Edited

Published: Sunday, March 29th 2020 7:50 am

a few hours earlier

It had begun to feel normal now. Waking up everyday and doing the same thing over and over again and barely holding on to hope. With it being months without much change, Amir was surprised that he made it as long as he had. Most people would have given up hope long ago and just accepted what fate was trying to tell them. He knew what it was telling him, but he didn't want to listen or get to the point where he believed it. As long as he could he would wait. He promised her then and he intended to keep his promise now for however long it took. His father always taught him to be a man of his word and to never break a promise. But he wondered how long it would be before his hope broke him.

As a boy he wished to be where he is now, in a hospital. He wanted to help people as his parents did. Not many people can say that their dream came true. The moment he knew that he was one of those people it became so real to him, it made him so happy. He should have known that it wouldn't last. Most people's happiness never lasts long, but he was determined to have it last for as long as it could. The next years of his life were the best he could imagine, until now. Now he knew his happiness was gone, and he had to try as hard as he could to get that comfort back.

"Good morning." He greeted Anne, the head nurse at the front table of the hospital. She looked up through her glasses with a smile that seemed so very tired. He had to admit that the nurses, Anne in particular, worked just as hard if not harder than the doctors. Without them he didn't want to think of the state that the hospital would be in. She was a kind woman with a bright smile despite it being crooked from an injury back in her youth. Gray was visible in her dark red hair, and she had the kindest blue eyes he had ever seen.

"Good morning, Doctor." She greeted back, reaching to the side for a chart before handing it to him. It was the annual chart he would get every morning. On the first day of the accident it was Anne who passed the chart to him while they both continued to wear the expressions of sadness every day after that when they repeated the routine. His face was somber, her face calculated as she waited for a reaction. But today was like any other day, and so was their exchange.

After glancing over the chart thoroughly as to make sure he didn't miss anything, he handed it back, his lips pressed together in a line. "The same," Was his clipped reply, and he adjusted his lab coat. "Nothing has changed."

"I wouldn't take that as bad news." Anne said, her eyes crinkling from the small but kind smile she sent his way. "The same doesn't mean any better, but it also doesn't mean any worse." She said.

"You're right." Amir replied. His eyes wandered off to the room behind him; the room she was in. Other than a feeding tube and a few other machines that she was hooked up to, not having to see the breathing machine was a welcome sight. It was hard for him to believe that it was only three weeks since she began to breathe on her own and no longer needed the machine anymore. Though a feeding tube was down her throat as it had been for months. He knew that it was the only way she was able to eat now, but it didn't make it any easier to see it.

Safa surprised everyone who thought she was slipping away and wouldn't last more than a few days, or even hours to some doctors who examined her. He always knew she was a fighter, and she didn't disappoint when it came to fighting a battle he couldn't help her with. If she woke up, and he hoped that she did, he vowed to remind her everyday how strong she is so she would never forget.

"Doctor." Anne called to him, and he slowly pulled his eyes away from the room and back to the nurse. "I'll keep you updated on her condition as much as I can." She said. "But right now there are others who need you more than she does. I'll watch out for her, and you watch out for everyone else."

"They're coming today, aren't they?" He wondered solemnly. He didn't need to say more, because Anne knew who he was referring to.

"Don't they always?" Anne replied, her lips pressed together in a thin line. "If they don't they usually call ahead. But they also haven't been here in more than a week. It's possible that–"

"Just page me when they come." He hurriedly interrupted her. He had heard it all before since the minute she had entered the hospital. Everyone couldn't wait to tell him that everything would be okay and that Safa was strong. They urged him everyday not to lose hope and to just give her time to get better. He appreciated it, but now it had no meaning to him. They just spout out the words they thought he wanted to hear, but he didn't want to hear them.

Amir sent a half smile towards Anne and walked away, not wanting to continue their conversation. He would continue his day as if it was another other. He would do his rounds and  check new patients, take his lunch, and then find his way into her room as was normal. There he would sit and wait for a miracle to take place for however long it took.

***
Amina sat in front of the dark vanity located in her room. She watched her reflection as she clasped the last pin to her scarf and pulled her arms away. A deep breath left her mouth as she did so, yet her eyes never left the mirror. She looked worn and tired which she could only thank her lack of sleep for. Through the night she had tossed and turned and wondered if she was making the right decision. Should she go there and do the same, stare at the frail and battered body of her daughter or stay home and wait for news? But deep down she knew that she had to go, and so she made it so.

Her eyes darted behind her where her husband was sat on the bed, staring at the wall. He was so quiet that it hurt. They both loved Safa more than words could say, and somewhere along that line Yasin stopped saying most words all together. They barely talked, barely looked at each other since it all happened. It had been seven months since then, yet still they stayed the same.

"Yasin." Her sweet, motherly voice called to him from across the room. He gave no answer, his shoulders slumped and defeated, so she stood, making her way over to him. Amina placed a soft hand to his shoulder and sat besides him. "Yasin?"

Finally after what felt like hours, he lifted his heavy head with with different emotions: sadness, regret, anger, and defeat. She knew those emotions all too well.

"It's time." She smiled at him, bringing her hand up to cup his cheek. "We must go see her."

"Seven months today." He whispered back. His lip began to quiver and his eyes glistened as he tried to hold it all together. Amina could see how much he was breaking. He mirrored her emotions that she kept it inside, hiding the truth from herself. But she had to be strong for all of them, mainly Safa.

She wiped away a stray tear from his cheek. "I know." She sighed. "It has been oh so long my dear."

"Way too long." His eyes lingered away to look back at the emptiness the wall had to offer, yet it offered more than he had left to give.

"Yes." Amina moved closer to lay her head on his shoulder. "Way too long." They stayed silent after that as they did for the last few months. It wasn't awkward nor uncomfortable to be there with each other. So heartbroken and defeated, they were at peace with one another.

* present time
Daniel Brenner sat with his head in a book as he tried to keep his eyes open. It was the last chapter and he had to know what happened next, even if he might fall asleep while doing it. He was persistent like that and everyone knew it. Just because a task proved to be almost impossible, he would be damned if he didn't finish it. Tonight was no different.

The sound of paper scraping against his fingers was soothing as he moved to the next page. Only eight pages left. His short happiness was cut off by his door being pushed open.

"I'm off the clock, come back later." He said with a huff as he tried to finish reading through the paragraph. Now was one of the only times he had peace and quiet. He wasn't willing to give that up so easily.

Amir shut the door behind him and shuffled his feet until he was stood in front of Daniels desk. He placed his hands on top and lowered his head. "I can't do that." His voice came out tired and strained, like he was struggling. Recognizing his voice, Daniel closed the book in his hands to focus on his friend.

"Amir..." He said, slowly standing up to his feet so that they were eye level. "What's wrong, Amir?"

Working in the hospital, it wasn't anything new to see people look disheveled and tired. More often than not people would walk around with tired, red eyes and slumped shoulders from a long day of work. But this time was different. Amir looked different and Daniel noticed right away.

Amir lifted his head up to reveal all kinds of emotions. His face was pale and almost lifeless, his mouth slightly agape, and his eyes appeared like he saw a ghost.

"I..." he trailed off, his eyes looking towards Daniel but they weren't looking at him. He was lost, confused, and needed his friend. "She, um..."

Noticing he wasn't going to get any information out of Amir unless he took action, he stood from his chair and slowly but quickly rushed to his friends side. He guided him until they were sat side by side on the couch that so many of his patients sat before. It wasn't old and it wasn't new, but it made them comfortable in a place bound to frighten them. It was a welcome comfort to those who sat on it. Only a few times Daniel found himself sitting beside a patient, and those times were when their pain was so severe that he needed them to know he was there for them. That didn't change with Amir, but it was different this time. Amir wasn't a patient. He was a colleague and a dear friend.

"I shouldn't have left her alone, I need to go back." Amir mumbled out. If not for Daniel's quick reflexes, he wouldn't have been able to catch Amir's arm and pull him back down to the couch. "What are you doing, let me go!" Amir began to get defensive, but Daniel saw it all before, even down to being physically struck by a few patients. "She..."

"I can't let you go Amir." Daniel said calmly. He waited a minute to watch Amir's movements and to make sure he wouldn't try and leave again. He let go of his arm. "Can you tell me what happened? I only want to help."

Amir turned to him, his eyes with less tears but still staring blankly. All of the words he wanted to say were in his head, but he couldn't find a way to get them out. So many things had happened since he left the room and slid down the hall. He was there sat on the floor for only a moment before before a nurse came walking by, confused. And then she heard the confused calls of Safa, and after that there were at least five people in the room trying their best to help her. He couldn't be one of those people, he needed to go. All of his worst fears came true in one moment. She didn't remember him. She didn't remember anything.

"Safa....she um." He wiped at his scraggly heard nervously. Even though those few words weren't much to go on, Daniel could tell. He could look into his eyes and see his mannerisms like he did with people before. "She woke up and I don't know what to do."

Daniel perched his arms on his knees as he leaned forward, keeping his gaze on Amir. "Why is that?" He asked.

"Because," for the first time since walking into the room, Amir's eyes weren't distant from reality. Like a tsunami of emotions, he snapped back to reality. "Because she doesn't remember anything."

Steady breaths. Don't let them see how frightened you are of the situation, Daniel told himself like he did so many times before. Only this time he had to try harder.

"That's common for people coming out of comas to be disoriented." Daniel said. He was trying to keep him calm and relaxed, but Amir knew something that he didn't. "How long did you stay with her? There is a high possibility that she started to remember where she is after you left." He continued. "It has been months since she opened her eyes. Give her time to get focused

"No, this time is different. I was in the hallway while the surgeon checked her over. We all waited for her to be done. She um..." He trailed off, his thoughts lost and jumbled at the same time. But somehow Amir found his words and a way to speak.

Amir had to realize that this wasn't for himself, he had to be the strong one for her. So he bravely looked into the eyes of his friend whose worried eyes looked back at him.

"It's not good." Those three words felt heavy on his tongue, but he continued anyways. "The doctor, um," He sighed and wiped a hand on his face. "I didn't stay long enough for her to tell me anything. I just bolted."

Daniels eyes soon lightened up and his smile widened. "That's some good news!" He exclaimed happily, and Amir sent him a puzzling look. "I mean because you don't know what the outcome is or what the doctor said. I'm focusing on the positive and hoping for good news and so should you, Amir."

"You didn't see her, Daniel." Amir said. "She was scared to see...me. Me? It shouldn't be like this. It should be different."

"I know." Daniel quickly turned his smile to a more serious face and sat back down. "We all are hoping for a better outcome, and there's a good chance it still may come. Have hope." He clasped his hand on Amir's back. "Have hope."

He had no choice but to take his friends advice. Because hope, even through all of the pain it caused, was all the fight he had in him.

*
"Can you tell me your name?" Dr. brenner asked, sitting across from Safa on his chair with his clipboard in hand. His face remained blank and impassive as he waited for an answer. He knew it was a long shot. He had seen plenty of comatose victims lose memory after waking up, and most of them regained it within their own set time.However, the amount of patients who didn't remember weighed heavily on his mind. With all of his patients, he wished and hoped that they would once again remember the person they were before their life was never the same. Some thankfully did while others didn't. Everyone is different.

Safa raked her brain as she tried to think, remember, something. She was lost and felt hopeless. Even with the array of doctors and nurses she had seen since waking up, she felt entirely alone.

"I can't." She chocked up, a desperate and saddened look in her eyes. She looked down to her fingers sat in her lap that she found herself twisting at every turn she got. She didn't want to look up and cry as she knew she might. Was she the type of girl to try? Did she use to be emotional? Or was she the girl who hid everything in and exploded when it became too much? She didn't know.

"What about what happened?" Dr. Brenner pressed on. He pulled up one of his legs over the other and crossed out something on the board. "Even if it's just something you dreamt or thought you dreamt of. Anything will help."

"I'm sorry." She frowned deeper, her voice low. "I wish I could help you and myself, but I can't."

"You're okay, it's okay." He assured her, leaning forward to place a hand on the bed, causing her to look into his eyes. "You're not alone." He said, as if reading her thoughts. "We have you here. You're not alone."

"Thank you." She smiled, yet it barely reached her eyes. With one last look, Dr. Brenner stood from his chair and motioned for Amir to talk to him outside. For the whole ordeal, he had stayed leaning on the nurses station outside of the door as he waited for any news at all. It hurt and practically killed him not to be in the room and be there for her, especially because her family had left for home the following week and hadn't returned since. It wasn't like them.

"It's too early to tell." Dr. Brenner said, raising his hand up to stop Amir from talking before him. When he began talking, there was little room for anyone else to have a word in. "It's only been about half an hour so I can't give you a concrete answer, Amir. I say give it a few days."

"A few days?" He asked in disbelief, his heart beating faster at the news. "I know how it is with these cases. I'll just go in there and tell
her a few memories–"

"No." Dr. Brenner interrupted with a shake of his head. "We don't want to overwhelm her and scare her more than she already is. It's early, Amir." He sighed. "We don't want a repeat of last time."

"So she just..." Amir's words trailed off as he turned his attention away from the doctor and to Safa, who was having a low conversation with the nurse.

"It's for her own good." Dr. Brenner said.

Amir nodded lamely, knowing that he was right. A few months ago felt like years to him–since he witnessed what happened and steadily blamed himself. She was both emotionally and physically wrecked and there was nothing he could do but take the blame. In a way he always blamed himself, especially when others told him it wasn't his fault. Just looking at her then and now in so much pain, confusion, and heartache, filled him with a guilt that never wanted to leave. It would always be his fault.

***

Ana slowly flipped through the books in front of her. They were big and heavy, contained a lot of information for her to learn, and she couldn't tear her eyes away. It was already pushing midnight but she was determined to get her work done. She had long since declared herself as her motivation, and instead gave that spot to both her sister and son. Going back to school was for them, and she would be damned if she let them down.

Seconds, minutes, and hours passed before she tore her eyes away from the book and towards her phone, groaning at the name that displayed across.

Ben: have him ready by nine. I'll be there on time, as always.

Quickly sending a quick reply, Ana huffed and stood up, stretching her arms. Different bones popped causing her to cringe, scolding herself from being away from the gym so long and from growing older.

"That didn't sound good." Her son Adam walked out from the back room in his pajamas, smiling as Ana lowered her arms back to rest at her sides.

"Why are you still awake?" She asked, ignoring his statement and walking towards the kitchen to pour herself some water. When Adam didn't answer, she sighed and and grabbed a bottle from the refrigerator. "Tomorrow is the weekend. You know what that means."

"Of course I do." Adam walked over to pull out the kitchen chair and sat down. "Did you talk to him yet? About me wanting to go to camp?"

Ana took a sip from her water and turned to him, deciding to wing her answer. "No." She admitted, and Adam frowned. "I'd prefer to do it in person rather over the phone, honey. I told you this."

"Whatever." He huffed, jumping up from his seat and marching towards the hallway.

"Adam." She called out, causing him to stop walking and listen, but not turn around. "I'll talk to him, I promise. Just be ready to go, okay? I'll talk to him."

Seconds later a door had closed shut, telling her that he was no longer in ear or eyeshot anymore. She pinched the bridge of her nose with her free hand and squeezed her eyes shut. She hated lying to him, but everytime she did, she kept telling herself that it was the only way; it was for his own good. He had been so excited to tell her about the camp when he came home from school, and she just couldn't allow herself to tell him no. There was no reason for her too. His grades were up, he had been helping more around the house, and he was an all around great kid. Most parents say that about their kids but Ana had meant it more than even she realized.

No matter how many people tried to make her feel like he was a mistake, if she had to repeat his life over again and relive the choices she made for him being there, she would trace every step exactly as she did before. If he wanted it, she would try her best to get it for him. But then his father James came to mind, making her realize that she wasn't the sole person to make decisions for her son anymore. They had an agreement years ago that resulted in them each having him for half of the summer. No matter what she did, James wouldn't give in and agree to Adam going to camp because it would cut into his time with his son. For years he had been a great father, but this time Ana's opinion of him began to get worse. He was causing Adam pain, and she wouldn't stand for it.

Walking over towards the couch, a light began to peak out from the cushions, heightening her curiosity. "What the..." She mumbled, setting down her bottle and pulling out her phone. It had still been ringing, silently, as she had left him when she began to study.

"Hello?" She quickly answered the phone before it had a chance to go to voicemail. "I didn't miss your call, did I?" Ana mumbled to herself.

"No." A familiar voice said on the other end of the phone, causing her to smile for a while before her senses cane back to her. There were only a few reasons why he would call, and the biggest reason of all had to do with her sister.

"It's Safa, isn't it?" The words had barely left her mouth higher than a whisper. Slowly, Ana sat back down on the couch and braced for what he was about to say. "Amir?"

"She's awake." He said and a wide smile took over Ana's face. With everthing in her, she tried her best not to jump up and down in joy at the news. "But..."

"What?" The monotone in his voice began to worry her, as she just realized he didn't seem as happy as her.

"Are you sitting down?" He asked, and she began nodding her head before the realization that he couldn't see her cane to mind.

"I'm sitting. Just tell me, please."

"She doesn't remember." Amir didn't waste any time to tell her. Ana was happy about that, considering nerves could take the suspense he would have possibly dragged out. She wanted to know everything as soon as possible. "The doctor says this is common," he continued to say, yet she could barely let out steady breaths. "He also says to give it a few days and she should be fine. I wanted you to know."

"Thank you for telling me." She was truly grateful that he kept in touch with her about her sister. She couldn't expect her parents to do that. "There's nothing anyone can do?"

"We don't want to repeat last time." He said, which caused Ana to worry even more. She had remembered that time way too well. It was like a never ending nightmare that somehow found its way back to them.

"No we don't." She finally replied, her voice a little more steadily than it was before. "I'm just glad you're with her."

"Yeah." He sighed, and Ana could sense that he had on a sad grin as he usually did. "So am I."

***
It was early; it was late. The time had read 3:41 am yet it didn't seem like it. The hallways and rooms of the hospitals were quiet aside from the sounds of footsteps and elevators. Visiting hours were over, which only left the patients and the staff. It was so quiet that the silence had started to become louder. Safa could hear it. It was as if it was ringing directly inside her ears. Her room was dark and her door closed. She lay curled on her bed in her covers, not yet willing to move.

It was the first place she had come to know when waking up. Her bed was the only thing familiar. A few hours had passed since she had opened her eyes to the world she had forgotten. From then she had witnessed a whirlwind of emotions, starting with confusion. The nurses who had come in to tend to her were vague with her questions about who she was and where she had come from, and she didn't know why. Had she offended them? Did they just not like her? Were they keeping something from her?

Question after question swirled in her mind and she couldn't get rid of them. They were now a part of her, and she wanted to know every last detail of every lasts question she could think of. With steady steps, she raised herself from her bed and made her way to her bathroom, all while making sure the back of her gown remained closed. They had offered her clothes and a meal, but that was the last thing she had wanted. Taking things from those who seemed against her felt almost wrong, so she had refused. The light had been off as she had entered, and she squinted her eyes at the blinding rays it welcomed her with.

Slowly, her eyes began to adjust to the sudden new light, and she was able to see herself fully in the mirror. Her mouth went agape and her wide, brown eyes widened twice their size at the portrait the mirror had taken for her. She grazed her hand against her dark skin, taking a glimpse at her features. She had to admit that she was beautiful even though the girl she was looking at was no one but a stranger.

"Hello?" A low voice had called from her room, along with a soft knock. In surprise, she gasped and slapped her hand against the wall until she had found the right switch...the sixth time. The flickering lights no doubt had alerted whoever was out there to her whereabouts. She wasn't ready to face anyone else, especially a voice she had yet to remember.

On her bed and even in her covers, she couldn't hide. But right there in the bathroom was her perfect hiding spot.

The sounds of footsteps gliding against the floor stopped, and they were momentarily in silence. "I understand if you want to be alone. What you're going through is a lot and will be a lot to process. I just want to make sure you know that you have someone. You have me."

She didn't move, she didn't breathe; she couldn't do either. Here stood a guy on the opposite end of the door that she didn't know, yet he claimed to always be there for her, or at least that she had someone on her side. That's all that she wanted. The nurses and doctors seemed to be against her from the start. They were vague, over friendly, and sometimes quiet when they would check on her. But not once did any of them say what he was saying. It seemed as if he knew her pain and what she was going through. It wouldn't take much for someone to figure out she was alone, yet she didn't want to be. She wanted and needed someone. And it just so happened that he volunteered for the postition.

"You haven't eaten." He continued to talk. Safa pushed the side of her head against the door so she could, if possible, hear him clearly. "The cafeteria is closed but I can go get you something. I know you must be starving."

Right then her stomach decided to growl rather loudly. And because of the quietness of the room and the whole floor, it was hard to miss. She heard the small whisper of his chuckle from the other end along with the sound of her bed dipping. He had sat down.

"I don't want to push you, but I don't want to leave you alone either. But I understand if you just want to be alone..."

Safa turned her back against the door and slowly slid down, her hand moving to clutch her stomach. He eyebrows furrowed as she moved her hand under her gown and towards her stomach, and she breathed in at the feel of a large, long scar.

"I can come back later." He continued to talk, but she wasn't listening. Safa reached her hand up to turn the light on, then widened her eyes at the sight. She couldn't remember what she looked like before she had woken up, but now as she ran her hand along her abdomen, she could tell how flat her stomach was to the point where she could feel her ribs. Afraid, she scrambled up to her feet to stare at herself in the mirror. Her eyes were dark with deep bags and her cheeks hollowed as if she hadn't eaten in years. To her it had felt that long just as it felt like she had never lived at all.

The sound of a huff and a door opening and closing brought her back to what was happening before she noticed the scar and she pried the door open. He had left.

***
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