I told the stars about you.

*****

"You know when you said be prepared, I really did think you were joking" 

"Oh no, no, I was very serious" I replied looking at a very stressed out Elliot. He rubbed his neck, his head tilting slightly. Since the day of my live, Elliot's socials had been blowing up and he was not ready at all.

"Oh come on, you love the attention" I laughed looking over to peak at his phone.

"I can't keep up with the messages" he groaned scrolling through them all. I took another peak and realised just exactly how many messages he was getting, and from who exactly. Elliot noticed the change in my expression, his face lighting up with a small smirk.

"You know what, you're right. I mean, there are some very nice girls here." he opened one chat writing a message before clicking send. I scowled at him, pushing away from him sitting further back on my bed.

"You can go do this in your own room" I scowled, crossing my arms over my chest. Elliot didn't bother hiding his laugh which annoyed me even more. 

"Leave" I groaned throwing a pillow at him, which he very easily caught. He threw the pillow at my feet before crawling up only stopping when he was barely centimetre from my face.

"If you're jealous, you could just say so" he teased cupping my jaw, laying a small kiss where his fingers held me. 

"I'm not jealous" I scowled, pushing him away.

"Infact, I've been in this game much longer than you" I smiled at him cheekily, fishing out my phone. His smile instantly turned into a scowl. I raised my eyebrows in challenge and pretended to scroll through my own. I didn't have the chance to do much because Elliot had already snatched my phone out of my head.

"If you're jealous, you could just say so" I mocked him with a shrug. 

"Damn right, I'm jealous" Elliot exclaimed wiping the smug expression of my face. I did not expect him to admit that. Elliot was still scowling when he pushed me towards me and gathered me in his arms, planting a sweet kiss on on forehead.

"You're not allowed to talk to any boys" I could hear the possessiveness in his face even though I couldn't see his face. I shuffled my head around getting comfortable on his chest, trying to hide my smile.

"Why not?" I asked instead of admitted there was no one I'd rather talk to than Elliot. His arms unconsciously tightened around me. 

"Because I said so" I turned a little so I could look up at him. I smiled at him, smoothing out his eyebrows so his scowl disappeared.

"What you say doesn't matter. I won't talk to them because I don't want to" I flashed him an extra sweet smile. 

"Whatever you say" he laughed kissing my forehead once again.

"You're very touchy, aren't you" I commented laying back down on his chest. 

"Only with you" he sighed. We laid there for another hour or so before Elliot said his goodbyes and retreated back to his own room. I waited for the door to shut behind him before I sat up leaning against my bed frame. I picked up the picture next to me smiling down at Daniel. It was a habit at this point, every night I would have a conversation with Daniel about anything and everything

"Hey" I smiled down at the frame. Acceptance is key. When you accept they're never coming home again, that you'll never hear their voice again or that you'll never see them smile at you; that is the point at which you begin to shift internally, and grow stronger, when all you've know or felt so far was is weak. Once you accept the loss of a sibling, you will experience seeing the world, and everything in it, through new eyes; at the same time you'll notice yourself changing. And you'll see that not only have you become softer and kinder, more understanding and loving but you've also become more empathetic, a more sympathetic version of who you were before. You'll ironically feel a new, but immensely dark, spot on you soul that can never be erased and it will be as if a large part of you died too. The loss will change you . You'll never look at the world the same again. At times, it'll seem as though you don't even know yourself. You'll have all this awareness, making you feel alive in ways you never knew possible. But you'll also feel dead inside, and it can get confusing. This acceptance can make you warm and cold. Nothing else will ever seem so very real again, ever. Nothing that leaves you, that isn't isn't comparable in significance, will ever feel like this burden does on your soul. The heavy burden of acceptance.

With that being said though, you are allowed to fall apart. You're allowed to break and crumble. To feel like your edges are being broken off and you don't know any longer where you end and begin. You are allowed to feel like the only thing keeping you from insanity is the force of your fingertips on the edge, holding on. You are allowed to need help, love and understanding. You don't have to suffer alone. And if you want to fall apart, alone, in the darkness of you room, you are allowed to do that too. It's okay. You'll get back up, brush yourself off and you'll be okay. You are allowed to feel everything, to let it crash over you in waves. Or to step back to the safety of the shore, giving yourself distance, giving yourself a rest. Holding your breath underwater is hard. You are allowed to take your time. Everyone heals at their own pace. Don't rush it, don't force your wounds to could and heal jaggedly when there's still poison inside of them.

I finished off my conversation with Daniel, before sitting him back on my stand, turning on my back welcoming sleep with open arms. The night flew by and the next thing I knew I was already making my way through the school doors. There had been a shift between Elliot and I ever since out trip to the gazebo but neither of us was ready to address it. Not just yet. When Elliot and I had approached our little group, they watched us slowly, probably assuming we hadn't sorted out the issue from yesterdays lunch.

I pulled the girls in for a hug. "How are you?" I asked turning around to rummage through my locker for my books. 

"Good" Sira replied slowly avoiding Elliot's gaze. I took her hand into mine reassuringly. 'He's fine', I mouthed making her smile. Classes went by uneventful but that was only until lunch. And just how did I know something was gonna happened at lunch, you ask? Because Taylor had been giving me the stink-eye every opportunity she had. 

I had just about swapped my books outside my locker when Taylor and her friends blocked me. "Can I help you?" I asked looking between the four of them. 

"You can't just come here and steal all the attention, Jessica. Especially Elliot's." She sneered looking at me distastefully. I rolled my eyes, hitching my bag further up my shoulder, ignoring the staring from the people who had stopped to watch the show.

"I'm not stealing anything, Taylor" I sighed moving around her to walk away but she blocked me again.

"You are"" she yelled before composing herself. "You are, and I want you to stop" she said calmly this time. 

"I've had my eye on Elliot for years now, you can't just fly in and take him from me" she gritted out grabbing a hold of my arm, digging her nails into my skin. 

"Elliot isn't a thing  that you can claim, Taylor." I rolled my eyes pulling my arm away from her grip.

"I'm going to have to agree with that" another voice interjected taking a stand behind me and I knew exactly who it was. 

"Exactly, so she needs to stay away from you" Taylor smiled at Elliot taking a step forward. I sighed stepping away, watching the two.

"Are we talking about the right person here?" He asked looking between Taylor and I.

"Yes" she cried out, "She's so full of herself and think she's the only pretty one here, begging everyone for att-" Taylor stopped talking when Elliot grabbed onto my shirt pulling me forward, planting his lips on mine. His hand moved from his grip on my shirt and onto my waist instead, moving his lips roughly against mine. For a second I forgot where I was, wrapping my arms around Elliot's neck replying with the same urgency.

Elliot pulled back smiling at me. "Whoever she is, whatever she's like, she's mine. Deal with it" he glared at Taylor but I couldn't pull my eyes away from Elliot. She's mine. Although I didn't like being objectified, I couldn't  stop the butterflies from wrecking havoc in my stomach. 

"You know what. Congrats-fucking-lation" Taylor said pulling me out of my trance. I felt my face turn red looking around at the other gawking students, my own Alyssa and Sira mixed with them, their jaws on the floor. I didn't realise Elliot's arms were still firmly wrapped around my waist, until he gave me a firm squeeze. I instantly pulled back making him frown.

"Did we miss something?" Alyssa asked with Sira and Jacob in tow. I looked down embarrassed by everything that just happened but Elliot was over the moon. 

"Wipe that grin off your face" I scowled at him. He shrugged his shoulders but didn't wipe it off, instead he grabbed a hold of my hand and led us all to the cafeteria. 

"You know you liked it" Elliot whispered into my ear when everyone else began walking ahead of us. I definitely liked it .

"You're not going to like what's coming next" I groaned taking a seat. Elliot looked at me, his face littered with confusion but I just shook my head.

"Give it 10 minutes" I smile sarcastically and true to my words my phone began buzzing 10 minutes later.

"Hello, Stacey" I answered the phone to my manager.  

"What on Earth is going on, Jess" She practically yelled through the phone making me flinch. I had noticed the phones earlier whilst Taylor argued with me and I knew exactly what my manager may have seen. 

"What do you mean?" I asked playing dumb. Elliot instantly looked guilty, his hand enclosed around mine beginning to loosen, but I held on. 

"Don't act dumb, you know exactly what I mean. Making out with a stranger in the school hallways?" I sighed rubbing my temples feeling a headache coming on. 

"I wouldn't say stranger, Stacey" I reasoned. The table had been silent the entire time listening in on the call. 

"I don't care, Jess. Whoever he is, isn't good for you. First the food fight, now this, what's going to be next?" I placed my head on the table listening to her rant for the next five minutes.

"It's not the end of the world, Stacey. I'm old enough to know between right and wrong. I'll deal with it" I finally replied.

"You don't know how to" she said as if I was dumb. 

"I'm going to go now, bye Stacey" 

"Don't han-" I hung up. 

"That was a fun conversation" Jacob commented looking at me. I smiled at his comment looking at Elliot.

"It's fine, honestly. I'll handle it." I smiled at him taking his hand under the table before swiftly changing the subject. Once I began talking to Jacob and Alyssa about the horrible lunch menu, Elliot finally turned to face me.

"I shouldn't have done that. Not so publicly, at least" I looked at his sad face and couldn't help but smile.

"It's honestly fine, Elliot. You might be thrown into the pubic eye for a little bit, but that should be it" I laughed. 

"Is your manager angry?"

"She's always angry" I sighed. It was true, Stacey has been very tough with me from the start always trying to tell me what to or what not to do. But there was a line she couldn't cross. Elliot.

"I don't like her" Elliot whispered to me as if she could here.

I laughed. "I don't either" I whispered back. He just smiled squeezing my hand laying it on his lap, as if it was there that it always belonged.

*****