Flashback, 2015

Senior year of College

(23)

Chanyeol did fulfill his promise, though. Well. For the most part.

He moved out of the dorms in a blink of an eye just like what he said, leaving traces of himself in the room he and Baekhyun used to share. He left the gaming phone and some of his hoodies Baekhyun is using every day. Three days and someone's already knocking on the door introducing himself as Baekhyun's new roommate. Oh Sehun, a freshman Business Ad major, is a smart and quirky fellow two years younger than him. Baekhyun didn't have trouble getting along with him because they pretty much have the same personalities. Sehun is a fun kid who also loves playing video games, and to Baekhyun, everyone who loves playing video games becomes automatically his spirit animal. They bond over CS:GO and Dota 2 on the weekend, and they're already close in a heartbeat.

What Baekhyun means about Chanyeol keeping his promise, for the most part, is that Chanyeol never fails to be a dependable partner for their major project, which is developing their game application. As impressive as he is, Chanyeol meets every deadline and works on his tasks perfectly. Baekhyun is hands down.

But then, ever since they started living separately, the time they spend together has decreased eventually. They'd still meet up to work on their app thrice a week, but when Baekhyun asks to hang out on a specific day, Chanyeol would have plans, unfortunately. When Chanyeol offers to come over, on the other hand, Baekhyun would have part-time jobs.

Still, being with Chanyeol is different. So every limited time they spend together is precious to Baekhyun because it is when he is the happiest.

"You're leaving already?"

Baekhyun asks, looking up to Chanyeol who's springing on his seat the moment his alarm goes off. Students in the library shoot them glares, so Chanyeol quickly shuts it down, pocketing his phone. He shoves his laptop into his bag and stacks his materials into one file.

"Hey, it's not even two hours yet. Why are you suddenly in a rush?" Baekhyun whispers, clutching the hem of Chanyeol's shirt, "Can't you stay a little longer?"

"I'm sorry," Chanyeol whispers back. "I'm interviewing Dark Shadow! It's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity."

Baekhyun gasps.

"You mean, the game creator I was talking about the other day who was an alumnus in our department? You're meeting up with him?"

"Correct. He could be our reference person."

"Wait, how did you get in touch with Dark Shadow? He's hard to find."

"A hoobae I met from the Engineering department happens to be Dark Shadow's brother-in-law. He set up an appointment for me. He works at the post office and I'm heading there."

"Can I come with you? I wanna meet him, too!"

Chanyeol nods, muttering a Sure! But just in time, Baekhyun's alarm sets off, indicating the schedule for his part-time job. Baekhyun puts on a grimace and collapses on the table, groaning.

"Ugh. Such a bummer."

Chanyeol pats his shoulder gently.

"Maybe we can see him together next time. I have to go."

"Yeah, next time... Bye."

Watching Chanyeol's broad disappearing back has become a routine now. Baekhyun wishes that sometimes, he could go ahead first too, so Chanyeol would know how it feels like to be always left alone.

"Right. There's no time to slack off. I need to get to my part-time job real quick."

The convenience store two blocks away from the dorms is where Baekhyun finds himself working twice a week. This is also where he earns his monthly allowance, aside from his two other part-time jobs (Internet cafe and cosmetics boutique). Working in a store is nothing new to him since they also own one back home, so being a cashier and staff feels just like an extension of himself. The only thing missing here is his mother and brother constantly nagging him about playing computer games.

A tiny smile makes its way into Baekhyun, remembering his family. He should call his Mom tonight and ask her to send him more side dishes.

"Welcome," Baekhyun says in monotone when someone enters, multi-tasking on manhandling the cashier and talking to the customer asking for a free plastic bag. "No, Ma'am. You need to pay for the bag or you can just bring your own next time."

He just scowls after the woman leaves. So stingy. Would it lose her to pay 100 won for a damn plastic bag?

"Do you have a smaller bill," Baekhyun mutters, seeing a yellow bill and a piece of gum placed on the counter by the next customer. Looking up, he is met by a familiar face in front of him--big wide eyes, heart-shaped lips, round head--staring expressionless at him. Said guy then casually drops a box of condoms beside the gum, so Baekhyun just sighs, scans the condoms, and announces his total, before he puts the items in a bag.

The guy leaves like the wind, and Baekhyun sits on his chair to rest, having no customers lined up as of now.

That person who has left just now, Baekhyun knows him by face. Black shirt is what he calls him as the dude is always wearing black whenever he sees him in the store or the campus. It was just recently when Baekhyun found out that Black shirt is also a member of the Cultural activities club (the club for people who don't wanna join any club) when they sat next to each other in the lecture hall during a seminar on Sexual Health awareness. They didn't speak any word to each other, because why would they?

Speaking of the matter, that guy seems to be sexually active. Black shirt buys condoms at least once a week. It must be nice to have a girlfriend that Baekhyun feels a little envious of. He had already forgotten how it feels like to be in a relationship. Well, reality check, he'd rather stay single in his Senior year rather than go out on dates he can't afford with his current state of living. He's barely getting by on his own, how much more if he's dating someone? Having a girlfriend is just a luxury; he can attest to it based on his limited past dating experience.

"What's her skin type, Sir? Is it oily, dry, acne-prone, or sensitive?"

"Uh, I'm not exactly sure. Can you tell just by looking at her picture? This is my wife."

Baekhyun peeks on the phone of the customer, looking at a selfie of a woman in her thirties overused with filters. He didn't sign up for this to become a fortune teller. He's in this job as a part-time salesperson.

"She asked me to buy her a moist-moistening-rizer cream or something, and I have no idea what she's talking about."

"I think your wife has a normal skin type. I can recommend you some of our best-seller moisturizers. Would you like to see the products, Sir? We have a one-plus-one promo when you get a matching cleanser and-"

"No, thank you. Just get me that normal skin type thing."

Honestly, never before did Baekhyun think he'd work at a cosmetics shop mostly targeted at female customers. It was just merely an accident. After a long tiring walk, he mindlessly came inside the boutique for free air conditioning (and because it smelled good) when the effeminate owner approached him, asking him if he wanted a part-time job. The owner said he had nice skin and he looked like a cute femboy, so he should start working here from now on.

Baekhyun doesn't even know whether to feel offended about it or not, but then he got the job regardless, so he's still thankful for looking like a cute femboy. (He asked Chanyeol if he looked like a cute femboy and Chanyeol told him No, that he looked like a real-life angel instead. He pretended to cringe but he admits it was a pretty nice compliment.)

"Thank you, come again! Welcome!"

Baekhyun has memorized his lines by heart. Every time the bell clangs, he'd recite his dialogue as new customers come in. Being a cosmetics guy is his favorite part-time job because aside from its decent pay, he also gets to take home free skincare products he and Sehun use every night. Meanwhile, he gives the facial scrubs to his Mom and Chanyeol the aloe vera. (God knows what he does with those.)

"Excuse me. Do you have a lighter shade for this concealer? I think I got the wrong one again."

Baekhyun takes the bottle from the lady who approached him from behind. Checking the label under the concealer, he pauses a bit when he recognizes the face of this customer. He's pretty good at recognizing faces contrary to remembering people's names, and he calls this customer the Concealer girl. She came again and bought the wrong shade. Sometimes, Baekhyun wonders if she's purposely doing it to annoy him, or if she's just basically craving his attention.

"It's you again, Miss. This is the third time already."

"Do you remember me?"

"Yeah, I think so."

"Well, if that's the case, can I get your number?"

Baekhyun glimpses a figure of a tall guy outside the store who seems to be waiting for someone. There's no doubt, it's Park Chanyeol, judging by his impressive height and the way he dresses. What is Chanyeol doing there at this hour? Didn't he say he has to go to the post office?

"Hello? I'm asking for your number?"

"We're not allowed to disclose our private information to the customers, I'm sorry."

"Then how about just your name?"

Glancing briefly at the lady, Baekhyun simply points at the right side of his chest where his nametag is pinned.

Hi, I'm Baekhyun. I'm glad to assist you!

"That's my name."

"Oh, I didn't see it! So, do you go to S university, too? What's your major?"

"Game Development."

"Cool. I'm in Tourism Management and I'm already in my 4th year. I'm interning at FTC and I'll fly to Europe next year for a modeling try-out."

"Uhm, I don't remember asking, but okay..."

"I'm just sharing! Anyway, at what time do you usually get off work?"

Looking back at Chanyeol, Baekhyun finds him nowhere, so his eyes immediately scan the surrounding, spotting his tall friend now crossing the road with someone, and it's a guy. That guy with Chanyeol feels familiar, but Baekhyun can't see the face. Seems like he's one of Chanyeol's new friends and they're going out somewhere for a drink, maybe. Well, it's not like Baekhyun has the right to know every single one of Chanyeol's acquaintances, so he just pays it no mind.

But even so, Chanyeol lied. The post office is not that way. Or maybe he already went there?

"Bye! I'll catch you later, Baekhyun! See you around!"

Baekhyun doesn't even realize he's smiling and waving his hand at the female customer who has just left. His co-worker is smirking at him, elbowing his rib like he has done something incredible.

"Wow, that girl's really pretty. I think she likes you."

Baekhyun blinks, confused.

"Huh?"

The darkness of his dorm room is what welcomes Baekhyun after he keys in the passcode to the door. Toeing off his shoes, he makes a mental note to change the passcode 112792 since Chanyeol isn't living with him anymore. He'll just do it when Sehun comes back next week. His roommate told him he'd be spending the whole weekend at his parent's house because it was his Mom's birthday. So that only means Baekhyun owns the place for himself within two days. Great. He can finally play Overwatch for 48 hours without interruption (sans the bathroom break).

"Fuck! You son of a bitch, the enemy's just in front of you, stupid!"

[Sorry, my bad! I'll attack next time!]

It's not even four hours of gaming yet but Baekhyun feels already out of the mood. His health is already low and his teammates all suck, that cursing them a lot of times didn't elevate their skills. He sometimes experiences this kind of moment too, when he just wants to log out of the game and do something else.

So he does that. He gets out of the computer and does some chores, eats dinner, watches Youtube, scrolls through social media, washes the dishes, and takes a shower. It's still 7:30 in the evening when he finishes everything, so he faces his laptop for uni and continues where he left off in the project, writing codes for the visuals and sounds of the application. Once feeling burned out after an hour or so, he turns off the lights, flicks on the lampshade, closes the laptop, sets it on the study table, and plops on his bed, staring at the ceiling blankly.

It's all silent.

"I'm not yet sleepy..."

He jumps out of bed, goes to his closet, wears the oversized orange and yellow striped Balenciaga polo shirt, and sprawls on the bed again.

"I wonder what Chanyeol is doing."

He lies on his side, grabs his phone, and stares at Chanyeol's number for a good minute while contemplating what to say.

"Should I tell him to come over?"

No. That guy must be busy, his brain tells him right away. Thinking of other friends whom he can call over, Baekhyun doesn't come up with any. How it sucks to have a small circle of friends. If only he was close enough with the guy two doors down, he'd ask him for drinks sometime. He seems pretty cool when they had a conversation about the upcoming League of Legends Tournament in the elevator.

Baekhyun's self-pity is cut short by a sudden phone call from his mother. Jolting up from the bed and answering it, he wears his slippers and goes to the balcony to get more reception.

"What is it, Mom?"

[Baekhyun, did your brother contact you already?]

"Hyung? Why would he?" Baekhyun puts the phone away and checks his call history and inbox, just in case Baekbeom tried reaching out to him lately but it's all clear of his brother's name. They're close but not the type to talk to each other from time to time. "No, he didn't. Is something going on with him?"

His mother deeply sighs on the other line, and it's a warning for Baekhyun to brace himself for the incoming bad news. She hasn't even said anything yet, and he can already sense his heartbeat racing.

[Your brother, he got his girlfriend pregnant, and her family is demanding a wedding as soon as possible...]

Baekhyun has no idea what to say. He just keeps silent, biting his nail unconsciously.

[It suddenly happened, but there's nothing we could do about it now so Baekbeom must take responsibility for what he did. He should marry the girl, move out of the house, and earn a living.]

Baekhyun can't tell if he's overly shocked by the news or not. He might've expected it because Baekbeom tends to be reckless at times ever since. It's his brother's life so he doesn't have anything much to say, aside from the fact that he's gonna be an Uncle now, and unless it will concern him in a major way.

"Have you talked to the family? When will be the wedding?"

[Your Dad and I already met with them and we decided to hold the ceremony next month.]

"Okay. Uh, so I have to come home, right? Just tell me the date the soonest."

[Son, you see... The main reason why I called is that the wedding rites will cost us a lot since we have to pay for the share of the expenses... Remember the money you and I saved together?]

Baekhyun grips his phone hard, shaking his head slowly.

"Mom..."

[Son, listen to me first.]

"No, I won't. I'm not giving you the money... I can't..."

[Baekhyun, look... Your brother needs it for the wedding. Will you send me back the half? I applied for a loan but it's still not enough.]

"But I need it, too. I've saved a lot for it. I'm already in my fourth year and that money's allotted for my internship next semester. It won't be enough for my tuition if I send you the half..."

[Then, can you postpone taking the semester for the meantime?]

Baekhyun feels like his world has just crumbled down, hearing that from his Mom.

"...what?"

[I'm sure there's still plenty of opportunity for you, right?]

"No... You don't understand... I'm not someone special here. The opportunity comes just once, I can't let that go."

[But if we don't hold your brother's wedding right away, the other party would assume we can't keep our word. It'll be shameful. What would they think of our family? We need to proceed to the wedding no matter what. They're already looking down on your father as it is. His pride is on the line here.]

"So you're saying it's more important than my studies?"

[That's not what I mean. What I'm saying is, can't you be a little considerate and help us out?]

"Mom, if only I could, I already did. But now's just not the right time. So no, I'm sorry. I'm not sending the money back. It's already settled and that's it."

[You still have it with you, right? I promise I'll return the exact amount right away. Hm?]

"Oh my god... You also said that the last time you borrowed from me! You never give back the money you owe me, saying you raised me and all that shit!"

[Hey, how can you be so selfish!?]

"What? I'm not selfish!"

[Think of our situation here for once, Baekhyun. You're living your life there, having fun in Seoul, and playing your games! Your mother is just asking for a little help but you're being ungrateful and stubborn!]

"You think I'm having fun here!? I'm hardly getting by on my own!"

[You chose that path yourself! Didn't I tell you to just stay in Bucheon? Playing games will never get you anywhere!]

"Why do you have to drag me into this matter in the first place!? If hyung has a problem, then he should fucking deal with it by himself! Stop bothering me!"

[BYUN BAEKHYUN! Who gave you the right to talk back to me like that!?]

Baekhyun shuts his mouth and composes himself under the high tension. He holds his forehead and breathes, calming down his nerves.

[You've become so brazen now! Oh, you insolent child! Is this what you learn while you're in the city? Oh, god... I can't believe this is happening! You think you're all mighty now just because you're in college?]

"No... It's not like that."

[Listen to me. If you just send the money back, it'll be a great help. But if you can't do that, then fine. Do whatever the hell you want.]

The call finishes with a low beep after his mother hangs up, leaving Baekhyun with a heavy heart. He can see the way his hand trembles from the pent-up frustration he is feeling, as though he wanted to cry and scream in anger yet he can't. The idea that his Mom doesn't really care about him lingers at the back of his mind, but he shakes it off as he retreats inside the room which seems to be colder than usual.

Baekhyun has no clue how long he's been thinking and rustling around the bed in the dark. In the last drawer of his cabinet is where he finds the neatly folded bankbook which keeps every cent of his savings and allowance. Staring at the numbers deposited on it overnight leads to him falling in line in front of the ATM the next morning.

And before he knows it, he's already withdrawing the money he said he wouldn't spend until he has signed up for the internship course.

It costs him a couple of months to save that huge amount, yet it only took him five minutes to get to the bank, fill out the transaction slip, and successfully send the money to his mother.

Mom
Thank you, son.

Baekhyun feels lifeless, zoned out, and miserable, after reading the text on his phone. His mother thanking him doesn't even make him feel better. He feels the worse, even. The whole lecture is an absolute blur to him, as he pays no attention to it, totally preoccupied with his problem. It was as if he just sat in class, stood up, walked to the next class, sat on it again, and did the same thing for the entire day in the uni until it was already time to go back to the dorms.

"Baekhyun hyung, if you're hungry, there's food on the table," Sehun says, ready to head out to a drinking party. Baekhyun hears him yet he doesn't turn around, as he's only lying on his bed sideways, facing the wall. "Uh, I'm leaving now. Just text me if you need anything."

Baekhyun hears the door clicking quietly upon the departure of his roommate to give him privacy. He called in sick to all his part-time jobs this morning because he can't definitely work under these circumstances. He just wants to lock himself in, shut people out, and sulk, moping like a rebellious teenager. He keeps his phone turned off and hidden away as if there was a growing trauma in him that his mother would call again and ask for another heartless favor it would make him feel bad and guilty if he didn't grant her request.

He's not generally a sentimental or dramatic person; he knows this is just a phase he'll soon get over as the days pass. But now he's tired of everything. His head hurts so fucking bad, and he feels angry, hopeless, dejected, and exhausted. He has no appetite and energy. Even playing games feels so empty. That certain heavy and suffocating emotion in his chest won't go away no matter how much he gives it a massage and drinks water. It's still there deep within, lurking like an annoying burden.

It's only been five minutes when Baekhyun, who's still slumped on the bed, hears the faint beeping of someone typing the passcode outside the room followed by the light thudding of the door closing. Sehun must've gone back early because he forgot something, and he'll be leaving soon enough.

But the expected cue of Sehun heading out of the dorm didn't arrive, as Baekhyun senses footsteps approaching in the living room instead. He hears the sound of keys jangling, and them being placed on top of the counter table. He also smells the familiar scent of perfume wafting in the air, combined with the delicious aroma of tteokbokki and fried chicken that immediately makes his stomach grumble.

It's like de javu. Baekhyun recognizes this exact moment from before, as though it has happened countless times within the span of years, that even with his eyes closed and his guards down, he can instantly name who this person is, now standing beside his bed, drawing the curtains away, and looking down at him in pure concern like a true family would.

"Are you okay?"

It's none other than Chanyeol.

"You're not picking up my calls so I got worried and came here."

Even just by the sound of his voice, Baekhyun feels a huge load is lifted off his shoulders immediately. As if he has now a companion by his side. As if he has now someone he can call his ally.

He doesn't realize himself getting up, pulling himself out of his pitiful state. It must be an automatic response of his body when he just faces Chanyeol and rests his forehead on Chanyeol's chest.

So when Chanyeol holds him close, there it is. It just comes naturally, like it's been waiting to escape all this time.

Heuk... Sniffle... Sob...

His tears, they all stream down his cheeks nonstop, and Baekhyun is bawling his eyes out, crying, and weeping like a child. The way Chanyeol is softly rubbing his back sends him comfort and security, not feeling afraid to show his vulnerable side as Chanyeol never judges. Chanyeol doesn't have to say anything else; he just needs to be there when Baekhyun needs him the most.

Third, Chanyeol says in his mind as he hugs Baekhyun tight. He raises Baekhyun's chin, staring down at his troubled face, having a close look at his red, swollen eyes. His hand is tender when he wipes Baekhyun's tears away with his thumb, snatching some tissues nearby to also dry his soaked cheeks. Baekhyun hides his face again and keeps on sobbing, so Chanyeol keeps hugging him without reservation, soothes the back of his head, and stays right where he is, not minding if his shirt is already getting totally drenched by Baekhyun's endless tears.

They don't exchange a single word after that. Chanyeol is now in the kitchen, preparing the plates and utensils so they can eat, while Baekhyun is at the dining table, watching and waiting. It's moments like this when Baekhyun wishes Chanyeol shouldn't have moved out because he misses this, he misses them, but not that he's gonna say it out loud.

"Here."

Chanyeol hands him the opened can of beer, so Baekhyun takes it, sipping a little amount, and coughing due to its strong, grainy taste. He proceeds to drink it anyway and shit, the way the liquor hits his throat feels so damn good.

"Pfft."

"What, why're you laughing?" Baekhyun says, shooting the taller a judgmental glare.

Chanyeol stares shortly, eyes remaining slightly longer at Baekhyun's clothes. "Nothing," he mutters, swigging his beer to hide his smile. He grabs a piece of drumstick so that he has something to munch on.

It costs Baekhyun two and a half seconds to answer his question. He then looks down at his (Chanyeol's) oversized shirt he is wearing he basically threw on out of impulse.

"Oh. This. Well. You see. This is mine now and I'm gonna wear it whenever I like."

"Okay."

"Don't think about taking it back."

"I won't."

"It's the most comfortable shirt I've ever owned so far."

"Sure."

Baekhyun feels defeated for some reason but he doesn't hate it, strangely enough. They continue to eat in peace without Chanyeol asking anything about his crying fit earlier. So Baekhyun decides to just say it himself.

"I might have to drop out next semester."

Chanyeol looks at him, surprised.

"My brother's getting married and they need money for the expenses. So I sent all my savings to my Mom. I doubt she can pay me back before the internship starts," Baekhyun sighs deeply, messing his hair. "I'm sorry..."

"Why are you apologizing?"

"Because it's me who's gonna leave you hanging."

"Who told you you're gonna leave someone hanging?" Chanyeol says back, meeting Baekhyun's gaze seriously. "If you're dropping out of college, then I'm dropping out, too."

Baekhyun isn't sure how to react. He might've assumed Chanyeol offering to lend him money to solve his problem, or maybe consoling him with some nice kind words like what comrades are supposed to do. But he didn't. What kind of friend is this? It's literally hilarious if Chanyeol's serious about this.

"Are you insane?"

"No, I'm serious."

"You're crazy."

"Probably, I am."

Baekhyun bursts into a fit of laughter, and Chanyeol does the same.

"Don't drop out, you fool. Our game isn't finished yet," Baekhyun mutters, "While I take a break, continue for the sake of our baby."

"I can't raise our child on my own. Being a single Dad is hard."

Baekhyun giggles, and thank god the beer didn't come out of his nose. It's only his second can yet he's already starting to feel lightheaded, so he drinks more, and more, and until his worries get drowned away by the alcohol in his stomach. Chanyeol seems to be having a twin now, and they're both laughing at him because of something he said he can't even hear himself.

"I think you're gonna regret saying that when you sobered up. Haha, fuck..."

"Hahaha... I don't even remember what the hell I just said... Pfft..."

"Should I remind you every day?'

"Nah... I bet it was embarrassing..."

"Hey, being honest is something you should never feel embarrassed about," Chanyeol says.

Baekhyun hums, his cheek meeting the table sluggishly. Staring at Chanyeol who's opening another can of beer, he blinks in a drowsy manner.

"Fine... Then I admit... That..."

Chanyeol does a double-take, staring at Baekhyun.

"That?"

"That I missed you... Kinda."

"You missed me?"

"Getting reminded that you once lived here with me... And not seeing you here anymore," Baekhyun sadly smiles. "Makes me a bit lonely sometimes."

Chanyeol tears his gaze away and resumes sipping on his liquor. He chews on his bottom lip and smiles to himself.

"I... I didn't know you feel that way."

"Let's just forget everything I said," Baekhyun mumbles, watching Chanyeol gulp the alcohol bottoms up like it was water before he burps like a pig afterward. Why is Chanyeol so gross?

"By the way," Chanyeol says. He notices a tiny smear of tteokbokki sauce on the side of Baekhyun's lips, so he automatically reaches for some tissues and wipes the mess off himself. "The door code."

Baekhyun responds with a sluggish thank you.

"Yeah? What about it?"

"When are you gonna change it?"

"Oh, that...? Pfft. Tomorrow, I'll change it... And I won't tell you the new one... It's gonna be a top secret between Sehun and me... Hehe..."

Chanyeol rolls his eyes, chuckling under his breath. Baekhyun is turning into a human tomato now because his whole face is glowing red. Baekhyun is even raising his arm in the air like he was gonna do a high five with him.

So Chanyeol presses his hand against Baekhyun's hand, slapping the flat of his palm. But instead of releasing, he interlocks their fingers together. He admires the way their hands are fitted perfectly like puzzle pieces. It feels warm and comfortable too, as though they are meant to hold hands forever.

"Hey, you're drunk already," Chanyeol whispers, peeking at Baekhyun's face, "Go to bed and I'll clean up here. Mm?"

Baekhyun shakes his head dizzily, lowering his head down, and still holding hands with Chanyeol while swaying it back and forth.

"Chanyeol, I can't feel my legs..."

"Want me to carry you?"

"Naaah... I can carry myself just fine..."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah..."

Chanyeol immediately comes to the rescue when Baekhyun stumbles, losing his balance. Baekhyun almost trips over his own feet and bumps against the table, knocking over the vase. Sighing, Chanyeol carries the drunk male princess-style, carefully putting him to bed. Baekhyun is even reciting curses like a mantra:

I hate my Mom... I hate my Dad... I hate my brother... I hate all of you except my Grandma... I hate being poor... Fuck everyone... I hate my life...

"Yeah, yeah. I know..."

"I hate you too, Chanyeol..."

"Huh? Why also me?"

"Because.... you just left me alone..."

Chanyeol pauses, feeling a tiny clench in his heart.

"No, I didn't."

"You... abandoned me... And made new friends."

"I didn't abandon you. I'm still here, right?"

"No, you're lying... You're not here... when I needed you the most."

Chanyeol looks away and exhales.

"I'm sorry for putting a distance between us."

Baekhyun shakes his head, totally wasted. He even kicks Chanyeol to prove his point.

"Who are you anyway...? You're just... a ghost... A pigment... of my imagination..."

"You know what? Just sleep."

Baekhyun's limbs are a mess as Chanyeol struggles to drape a blanket all over him. He has to pin Baekhyun's leg with his knee so he won't move anymore, yet Baekhyun is stubborn, clinging to his neck, and pulling him down with him.

"Hey, let go of me."

Chanyeol ends up lying on the bed beside Baekhyun, with Baekhyun's arm and thigh perched on top of his torso, trapping him inside.

"Haa, damn it."

Surrendering for the meantime, Chanyeol stays immobile in that position, breathing, staring at the ceiling, and counting the lizards probably sticking there. Except there's none, so he just imagines there's something. Anything.

Ah. That one looks interesting. It looks like a cloud.

Baekhyun whimpers and lies sideways closer to Chanyeol so that his lips are just a hairsbreadth near, centimeters away from Chanyeol's cheek. Chanyeol can sense Baekhyun breathing against his neck, warm and steady, resulting in the alcohol in his system to cause a chemical reaction in his bloodstream.

Unconsciously, Chanyeol tilts his head to the left and faces Baekhyun dozing off next to him. His nose bumps subtly against Baekhyun's lips, while his lips graze on the small gap of air the two of them are sharing. Moving his hand upwards, Chanyeol gently cups Baekhyun's cheek and swats away the hair blocking his forehead. Using his thumb, he traces the pretty outline of Baekhyun's eyelids, nose bridge, and cupid's bow, before stopping for a second as he reaches Baekhyun's chin.

"I missed you, too."

He props himself up a little bit, supporting his weight on his elbow while he blinks at Baekhyun drowsily. Hovering on top of Baekhyun, Chanyeol angles his face, leans down, and attempts to close the distance separating them, when-

"Hyung, I'm back!"

Chanyeol hears shuffling noises of someone arriving and switching the lights on, so he jolts in surprise and looks up to the newcomer like he's a deer caught in the headlights.

Sehun, who's at the doorway and eating a corndog, freezes, meeting eye contact with Chanyeol gaping at him.

Silence falls.

Chanyeol opens his mouth to say a word, but Sehun beats him to it.

"Am I interrupting you guys?"

"Huh? N-no, not at all. There's nothing to interrupt."

Sehun points behind him using his thumb, stepping backward.

"Yeah, right... I'm gonna go..."

"No, believe me. Nothing is going on!"

"Doesn't look like that to me though," Sehun shrugs, "I'll just think I went into the wrong room... Bye."

"Hey... Hey, come back! This is your room!"

Chanyeol yells one more time, but the younger guy has already left like a flash of lightning. Chanyeol side-eyes the unconscious Baekhyun and proceeds to swat his arms away. He springs up from the bed, grabs the blanket, and tucks Baekhyun inside it, wrapping him like he's a sushi roll.

It seems effective, as Baekhyun is now fast asleep, warm and toasty inside his makeshift cocoon. Releasing a quiet sigh, Chanyeol gently caresses Baekhyun's hair and watches him calmy sleep for several minutes. While staring intently at him being all defenseless like this, Chanyeol is having a mental battle about whether to do it or not, and his desire to follow his urge before parting ways with Baekhyun tonight without regrets still prevails.

And so Chanyeol bends down to reach Baekhyun's face, chastely kissing him on his forehead. He slightly pulls back and leans away, only to kiss Baekhyun again on the surface of his eyelid, soft and gentle, careful not to wake Baekhyun up.

"Good night," Chanyeol mutters, before leaving a note and heading out of the dorm room without bothering to tell Sehun to go back.

Baekhyun wakes up in the morning with a throbbing headache and terrible neck pain. He finds two things on his bedside table: a debit card and a piece of paper that comes with a note:

Use the money. Pay me back whenever you can. If you don't accept it, I'll wear pink for the rest of my life.
- Chanyeol

Baekhyun rubs his eyes sleepily and laughs, reading the additional message.

PS. I'll wear a pink wig, too. And you won't like it.

"Tch, this idiot..."

He shakes his head, takes the card, and puts it in his pocket, before he makes himself breakfast in the kitchen, wearing a huge smile on his face.

****

Present, 2022

(30)

The heavenly aroma of freshly brewed coffee drifting into his bedroom wakes Chanyeol up this Saturday morning. Shooting up fast and scratching his bare torso, he glances at his clock showing 7:38 am. He sniffs the air suspiciously.

"What the hell is happening..."

He blinks in confusion, questioning reality and asking himself if this delicious scent of garlic being sautéed in butter and egg is coming from his kitchen or not. It's been ages since he hired a housekeeper so why would someone be cooking at this hour?

Hazy memories of him drinking at the bar last night, partying hard with his co-workers and carrying a drunk Baekhyun to his unit surge back into his mind. So, like his butt is on fire, he wears a shirt, opens the door of his room, pauses, and stares at his kitchen.

It's like de javu. Chanyeol recognizes this exact moment from before, as though it happened countless times within the span of years, that even though he just woke up, still in an unstable state of mind, he can instantly name who this person is, now standing in front of the stovetop, and cooking as though this place was his own.

"Good... morning," he mutters absentmindedly, just in case he must be still dreaming. There's no way Baekhyun would be here in his house, doing all of this, right? There's no way Baekhyun would here, roaming around his kitchen with barely some clothes on. Right?

But Chanyeol proves himself wrong, though.

"Yeah. Morning," Baekhyun replies and faces him, leaning against the counter and sipping coffee on Chanyeol's mug Baekhyun must've found inside the cupboard. "I hope you don't mind me using your kitchen, and your mug."

Chanyeol says nothing.

"Oh, I used your shower too, and borrowed your shirt, while waiting for my clothes to dry in the dryer," Baekhyun turns around again, busying himself preparing the plates and utensils for breakfast for them both, "Good thing you had supplies left in your fridge. I thought you were living off convenience store food."

He'd rather get punched in the face than not do this now, so Chanyeol comes towards Baekhyun, approaches him from behind, and dives in for a back hug. He circles his arms around Baekhyun's waist and rests his chin on top of Baekhyun's shoulder, while also sniffing Baekhyun's hair in the process. It smells like his shampoo. It makes him want to kiss Baekhyun on the cheek.

And so he did.

Smooch.

Baekhyun shrieks.

"YO, WHAT THE FUCK!"

"Fifth," Chanyeol tells himself. Ah, what a good morning indeed.

"What are you doing!?" Baekhyun screeches at the sudden skinship, jerking like a surprised wild animal. He elbows Chanyeol straight to the diaphragm and shoves him away, glaring daggers at him while rubbing his kissed cheek. "Are you still drunk? Stop being a creep!"

"But you allowed me to hug you before~ And you'd even do it of your own volition."

"Huh?"

Chanyeol smirks and folds his arms over his chest.

"Heh. Don't tell me you already forgot? You willingly kissed me on the cheek when we were in high school, and then that thing happened-"

"Shut up! That was all in the past, back when I was still young and naive! So stop it. I'm not in the mood to joke around with you right now."

"What's wrong with being a little touchy-feely?"

Baekhyun rolls his eyes.

"It's wrong if it's without consent."

"Fine. Next time, I'll ask for your consent if I could hug or kiss you. No homo."

"Oh, please. You're so weird. Don't do that ever again."

"Hey. It hurts for real," Chanyeol whimpers, holding his injured abdomen. Damn, that sure is painful. It's still early for Baekhyun to be this overly violent. "Is this how you thank someone who took care of your drunk ass last night?"

Feeling a little guilty, Baekhyun clears his throat and sits on the chair across from Chanyeol.

"This. This is how I thank you for looking after my drunk ass last night." Baekhyun gestures at the simple yet homely breakfast consisting of basic omurice, spam, kimchi, and hangover soup served in front of Chanyeol. He also pours him a cup of coffee. Grabbing Chanyeol's wrist, he thrusts a pair of chopsticks and a spoon into his palm. "There. Now help yourself."

"You cooked this?"

"Who else, dummy?"

"Does it have poison?"

"Unfortunately, none."

Chanyeol grins, pressing his palms together.

"Thank you for the food."

They eat breakfast in comfortable silence; Chanyeol once in a while peeking at Baekhyun every four seconds. The food tastes nice, surprisingly, compared to the last time he had Baekhyun's cooking when they were in college. Baekhyun must've improved a lot after all these years, good for him.

Now that Chanyeol thinks about it, it's been a while since he and Baekhyun sat cozily in a morning setting to share a home-cooked meal. He admits he misses this, he misses them, but not that he's gonna say it out loud.

"Is there something you wanna say?" Baekhyun asks, noticing Chanyeol's spontaneous hidden smiles. "Why're you looking at me like that?"

Chanyeol points under the table, down to Baekhyun's exposed and dangling, flawless thighs.

"You could've at least worn some pants with my shirt. Why are you only wearing your underwear?"

Baekhyun flashes a horrified look.

"That's because your pants are all in the laundry so I couldn't wear any! Wash your clothes, will you?"

"No, but really. Are you trying to seduce me early in the morning? I could just jump at you anytime. Ah, thank goodness I didn't do my laundry..."

"I'd be grappling you on the floor before you could do that."

"I'd be pinning you against the wall before you could do that."

"You're consuming too much adult content."

Chanyeol chuckles.

"You know, Baekhyun. Sitting with you like this brings back memories."

A comfy ambiance settles in before it dawns on Baekhyun the situation Chanyeol is pertaining to. He scans the surroundings, remembering a familiar mood back in their college days when he and Chanyeol used to be roommates.

He also smiles a little, looks down at his plate, and pokes the scrambled egg with his chopsticks.

"Yeah, it sorta does."

"We should eat breakfast together more often."

"How?"

"Simple. Just sleep over during Friday nights."

"I can't. I'm busy."

"Are you..." Chanyeol peeks at him, "Are you still bothered by the incident back in high school? That's why you wouldn't come over?"

"No. It's all in the past now and it was my fault why you got hospitalized. I was the one to blame why that happened to you."

"I wasn't thinking, too. We were both young back then."

"Yeah. We were."

"Then how about if I just come over to your place instead? We could play games the whole weekend until we get sick of it."

Baekhyun pours water on his glass, doing the same on Chanyeol's.

"As if seeing each other in the office isn't enough?" He shakes his head, shoving a spoonful of rice inside his mouth. "Let's not do that. We're not in college anymore."

"But work's different from just pure quality bonding time. And I miss you. Like, for real.'"

"Dude, we're always together. Why would you miss me?"

"I don't know. It's just, I suddenly miss hanging out with you, just, you know, doing nothing at all and spending time with you just like the old times?"

Chanyeol frowns, resembling a kicked puppy. Baekhyun glances at him and does a double-take. He chuckles, smiling a little.

"Don't you have any friends you can hang out with?"

"With this particular kind of intention? No."

Chanyeol lets out his most charming smile, and Baekhyun shoots him a sympathetic, guilty look.

"A friendly advice. You should start finding yourself someone, seriously. Also, you should do it seriously..."

"Why would I still find someone when I already have you?"

Baekhyun pauses chewing. His eyes happen to land on the black bracelet wounded around Chanyeol's wrist. It was his birthday present for him ages ago.

"If I play around all I want, at the end of the day, I know you're still gonna be there for me, right?" Chanyeol asks, sounding hopeful, "Right?"

"Yeah, you have me. But you can't like, own me, you know? I'm not your lover. Also, I'm not your pet."

"Then I'd be your pet instead! Adopt me when you get married or something."

Baekhyun breaks into a fit of laughter.

"Seriously?"

"Yeah. Like, I could just live in your garden. No big deal. I'm not gonna disturb you guys. I promise," Chanyeol says, even raising his right hand, "I'll just behave like a Dobermann, guarding the house, probably watering the plants sometimes, and playing with your kid when your wife's at work?"

"You know what? Just eat. I can't imagine you as a Dobermann!"

"Then how about a Beagle?"

"Not that either. But you could be a giraffe."

"A giraffe!? My neck isn't even that long."

"Yeah, but your legs are."

"You also mean my third leg, right..."

"Oh my god, stop..."

"No. For real though, my dingle dangle is significantly long-"

"Pfft. Chanyeol, please stop. We're having breakfast!"

Their foolish conversation is momentarily cut off by a notification on Baekhyun's phone. Chanyeol sees it's from the game Baekhyun is playing. He drinks his water, remembering something.

"By the way, have you checked your call history?"

"Why?" Baekhyun asks, "Did I receive a call?" He exits Lineage 2M and switches on his call logs, looking at the history saved. "Oh, shit. Did I drunk-call Taeyeon last night?"

"No. She rang you up and I accidentally answered."

"Right. I forgot to call her. She must be mad..."

Chanyeol watches as Baekhyun continues eating his food, drinking his coffee, and typing on his phone all at the same time. Such fast hands. Multi-tasking at its best. He even made a mess on his mouth, so Chanyeol voluntarily leans in, stretches his arm, and using his thumb, wipes off the coffee smudge on Baekhyun's upper lip.

"Yeah, call her back. She must be worried."

"Okay."

It's like telepathy when an incoming call suddenly appears on Baekhyun's screen. Not that Chanyeol is being nosy, but it's an international call, and the nickname of the one calling is Taeng. With a heart emoji beside it.

"Hello?" Baekhyun casually says, sandwiching his phone in between his ear and shoulder. He even gets himself a banana and peels it, answering the call while taking a bite of the fruit. "Good morning, I just woke up..."

Chanyeol is looking respectfully.

"Yeah, yeah. I didn't get to properly read your text... I'm sorry... Okay, don't get mad now... Yup, I also missed you."

"Hey Baekhyun, pass me the ketchup," Chanyeol blurts out in a commanding tone.

While in the call, Baekhyun stares at the other man, then at the bottle of ketchup standing in front of him.

"It's literally in front of you, idiot."

"I can't reach it. I think I just broke my wrist."

Baekhyun rolls his eyes, grabs the bottle of ketchup, and places it on Chanyeol's hand. "Sorry, babe, what were you saying again..." Brushing his hair through his fingers, Baekhyun stands up from his seat and walks off, heading to the balcony to give himself privacy, his voice fading away. "I'm having breakfast... Uh-huh, I'm still at Chanyeol's place so..."

Thud.

Chanyeol blinks after Baekhyun closes the door right at his face, leaving him alone in the dining room. He sees Baekhyun lounging at the terrace and basking in some fresh air as he chats with his girlfriend.

Chanyeol just shrugs.

"Guess it's time to wash the dishes."

[I can't understand what you're saying. Will you please swallow your food first? Your chewing noises are annoying.]

"Even with me eating you're still complaining," Baekhyun sighs dismissively, leaning his back on the railing. "Look, I don't wanna fight over petty stuff so let's just talk peacefully. Is that okay?

[Okay, fine. Sorry... Can you go home now? I wanna talk to you when you're already in your room.]

"But we're already talking. Just say it right now. What is it?"

[But I'm not comfortable in this setup. Let's talk in private. Please?]

From here, Baekhyun can see Chanyeol in the kitchen who's diligently scrubbing the plates.

"It's fine, I'm the only one here. Wanna switch to video call?"

[No need... Let's just talk like this, then.]

"Okay. Is everything alright?"

Silence arises as white noise fills the gap between them not saying a word for about thirty seconds. Baekhyun even checks to see if the timer is going up, so when he realizes he's still connected, he puts back the device in his ear and asks:

"Taeng? Still there?"

[Baekhyun.]

"What is it?"

[I'm going to Sweden this week for my next shoot. I'll stay there for a month or two until I sign the contract for the new term in my agency.]

"You're gonna add another year again?"

[Yeah.]

"Okay, then. You do your best, as always."

[And I... I didn't mention it to you, but your Mom called me a few weeks ago. She was asking the same question again. When would I come back... When would we settle down...]

Baekhyun massages his forehead, sighing tiredly.

"Oh, god..."

[I can't always avoid the question and keep getting her hopes up, so it's best to just tell you about it.]

"What is it?"

[I don't think I'll be able to come back to Korea anymore.]

A sigh is heard from the other line.

[What I'm saying is, let's break up.]

Baekhyun is unfazed, as the only thing he can say right now is:

"What?"

He hasn't even finished chewing his banana yet. He still has some banana remnants in his mouth, bulging on the inside of his cheek. There's a grain of rice stuck on his chin, and he's currently barefoot, standing on the cold marble floor of Chanyeol's wide, open balcony.

[I'm sorry, I think it'll be pointless to continue this relationship. Let's just set each other free and live our own lives from now on.]

"Why? Have you... Have you fallen for someone else?"

[What? I barely have time for you, how could I even... Look, it's just. I don't feel the connection anymore. Don't you feel the same way, too?]

Chanyeol, who has just finished doing the dishes, sees Baekhyun heading back inside, going straight to the laundry room. Baekhyun comes out now clad in the clothes he wore yesterday before he's putting on his socks and shoes. He also clasps his watch and slots his wallet into the back pocket of his pants.

"Hey. Want a ride?" Chanyeol offers, grabbing his keys and ready to set off, "My car has just been brought back by the towing company and-"

Thud.

For the second time this morning, the door is shut right at Chanyeol's face without him even finishing his sentence. Baekhyun has already left on the spur of the moment, and Chanyeol can only stare in actual disbelief.

"Ouch. That's kinda rude."

*

You're asking me why?

If only before, if you had asked me to come home, I'd do that for you. But you didn't. You said you supported me and I believed you. And now that I'm already here, I can't stop. This way I can also help my family while doing what I love. I realized that staying here is what's really for me, and being with you back home is the least of my priority.

No. There's no one else. And if there was someone, I had already told you and ended things with you. You know what kind of person I am, and I'll never do that to you.

You heard me, I'm being honest. I'm letting you know how I've been feeling for a few months now, and this is what I want. Let's break up mutually and calmly. I want to part ways on good terms.

Listen, it's just... We don't work out anymore. We were falling apart and no one is acknowledging that. You must be thinking the same way, too. Texting and calling each other seems like a chore. Our conversation feels dry and both of us aren't making an effort to do something about it. And every time we tried to talk, we'd only argue over small things. We'd make up the next day, then we'd fight all over again... It's exhausting and repetitive.

We don't say sweet things to each other anymore. When was the last time we did something intimate?

I can't even remember the last time you told me you loved me. I can't even remember the last time I told you I loved you.

When I asked myself if I still feel the same about you, I couldn't answer either. I did a lot of thinking these past few days that we weren't in touch, and this is what I've decided, I want to put an end to our relationship.

Probably it's because of our long distance, or because we were always busy. Probably it's because of your Mom pressuring us or because of my lack of attention towards you. Maybe it's because of everything I just said including the reasons we never talked about.

But I'm not happy with this kind of set-up anymore. We're only tying each other down. We don't share the same dreams and we have different priorities. So for the sake of our peace, let's stop lying and pretending we're fine and nothing has changed between us.

Am I being selfish? Or am I doing both of us a favor?

But I'm curious though if ever you've asked yourself if you're still in love with me?

No. You know the answer. You just can't let go of the fact that you're in a commitment. You're afraid to be left alone and abandoned. Am I right or not?

Why aren't you saying anything? Do you still need more time to think about it? If it's about your family, I'll just tell them we broke up if you can't do it...

Let's not blame each other anymore. We're both at fault here. You're guilty and I am, too. You stopped caring a long time ago and I did the same.

Yeah, I know that I've hurt you, so I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being self-centered... Sorry for not being able to stay by your side when you need me... I'm sorry if we're not gonna get married like what we both thought we'd do at 30... Sorry for giving up on us without fighting till the end.

No, I'm not gonna cry... I'm not...!

Thank you for everything, babe. This is the last time I'm calling you that. I'm gonna treasure the beautiful memories we spent together in my heart. I'm being sincere as I say this to you. I don't regret meeting you and falling in love with you.

If ever you find someone new, I truly wish you'd be happy and contented with that person.

I loved you, I really did.

Goodbye, Baekhyun. Congratulations on the launch of your game. Let's not contact each other ever again.

After listening to the call recording of their last conversation, Baekhyun places his phone away, face-facing down, on top of the counter. He releases a depressing sigh and ogles at the blank space of his living room in pure silence. No thoughts, head empty, but the throbbing ache in his chest starts to crawl in, making him feel like a miserable loser.

For most of their conversation, he only listened to her, as if he was undeserving to speak nor say a word. Taeyeon was right about everything and it was painful to accept. Both to the heart and the ego. The truth has just slapped him on the face, leaving him with bruises and major injuries.

The whistling of the boiling kettle on the cooktop pulls Baekhyun out of his reverie, and so with lazy feet, he trudges into the kitchen and turns off the heat. Fetching a cup of instant ramen from the cupboard, he also gets a pair of chopsticks and some leftover kimchi in the fridge. He pours hot water onto the noodles, grabs a seat, waits for it to soak in, and adds the seasonings. Mild seasonings. Forget the egg. The taste of authentic ramen is more important.

And just like that, Baekhyun eats like a man. He slurps the noodles even if it's still steaming hot enough to burn his tongue. He doesn't like soggy ramen as he prefers it a bit crunchy and raw to the taste. A side of kimchi and it's perfect. He sips the red-orange soup and swallows, then twirls the noodles side-to-side. Pinching them firmly with his chopsticks and raising the styro cup, he gobbles the warm noodles down his throat and burps.

Chewing loudly while staring at the boring wall of his kitchen, he shakes his head, rubs his eyes, lets out a heavy sigh, and sniffles.

"Haa... What is this...."

He continues to eat anyway, scrunching his runny nose, and sweating through his teary-eyed eyes. Blinking fast and chugging a glass of water, he shakes his head again, sucks the noodles in, and devours the kimchi like he has been starved for days.

"Ah, fuck.... Why is it too spicy...?"

The windows of his apartment are vast and open with the curtains drawn away, letting the cool breeze spread out across the room. Basking in the fresh air, Baekhyun leans back on his chair, sprawling his legs apart on the floor. He puts aside the half-empty cup of ramen, absentmindedly zoning out to the balcony. He stays like that for a couple of minutes, quietly breathing, just staring ahead with his dull, sad eyes, void of emotion. He sighs for the umpteenth time, shoves his palms on his face, and mumbles:

"I should've put an egg..."

The doorbell ringing for the third time is what causes Baekhyun to finally get up from his relaxed position on the couch. Upon opening the door, a delivery man inquires him, confirming his name and unit number. He just nods weakly and asks a faint, 'What is it for?'

"You have a package, Sir. Where should we put them?"

The delivery guy moves aside to show Baekhyun two more men pushing a trolley full of boxes that come in different sizes. There are probably ten of them, some are as big as a suitcase and even a TV, while others are medium-sized and handy. They're all labeled fragile, and this is what alarms Baekhyun instantly.

"But I didn't order anything. Are you sure these are mine?"

"Yes. They're already paid by the sender. Please sign here."

"Who could've sent me the package?"

"They didn't put their name but they left a card."

As Baekhyun takes the receipt to affix his signature, the delivery crew carries the boxes inside his apartment one by one. Looking at the large parcels being carefully placed in his living room, Baekhyun presumes that these things are none other than intricate parts of gaming equipment to complete and build a premium gaming setup.

While still in a state of shock and astonishment, Baekhyun gets himself a pair of scissors and a cutter. Individually unboxing the package after the delivery men leave, it takes him more than two hours to open them and clean up the trash. The amount of exhilaration he feels is immaculate that he could almost shit his pants, while the bliss of finally laying a finger on the gaming gears is hands down indescribable.

So, like a youthful child receiving his very first Christmas gift, Baekhyun excitedly assembles every electronic until his gaming haven is completely installed. He loses track of the time, as the sun turns into moon and the daylight fades away into nighttime.

"Oh my god... I can't believe this..."

Baekhyun just stares, absolutely mindblown and speechless.

Here he is seeing, true and real in front of him, an organized cable management system, a sturdy gaming desk with RGB lighting, a comfortable custom-designed gaming chair, a set of stereo speakers, an ultimate gaming CPU, triple high-resolution gaming monitors, a full-sized backlit gaming keyboard, an RGB gaming mouse, a bluetooth gaming controller, a 4K gaming webcam, and a built-in wireless phone charger plus a USB hub, to finalize his wide range of gaming accessories for a superior level of gaming experience.

Baekhyun could faint to death as he, at last, takes a seat on his own gaming chair as if he was a king sitting on his throne. His emotions are contradicting and battling right now. His heart is in shambles yet it's also thumping in happiness, reading the card with her neat and pretty handwriting.

Happy B̶i̶r̶t̶h̶d̶a̶y̶ Advanced Birthday, Baekhyun. Thanks for everything.
- Taeng

Baekhyun is torn between feeling grateful and conscience-stricken receiving such a wonderful birthday-farewell present. The fact that his birthday is still a few months away is just heartbreaking, knowing Taeyeon actually prepared him for all of this beforehand.

"She even got every single brand perfect..."

No matter how much he wants to call her right now, Baekhyun shakes his head, choosing not to dwell over his breakup anymore. Staying up to play PUBG, he mourns through snacking junk foods and swigging Gfuel like a hungry noob. The noise of his fingers intensely rattling on the keyboard and rapidly clicking on the mouse accompany him from night until dawn, keeping him wide awake.

He might've teared up during his winner-winner chicken dinner, but he blames the liquid in his eyes on the "spicy" ramen he ate for lunch instead.

****

Flashback, 2010

Senior year of High School

(18)

"The boy is flying a kite in the middle of the green fields during summer. Alright, say it with meㅡ"

"The boy is flying a kite in the middle of the green fields during summer."

"Very good! Now read the next sentence..."

The English textbook is opened on top of his desk while Baekhyun is blankly zoning out of the window, his chin perched above his palm lazily. Even with his brain filled with nothing but playing video games after dismissal, he can perfectly hear his classmates reading some English words on the board. Good thing the teacher isn't noticing that his mouth is closed, not participating in the class recitation.

Ever since he decided to become a game creator with Chanyeol, it's like his imagination would always run whenever his mind is idle. He wonders what kind of games he could make and what genre would they be. When an idea randomly comes into mind, he makes sure to jot them down in his notebook. Just like right now. Instead of copying the assignment left by the teacher, he's sketching his game character's sword on the margin of his textbook. It should be strong enough to pierce into the enemy's weak points.

Now that he thinks about it, before becoming a Game Developer, can he continue learning Advanced Programming by himself? He already knows some basics by self-studying on the internet, though. But first off, he must have his own computer to keep practicing with. A high-end laptop would be nice, but it's gonna be hella expensive. He should start saving up so he can get one for college. It's a necessity.

"Yo, Baekhyun! Let's go!"

"Hey, you coming to the PC bang with us or not?"

"We're gonna have some spicy rice cakes after!"

Turning to his classmates calling his name, Baekhyun realized just now that the class is finally over. Some are packing their belongings, filing out of the room, and cleaning up the board and chairs. Gathering his things, he swiftly wears his backpack and stands up in a rush.

"I'll pass, you guys go ahead first! I'll just hang out with you next time."

"What, are you skipping night study sessions again?"

"Yeah, don't tell the teacher! Bye!"

"Hey, don't run!"

Running in the corridor, Baekhyun heads to Chanyeol's classroom which is literally two rooms away. Because they're not in the same class in their senior year, it's either him or Chanyeol who'd alternately wait for the other before going home together. It depends on whose class would finish first. Usually, it's Chanyeol who'd wait for him at the lockers after his club activities but seems like Chanyeol is on cleaning duty today.

Ah, right, Chanyeol is assigned to throw the trash every Monday. He'll be done in a few minutes or so.

Arriving outside Chanyeol's room, Baekhyun glimpses his tall friend in the middle of the hallway. Waving his hand with a huge grin on his mouth, he's supposed to call out to Chanyeol when he right away notices that the guy isn't alone. A girl is standing across from him, clutching her bag, head bowed down. She looks like she's crying.

Baekhyun then drops his arm, steps backward, and hides behind the wall.

This is such bad timing.

"Sorry, I can't return your feelings after all," Baekhyun overhears Chanyeol telling the girl as if he was a leading man in a romantic drama, "I don't wanna keep getting your hopes up so let's just end this right here. You can find a guy who's more deserving of your love, and it's not me."

Covering his mouth not to react to this cheesy and cringe-worthy (yet sad) situation, Baekhyun keeps quiet and steady. Damn, he should probably get out of here. It somehow feels wrong accidentally witnessing and eavesdropping on a bro's break-up.

"Why?" the girl asks as she sobs. "Do you already have someone you like?"

Oh, shit. Park Chanyeol, you heartbreaker! Baekhyun comments internally. That girl seems nice, though.

"Yes, I already have someone I like."

Baekhyun pauses.

"And it will never be you. I'm sorry."

The loud thudding of footsteps along the hallway can be heard as the girl runs away while Chanyeol is left by himself, still holding a mop like nothing happened. Baekhyun sees Chanyeol retreating inside the classroom to finish his afternoon chore.

"Tch. Does he really have to go that far? Why go out with her in the first place if he doesn't like her?" Baekhyun sighs and shakes his head. "He shouldn't have dated her, then."

Probably it's because he hasn't experienced having a girlfriend yet, that's why he can't understand the concept of dating someone and then breaking up after. What does it feel like to end a relationship? He can't imagine being dumped or getting rejected. It must hurt a lot especially if you like that person so much.

Fortunately, with him, he still hasn't found the one he can consider special. Though girls would confess to him and would try asking him out, the feeling isn't enough for him to say yes. Maybe he'll start dating when he enters university, who knows? Right now he'll focus on studying for the college entrance exams and learning how to make games with Chanyeol. They're his top priority.

"You got out pretty late today, huh?" Baekhyun says.

"Sorry. When I threw out the trash, I was asked to help the teacher collect our career worksheets. Being the class representative is really exhausting, seriously..."

"We'll be graduating soon. Chanyeol. Endure it a bit longer."

"Yeah. Few more months to go."

"Oh. By the way, I asked my Mom if I could enroll in the cram school you're attending after class. Pfft. I've never seen her agree so quickly when I told her we're studying together."

"Woah, really? That's great! We'll see each other more often from now on."

"Heh. I know, right? We could hang out on Saturdays, too."

Two beeps and two thuds from the vending machine arise before two cans of sodas drop in the compartment. The spirit of the cola releasing into the air sounds satisfying as Baekhyun unlatches the lid of his can. He nonchalantly throws the other drink to Chanyeol who looks surprised by the gesture out of nowhere.

"What's this for?" Chanyeol asks, catching the Sprite with both hands.

"My treat," Baekhyun peeks at him while he drinks his soda, "You just got dumped, didn't you?"

"Ah." A hint of realization flashes in Chanyeol's expression. He scratches his nape and lets out an awkward chuckle. "You-uh, you saw that?" He follows Baekhyun as the two of them head out of the school building's exit. "By the way, I wasn't dumped. She was. And I feel sorry for her."

"Why did you break up with her?"

"I couldn't like her back after all. She asked me out so I tried dating her but it wasn't working for me. I told her my reason so I hope she understands."

"But you lied."

"Hm? What're you talking about?"

Baekhyun stops when they reach the stairs after the lobby. Chanyeol then faces him, waiting for the next thing that he'll say.

When it dawns on him that Chanyeol is only point-blank anticipating, Baekhyun looks away, slaps the air, and brushes the matter off. He raises his arms and does some stretching to show he's no longer interested.

"Well! It's none of my business anyway. So, are we eating tteokbokki or ice cream? Man, I feel hungry after waiting for you to finish cleaning up. You should buy this time."

Chanyeol never averts his gaze. He's only looking at Baekhyun deeply and sincerely. "I was telling the truth," he says. Baekhyun side-eyes him, a heavy silence lingering between them before he adds, "I do actually like someone."

"Wait. You do?"

"Yeah."

"For how long now?"

"I don't exactly know. I just realized it one day."

Not knowing what to respond to that remark, Baekhyun just ends up smiling and reaching behind Chanyeol, giving him a friendly pat on the back.

"I hope everything goes well with you and that person."

Chanyeol relaxes his shoulders. Staring down at the can of Sprite sweating coldly on his palm, he slots it inside his pocket, nods, and smiles.

"Yeah. I hope so, too."

To be continued

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