Trust the timing of your life

*****

It had been a week since my last interaction with Elliot and since then I hadn't really seen him. Elle would usually keep me company in my room until we got bored and headed downstairs. It had sort of become a routine at this point. When moving to a whole new country, it takes a while to get comfortable with people. I found myself lonely but LA was a city where you could immerse yourself in. It takes time, but with time comes courage and in the end if you're lucky happiness too.

"I don't know whether this was a good idea" I whispered looking down at the frame in my hand as I leant across the frame of my bed. I had gotten ready to fall sleep but instead began talking to Daniel.

"I don't know what I'm doing. I'm so lost" I sobbed not holding back my tears anymore.

"What made me think moving to a whole different country was a good idea? What made me think running away from my problems would make them disappear?"

"Ever since I've stepped into this house my hearts been racing. I've got a pit in my stomach saying something's missing...that missing piece is you. Missing you comes in waves Daniel, and tonight...tonight I'm drowning." I choked holding the frame closer to me; closer to my heart. I sat there for a few more minutes until I heard hushed whispers outside my door. I quickly wiped my tears standing up when there was a knock.

I cleared my throat, "Come in".

"Hi" Elle whispered poking her head around the door.

"Hey, come in" I tried to smile as best I could, sniffing slightly, patting the space next me. She smiled walking in leaving the door slightly ajar.

"I know you're upset so I came to sit with so that you're not sat alone" She looked up at me through her lashes before her eyes quickly flickered towards the door before they settled back on me.

"Isn't that sweet of you" I laughed swinging my legs over my bed and crossing them placing a pillow over to rest on.

"Are you okay?" she asked fiddling with her fingers as she still eyed the door.

"I'm fine" I laughed "now why don't you go and grab whoever it is behind that door" her eyes widened in surprise before she blushed looking down in embarrassment.

"Remember me?" a voice said leaning against the door frame. Elliot stood near my door, his hand rubbing the back of his neck as he looked between Elle and I.

"So what's all this about?" I squinted my eyes at Elle playfully. She squeaked a 'I don't know' running past Elliot and out of my room.

"I was walking past your room and kind of figured you were upset. Thought you might need some company and Elle was my best bet" he shrugged his shoulders walking further into the room yet still a few feet away from the bed.

"Thank you, but I'm fine" I cleared my throat trying to ease the tension that was still evidently there between Elliot and I.

"Finally remember me again?" I joked trying to ease the conversation. He just snorted.

"Not quite yet" he whispered shoving his hands into his pockets. "Practice is keeping me busy". He shrugged.

"You sure you good though? You always seem to be talking to yourself" he teased sitting on the chair near my desk.

"I don't talk to myself. I talk to Daniel" I blushed pointing to my frame.

"I'm guessing that's your....." he raised his eyebrows at me.

"Brother" I finished off for him. He nodded in understanding.

"Is he still back in England?" he asked swinging around in his chair. He stopped when he noticed my sombre expression.

"Did I say something wrong?" he stood from his chair looking around slightly panicked.

"No no...you didn't" I laughed slightly.

"He passed just over a month ago" I told him. His mouth slightly dropped and sympathy crossed his face.

"It's fine" I smiled slightly. I hated the look on his face.

"Hey, I know it's hard to lose someone. Trust me" maybe he does. Maybe he does understand that losing someone is the hardest thing to accept. Remembering them is easy but it hurts the most when you miss them. That shit never gets easier. He looked hurt but he instantly smiled trying to hide it.

"I know you don't really know me but I'm told I'm a good listener. I know what it's like to lose someone you love and I know what it's like when you also overcome that very loss too" he stood at the door for a split second just staring at me before he walked away. Deep grief sometimes is almost like a specific location, a coordinate on a map of time. When you're standing in that forest of sorrow, you can't imagine that you could ever find your way to a better place. But if someone can assure you that they themselves have stood in that same place, and now have moved on, some hope for you too.

"Don't be late tomorrow morning, I'm your ride to school" Elliot yelled a while later making me laugh. I shook my head switching the lights off and getting into bed.

*****

The next morning I had awoken before my alarm had decided to blare. I sighed pushing the covers off myself before stepping into the shower. Not in a rush, I decided to give myself ten extra minutes under the warm water. Stepping out I dried myself off throwing on a pair of leggings with a grey hoodie leaving my hair down to dry. I ran some mascara over my lashes and a splash of lip-gloss on my lips before running downstairs meeting Elliot who was already stood in the kitchen with Elle.

"Sit still" Elliot complained grabbing Elle's shoulders holding her place.

Elle took a bite of her toast before replying, "Sorry". Elliot finished braiding her hair before sitting down across her to finish his own breakfast.

"Hurry up we're getting late" Elliot threw his last piece of toast into his mouth, moving to put both his and Elle's plates into the sink before he even noticed me.

"I made some toast for you too but think it's cold now" he looked down at the toast on the table. I picked it up anyway taking a bite thanking him. Elliot lifted Elle off her chair and onto the floor passing her school-bag to her ushering her out the door and towards the car.

"Come on" Elliot said over his shoulders. I followed him out of the house and helped Elle into the back seat of the car as Elliot opened the passenger door for me. I thanked him taking a seat. The ride to Elle's school was spent with Elle keeping us up with the school drama.

"How are you and your friend now?" I asked Elle turning around in my seat to face her.

"Huh?" She looked up at me confused.

"You were crying the other day about a falling out with your friend?" I reminded her slowly. Elle looked at me like a deer caught in headlights, her eyes flashed up up to Elliot who was staring at her intensely through the rear-view mirror.

"oh umm, we sorted it" she said and practically jumped out the car as soon as Elliot parked outside her school. Elliot started the car again starting a drive to our own school.

"Elle told me you're some sort of YouTube person" Elliot spoke up looking at me from the corner of his eye.

"Yeah, just started it for fun" I replied looking at him. He nodded in acknowledgment.

"You sing?" I nodded and that was it for the conversation until he pulled into the school car park. Somehow Elliot still managed to get out the car before me to pull my door open. I smiled slightly at his actions and he hadn't missed it.

"Sorry, habit" he shrugged slightly with a smile locking his car.

"A ladies man huh" I laughed, he didn't reply. I didn't bother saying anything else and instead followed behind him as he showed me where my locker was.

"Guess everyone's still staring" I said awkwardly looking around the hallway. Elliot noticed giving a hard glare to everyone who instantly looked away.

"Here's your locker, your books are all in there. Give me your phone?" he asked reaching his hand out.

"What, why?" he took it out of my hands holding it in-front of my face unlocking it, typed something in and then practically threw in back into my hands.

"I've added my number into it, text me if you need anything" he said and with that he turned on his heels and walked away. He had gone and joined a group of boys who had been staring in his direction. Guess he really is popular. I took my books out of my locker walking to my first class which happened to be history. Ignoring the stares I took a seat near the back and tried ignoring everyone as much as I humanely could.

"Isn't that Jessica?" I heard a girl whisper to her friend who just shrugged but continued to stare, I swear I heard a camera click too. I swallowed my nerves sinking into my chair.

"Hey Jess" I looked up at Alyssa who grabbed the seat next to me.

"Hey" I sighed glad to see a familiar face. Alyssa eyed the room before facing me again.

"Uncomfortable?" I nodded. She smiled in reassurance.

"Give it a day or two, trust me it'll die down" I held onto her words hoping they come true. I spent the rest of the class in Alyssa's company. Turns out Alyssa parents immigrated from Afghanistan before she was born. Her father died when she was young so she had to grow up quite quickly often having to look after her mother and younger siblings when her mother initially found it hard to integrate.

"Meet me at the cafeteria, you can meet Sira too" Alyssa squealed in excitement as we parted ways for the rest of the day. I had seen Elliot in the hall a couple times, he just sent me a polite nod but hadn't approached me so I didn't bother either. The day passed by with the usual introductions and awkward staring until I met Alyssa for lunch again. She locked her arm in mine guiding me through the crowded cafeteria to get some food before leading me to a table towards the back.

"Jess meet Sira, Sira meet Jess" Alyssa introduced taking a seat at the table. Sira stood up with a grin.

"Hey girl, ain't you cute" she compliment looking at me.

"Could say the same about you" I laughed. Sira was gorgeous. Her dark skin glowing, her thick hair flowing past her shoulders. We spent most of lunch getting to know each other, I was so grateful I had met such nice girls. I was listening to Alyssa when I felt a burning gaze, turning to my side I saw Elliot on the far end table. He didn't look away until a friend shoved him slightly breaking our stare. He turned around again listening to whatever his friend was saying very intensely before his face broke out into a grin. His eyes had lit up as he slapped his friends back who seemed equally as happy. It wasn't long until a beautiful girl made her way to the table and took a seat next to him. My stomach felt weird.

"Guess Elliot caught your eye" Sira laughed looking between Elliot and I.

"You know they live together?" Alyssa announced.

"Say what now?" Sira's eyes shot up.

"It's nothing like that" I scowl at Alyssa.

"My mum and his mum are friends so they offered me a place to stay" I shrugged at Sira who just made coo'ing noises. I stuck my tongue out at her ignoring the burning gaze yet again.

"So what's it like living with the Elliot Black?" Sira asked resting her chin in her hands. She had unconsciously began leaning more towards me waiting for an answer.

"It's exactly how it is living in any normal house. He's hardly ever home and I've more or less only had about 3 proper conversations with him" I replied. I tried to hide my stares but couldn't help but study Elliot from across the cafeteria. He was devilishly handsome; the sharp jawline, the mesmerising eyes mixed with his self-confidence really did attract a lot of people. Elliot got up to throw his trash away and even whilst completing such a small task he strolled like he owned the room, and I couldn't help but follow him and it looked like I wasn't the only one. Sira and Alyssa - with many others around us - were very fixated on him. He looked around for a quick second before our eyes met for a moment. I blushed highly embarrassed that he caught me staring. Alyssa and Sira quickly pulled away pretending to be in a deep conversation so they didn't end up with the same fate. Elliot's lips curled into a smile - I was sure he was mocking me - and then he broke away to take a seat back at his table.

And just like that moving to a different country didn't feel so bad anymore, because sometimes suddenly you just know it's time to start something new and trust the magic of new beginnings. One fine day, it will be your turn too. You will leave homes. cities and countries to pursue grander ambitions. You will leave friends, lovers and family for the chance to roam the world to made deeper connections. You will defy your fear of change, hold your head high and do what you once thought was unthinkable: walk away. And it will be scary. At first. But what I hope you'll find in the end is that in leaving, you don't just find love, adventure or freedom. More than anything, you find you.

*****

I've been extremely ill this week and had a terrible COVID scare but I am extremely grateful that it wasn't COVID. I have seen the affects COVID can have on a person in my personal life and professional career so please please please protect yourself and others.