hurts for this poor, soft-hearted soul. If only he had superpowers, he'd drag Chanyeol's family all the way here and turn back the time so they could see their boy getting his diploma on stage. They should clap and take pictures of him themselves.

"Hey. Don't look at me like that. It's fine! I'm not even sad," Chanyeol says reassuringly, "I have you here right now, don't I?"

Baekhyun sadly looks at him.

"Still... This is your graduation day. They're supposed to be here from start to finish! Your sister should've come, at least! Fuck, I'm getting mad!"

Chanyeol can't help smiling.

"Today's her finals, so she can't come early. But it's okay. Some things just can't be helped. What matters is that they're coming to see me. I think my parents' plane has landed just now. My sister's on her way, too."

"Wanna wait in my house? Grandma cooked jajangmyeon," Baekhyun says.

"Sure. I won't say no to that."

Baekhyun is about to stand up when Chanyeol stops him, momentarily grabbing his wrist so that Baekhyun can sit back down. Chanyeol shoves the desk away, moving closer to Baekhyun without any obstruction between them.

"Why? What is it?" Baekhyun asks.

"You... already forgot, didn't you?"

Chanyeol shifts slightly in his seat, the faint noise from outside echoing in the air. Sunlight streams through the windows as the cold breeze blows inside the room. He stares into Baekhyun's confused eyes, his expression a mix of longing and sincerity. The knees brush against each other, and something clicks into Baekhyun at last, remembering what Chanyeol was talking about.

"Oh! Are you serious about that? I thought you were just fooling around."

"Haha... No, I'm not."

Chanyeol plays it off with a casual laugh, hiding his gay panic to the best that he can. His pulse is quickening and his chest is pounding. He wishes Baekhyun wouldn't find out how loud his heartbeat is right now.

"Fine. Go for it."

Chanyeol's breath hitches.

"R-really?"

Baekhyun slaps his thighs, prepared and determined to get through this challenge. "Yeah, come on! You know I'd do anything for you."

Sometimes, Chanyeol really wonders what Baekhyun might be thinking. Does Baekhyun even have any sense of awareness? Why does it feel like Chanyeol is taking advantage of such a pure soul?

Honestly, Byun Baekhyun's too naive for this world. If he found out how much Chanyeol had been wanting to devour him, he would run for his life and not come back.

Their gazes locked, Chanyeol touches Baekhyun's delicate wrist before entwining their fingers together.

"Baekhyun."

"What is it?"

"You know that I love you, right?"

"Dude. What's with that cheesy line? Blargh. You're making me cringe."

"Just say yes."

"Fine. Yes, I know. So just hurry up and do it."

Chanyeol leans forward and presses a kiss on his cheek.

Smooch!

Baekhyun scoffs, chuckling and holding his kissed cheek.

"Pfft. That's it?"

"Yeah."

"Way to make a big deal out of iㅡ"

And then Chanyeol kisses him again but on the lips this time.

Baekhyun's eyes widen in surprise.

The kiss lasts for a few seconds, their mouths pressed against each other. Not until Chanyeol bravely parts his lips, slowly deepening the kiss. He guides Baekhyun's fingers behind his head as he angles his jaw, kissing Baekhyun light and gentle, soft and unhurried, sweet and tender. His eyes flutter shut, waiting for Baekhyun to give in.

And when Baekhyun does, he feels like the happiest person alive.

Time seems to stop as everything fades away. Tension builds in between them, their warm breaths combining into one. Chanyeol conveys his unspoken emotions through the breathtaking kiss, feeling like his heart is about to burst. Breathless, he hesitantly pulls away, looking at Baekhyun in a daze, his cheeks heating up.

"You kissed me back. Does this mean you love me, too?"

Baekhyun nods and smiles, his eyes sparkling with pure affection for him.

"Yeah. I love you, too."

"Really? Can I be your boyfriend?"

"Boyfriend?"

"Yeah. Boyfriend."

"Huh?"

"Huh?"

"What?"

"What...?"

"Hey. You've been mumbling to yourself! Earth to Chanyeol?"

The quick snapping of Baekhyun's fingers drags Chanyeol back to reality. Here Baekhyun is, looking puzzled and lost in front of him.

"You've been spacing out with your mouth hanging open! Are you okay?"

Internally crying, Chanyeol shoves his palms into his face and sighs. Fuck it. He just wants to crawl into a hole and die. Just which part of what he told Baekhyun was real? How can he be so smart and dumb at the same time? He fucking hates himself for daydreaming like a fool.

"Forget it. I don't wanna kiss you anymore."

Offended, Baekhyun lifts his eyebows and raises his voice.

"Okay, man? What the hell? Who wants to get kissed by you anyway? I only agreed because you seemed desparate, saying you were lonely and you didn't have a girlfriend."

Having the truth rubbed right in his face, Chanyeol feels offended as well. Isn't it enough that he couldn't confess to him in the first place?

"And what does that say about you? Aren't you the same?"

"I'm different. I could get anyone I want."

"Oh, really? Anyone? Where? Where is that anyone?"

Chanyeol gestures at the empty classroom. Crickets chirp. Leaves from the trees rustle. It's all silent.

Wait, a minute. He's right. I'm "that" anyone. And I'm here, Chanyeol thinks to himself. Damn it. I lost again.

"You know what? This is pointless. I'm going home," Baekhyun mutters. He abandons the chair and heads to the door. "I'm hungry. Come if you want."

Smiling, Chanyeol grabs his diploma, follows Baekhyun, catches up to him, and slings an arm over his shoulder. They march in the hallway together, leaving the school premises.

Making sure that there are only few people around, Chanyeol slighly bends down.

Before commencing his plan and kissing Baekhyun on the cheek.

Smooch!!!

He sucks the bump, deep and hard.

And chomps it with his teeth.

"Ouch, what the fuck was that?" Baekhyun groans, glaring at Chanyeol menacingly. "Why'd you take a bite off my cheek!?"

Chanyeol smirks.

"It just looks so squishy and soft. I thought jelly filling would come out or something."

"Shit, you even left a mark. Are you a zombie or what? This is disgusting. Your saliva stinks!"

Hand in hand, and clad in their uniforms for the last time, they walk together, their backs turned away from their high school. Each step they take prepares them for a brand new tomorrow.

"Come here. Let's do the other side, too."

"Stop! Get away from me. No, no, don't do it...! I said, don't bite my cheek! Aaaack!"

"There you go. You look so cute. You're like Pikachu!"

"You.... Park Chanyeol!"

"Hahaha! You're all red!"

A promising future awaits for them as college students, as adults, as best friends, and still unbeknownst to Chanyeol, as a couple. Only time will tell how amazing it's gonna be.

To be continued

(Updates every 5th, 15th, 25th of the month!)

Author's note:

Hello, readers! My real-life work schedule has been changed so the update schedule had to adjust, too! Apologies for the short notice!

- ParkBaekkie