Love is rare, grab it.

*****

Life is all about trusting yourself and how you feel. It's about not being afraid to take those chances. It's about finding or losing those special people and learning how to value their memories, both good and bad. My mother once said to me, a bird sitting on a tree is never afraid of the branch breaking, not because its trust lies in the branch, but because it trusts its own wings. So instead of hiding behind Sira and Alyssa I decided to come back home instead. I had trust in myself, and that's something I will always have. I have me. That's all I need. 

"Don't go tonight, stay here one more time, remind me what it's like. And lets fall in love, one more time, I need now, by my side. It tears me up, when you turn me down, I'm begging please, just stick around. I'm sorry, don't leave me, I want you here with me, I know that your love is gone" my hand froze on the door knob when I heard the piano notes dance around my ears. I hesitated for a second before I followed the sweet voice down to my music room. Ignoring the rise of my heartrate, I plastered my back on the wall outside listening to Elliot as he continued playing. 

"I can't breathe, I'm so weak, I know this isn't easy...don't tell me that your love is gone" I didn't know Elliot could sing, but right now, as he did, my heart couldn't help but clench at his words. 

"How long is this going to go on?" I heard Jacob ask. He was still here? It had been two days. Elliot shrugged his shoulders looking down at the piano keys. I took a step back as I took in his appearance. Elliot was in the same clothes as the day I ran out, his hair a ruffled mess, and the eye bags under his eyes didn't help the look either. 

"Come on, bro. There has to be something else. This is bullshit" Jacob exclaimed taking a seat. 

"IF THERE WAS I WOULD FUKING DO IT" Elliot yelled slamming his hands down on the keys making me jump. Not realising I hit my back into the vase next to me and there wasn't much I could do other than let it fall. 

"Jess?" my eyes shut instantly once I heard his voice. Not ready for the confrontation, I turned on my heel wanting to find a way out.

"Jess, wait" A arm hooked around my elbow pulling me back. Elliot wrapped his other arm around my waist caging me between him and the wall behind us so I couldn't escape. Jacob walked through the door and gave me a small smile before he left us. 

"Let me explain" Elliot said looking down at me. I looked at the carpet under us not wanting to meet his eyes. I couldn't. I couldn't because I knew as soon as I looked into his eyes nothing else would matter. In that moment, all I wanted to do was run and hide. I scoffed at the thought, that's what I've always done.

"Okay" is how I answered instead. Elliot looked surprised at my answer but he quickly recovered slipping his hand in hand, leading me to the bean bag in the music room. I took a seat and watched Elliot pace the room for a few seconds before he turned to look at him. Even looking the way he did, this man was beautiful. Looking at him after everything that happened, my eyes began to well up with tears. 

"What the hell is wrong with me?" I covered my face with my hands. This was so stupid, I don't even know why I was crying but something inside me was grieving. Elliot walked to kneel in-front of me removing my hands from my face. He cupped my face wiping the tears that had manage to escape already. 

"There's nothing wrong with you, baby. It's all me" he said quietly. In that moment, I wanted to forget everything that happened. I didn't know if I had over-reacted or not but all I knew was Elliot was the most special person in my life. So in that moment I decided that I wouldn't lose him. If Elliot was hurting because of his past, then I will let him heal. He wasn't ready for a anything and that was okay because I couldn't put myself in that position either. So instead, we would go back to how things were when I first moved here.

"It's fine, Elliot. I...I get it" I muttered. "It takes time. You can't control that. But I can't do this whilst you're still hurting. You can have all the time you need, and I'll be right here. But not the way you want me to be" I looked at Elliot who had taken a seat in-front of me, one of his hands resting on my knee.

"Jess" Elliot leant up to cup my cheeks. "I don't need time. I need you." he sighed. He shut his eyes for a second as if having a mental battle with himself. "When I say I need you, Jess, I don't mean that in a bullshit clingy way. I mean it in a very real and literal sense. I don't like depending on people, but Jess you...you keep me sane in this fucked up world." I stared at Elliot as he continued. "Maybe I'm scared because you mean more to me than any other person. You're literally everything I think about, everything I need and everything that I want". With that being said Elliot leant forward and took my lips onto his. It was a long kiss, but instead it was almost like a soft touch. Almost like a seal. 

"But...you said that you've never want to sh-" I began saying once he pulled back.

"Fuck that. I'm a fucking idiot. I fuck every good shit in my life up. But I can't fuck this up." Elliot looked deep into my eyes before he finally said it. "I love you." my mouth slightly fell at his words. "I want all of you, for ever, you and me, every day. I'm not perfect, Jess. I make mistakes, I have jealousy issues and I can be moody at times but I promise that when I say, I mean it with every ounce of me." As Elliot expressed his feelings there were two things I could have done. One: I could have ignored him and continued questioning him about his past or two: let go of the past and open up another door for myself. And whilst I thought of these two options I thought back to the the words my mother had said. It trusted its own wings. Right now, I trusted myself, and I trusted my gut, so without thinking about it too much, I cupped Elliot's face placing my lips on his. Elliot didn't wait a second to respond, he pulled me off the bean bag and onto his lap, wrapping one arm around the waist, the other holding my head in place. 

"I didn't know you could sing" I said once we had pulled apart. Elliot looked at me, a small smile playing on his lips. Elliot and I were laying on the floor, his arms wrapped tightly around me, my head resting on his chest

"I don't" he shrugged. I sat up, smacking him on the chest. "Don't lie, I heard you myself" I laughed. "Sing for me again?" Elliot sat up shaking his head. "Please?" Elliot looked at me for a second before he sighed going to sit behind the piano.

"Don't go tonight, stay here one more time, remind me what it's like. And lets fall in love, one more time, I need now, by my side. It tears me up, when you turn me down, I'm begging please, just stick around. I'm sorry, don't leave me, I want you here with me, I know that your love is gone" 

"I've not heard this before" I said walking to stand behind Elliot as he sung. 

"That's because it's an original" my mouth hung open at Elliot's reply. 

"Wait, you wrote this? When?" I took a seat next to him as he continued to play the piano. Another thing I wasn't aware he could do.

"A couple months ago" Elliot turned to look at me. "I love you" he said once again. I swear my heart had long stopped beating. I loved him too. I knew I did. I had done for a long time now. But as Elliot said those words it began to feel more surreal. 

"I love you too" I replied looking at him shyly. Elliot looked stunned for a minute before his face broke on into a grin. 

Nobody gets everything that they want. There will always be something. New problems will always come up. But instead of chasing perfection, chase to be content. Find a way to be happy with what you have already and you'll always have exactly what you need. And right now, I had exactly what I needed.