This story will contain: suicide, death, and mention of self-harm.

—

Breath.
one, two, three, four– What number is after four?
His head is spinning and his vision was hazy, a lump grew in his throat and suddenly he regretted it all.
Dan, sat on the bathroom floor clinging to the bathroom counter as pills scattered across the floor. His breathing was slow and forced, his eyes droopy and all light in the brown eyes had diminished as soon as the pills went down his throat.

Phil

He tried to speak but no words came out. He couldn't breath.
One, two, three, four– what the hell came after four?

He couldn't think and he couldn't breath. He regretted his choice as a sudden sob broke through his mouth, letting loose the small amount of air he still had in his lungs. His clinging and sweaty fingers slowly let loose of the counter, but he knew, if he let go of this table it would be all over. It was as if the counter was his life line and he was clinging on for as long as he could.
But he was so tired so weak. Shutting his eyes seemed to be the best solution to his tiredness.

No. Keep your eyes open, and don't let go. Breath, just fucking breath.

A muffled voice broke through the silence that was drowning him.
Was it Phil? Or was he loosing his sanity as well as his life?

Wait. He was loosing his life, he was going to die.

Another sob broke through his mouth causing a sudden gasp for air shortly afterwards. The muffled voice returned, he could hear the concern tone in it. Dan wanted to speak, but his throat felt strained, he felt like he was dying.

Duh, you're dying. You're going to die. You brought this upon yourself, idiot.

Dan fought with his thoughts as he attempted to tighten weak grip on the counter. Suddenly within his hazy vision he saw the door handle of the bathroom jiggle.
Did he really fucking lock it? Fucking idiot.
The muffled voice returned loudly, it hurt his already aching brain as well as his heart when he heard the barely audible crack in the voice. The handle jiggled once more, more vigorously then before, more desperate. Dan wanted to unlock it, wanted Phil to come in and save him, save his life.
He took in a gasp of air, his eyelids becoming unbearably heavy. Banging was now commencing on the door that he was barely a foot away from him. He would try to unlock the door, but that would be letting go of the counter, and that scared him. He was terrified.

"D-dan!" The voice broke through the muffled mess of sounds and struggled breaths, straight to his eardrums. His brain clicked as he took a sudden gasp of breath and he tried his best to make his way to the door as he held onto the counter for dear life, literally. Slowly but surely, he shuffled his body towards the door, with shaky hands he slowly released one hand off the counter increasing his grip with the other hand. Shakily he reaches out toward the door handle, weakly he turned the lock so it was able to be open. Suddenly, his sweaty hand slipped from the bathroom counter he was falling towards the floor at the same speed the door open; fast. Possibly even an inch before he painfully hit the tile floor, warm arms wrapped around him, a face burying into his neck.

"Dan, Dan? It's going to be alright." Phil said as a sob broke through the poor man. Dan knew it wasn't true, even if Phil already called the paramedics before he got to Dan, he was far too gone. Dan lifted his arms and landed it on Phil's back, clutching the sweater he was wearing in between his hands. He sucked in a weak breath, his eyes slowly drooping close. He was tired of fighting the inevitable.

"P-phil." His voice was hoarse and quiet, but he knew Phil could hear him. Phil lifted his head up, red blotched blue eyes meeting dull brown ones. "I'm sor-" He was cut off.

"No, don't apologize. There's nothing to apologize for. Just, stay awake, stay alive okay?" Phil tried to stay strong, a weak sad smile pulled at his lips. Dan's eyes teared up, attempting to grip Phil's sweater tighter; now Phil was his lifeline.

"N-no" Dan weakly argued. His grip got lighter and Phil couldn't help but let out a sob as he felt it.
"J-just," Dan paused, trying to find strength both mentally and physically to say his last words. "forget about me." Dan hated the words, but he didn't want Phil to hurt once he left him, he wanted him to forget him and started a new life without him; maybe even quit YouTube.

"No! You're going to live, you hear me?" Phil cried out, his Northern accent strong in his voice. Dan just smiled sadly, his eyes drooping to a close.

"I love you, s-so much." Dan said to his boyfriend one last time. His eyes closed, his grip on Phil slowly diminished into nothing as his arms slid down to his sides. The last thing he heard was Phil breaking out a loud, heart wrenching sob.

He regretted it all.