TWENTY THREE
[ Louis' POV ]

"So how was the event today?" - Harry asked when I got home.

I smiled tiredly and sighed.

"Fine I guess."

"Are you tired?"

I hugged him shortly and handed him a flower, before crashing on the couch.

"Kinda. It was a long wedding, I danced a lot."

"More than what you dance with me?" - He said, collapsing on the couch next to me.

"Never." - I smiled softly. - "Still tired though. I think I'll just go to sleep."

"So soon?" - He pouted.

"I would love you to join me, I missed you a lot." - I said, taking his hand in mine.

"Missed you too. What does this flower mean? Is a Calla, right?"

"Yes. It means Beauty. You like it?"

"Yes." - He smiled and cuddled against my chest.

I sighed and hugged him closer.

"My baby." - I said while caressing his hair.

"You're working a lot lately. I barely see you." - He whispered.

"I know, I'm sorry. I'm also really tired."

"Okay, go to bed."

"Aren't you coming with me?"

"Nope. I still have some things to do." - He said, standing up from the couch and heading to the kitchen.

I frowned but walked to our room either way.

_______________

The following week, I got home absolutely shattered after an event again.

"How was work today?" - Harry asked from the kitchen.

"Bad."

"What did you do?"

"Pretend I was the lover of this really old man. It was disgusting. But I made good money out of it." - I shrugged.

"Was it really worth it?"

"I don't know."

"You had to kiss an old man, Louis. I'm pretty sure it wasn't worth it."

"Maybe. Please don't start babe."

"Is it the man who is obsessed and talks to you everyday?"

"Yeah that's the one." - I said while rubbing my eyes.

"You told me you were going to block him."

"I was going to. But he pays really good money."

"I don't like it." - Harry said abruptly.

I looked at him and took a deep breath.

"I don't want to have this conversation."

"Why?"

"I'm tired."

"Sure." - Harry said sarcastically.

"Curly, please."

"What?"

"You're doing a jealousy scene."

"No, I'm not! I'm fucking worried about you! That grandpa is obsessed with you, you told me he touches you more than he should, that he wanted to kiss you after the events, and you continue to accept his requests. I don't get it!"

"I can't do this today."

"Okay, you can go to sleep, you're clearly dying."

"Thanks." - I said, turning around and heading to our room.

__________

"Where's my flower?" - Harry asked me with a big smile on his face when I got home.

I slapped my face.
I forgot.

"Sorry baby, I forgot to bring you one."

His face changed abruptly, emotionless.

"It's okay. Do you want to change and go out? Or are you too tired of dancing around with some old man?"

"Harry, don't start, please."

"I won't." - He smiled. - "You have food in the fridge, I'll go hang out with Liam and Zayn."

"You didn't tell me you were going out tonight."

"I actually did, yesterday. And I told you you were invited."

"Yeah?"

"Yes, Ocean. I did. You just don't pay attention to me anymore."

"I'm sorry."

"You always are." - He said and walked out of the flat.

Harry didn't come home that night.

________

One more week had passed and Harry wasn't talking to me at all.
I was constantly at the edge of crying.
I found him making dinner when I got back from a wedding, but actually after eating too much, the smell of Harry's cooking was making me nauseous.

"Curly, I'm home."

"Okay."

"How was your day?" - I asked as I sat on the counter next to him.

"Fine."

"Anything new to share?"

"Not really."

"Do you want to go out tonight? Maybe going to the cinema?"

"No, I'm fine."

"Okay, I'll go watch some TV in the bedroom. Want to join me when you finish dinner?"

"Aren't you eating?"

"I'm not hungry, I ate a lot today." - I said and Harry rolled his eyes. - "I'll be waiting for you in bed." - I said as I jumped off the counter and kissed Harry's cheek.

But I fell asleep before he got to my side.

_________

“I love you.” - I said to Harry while we laid in bed one night.

“I love you too.”

“You mean it?”

“Always.”

“I’m sorry I forgot the flower again, my head is a mess lately.” - I sighed.

“I noticed.” - He said and placed his arm around my body, spooning me from behind.

“Are you mad?” - I said, staring at the wall.

“Maybe. But not for the flowers itself, because of your constant absence.”

“What can I do to make it up to you?”

“Be here, not only physically. Just be here in your full senses.”

I turned into his arms and cupped his cheeks, feeling the tears already forming in my eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Harry."

He smiled shyly and cut the distance between our lips, kissing me deeply.

"I just miss you."

"I swear, I miss you too."

_________

I knew I was absent lately, I knew I was hurting Harry, and that I was also hurting myself in the process. I knew I should quit, I knew that what I was doing was wrong, that not even millions of dollars would worth the physical and emotional suffering I was feeling.

The money wasn't even my main excuse to keep working on that dating app, it was the fact that I didn't know what else to do with my life. I didn’t have a north, and I was sure that I would be a failure in every other aspect or task.

Almost two months of arguments with Harry, of skipping dates and hang outs with the guys, of taking as many clients as I could because I needed the money, of feeling disgusted with myself by constantly dating other people, I was exhausted.

And even if I was acting, It also hurt me internally.

It hurt to come back to our flat and find a sad Harry, neither of both wanting to fight, but too rotten to stop it. Every day saying quick apologies and “I love yous” before going to bed. Breakfast in the morning and all starting again.

I knew I needed to change it, Lottie was worried about us, Liam called me several times to ask why Harry was so depressed, and I really didn’t have any answers to give them.

I spent plenty of days thinking about my options, until I finally made up my mind about leaving my job and finding a new one.

____________

"I feel like I owe you an apology." - I said.

"Yeah?" - Harry said, staring at the television.

"Curly, look at me, please."

"What is it?" - He said sharply and I sighed.

"I'm sorry. And I know I've been telling you that for the past weeks. And I get that you don't believe my apologies are sincere anymore. Look, I bought you a bouquet. Red roses. They mean I love you eternally." - I said, handing him a big bouquet.

"Thanks." - He smiled softly, taking them and returning to watch the tv.

"Harry, I love you."

"I love you too." - He said while still staring at the screen.

"I would like to actually look into your eyes while I say it though." - I said and he sighed, turning to face me again.

"Okay." - He shrugged.

"I love you." - I smiled at him and leaned to kiss him shortly.

"Thanks for the roses. It's been a while since you gave me flowers. I was missing them."

"I know, I've been awful to you, that's why I want to apologize. I love you too much to continue being an asshole. You don't deserve it, and I shouldn't have acted like I did for the past months."

"Finally you're saying something that makes sense." - He rolled his eyes and I laughed.

"I know you are worried and jealous, and that I'm not helping you by being tired and angry all the time. It was never against you, it was always with myself. I was taken over by my own sadness I guess. You didn't deserve any of it, you only deserve to be loved and appreciated. And I wasn't doing that. So I'm really sorry."

"Thanks."

"I'm going to quit the app."

"What?!"

"I'm going to quit. I wasn't sure about it because it was the only real Job I've ever had and I thought that nobody would take me in any other job, but I found a new one, and I'm ready to drop this awful work I'm doing now. It doesn't make me happy, and it hasn't for a while now. And I want to do something that makes me happy, and that makes you happy too."

"Lou, wait. I thought you liked it…"

"I don't. I miss you too much, It only makes me angry with everyone around me, I hate to pretend I'm in love with anyone else but you, I hate to come home and have to look at you in the eyes knowing I had kissed another man, I feel like I'm cheating on you, and above all that I'm hurting you. And I can't let that happen ever again. So since last week I started looking for a new job, and I found the perfect one, but I want your opinion."

"Which job is it?"

"In a flower company. Is not like Lottie's shop, it's bigger. Is a company where people make big arrangements and big bouquets for different events, like weddings, funerals, quinceañeras, bar mitzvahs and all kinds of stuff. And I mean, it's perfect. I love flowers, I know their meanings and what kind would be perfect for each situation, and I've been in every type of event that exists. It's like it was made for me." - I said, excited and taking Harry's hands.

"Are you kidding me?"

"No Curly."

"Baby, that's amazing." - He said and hugged me. - "if you want to get that job, I am more than happy for you."

I laughed into his chest, feeling his arms securely wrapped around me and his chin rested in my head. And it finally felt right.

"I still have to do some trials and all, it's not sure that I will get it, but yeah, I want to try it out."

"I'm one hundred percent sure you'll get it."

I pecked his lips and he leaned again to steal one more kiss from me when I tried to separate from him.

“Thanks.” - I sighed, pressing my forehead against his'.

“When you get it, you're going to stop stealing Lottie’s flowers.” - He pointed out while giggling.

“But I’ll have my own. I’m going to fill the flat with flowers for you. Not a day will pass without me bringing you flowers.”

“You’re so lucky I'm not allergic.” - He laughed.

“That would have been the death of me.”