It's a good thing I took the bus into college today, because now I'm sat in the passenger seat of Hayden's car as he drives us towards The Green Barrel. It's all so clean and tidy inside with a fresh smell that I assume is from the air freshener that hangs from his rear view mirror. A tropical coconut smell wafts up my nose, forever marking the scent of his car. A can of energy drink is in the cup holder beside me, above that is a phone holder that clings to the air vent. I peer behind my shoulder and into the back. All that's left there is a pair of headphones. They're new. I can tell because his old ones had a wire, whereas these ones are bluetooth.

Quiet music plays from his radio that fills the silence as we drive through the streets with the blue sky peeking out from above. I relax into the comfy seat and stare up at the birds that flap their wings and fly above us.

There's two birds flying together, each making a pretty pattern when they loop with the other. I smile at the sight. Usually I only see one bird or a flock of them, but never two.

I glance to Hayden with my smile still presence. He's concentrating on the road, but he must notice me staring in the corner of his eye because his breathing starts to increase.

For the rest of the drive, I keep my focus glued to the road ahead so I don't distract him. I watch the people we drive past who stroll down the street. There's a mother, father and daughter all holding hands. There's four girls who sing and dance with dresses on and makeup battered onto their faces. There's two guys who hold hands and smile shyly at each other as they head towards a nearby restaurant; perhaps on their first date. It's so difficult to imagine their lives. Ones where they're the main characters and have no idea who I am or what I've experienced or felt in my lifetime. They've known a completely different life. They each feel their own emotions and have their own insecurities that none of us can see because they hide it so well, just like how I do. Others probably look at me and assume I'm moody, not knowing what's going on inside my head. They don't care to know or ask. That's just the way things go. Not that I care, I wouldn't tell them my problems even if they did ask.

I doubt I'll even tell Hayden. I do trust him, but there will always be that doubt in the back of my mind that prevents me from opening up to others and learning to trust them.

Hayden pulls up in the car park of the pub. As I'm unclipping my seatbelt, he closes his door and rushes around to my side before opening my own door. I smile with furrowed eyebrows as I step out the car and allow him to close the door behind me. I'm suspicious as to why he's being so nice, but forget that he's always been this way from the day I met him. It shouldn't shock me that he's doing a kind gesture. I guess being around people like Peter made me forget that not everyone is cruel. I guess I really did lose faith in humanity.

Maybe being around Hayden can bring it back.

"Such a gentleman," I tease as I grab my ponytail that's stuck inside my jacket that I've just placed on. I release the hair and allow the strands to fall gently against the soft fabric.

"I try," he replies with a cheery, contagious smile.

I really do love that smile.

"Thank you," I tell him before I can forget. We walk into the pub together. The outside windowsills have been painted a dark green, just like the sign that hangs from chains above in the shape of a barrel. Inside is dozens of wooden tables along with a wooden bar and wooden floorboards that creak as we walk across to make our order. We look at the menu on the chalkboards behind the bartender and scan over the choices that are written in white chalk.

"What do you fancy?" Hayden asks me.

"I'll have a ham and cheese panini."

"Drink?"

"Just a Pepsi please."

Hayden nods his head before stepping closer to the bar and smiling at the worker who stands behind it cleaning a pint glass. I raise my eyebrows in surprise because the Hayden I once knew was never so eager to be the one to order. He'd always try to worm his way out of it or beg someone else to do the job, but now he's stepping up to the plate without hesitation.

"Can I have a ham and cheese panini and a Pepsi please?" he asks the lady.

She nods her head which causes the messy bun on top to wobble. She continues to chew on her gum as she types in the order and then glances back up at Hayden. "Anything else?"

"A burger and another Pepsi please."

"Yep. If you want to take a seat at table number four, we'll bring it over to you as soon as possible," she says.

Hayden takes his receipt after paying the bill and then leads me over to our table with two seats on either side. At first we sit in awkward silence as both of us try to search our brains for conversation starters. So much time has passed. So much time stolen from us that we should have spent together. Now look at us. We're too nervous to speak because it's like we're strangers.

"How's your family?" The words tumble out of my mouth before I can stop them, unable to stand the unbearable silence that only proves how much we've changed and how much is different.

"Well first things first, dad's not around anymore," he tells me.

My eyes widen. "Why not? Is he okay?"

"He's fine. He's just not part of the family anymore."

I don't know what to say. "I'm sorry, Hayden."

"Don't be. We're happier without. He wasn't a particularly great father."

My lips part from shock. "Wait, seriously? I'm so sorry, I never even knew."

Hayden nods his head and smiles flatly. "Yeah. I think he's probably the biggest reason why I struggled with my confidence. But I'd really rather not talk about him."

I nod my head, completely understanding. "That's fine. But if you ever change your mind, I'm always here. You know that, right?"

"Yes. Thank you, Sierra. It means a lot."

I inhale a deep breath and clasp my hands together. "So, what about the rest of your family?"

"They're good. Mum's still doing her clothing line, my brother is still working in finance."

"Is he still dating that guy?" I sigh at my poor memory. "What's his name again?"

"Freddie. Yeah, he's still around. They've got a house together now."

My eyes widen. "Really? Woah, things really have changed a lot." I exhale a deep breath at the thought of knowing that things will only continue to change. I wonder how I'll cope with it. "And Evelyn? How's she doing?"

"She doing okay. She's in her last year of school now, so she's been studying hard for her exams. Seriously, her textbooks are laying all over the house."

I chuckle. A waiter brings over our drinks and tells us our food will be over shortly. I take my straw and sip the cold contents inside the glass before I continue the conversation.

"What's she going to study when she leaves?"

"Either hairdressing or nails, she can't decide what one yet."

"Well she's still get the rest of the year; plenty of time to figure it out. She'd be great at either."

"She would. She even did my nails the other month as practice."

I snort out with laughter and cover my mouth with my hand to prevent my drink from squirting out. "No way, she finally convinced you?"

He smiles humorously. "Yep."

"I wish I could've been there to see it. She's been wanting to do your nails for years. What made you finally give in?"

"She made me feel bad by saying that she had no one to practice on. Tell you what, she'd love to do yours."

"I'm down for that," I agree with excitement seeping through my voice. "I've never got my nails done before."

"I'll let her know."

I smile and let out a breath of relief because this is going better than expected and finally all the nerves I once felt have managed to drift out of the window.

"I miss your family," I confide in him.

Hayden smiles softly. "They've missed you. I swear they talk about you at least once a month."

"Saying what?" I ask while chuckling.

"Asking how you are and if they'll ever see you again, asking if we've made up. I was going to give you flowers to apologise to you about what happened, but I never did because I was too scared. They tried to convince me to go for weeks...I should've listened to them."

I twirl the ice that floats in my drink by the straw that causes a mini tornado to take place inside the glass. I smile softly as I glance into it and imagine myself inside it; struggling to get out and screaming for help as I get dragged deeper and deeper. I imagine Hayden somehow reaching out his hand and pulling me back to the surface where I can finally breathe again.

I shake my head, feeling stupid.

Then I look up at Hayden and feel my body turn to jelly as I scan his soft features that help to calm me. My lips have a mind of their own as they open to form words that I can't control. "I've missed you."

Hayden's eyes slightly widen and his lips part. I watch the lump in his throat bobble as he swallows, trying to grasp my words and make sense of them. The blush returns and craws up his neck onto his soft cheeks.

"Really?" he asks in barely a whisper.

I nod my head. Before I can say anything, the waitress returns with our steaming plates that carry golden foods along with a delicious scent that spreads around the room, making everyone's mouths water.

When she's disappeared again, Hayden says, "I've missed you, too."

My heart skips a beat and then flutters for ten seconds before I'm finally able to function and lift a warm smile. This time I'm the one to blush, which causes him to smile tightly before we both chuckle. We're so nervous and awkward, like we're a couple of teens on their first date. Only this isn't a first date, this is a catch up between old friends.

Hayden's still smiling at me with intense eye contact. Not able to handle the tension between us, I clear my throat and dig into my food. "This is so good. Shall I pay you half?"

"No, it's on me."

"Are you sure?" I question.

"Of course."

"Okay," I accept reluctantly, "But I'm paying for the next meal we have."

"There's going to be a next one?"

Horror and embarrassment overcomes me when I realise I've been making all these plans inside my head without yet confiding in Hayden about it. I quickly look down at my food and try to act unbothered. "Only if you want to. It's not a big deal-"

"Of course I want to, I just wasn't sure if you wanted to."

My tense shoulders relax. "Why didn't you ask me then?"

"I didn't want to get rejected again," he teases.

I roll my eyes and grin. "So do we have a deal?"

He squints his eyes and eventually nods his head before holding out his hand. "Okay, you can pay next time, but only if I can pay for the time after that."

I shake his hand happily. "Deal."

He takes a bite into his burger and washes it down with his drink. "How's your family?"

"Dad's still doing his driving, which is going well but it's very stressful, as you can imagine. Issac is still doing carpentry which he loves. You already know that he works with Ricky, don't you?"

Hayden nods his head and gulps down another bite of his burger. "Ricky's doing an apprenticeship there, right?"

"Mhmm."

"Ricky's always talking about it. I think he wants to work there full-time."

"He should go for it. Him and Issac have some kind of bromance going on." We both chuckle before I lean over the table with an excited expression. "And guess who's got a girlfriend?"

Hayden's jaw drops. "Ricky's got a girlfriend?" he gasps, like it's so shocking that a girl would even go near him.

"What? No. Not Ricky. Issac."

Hayden gasps and lifts a happy smile. "No way. When did that happen?"

"A few months ago. She's really lovely and very good for him."

"I'm glad he's finally got someone. I know he was very lonely back a couple of years ago."

"Me too. He wants to see you again...my dad too."

This seems to brighten his entire mood. He seems honoured that they even like him, like he even has anything to worry about. Hayden is the most precious and thoughtful person I know. Who wouldn't like him?

"I'd like to see them again as well, if that's alright with you."

I give him an obvious smile and roll my eyes. "It's definitely alright with me."

"And maybe sometime you can pop in to see my family too?"

"I'd really like that," I agree.

We smile at each other for a long time, unable to tear our gaze away from the other. There's so much lost time to make up for. I only hope that this time we never lose contact again, because being with him today has managed to finally give me some peace and a feeling I've been longing to feel for a while. Happiness.