Luke.

"C'mon, man," Michael begged, swatting my arm with the back of his hand multiple times. He had been invited to a New Year's Eve party by his friend Jace, I think, and after I kindly declined (not so much kindly, actually, now that I think about it I may have told him to fuck off like, four times), he still isn't taking no for an answer.

I haven't been to a party in such a long time. The last time I went to a house party, I recall, would be when I was early eighteen. I ran all the way home to my aunt after some random dude with red hair yelled at me in a drunken state, asking me if I wanted a drink or not. I couldn't stop myself from breathing so harshly, until I got in the shower, having the steam drown away the fear and anxiety.

"Why? Why s'it so important to attend anyways? Why can't we all just go out? You know, a night out on New Years Eve?" I complained, I really didn't want to remake what happened last time.

"But October's coming. Don't you want to be there with her? To kiss her when the clock strikes twelve? Besides, s'not that bad anymore, right man?" He was right, I never felt as anxious than I did before October came; before my muse walked into my life and instead of me being the artist, she took the brush right out of my hands and painted me, painted me with better colours and outlines, giving me a much better purpose that what I had been before.

I sighed, rubbing my forehead and crinkled my nose to one side. "Alright. But if you force me into doing anything stupid 'cause I know you'll try, I'm out." I warned, and he cheered, slapping me on the back and pumping his fists.

"C'mon, man, promise I won't. Scout's honour. Now, let's go look good, shall we?"

~~~

October.

The boys were all at Luke's apartment after I kicked Michael out so I could get ready myself. I stuck with a two piece black dress, the skirt's hem going about a few inches above my knee. I didn't want to dress too fancy, sparkles and glitter make-up and all, so I just stuck with a smokey eye look and some red lipstick. What a great way to start off 2015, too lazy to actually attempt to look good for the start of the year, who's with me?

Just as I finished getting my heels on (and not easily, at that), there was a knock on the door, signalling the boys were ready. I took one last look at my reflection, fixing my curls and straightening out my top, then walked to the door.

I opened it to an excited looking Ashton, whose eyes widened as the spotted me, eyeing me from my shoes to the top of my head and I blushed, looking away uncomfortably. He cleared his throat awkwardly, moving to the side to show Luke leaning against the railing. When his eyes met mine, his reaction was so similar to Ashton's, making me laugh inwardly.

"I- uhm, you- you look nice." He stuttered, still taking a good look at me and I giggled, taking a hold of his arm around mine and rolling my eyes. "You look nice too. The simple look is obviously the best," I beamed, admiring his black t-shirt hidden under a red flannel. I could tell by the look on his face he was hiding something, an emotion or some sort, I just couldn't figure it out.

"I would have to disagree on that, baby," he muttered into my ear, his hand trailing my lower back and I shivered at his touch. He seemed different tonight, and I liked it.

"Hands to yourself, Hemmings." Calum scolded, brushing passed us and grimacing. "Not until we get there, anyway." And with that, he rushed down the stairs and jumped off, skipping the last three steps, with a giddy Michael trailing after him.

Luke.

We arrived at the house- no penthouse located in the Western side of New York City. If I compared my apartment to this, it would look like a cardboard box. October stood next to me, gripping my arm and squealing excitedly. "This is going to be fun! I haven't been to a party in ages. Mike, you're the best," she beamed, fist bumping Michael, who only grinned smugly.

"It's because you've always got your nose in books or drawing away in your room and shit. Now c'mon, let's go enjoy ourselves." He nodded at Ashton and Calum, who cheered in eagerness, obviously thrilled to be here.

"I can tell this is going to be a good year." October yelled over the loud music, with a grin that reached from ear to ear. I on the other hand felt terrified, not wanting to have a repeat of the last time. But I was doing this for the fun of it, why was I so scared? It's not like anything bad would happen, right?

"Hey," she whispered, grabbing my hand in reassurance. "You okay? We can leave if you want. I know you don't do big crowds, so we'll just walk around the town, if you want. I'll go tell Michael-"

"No, no. I'm alright," I gulped, kissing her cheek and forcing a smile on my face. "I want us to have fun, kick off 2015 with pizzazz, yeah?" She squeezed my hand and I held onto her waist, bringing her closer.

Maybe I needed a drink, that'll sooth my nerves.

"M'gonna go get a drink, baby. Want to come?" I asked, already heading towards the kitchen area.

She was about to answer when an unknown redhead interrupted us, squealing and October joined her. She must've been a friend.

Not wanting to intrude on their little reunion, I quietly excused myself and headed to the kitchen, avoiding different girls' desperate-looking gazes until I reached the mini bar area.

I grabbed a bottle of cherry vodka, pouring myself a cup and gulped it down. I smiled to myself, having my first drink in forever. It felt nice, it tasted good, so I poured myself another cup, gulping it down and then repeated the process. I haven't felt this free in a while, keeping myself locked up in my room almost all the time. I was sure I wasn't going to do this again, so might as well enjoy it now.

~~~

October.

After catching up with Amanda, I walk around the penthouse in search of any of the boys, Luke specifically. When I was at parties, I'd normally be the friend, the friend who'd stick with another while they mingle around, and I just follow. Now, I was lost. This place was huge, not to mention I didn't even greet the owner, nor do I know him.

And then my eyes finally landed on him. Luke. He was talking to someone, a girl, which happened to be Amanda. A felt a pang of jealousy hit my gut, watching her hit his arm lightly yet flirtatiously. I forgot to mention to her that Luke was my boyfriend. How could I? I hastily walk over to where Luke stood, who looked terrified and confused at the same time, but swung his hands back and forth like he was in some different world of his. He wasn't drunk, was he?

"Luke." I muttered, grabbing onto his arm and clutching onto the fabric gently, turning to Amanda and giving her a fake smile. She was a great friend, she just didn't have the greatest history (loyalty, to be exact) when it came to boys.

He turned to me, relief washing his features. "Hiiiiii," he slurred, an adorable smile on his face. So he was drunk. I frowned at him, then turned to Amanda, who gave me a nod, her mouth forming an 'o' shape. "D'aww, y'all are so cute. He's a keeper, Tobes," She gushed, and I leaned into Luke closer. I felt his hand brush my lower back, placing it tightly on my waist.

"Whelp, we'll be going now." I stated, kissing Amanda's cheek and she pouted.

"But we still have like, twenty five minutes till midnight! You can't leave now," I shrugged and kissed her on the cheek and waved politely, before dragging a playful Luke behind me in search for Calum, who had the keys.

"Cal." I tapped him awkwardly on the shoulder, still holding on tightly to Luke's hand. I finally found Calum- who was making out with a girl he probably didn't know the name of in the corner of the living room.

"Calum!" I belted, interrupting their little make-out session. He swivelled around, surprised and a little embarrassed that he got caught. "O-oh, hey. Sorry, what?" he stuttered, flushing.

"I need the keys. 'M taking Luke home. Do you guys want to come along or...?"

"Nah, we'll be here for a while, we'll catch a cab, or something. Are you sure though? It's still not midnight." he questioned, reaching into his pockets and placing the keys in my hands.

"Thank you, and no, I'm a bit tired. Be safe though, and have fun. Just- don't have too much fun." I winked, and he punched my shoulder playfully before kissing my cheek and waving goodbye. I returned the gesture, squeezing through all the people with Luke next to me, walking out the door and getting in the vehicle.

"Luke, fasten up your seatbelt," I scolded, waiting in the driver's seat. He only huffed and brought his legs up, moving them in different positions until he found a comfortable one - which would probably take a while, having to manage with those long stems of his.

"No, I can't. If I do, I can't do this-" he whined, crossing his arms. He was now horizontal to the seat, his head resting on the left armrest and his legs curled up to his chest, his arms wrapped around his knees. I groaned, swatted his head softly causing him to wince, and he finally sat up straight and buckled his seatbelt.

I was driving, when I heard muffled giggles on the right side of me. I turn to find Luke, staring back at me, holding his hands to his mouth, like he was going to burst any moment.

"What's so funny?" I questioned, flickering my gaze from him back to the road. I almost swerved the car when the tiny space was suddenly filled with loud roars of laughter. I didn't want to get into an accident, so I remained silent. I'll just ask later.

Damn, watching over drunk Luke is like taking care of a five year old.

I finally got into my apartment, dragging Luke by the hand and plopping him down on the bed, where he laid on his stomach. I first went into the bathroom, taking off my make-up along with my dress, brushing my teeth and going to the toilet.

I walk out and stop in my tracks, groaning when I see my sheets, along with my pillow, gone. The muffled giggles are back and I curiously walk to the right side of the bed, where Luke is wrapped up in my quilts and resting his head on my pillows, like he was a butterfly ongoing metamorphosis, or something. But right now, all he was being was a child. A drunk child. That sounded wrong.

"Luke, please work with me here." I groaned, kneeling next to him to unwrap him. He cuddled into my pillow and hummed.

"You smell good; coconuts." he sang, and I tried to hide the laughter that was threatening to spill out ever since we were in the car.

"I won't kiss you anymore if you don't listen to me." I warned, and with that, he got up immediately, dropping the blankets from his shoulders and took his shirt off (with a little help from me, considering it got hard to pull off of that hair of his), shrugged off his pants so he was in boxers. He then threw the quilt onto the bed, and got underneath the covers, pulling me with him.

Luke wrapped his arms around my torso, placing his chin on my shoulder and pulling me closer to him. There was a long, comfortable silence before he spoke.

"You know," he mumbled softly, playing with the ends of my hair. "I met your friend at the party."

I grimaced in the dark, but shrugged it off quickly to answer him. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. I couldn't remember her name, though. My brain was too fuzzy." He shifted around into a better sleeping position. "Too occupied."

"This is why you shouldn't be drinking."

"No," he shook his head slightly, then nuzzled into the crook of my neck. "Not because of alcohol, because of you."

The grimace was replaced with a wide smile, the butterflies in my stomach erupting and probably wouldn't stop any time soon. I turned to him to kiss his cheek, when faint fireworks were heard in the distance.

"Happy New Year, yay." he whispered, beating me to it and kissing me softly yet tenderly on the lips.

I smiled, kissing him once more before closing my eyes and letting out a breath. "Happy New Year."

Another long silence filled the dark room, and I was almost asleep, when I heard Luke's faint, raspy voice again. He was chuckling to himself.

"I forgot to tell you why I was laughing in the car." He was rubbing his cheek against the fabric of my shoulder before continuing.

"I-I was laughing, because- I don't know what to feel, anymore, October." I felt my heart drop at his words. He was drunk, most of what he's saying doesn't make any sense, I reassured myself, but I kept listening.

"A-and, I know disorders don't normally work with self-help, and I know that, because it's you that's helping me. And- and I don't want to push you away because-" Luke paused, and I struggled to keep my eyes open. I couldn't even comprehend half of what he just said to me a few minutes ago.

"I think- I think I love you." He whispered, and said nothing more.

---

FUTURE KODI: dumb past kodi made this too rushed i dont like this book yo