you could see me racing the rain to the ground floor

you're the only thing i'll wait around for

— relative fiction, julien baker

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A heroin addict struggling with recovery finds an unusual solace in a brilliant girl in his therapy group, who seems to have being happy and sober down to a science.

Kai Danford might be self-deprecating, self-doubting, and self-loathing, but he isn't a quitter. That includes quitting smoking two packs a day even though he can hardly breathe, and quitting dope even though he's supposed to be in recovery, and quitting his on and off again relationship with his toxic, enabling ex-girlfriend. But when Kai meets brilliant and beautiful AJ in the outpatient therapy program he's forced to attend, he's immediately smitten with her. Past all of Kai's track marks and bloodshot eyes, AJ might actually see something in him he doesn't see in himself, and when AJ offers to help Kai in his recovery, he jumps at the opportunity to spend more time with her. When romantic feelings begin to complicate their friendship, he realizes that choosing between love and drugs isn't so simple.

— realistic depictions and descriptions of hard drug use (cocaine, heroin, etc), overdoses, and coarse language

— flawed protagonists and unreliable narrators

— toxic relationships that are not romanticized

— the softest boy ever

— good grammar

— not really a romance

— maybe not a happy ending, who knows

WATTYS 2021 WINNER - NEW ADULT / previously in PAID STORIES (2022-2023), now a FREE STORY

— if you're familiar with some of my other work, you'll know that i am not a believer in "love conquers all," nor do i believe that romance or "the girl" can miraculously cure things like mental illness and addiction, so there's obviously going to be none of that here. i do however believe the right people (whether that be romantic or platonic) can help you help yourself. romance is not particularly at the forefront of this story, so please be mindful of that when reading.

— i have extremely personal, first-hand experience with substance abuse and addiction, and a lot of this story i've taken from my own lived experiences. so, while i can promise that any related aspects of this story are as realistic as possible, everyone's experiences are different. please be mindful of your comments and your biases, and educate yourself before perpetuating harmful stereotypes we've heaped onto addicts and those struggling with substance abuse <3

— i understand this type of story is not for everyone, and that's okay! you are more than welcome to click out of it if it's not for you, but leaving rude or unhelpful negative comments makes me very sad. all of my stories are meant to be safe/positive spaces for both readers and myself

— in addition, i am not looking for constructive feedback at this time, so leaving those types of comments is unnecessary tysm

— this story is strictly kai's pov. he's the best and i am overly defensive of him and his bullshit

Copyright 2019-2023 (moonraess) | All Rights Reserved

Don't steal my shit. I don't take plagiarism lightly and I will put you in a woodchipper like they do in Fargo.

This is a work of fiction. Any and all characters and situations are a creation of my own. This story takes place at a fictionalized version of Folly Beach, South Carolina, which is the beach town close to me and where I got married, so it's quite special to me.

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Leave your FTR (first time reader) in the comments below if this is your first time here, or if you've come here from one of my other stories! Let me know where you're from, what you're doing right now, etc! xoxo