Phil woke up, his back aching and drying tears sticking to his face. For a moment, he forgot what had happened as he looked around the lounge in confusion.

Why was he on the couch?

Then it came to him, came to him like a bullet shooting through both his heart and brain.

Dan is dead and you cried yourself to sleep.

New tears replaced the old ones as they fell down his cheeks. He couldn't blame himself for falling asleep, he hadn't slept nearly at all and if he did it was due to complete exhaustion and crying himself to sleep. He sat up, his tall body frame ached causing him to stand up and crack his back; his joints in his knees cracking slightly as well. He groaned, his head hurt and his body felt sticky and disgusting. He barely had showered, he hadn't shaved in two weeks, and he was still wearing the same clothing from yesterday

From the funeral.

He wiped the tears off of his face as he was down the hall toward the bathroom he always dreaded going into. He could still imagine Dan struggling, he looked so helpless, tired, and afraid. Phil couldn't help but wonder what they'd be doing if he hadn't have passed. Would they be filming a new gaming video? How about eating breakfast and watching anime, maybe they would still be asleep, maybe they would be snuggled up in one of their beds watching a movie on a laptop, maybe they would be making breakfast only to make a mess and have flour all over themselves from pancake batter and be laughing till it was hard to breath. Phil let out a shaky sigh, running a pale hand into his greasy black fringe that was slowly becoming its normal ginger at the roots. Walking into the bathroom his eyes immediately darting toward the floor where Dan's last moments of life were, Phil allowed more tears to roll down his cheeks as he undressed and got into the shower.

Scolding water showered him from overhead although he didn't care. This pain was nothing compared to the pain he had felt in the past weeks, if anything he was just numb from the physical pain. All his pain was inside him, eating him slowly till he slowly lost his mind along with his heart. He could never move on from Dan, or forget him despite it being Dan's last dying wish.
Dan had issues with being forgotten easily, how could he just tell Phil that? So easily too as he was about to enter death doors. How easy was it for Dan to just swallow those pills? Had he been contemplating it for days, weeks, months, even years. Maybe his low point from 2012 never stopped and Phil just never noticed. How could he have not noticed? How was he so oblivious to his boyfriends inner torment that he had to find out when he was about to die?

Phil slammed his fist again the plastic tiling that lined the shower walls and rested his head on it. He sobbed, his tears masking against the water that continuously fell against him. He sobbed until he forgot he was still in the shower and the water turned cold. He opened his red blotched eyes and hesitantly shut off the shower water and got out, wrapping himself in a bright blue towel that lied next to black one. He was in the motion of drying his black overgrown fringe when he heard a loud bang, following shattering glass.

What the hell?

Phil slowly opened the bathroom door, steam from the hot shower flooding out. He peeped out and looked left and right before stepping out, clenching the towel that was wrapped around his waste as water droplets fell from his hair and onto the floor. He looked to where the sound was coming from, first he checked his room that remained perfectly intact and then slowly turned to Dan's room. He wiped his tears that started forming in his eyes just by looking at it. He shakily walked toward the cracked door and opened it slightly, peeping his head in and looking for the source of the noise. When he couldn't see the whole room from where he stood, he allowed his body to fully emerge itself into the room and actually looking around. He looked on the ground, until his blue red stained eyes wandered upward to the tall brown haired man that stood next to a shattered full body mirror. Phil blinked, tears falling down his face.

"D-Dan?"