Crack!

Whack!

Thump!

Peter's fists hit the punching bag again and again, relentlessly. He had been at this for over a half an hour. Sweat poured from his body, running into his eyes, stinging them. He didn't care and pushed himself through the pain, through the discomfort, trying to block out all life, all feelings and all emotions. He was tired of feeling, tired of hurting. He just wanted it all to go away.

He couldn't punch the pain and anger away, but this was the only time he felt some relief. He finally stepped away from the swinging bag, panting and grabbed a towel to swipe at his hair, his face, and his bare chest. Grabbing his cup of water he took a long drink, not caring that some of it splashed out, cooling as it ran down his chest.

In the quiet of the school gymnasium, in the pre-dawn hours he found the only semblance of peace after leaving April two weeks before. Throwing his towel down he started to jog the perimeter. He pushed himself more each day. As if he were trying to run from...

Slam.

He jumped when the door slammed shut, but kept up his pace not caring who was watching.

"Pevensie!" A sharp voice sounded much closer than he was prepared for. Mr. Kai was the new coach. A short, thick oriental man, he spoke few words but commanded respect of all his students. Peter slowed to a walk throwing his head back, knowing he was being rude, and knowing he should not ignore an instructor.

"What you running from?"

Peter stopped dead still, his head snapped around meeting the near black eyes of the older man.

Running from? How could he-

"I know you not running toward anything. I see you in class, barely speaking, and I wonder, why you so angry? Hmm?"

Peter's eyes narrowed. It was a curious thing these days for an Asian man to be a teacher in England. He wondered at his story. With the war going on, he knew he couldn't be Japanese. Korean perhaps? He shook himself. Why did it matter? Why did anything matter?

"You don't want to know. Believe me." The short words and sullen tone were not like him. But Coach Kai had hit a nerve.

"Try me. Girl trouble right? Why else you push yourself not to feel."

Peter's eyes went wide and he collapsed on the nearby riser left out from the latest match. Looking up at he was surprised to see kindness and compassion in the man's eyes. He shook his head in despair, he couldn't talk about it. He would crack right though. Just the thought of April was torment. He knew he owed her a letter. He just couldn't write it.

He heard the creak as Coach settled near him. "You want control? You want peace? You come train with me. 5:00 a.m. tomorrow, here. Be ready."

"What?" Peter questioned but the man was already walking out the doors. Elbows on his knees, Peter sighed. He knew he had no choice and was curious. What would the man teach him? What peace could be wrought? He was desperate though and knew he would be here to find out.

~~0~~

"You what Pete? No, too early. I cannot and will not train with you. You are a maniac. Even worse now than when we were in Narnia."

Peter sighed and sat on his bed and stared across the room at Edmund. He had been meeting Coach, now Sensei Kai for a week. The martial arts he was learning did nothing to take the pain away, but it helped him to focus and to control his wild emotions. It allowed him to pay attention to his studies which had started to lag. He was grateful to his new coach and he wanted Edmund to experience it too.

"Ed, you should try it. At least come to watch. It is very similar to training with Orieus. It helps. I miss you there, we could spar. You could..."

"Fine. Fine. If you will shut up about it, I will be there." Edmund glared at him. "Blast Peter! The things I do for you. 'Curse the witch', I wish I wasn't a light sleeper. It is bad enough your nightmares keep the sleep away, but now you are purposefully dragging me out of bed at an ungodly hour to learn something else to exhaust me! Now, let me get some sleep since you'll pull me out of bed before the roosters!"

Peter felt the corners of his lips twitching upwards. Was that a hint of a smile? It had been awhile since he had done that. Feeling a surge of affection for his brother who had been through more than he had and yet still stood beside him all the time, he allowed the grin to come. Seeing Edmunds' answering grin and nod made him feel a touch better.

The next morning Peter drug a grumbling tousle-headed Edmund out of bed and to the gym in the cold morning air. The Sensei was waiting for him and showed no surprise at seeing Edmund. He bowed in respect and started the beginning breathing and moving stretches that Peter found he craved these days. Edmund being gifted in movement himself watched for a moment and joined in effortlessly.

Sensei Kai went through the basic commands with Ed and soon he and Peter were sparing with intensity. It was very similar to Narnia and that was soothing too. Sometimes the only peace Peter had felt when first in Narnia was in the training yard sparring with the centaurs and satyrs. Those sessions he knew would save his life in the future. He hoped this training would also be a salvation of sorts.

He was so focused on the exercises that he didn't realize the advanced moves he was performing were too much for Edmund on this first day. He lost himself in the moment and suddenly he was back in his Narnian chamber with April screaming in pain and him fighting the pirate captain who had taken it all from him. The intensity grew and grew and he sensed he was winning against the pirate. The anger poured out of him and so did the words as he gave blow after blow not realizing that Edmund was no longer there.

"You damn pirate! You took everything from me. I will end you now! May you rot in Hades for the pain you have caused. Damn you and damn the Telmarines, all of them!"

"Ahhh!" Peter screamed as he felt a sharp pain in his neck and then a jolt as his knees slammed against the hard polished floor. It registered that he was not on flagstones or the soft rugs of his chamber, but at his school, panting and feeling the pain rack through his body. He stared up at his teacher through blurry eyes not realizing tears were blending with perspiration. He glanced over. Edmund was panting and breathing hard on his knees as well close to him.

"Ed?" he questioned in torment, knowing that if he hurt his brother in his madness, he would have another reason never to forgive himself.

"Fine, Pete." Edmund pushed out.

In torment, he glanced up and met the eyes of Sensei Kai who had crouched down to his level. Peter realized his sensei had pulled Ed out of the way and had taken him down with a hard jab to a pressure point.

"You must forgive," the wise man said. "You must forgive yourself. The pain in you will not leave until you do. Let go your anger and forgive!"

Peter hung his head and shook it. Impossible. There was no way. Yet he knew his stubbornness would only bring pain to those he loved, but he couldn't, not yet.