Chapter song: "No Air" by Jordin Sparks and Chris Brown

(A/N: Sorry this update was delayed. This chapter is dedicated to all of the mother's out there. May we all have the courage to be generous in caring and perhaps a little devious along the way. ;) Because of the delay another chapter will follow this one soon. It could be the one we have been waiting for... Happy reading!)

April's POV  

"April," a voice lilted," you have a visitor in the lobby."

April looked up from her desk turning toward the door but the messenger was already gone. Her heart leapt into her throat. Who would be visiting her? Could it be...Peter?

With that thought her heart dropped back into place and starting beating a steady rhythm of thumps that felt like it was trying to leap out of her chest. She slowly went down the stairs and moved cautiously into the lobby.

She wasn't sure whether to sigh with relief or cry from frustration when she saw Helen, Peter's Mother. She supposed it was the closest she could get to him.

"Oh, April, Love!" Helen pulled April into her arms and April chose to sigh. It was good to feel comfort from someone who knew everything and yet still cared.

"I've come to get you for dinner. Are you free?"

"Of course. Let me get my things."

"Mr. Pevensie is away working. I thought we could go to the little tea room down the street."

April's smile was genuine. "That would be lovely."

Inside the tea room April felt safe and again comforted as Helen's sweet face with an expression so like her son, turned to her with love and concern.

"How are you, love?"

April swallowed back the tears and talked about her dancing, her health, anything but Peter. Helen smiled and nodded and yet looked puzzled and concerned as she gently questioned April and discovered that Peter had been silent.

They parted ways with a heartfelt hug and a promise extracted from April that she would come to dinner on Friday. April cringed at the thought of being in that house without Peter, but she was ready for any semblance of home.

The next day Cassidy came puffing into the room with a package. She thrust it at April and looked at her expectantly.

April frowned and wondered at Cassidy's worrying of her lip with her. Hm, she is up to something. Taking the package she gasped when she saw Edmund's name and emptied the envelope to find a note and Peter's journal. The book fell from her shocked hands and she turned to find Cassidy looking nervous.

"Cassidy...." she said narrowing her eyes.

"What? I just, um, well. I knew you would want this package, so I got it for you."

"What do you know?"

"Oh, I um...why don't you read the note?"

April picked up the note and scanned Edmund's scrawl quickly. Her eyes turned angry. "Peter doesn't know he sent this? It is not my place to read this. I will not!"

"April, please. It is full of letters that he never sent you. Now you will know how he feels and you can be happy again."

"Cassidy!" April looked at her friend closely. Cassidy looked guilty. "How do you know that?"

"I..." Cassidy's expression turned sheepish as she busied herself about the room avoiding April's question.

"Oh, all right! I wrote to Edmund."

April sank to the bed in disbelief. "You did what?" she breathed.

Cassidy sat beside her and touched her arm. "April, I have been so worried about you. Edmund is concerned about Peter too. We thought this might be a way..."

She trailed off at April's tear filled eyes. April looked at the floor. Cassidy said in a sad voice, "Give it a chance April, at least read the last entry. It might help."

The next sound was the door closing softly as Cassidy left April to her thoughts and Peter's words.

April gingerly picked up the journal from the floor as if it might burn her fingers from just a touch. Could she read Peter's thoughts? Were they really meant for her? She stared at the brown leather bound book for a long time. Peter had let her read his journals in Narnia, surely he wouldn't mind now. Her fingers traced the binding gently, just touching something she knew he had touched recently quickened her heart. It was growing dark so she turned on the lamp and sat back on her pillows. As she opened the book she saw her fingers were trembling. Taking Cassidy's advice she immediately turned toward the back of the book.

Dearest April,

I wonder if I can even call you that now. It is been too long since I have seen your face. Even now I cannot get the courage to even send you the letters that I cannot help but to write. These last few weeks have been torture for me. I know they must have been for you as well, and I am deeply sorry. With every day that goes by I cannot help but feel guiltier because I am hurting you further. I miss you. I can write that here knowing you will not read it. I miss you terribly....

April gasped and a tear fell, almost hitting the paper. With blurred vision she blinked and continued.

...my heart aches when I think of you, which is constantly. I dream of you every night. I am lost here without you. Edmund would tell you I am a mess. I truly am driving him crazy. As you predicted I have been throwing myself into my studies, but that does not erase the thought of you. I have been training hard physically so I will be exhausted at the end of each day, but yet each night my body still aches for you. You are a part of me. It feels like half of my heart has been ripped out. I long to come to you, to beg your forgiveness and to be one with you again, but I cannot. I am a shell of man, you deserve more, much more...

Laying the book down April let the tears fall and felt the coldness around her heart melt away at his words. After finishing that letter she couldn't help but go to the one before. With each one she read, she told herself she would put it away and read no more. But while the cold indifference melted, she found herself becoming angrier at him than she had ever been. She couldn't stand to hear his self-loathing and rued his stubbornness. Once she threw the book across the room. Eyeing it like a ticking time bomb she refused to keep reading. That worked for a few minutes, but the book seemed to call to her and like an incredibly written novel, she couldn't resist turning page after page.

Soon she was to the very first letter. She was surprised that his journal contained only letters to her, thus her guilt over reading his private thoughts disappeared. She closed the book with a gentle hand and her heart broke. That first letter had reduced her to a puddle of tears and sadness for how much he was hurting. He needed Aslan so desperately. She longed to reach out and help him. She would strangle him first and then lovingly help to heal him. She curled up on her bed and wondered at that. She knew she was angry with him. She couldn't imagine being close to him again, like they were before. Thinking of what they had before brought more tears and she cried herself to sleep. She didn't hear Cassidy come in and never saw Cassidy's small smile at the sight of April asleep with her hand resting on the journal as if it were a treasure.