Maggie-

"You're not a virgin." Jackson blurts and I stop in my tracks, before swiftly turning to examine his face.

How dare he?

Rage builds in my chest as I prepare to fire back.

"What makes you think-" The deadly serious look he's displaying gives me pause. "Oh."

Embarrassed, confused, deflated.

My mind and heart struggle to keep up as my brief trip to cloud nine abruptly ends and I feel as if I've fallen flat on my face.

"Who-" My throat sticks as if I'd swallowed a bucket of Elmer's Glue and I barely manage to speak. The shock and disbelief have overpowered my emotions and full sentences appear impossible. "You?"

Jack nods, but not in a way that makes him seem proud. It's obvious he's worried about my reaction to the news and he's kind enough to break it to me gently.  I can imagine others in his situation might feel the need gloat.

We've had sex.

"Oh." I nod continuously as I look at the scene around me without really taking any of it in. "Oh."

My fingers release their grip on my underwear and shoes before I plop down on the closest boulder.  I cover my face with my hands and rub my temples to regain focus.

"I didn't know." I admit the obvious, wracking my brain and attempting to overcome this bout of shock but the wave of emotions just keep piling on.

I feel foolish, I should have seen it coming. Jackson's allure is undeniable. He's my weakness, my drug of choice, and I find myself powerless and addicted when he's near. I'm sure even with the strongest determination I wouldn't have been able to resist him for long, the temptation is too strong. 

I'm disappointed. It's not as if I were saving my virginity for marriage or I had some religious reason for keeping it.  I just hadn't found someone I wanted to share that first experience with and now I'm told I missed the experience altogether.

Most of all, I'm jealous.  I'm jealous of the other me that got to experience that first with him.  I'm angry that the other me crashed my car and took away my memories. Angry that that decision was just completely stolen away from me as if I never had the option to give consent.

"Damn." I finally speak, relying on humor to shroud the inevitable pain headed my way. "Maybe I should have accepted Ben Lawson's proposal in high school, at least I would have remembered it."

The melancholy chuckle I was waiting for never arrives so I lift my face from the palm of my hands to examine his worried diamond eyes. Although he looks thoroughly tortured, it couldn't possibly dull his beauty.

Why did I say that?

"That was a joke." I admit as a layer of guilt blankets over me. "It's usually a great defense mechanism for me."

"Ben Lawson?" Jack asks with the hint of a smirk.

"God no, that guy was a douche." I clear my throat and lean back on my boulder. "I meant I have a nasty habit of shielding myself with humor, but I'm sure you know that. Have you heard my dad jokes?"

And now I've brought my dead father up. Good going, Maggie.

"Jack, I'm just-" I hide my face in my hands again, realizing it was a bit too soon to come out of hiding. "I have no clue how to react. I'm more in shock than anything."

"I'm sorry." He whispers nervously.

"Don't be." I'm not upset with him, how could I be? We were both completely in it together, and it's not as if I wasn't mentally able to handle it at the time.  I just wish-

"I just wish I remembered it." I admit out loud, shrugging in defeat.

He nods in response, lowering his gaze to the floor but I hear him exhale loudly and sense his relief.

"You alright, Love?" He asks, awkwardly attempting to put his hands in his pockets before realizing he's still in his boxer briefs.

"Yeah, I will be. I guess there's nothing I can do about it anyway." I sigh. "You can put your pants on now."

"Right, thanks." Jack says before sliding on his jeans as if he's been waiting for the right moment to get dressed. He doesn't bother to throw a shirt on before sitting beside me, and I find his tattoos are just as distracting as when he's pant-less.

"I was holding onto it like it was a damn unicorn to gift to someone special." I admit, sarcasm dripping from my lips. "I'm sure you were worthy and if we were to continue down this path we're on now, I know it would have eventually happened but now it's like I missed it."

"I understand." He admits, sliding his arm over my shoulder and pulling me close.

"How did you lose yours?" I ask, only slightly changing the subject.

I feel his body tense beside me but he takes a deep breath and shrugs.

"I hadn't regarded my virginity in the same way." He admits. "It was no unicorn, and it was certainly something I'd aimed to lose the moment I'd realized what it was.  So, I did."

"How old were you?" I ask, distracted from my own problems.

"Young." He answers and before I can ask- "She was much older."

I nod my head, almost sorry for asking.

"Do you regret it?"

"I've never recognized virginity as something I'm losing. 'Virginity,' the awkward social construct that's no one's business in the first place. In reality, you're not losing anything and it doesn't affect your worth or alter your life. So no, I don't regret it."

I nod but wonder whether he's just trying to make me feel better.

"Sex is sex, but sex with you-" He pauses to take a deep breath. "That is- was, something else entirely."

"Yeah right, Jack." I roll my eyes but can't stop the warmth that's painted my cheeks.

"I mean it." He turns to face me and takes my face gently in his hands, ensuring I can't look away. "Before you, sex was just a primal release.  It felt good sure-"

I cringe thinking of him with other women but he keeps my head firmly in place.

"With you, it wasn't just mindless sex.  It was intimate lovemaking and I've never experienced anything like it. Our bodies molded together perfectly as if we belonged to be entwined."

My cheeks are on fire and I'm afraid I'll burn his palms that are keeping my face gently in place. His lips press tenderly on my forehead before he releases his grip and I lay my head gingerly on his bare shoulder.

"Thank you." I whisper.

"No." He shakes his head gently from side to side. "Thank you."

We sit comfortably in silence and I feel his arm wrap around my waist.  His fingers soothingly press small circles in my arm.

"Jack." I hesitate, wondering if I'll regret the next few words. "Is there anything else I should know?"

I sense his hesitation and watch him clench his jaw.

"I just don't want to be blindsided again." I admit. "I want everything out in the open."

"A lot has happened between us, our story has always been rather complicated." He answers before standing and pulling his silver lip ring nervously between his teeth.

"I don't care, I need to hear it." No more surprises.

He paces back and forth, nervous and unconvinced, rubbing the 5 o'clock shadow that's beginning to show on his perfect jawline.

"Whether my memories return or not, everything will come out one way or another." I counter his subconscious. "Wouldn't you rather it all come from you?"

I seem to have won him over, earning a nod.

"When we met, I was-" He shakes his head no, scrambling for the right words.

"Will you please sit down?" I plead. "You're making me nervous."

He nods and sits beside me and I take his hands in mine.

"It's okay, just tell me." I plead, desperate to find the answers to our past.

"I was an asshole." He admits and I can't help but feel my lips betray me with a smile, despite how anxious I am to hear why.

"You're still an asshole." I tease.

"Maggie." He scolds while running a hand through his chocolate hair, but I watch his shoulders loosen up a bit. "I was the worse kind of asshole, and we spent a long time pushing each other away before we finally ended up together."

"That's it?" I ask.

His face contorts to almost a frown but he shrugs it off quickly.

"I was a bloody ass, but we moved past it." He growls. "You reached inside me and found the Grinch really has a heart. Satisfied?"

"No, I mean, that's all there is to our story? You were an ass and I tamed you?" I shrug. "Sounds like a pretty dull story."

Jackson lets out an unexpected laugh and it startles us both. "How about you and I spend the next few dates getting to know each other and we'll create a better tale."

"Oh, and you think that since you've stolen my virginity that a next date is a given?" I tease but my heart still wrenches with the fact that I've missed that important moment in my life. Humor is becoming an awfully shitty defense mechanism.

"Of course not, I'd hoped you'd have enjoyed this date enough to want to see me again. But if I'm wrong-"

"Oh you're not wrong and you know it." I admit, swatting his arm gently.

"Good, I was debating on keeping you captive until you agreed for another, but now that I see that's not necessary-" Jack announces while standing and reaching out to help me up. "Let's get you home."

We walk to the car, hand in hand and although I've heard some difficult news, I can't imagine regretting coming here.

Jack opens the passenger side door and gestures for me to get in, but I don't make a move.

"What's wrong?" He asks, second-guessing whether or not I'm actually alright.

"I'm going to destroy your seats." I answer looking down at my disgusting dress.  "I need to toss this dress now."

"I'm all for you riding home naked." Jackson gives a devious smirk, pulling his bottom lip between his teeth. His thumb gently traces my hip bone in a teasing motion. "That would be awfully distracting though."

"No way!" I shout, hands now glued to my hips in defiance. "I'll just have to pay for the dry cleaning bill."

Jack simply shakes his head side to side with disbelief. "You're not giving me money, Mags."

"Expect a check on your desk when we get back to work." I counter as I watch him walk back to his side of the car.

"Absolutely not, and please tell me you don't actually use checks nowadays." He teases, attempting to change the subject.

"I don't." I lie. "But I'll find a way to make you accept the money."

"Maggie Carpenter if you don't sit your ass in this car-" He growls.

I roll my eyes with defiance but plop in any way, throwing my muddy underwear and shoes on the floor. 

I'll slip him money at some point and he won't even know it's from me.

"Stop scheming." Jack orders as he pulls away from our private paradise.

"I'm not." I lie again, knowing he'll probably see straight through me. "Just thinking about Bethany."

"What about her?" He inquires.

"It's going to be like walking into the inquisition when I get home." I cringe, imagining Bethany sitting at the dining table with two cups of coffee and her eyes glued to the door.

"That bad, huh?"  He asks but I notice a smirk starting in the corner of his lips.

"I'm usually an open book, but I don't feel like talking about this with her." I admit. "Not yet."

"You're always welcome to stay at our place." He offers.

Our Place.

My head swivels in his direction as I gauge his seriousness. I bite the inside of my cheek nervously, I guess he still considers his place my home too.

"Isn't it a bit soon for me to be staying the night?" I ask, knowing full well he's wanted me there from the start.

"What? Do you assume I'm incapable of being a gentleman?" The deep tones of his voice drip with sarcasm. "Plus, technically you'd just be staying the morning for an afternoon nap."

I'm more so worried that I might not be a gentlewoman.

"I suppose it won't hurt." I give in. "I need to rest before I visit the firing squad."

I admire his winning smile before leaning my head against the glass. My eyelids grow heavy and my mind drifts as I watch our oasis slip away and the familiar desert take its place.

I'll miss this place.