October.

January 21st, 2015.

"October," I felt a pair of hands wrap around my arms, shaking me gently. I groan and shake my head from side to side until I turned on my stomach, indicating that it was probably too early - and it was - so I didn't want to get up yet. Or ever, to say the least.

"October wake up, we'll miss our flight if you don't start getting ready now." The voice happened to be Michael's, who was drumming soft beats against my back in effort to try and wake me up. "October."

"Mmph."

"October."

"Mmphf."

"October Winters I swear to God, if you do not get up right now, I will get a bucket of water and dump it on you. I'm not fucking joking."

At his words my eyes shoot open and I turn to my back, shielding my face with my hands. "Okay, I'm awake, I'm awake! Jesus, chill."

Michael snickered and walked out of the room, giving me time to change into the dark jeans and thick sweater that I had planned out for the flight. It was still winter in Canada, meaning that Michael will probably be freezing after he'd shown me the shorts that I specifically forbade to come along on this trip. He brought them anyway.

Michael squealed after I opened the door and pulled me towards the living room by my hands, skipping his way over to where all of the luggage were, which had been set near my door. I only planned on staying for about three days, depending on how much healing this not-so-little problem with need.

"Michael, it's five in the morning. How do you manage to stay so jumpy all the time?" I groaned, pulling my hands away to leave him to jump around all on his own.

"I don't know, I'm excited." he beamed, re-checking all of the front pockets of both our luggage to see if he could add in a few things. "And plus, I may or may not have drank a lot of Redbull last night. The caffeine is just catching up to me now."

I stare at him for a few seconds, before heading back to my room to brush my teeth. Michael trailed me from behind.

"Did you call Bruce?"

I only nod in response, having my mouth be full of white, minty foam and I lean over the sink to wash my mouth.

"Did you call Luke?"

I froze, stopping my gargling before spitting it out and averting my attention to anywhere but Michael's patient and waiting gaze.

"No, he doesn't, um, know I'm leaving, actually."

Michael's eyes widened out of disbelief, hearing that his best friend hadn't even told her boyfriend that she was going to fly across the ocean and stay for a few days.

I felt a headache start to form in my skull. Now that I think about it, I was a fucking idiot. Why did I ever decide to leave Luke in the dark, when he was the light that led me out of my darkness?

I guess that's what staying up at three a.m. does to you.

"Call him."

"I know. But, I still need to put on make-up, not to mention check our luggage then re-check in case we misplaced anything-"

"Stop stalling and fucking call him! What the hell is so bad about that?"

Normally, Michael almost never lost his temper nor did he ever get too impatient. Now was one of the times where his voice had actually gone higher than a talking manner, besides all the times when he'd squeal, and such.

I glance over at him, feeling my stomach churn at his tone. "I don't know," I mumble, twisting a strand of my hair around my finger and scanning my complexion in the mirror. "It's just so- awkward, now. He's being so distant."

I hear Michael sigh, pushing the bathroom door open and spinning me so I could face him, while he held onto my shoulders.

"Tobe, relax," I drop my head and Michael adjusts his view to take a look at my face. "Something's bothering you. What's up?"

"I just-" I didn't even know where to begin. There were a million things bothering me right now. "I don't know. Every time I try to reach for him he pulls back. And I have this whole thing with seeing my parents and- and I feel like I'm actually going to throw up." I try to hold back the tears forming in my eyes, but fail as one slips and falls from my bottom duct.

"Well, maybe he needs some time to himself, you know? We all need that, even you." Michael gave me a small smile, trying to lift my spirits. I really did love him like the brother I never had.

"Okay. Yeah, okay. I'll call him right now. But it's five a.m. Do you think he'll be up? I don't think he'll-"

"Bitch, call him, or I will." Michael deadpanned, and with that, strode out the door. He then ran back a few seconds later, kissing me on the cheek.

"I'm sorry, that was rude. And, happy birthday, babe! But yeah, call him. I'll check the luggage." He jogged out and I chuckled after thanking him, shaking my head and reaching out my phone from my back pocket.

I searched for Luke's contact and pressed on the little phone icon, biting on my thumb nail and waiting for the ringing to stop.

"October?" It sounded like half of his voice had disappeared, and I couldn't help but let out a small giggle, but clear my throat and pick at the fabric that laid around my stomach to try and stop my nervousness.

"Okay, I know it's completely ridiculous for me to be calling at five thirty in the morning, but I have a flight to Canada that leaves in like, four hours and I just-"

"Wait, slow down- you're going to see your parents? October, why didn't you tell me? That's amazing! Oh, and happy birthday, baby. I got you a present, but I don't think I could give it to you right now." Luke sounded more awake now, and I could imagine him with that adorable smile on his face, leaning his back against the headboard of his bed. Shit. He remembered.

"Thank you, and just save it somewhere for me. We're leaving right now actually."

"What? Shit, I didn't even pack all of my- oh fuck I'm so sorry. I'm going to make us late, and I packed away your gift in my closet and it'll be hard to find it and-"

I felt the stress and uneasiness rise in my stomach, as I gulp to moisten my dry throat. "A-actually, Luke, I-I'm bringing Michael with me. To the trip."

I felt like my gut was exploding with overflowing guilt, a huge wave of remorse flow throughout my body. How did it all end up like this?

The other line was silent, and I chewed on my nail again, starting to pace around my small room. "Luke? You-ah, you there?"

"Y-yeah, I'm here." He finally spoke, and I felt myself release a breath of relief.

"Yeah. I'll bring you like, a stuffed moose or penguin, or something."

I heard him exhale on the other line, as if he was running a hand through his hair in frustration. Frustration and shame. I don't even want to know how he feels, finding out that he wasn't going.

"Okay. I want a penguin, by the way."

"Okay."

"Okay."

"Oh my God, stop flirting with me." I laugh, trying to ease the tension that I had built up between us.

"Stop making me feel like I'm trying too hard," I hear Luke mutter to himself, but I decided to ignore it. It's nothing, I reassured myself, He's probably just writing, or something.

Maybe it's about you.

I swallow again, picking at the hem of my sweater - Luke's - and puff out my cheeks.

"So, yeah. We need to get to the airport. I'll see you soon, yeah?"

"Yeah, sure. Be safe. And happy birthday again. Bye, October Winters."

"Bye, Luke Hemmings." I love you.

Beep.

I shut my eyes, grasping the phone tightly in my hands, listening to the phone's silent screen. I just didn't want to pull away.

Why was it so hard to tell him?

Because you don't know if he'll say it back, the voice in my head taunts me, because you don't know if he feels the same way.

"Hey, Tobe! Are ya done? We're going to be late!" I hear Michael call from the living room, along with zippers being closed up.

"Yeah," I utter quietly, knowing that he couldn't even hear me, and headed slowly towards my door. "I'm done."

And I feel like Luke is, too.

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Loctober is falling apart :-----------(