"You've got uh..."

AJ pointed at my face. I wiped at the corner of my mouth with the back of my hand and came away with a glob of mustard.

"I think your mustard consumption is getting out of hand," she chuckled as she handed me a napkin.

"Listen, I'm trying to take advantage of the fact that I still have tastebuds after all I've put my mouth through." I shoved two more french fries in my mouth. "Besides, I'm ashamed to say it's taken me this long to realize that mustard is the superior condiment."

"Oh please," AJ scoffed. "I'm not having this argument with you again. Ketchup beats mustard, always and forever."

"Ketchup doesn't even know if it's a condiment or a fruit spread," I fired back, flicking a fry at her. She laughed, and I wanted to just stop time. In the simplest of moments, I felt the most human. The most alive.

Seagulls gathered on the beach under the deck at Rita's, but they weren't getting shit from me this time. I'd gained 10 pounds in the last few weeks, but weirdly enough, I felt lighter than air. The weight of my past and my bullshit and my turmoil was slowly beginning to slough off.

I leaned back in my chair until the sticky plastic squeaked underneath me. "So...I have a question."

"You always have questions."

"Well..." I chewed on my bottom lip. "I figured since I've seen you naked...multiple times at this point, I should probably get to know you more."

AJ shifted in her chair and looked down into her milkshake, her eyebrows knitted together. "You do know me, Kai." Her voice was soft as it carried on the breeze.

"Do I?" I leaned forward on my elbows.

The faintest smile pulled at her lips, and when she looked up at me again, her eyes twinkled with stars. "You do more than most people."

After my whole summer entwined in AJ's world, it was still those little things that made my heart soar.

"Anyway..." she sighed out. "What is this important question?"

I gave her a sideways grin. "Well, what's your favorite word?"

AJ barked out a laugh and nearly knocked her milkshake over. "My favorite word?"

"Yeah you're a writer," I shrugged. "So, what's your favorite word? You've gotta have one."

She tapped her fingers on her lips, running her eyes up and down my face until I felt my cheeks fill with heat. "Kairosclerosis."

"Kairo-what?"

"Kairosclerosis," she repeated with a soft smile. "It means...well, it's the moment in time when you realize you're happy. Really happy."

My face flushed again. "I...uh, I guess I could relate to that."

"Yeah, me too." She looked out toward the ocean, that soft smile of hers still pulling at her lips, but I kept my eyes on her, relishing the moment and drinking in her features like I'd go blind tomorrow. When she looked back up at me, I had to look away.

"Okay, but now it's my turn. What's your favorite color?"

I scoffed, trying to recompose myself. "But that's such a generic question."

"But you're a painter," AJ drawled in a matter-of-factly tone. "Make your answer not generic."

I thought on it for a moment, then just gave her a shrug. "Phthalo blue. It's the technical term for the ultimate primary blue. I use it as the base of any cool tones color I mix, so I guess it's not really my favorite, but it's my most important, so that sort of counts."

AJ pouted as I paid for our dinner, and I took her down to the beach, where we walked a while with our shoes in our hands. A forgiving breeze came from the ocean, cooling the sweat that dripped down my neck. AJ slipped her hand in mine, and I felt my very existence unwinding under her touch.

There was no doubt that my life was mostly a mess. But when the clouds cleared, and the setting sun turned the sky milky shades of pink and orange, and I had just one moment to breathe - truly, genuinely, breathe - sometimes it was really beautiful.

✗✗✗

"Okay, just humor me for a second, there's something I want to show you."

I pulled AJ up the main street of town after we came up off the beach. Sand stuck to my ankles and my knees, and normally I'd feel self-conscious about walking into the upscale art gallery at the edge of town looking the way I did, but not today. Today my wrinkled t-shirt and messy hair was like a sword and shield of a knight in shining armor.

The bells on the door of the Lewis Gallery jingled as I pushed it open, and a tiny girl in glasses looked up from the reception desk, but nodded and waved me through once she noticed it was me.

"What are we doing here?" AJ asked.

"You'll see." I gave her a coy grin as I led her to the back corner of the gallery. In a spot on the back wall, a small painting hung under a dim light. AJ ran her hand over the rough acrylic paint, and traced the dark lines of the silhouettes of the figures.

There was a small placard underneath the painting which read Local Artist - Kai Danford in bold letters. When AJ looked over at me, her eyes lit up.

"No way," AJ's voice was barely a whisper. "This is...Kai, I'm...wow."

I had worked on it for weeks after my relapse, and it made me realize that painting provided me sanity in a time when I needed it the most. I grinned and slung my arm around her shoulders. "When I asked you before about your future, and what you wanted with your life, I asked you because I was also trying to figure that out for myself. And you helped me realize that my art, and what I do...I want something fulfilling out of this."

AJ wrapped her arms around my torso, leaning her face into the side of my t-shirt. No matter how often she did it, I didn't think I'd ever get over how perfectly she fit into my body.

"You're too talented to have this hidden away in a shed," AJ said. "I'm really proud of you."

Filed under things I never thought I'd hear. I wanted to keep words like that on a recording, and play it back whenever I needed it. And I wanted it in her voice.

I led AJ back outside, still floating on cloud nine, just as night started to envelope our small beach town. The sound of someone screaming - someone screaming at me - ripped cloud nine out from underneath me and sent me toppling down to the ground.

"You!"

Sage stumbled into a garbage can as she came marching up to AJ and I on the sidewalk, and in the final bits of sunlight, I saw a flicker of manic in her golden eyes. Manic, strung out, and...sad. I grabbed AJ's wrist and gently pulled her behind me.

"What are you doing?" I asked her, desperate to keep my voice steady.

"What am I doing?" she barked out. "What are you doing?"

"Trying to enjoy my night...thanks for ruining it now," I grumbled.

"I ruined it?" Sage laughed again, the way a video game supervillain would laugh after their plans had been foiled, but they refused to let go. "That's cute, coming from the guy who literally ruins everything. You've blocked my number, I can't get ahold of you...do you really hate me that much?"

My stomach twisted into knots as I tried to pull Sage aside, but she jerked away, furiously blinking away tears.

"Don't do this right now," I hissed through my teeth. "Don't do this to me, Sage. I've been good. Really good."

"Why?" Sage spat out. "Because she told you to?"

She gestured wildly at AJ, who stood stoically behind me with her arms crossed over her chest.

"Leave AJ out of this. This is between me, and you, and all the times you've fucked me over. I'm done with it." My voice became shakier by the minute, rattling me all the way to my bones, but I held myself together by the fabric of pure adrenaline. Sage's hysterics were visible now as she pulled at her hair, tears streaming down her face. People across the street had slowed their walk to watch the scene unfold, like a bad car crash.

"You're making a scene, Sage," I said softly. "I don't know what you're on or what you've taken, but...you need help, Sage. Let's just get you home, okay?"

"No!" She screamed and jerked away from me again, and by now I felt the sting of people's eyes on us.

There was a moment where I realized if I hadn't gotten clean, I could have been Sage, wandering around the streets of town at night, moments away from a breakdown. I should hate Sage for everything she'd done to me, but my heart still broke all the same.

"I know I don't do shit right," Sage squeaked out between her sobs. "I know I fuck up, and say things I don't mean, but..." she paused and wiped her cheeks with the sleeves of her hoodie. "But I loved you. I really fucking did. Does she?"

With my heart in my throat, I looked back at AJ, who covered her mouth with her hands, her eyes wide.

"Everything alright over here?"

Thankfully a cop ambled up to us, and I took a step back. He tried to put a hand on Sage's shoulder, but she whipped around and almost whacked him on his meaty arm.

"Don't fucking touch me," she screeched. She went to turn back around to face me, but caught herself on her own shoes and went slamming down into the concrete sidewalk. She didn't get up, her body trembling with sobs, and all I did was fucking stare like the god damn idiot I was. Another police officer came over, and the two helped her up and led her over to a cop car.

The next hour was a blur of questions I never imagined anyone would ask me about Sage. "Does she have a history of drug use?" and "Do you want to press charges?"

By the time we got back to AJ's car, I wanted to be sick. She drove us back to her condo in silence, and when I got out of the car, I lingered in her driveway and lit a cigarette.

"You okay?" she asked, putting a hand on my shoulder.

I leaned against the hood of AJ's Jeep, my head craned up towards the night sky. People say one of the best parts about living out here on the island was the lack of light pollution, so on the clearest nights, you could have counted over a thousand stars. It made me feel small, and I was tired of feeling small.

"I should hate her," I mumbled, blowing out a puff of smoke. "I should hate her for everything she's said and done to me...but I don't. I should feel relieved she's out of my life and getting what she deserves, but instead I just feel...guilty."

"Because you're a good person," AJ said with a faint smile. "You really are. But in that same breath, good people shouldn't punish themselves when they can't make the people around them good."

She pushed herself off the car and offered me her hand. "Come inside, I'll make you some tea and we can talk."

I died my cigarette out under my sneaker, watching the last bits of light at the end of it fade into the dark.

✗✗✗

Important things here! Even though Sage is an antagonist, I felt like she deserved more closure than just screwing Kai over at a frat party and then disappearing for the rest of the story - mostly also because I don't think she'd just go down like that. She may not have deserved a "happy" ending, but she should still get an ending, as she was important to the story. 

As a lot of y'all know, I always strive to make everything I write to be as realistic as possible, and I wanted Sage to be realistically toxic (and not horribly overdramatic like a lot of stories I see on Wattpad are), as was Kai's attachment to her. I've never written about toxic relationships before, but I knew I wanted to show the male side of things and do this subject justice and keep it realistic, so I hope I did!

We're almost done guys, I cried a little bit yesterday writing this, and so I don't even know how I'm going to feel when it's over. Thank you for sticking with me through this story.