Just growing with the flow

*****

Beep beep beep. 

A sense of deja'vu hit me when I woke up to the sound of beeping once more. The only difference this time was instead of my parents, I had Elliot instead. I groaned sitting up leaning against the bed headrest, taking the O2 probe off my finger.

"Jess" Elliot called coming to take a seat next to me. That's when it hit me again. Daniel. He was here. I pushed the sheet off my legs jumping out the bed before nearly collapsing, the pain in my ankle shooting up through my leg. 

"Jess, wait" Elliot grabbed onto my arms leading me back towards the bed. I shook him off limping for the door instead.

"Jess, just please come back.  Dad needs to see you" Elliot begged following behind him. When he grabbed onto my arms another time is when I snapped.

"Let go of me" I yelled making Elliot take a step back. My heart was in my throat the entire time, my breaths coming out as pants. "I...I need to find him" I said looking back at Elliot, my eyes blurry with tears. I continued back to the room I had seen the man in. 

"Jessica? What are you doing out here?" A nurse asked when she saw me walk across her. I ignored her and continued my walk towards the room, praying with everything in my heart. Please let it be him. I froze when I was a few feet from the door. I snapped my eyes shut getting ready for another heartbreak. Opening them up again, I took one more step pushing open the door and taking a step inside.

"Oh my God" I cried my knees buckling but as always Elliot was right behind me to catch me. It was him. It really was him. I pushed myself off Elliot walking towards the bed that Daniel laid in. There laid my ventilated twin brother, unconscious, a trachy tube lodged into his throat. He was alive. But he couldn't be. My twin who was supposed to be dead, yet here he was. I covered my mouth with my hands when my small sobs turned into a loud cry. Elliot sat on the floor with me, his arms wrapped tightly around me as I continued to cry.

"Jess, please. Please, come back to your room" Elliot begged pulling me into him. Daniel was alive, he was really alive. In-between the cries the joy of finding my brother seeped through leaving a small smile playing on lips, just before the shock settled in. 

"I...I need to tell mum and dad. They need to know he's alive" I said turning to look and Elliot and was evidently avoiding eye contact. "Why's he even here? How is he here?", I continued to question. 

"They know" came a small whisper from him. I took a step back at the revelation. They knew?

"What?" I asked even though I heard exactly what he had said. They lied to me?

"I've already rung them. My mums is on her way too" he had rung my parents? I took another step away from Elliot when I made a move to hold me again.

"Did you know?" I held my heart. He didn't reply. I got my answer. Everyone knew my twin brother was alive and no one bothered to tell me. They all sat back and let me grieve the loss of a sibling even though he had been alive all this time. 

"Jess" called another voice. I looked up through my soaked eyelids as David and Elaine ran through the door. 

"Leave" I said before they could say anything else. I didn't want to see anyone. Every single one of them lied to me and let me grieve. Every single one of them. Did this mean Sira, Alyssa and Jacob knew too? I grabbed my head and threw another arm over my chest as thundering pain took over me. 

"Your parents are getting the next flight here. Just let me explain, Jess. " Elaine took a step forward.

"No" I yelled stopping her in her tracks. "I want to be alone" I cried. "please, please...just leave me alone" I continued turning around to face Daniel.

"We'll be outside" David said lowly guiding Elaine and a reluctant Elliot out of the door. I took a step closer to Daniel laying my hand on his forehead. He really was here. My cries turned into hiccups but the tears continued to flow as I stared at Daniel. Why would they do this? There was absolutely no reason that I could think of that would justify everyone convincing me that my brother was dead. I knew that at some point I would have to listen to an 'explanation' but right now I wasn't in the right headspace to process anymore information. 

I don't know how long I had sat looking at Daniel but I had managed to doze off during one of those hours. The next time I had opened my eyes I was back in my own bed. Who had brought me home? My blood boiled with anger when I realised Elliot must have snuck me out of the room whilst I have sleeping. I had been given some drugs to calm me down when I had passed out which is probably why I didn't wake up when he had carried me around. It was early hours of the morning now, the sun beginning to peak out from behind the clouds.

I threw the covers off me going into the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth before running straight downstairs with the intention of going back to the hospital. Only thing was, I didn't know the way there. Even if I did, visiting times were long over. So instead I ordered an Uber and then followed the voices that led to the living room. Mr and Mrs Black were sat on the couch, with Elliot, Sira, Alyssa and Jacob littered around the room.

Sira was the first to notice. She immediately got up from the floor running towards me. I lifted my hand up stopping her in her tracks.

"Did you know?" I asked the same question. She didn't answer. I looked at Alyssa and Jacob who were also avoiding eye-contact.

"I promise we can explain, Jess" is what Sira said instead. I took a deep breath leaning myself against the door when a wave of dizziness hit me.

"We can, but we need your parents to be here." Elaine added. So I wouldn't get an answers until tomorrow. Elliot hadn't said anything through-out it all but only stared on, longing evident in his eyes. I shook my head lightly before turning on my heels and running out of the main door. It was getting harder to breathe, I needed fresh air. 

I saw the Uber pull over and quickly read the number plate and matched it to my screen before I jumped in.

"Where to?" I didn't know. So instead I told the driver to pull out and I would give him directions. Through the review-mirror I saw a frantic Elliot run out of the door staring down at the retreating taxi before he pulled at his hair running to his own car. I sighed leaning back, not having the energy anymore. 

"Just here" I said thanking the driver before hopping out. I continued my small trek further into the woods until I found exactly what I was looking for. The gazebo. Only this time, it looked completely different. This time it was lit up with multiple strings of fairy lights dropping down, un-lit candles littered around and a heap of flowers on the side along with it.

"It was for you" a voice said from behind me making me jump. I didn't bother turning around knowing exactly who it was and instead stepped inside the gazebo, taking a seat on the floor resting my head between my legs.

"There's a lot to it, Jess" Elliot took a seat next to me. He stayed silent for a few seconds before continuing. "I don't want to say anything without your parents here, but just know this was all for you" he placed a hand over my head.

"For me?" I exclaimed pulling me head up to glare at him. "You let me believe my brother was dead. You saw me cry for him. You saw me miss him. You watched me grieve, so don't you dare tell me this was for me" I yelled my eyes burning with tears once again. Elliot stayed silent after that. 

"It'll all make sense eventually" he decided to say a few minutes later. Not having the energy to even sit up anymore I let myself go when Elliot wrapped his arm around me. As if on demand, my body slumped into his lap and my tears began to flow.

"He's alive, Elliot" I cried as he pulled me closer into him.

"He is, jess." He replied placing a small kiss on the top of my head. 

Daniel was alive.

*****