AJ RICARDI [4:24 PM]: I need know where we're going so I can pick an outfit!!

I stumbled out of the shower still dripping wet, but I grabbed my phone as soon as it pinged, and I smirked at AJ's message as I typed up a response.

KAI DANFORD [4:25 PM]: What happened to the girl who wanted to be surprised?

My mom had ironed my only pair of black slacks and laid them out on my bed, but even with a belt on, they hung onto my hips for dear life, and I was one sudden jerking movement away from the entire city seeing my underwear. The tightest belt loop wasn't tight enough, and it made my stomach turn over. My phone pinged again with AJ's response.

AJ RICARDI [4:26 PM]: yeah well unless you're planning on proposing tonight, the surprises can wait. my outfit cannot.

"You know you're in deep when you're smiling at your phone like a dweeb."

I whipped around to see my sister standing in the doorway of my room, her arms crossed over her bubblegum pink sweatshirt.

"Do you understand the concept of privacy, like at all?" I groaned, fumbling to button up the gray dress shirt I pulled from the depths of my closet.

"No, but I understand the concept of clothes, and you look like you got dressed in the dark," Stella retorted with an eye roll. She walked over to me and before I had time to react, yanked my black dress pants down with ease, despite the fact that they were already buttoned and belted. "For starters, you need another hole punched in your belt."

"Right, otherwise my little sister is just going to follow me around downtown and pants me every chance she gets, because seeing me struggle is funny," I grumbled, pulling my pants back up.

"I mean, you never know," Stella shrugged. "But I'm serious, you really should get Dad to put an extra hole in your belt."

She shot me a satisfied grin as I ambled past her out into the hallway and downstairs to my parent's room. I knocked lightly, and after a moment my dad muttered "come in" from the other side.

He sat at the old wooden desk in my parent's bedroom, pouring over a pile of papers, and I couldn't help but notice the flecks of grey in the hair on the back of his head.

"I need another hole in my belt," I said, flopping down on their perfectly made, king-size bed. "And maybe some sanity, if you have any to spare."

"I think I might have a better belt. As for the sanity, you're on your own, kid." He groaned as he got up from his chair, and the popping, cracking sound in his knees sounded like gunshots. He took the belt from me and retreated to my parent's closet on the other side of their bathroom.

It felt weird being in their bedroom - a place that never really felt like part of our house to me, mostly because it was a place I was never really allowed to go. The sheets smelled clean, and even though the room was big, it felt strangely homey. Mine and Stella's airbrushed, painfully posed high school senior photos sat in silver frames on top of the dresser across from the bed, and I was sure my mom still wanted to kill me for the faded streak of dark blue that peeked through the hair on top of my head. An open book sat on a small table beside a gray velvet arm chair, along with my mom's unfinished cup of tea from that morning. I let my eyes close as I inhaled, and suddenly, I felt more at home than I had in a long time.

"You'll need a jacket, but I think you'll be fine without a tie." My dad emerged from the closed and tossed me a sport coat - a darker, stormier gray than my shirt - and somehow, it fit me perfectly when I slipped it on. The belt he handed me had extra holes in it, and I didn't feel like I needed to hold onto my pants for dear life when I walked.

"Good," I nodded. "I already feel like I'm suffocating."

My dad let out a long sigh, walking over to me and fixing the collar on my shirt. "I won't lie...I thought I'd be doing this with you a little earlier."

"Doing what?"

"Helping you get you ready for an honest to god date." He shook his head, but the slightly smirk pulled at his lips. "I was thinking I'd be doing this with you at 15, not 21."

I scoffed. "If it makes you feel any better, I was not going on dates when I was 15."

"Well, I was. Technically that's when I met your mother," he paused and sighed. "Even though she didn't give me the time of day until senior year of high school."

"Yeah yeah, I know the story. And then you lived happily ever after." I pulled away from him and walked over to the mirror on the wall, running my shaking hands through my already disheveled hair for the hundredth time.

"Don't be so nervous," my dad said, probably because he could feel my nerves vibrating from where he stood.

"How do you know?" I sighed as I turned back to face him. "Like...how do you know when you have your...your person? Like you did with mom."

My dad sat back down at the desk, and the creases in his forehead deepened, like he had to dig through the depths of his mind to find what I wanted to know. "At first it happens so slowly...slow enough that you don't even realize the way you feel is changing you. But then in an instant it hits you, all at once, but by then you're at a point of no return, and there's probably no going back."

✗✗✗

AJ picked me up 30 minutes later, and even though I was starting to feel embarrassed about her driving us around everywhere, she just joked and said she was our "designated driver" for the night. The joking did little to calm my buzzing nerves.

"So by now you are going to have to tell me where we're going, since I need directions." She smiled at me when she spoke, and like the glow of the setting sun, she warmed me in ways I couldn't even imagine until it actually hit me.

"You're going to a parking garage," I jabbed at her. "No further direction needed."

The last of the summer heat began to dissipate as we stepped out of the parking garage and onto the main street, and I finally got a moment to appreciate AJ in all her glory. I was so used to seeing her with her hair up, but now it cascaded in waves down to her waist, still smelling like the vacation I wanted to be on for the rest of my life. She wore a simple, dark emerald dress that hugged every dip and curve of her body, and I ached to feel the silkiness of the dress, and her skin, under my fingers.

AJ held my hand as I led her down a cobblestone side street until we reached a beige building with a gold revolving door. We wove our way through the lobby and passed the hotel's steakhouse restaurant on the bottom floor, complete with bad piano music, stuffy people in suits, and pressed white linen cloths on every table. When AJ began to pull me towards the restaurant's hostess stand, I pulled her back.

"Nope, not here," I shook my head. I smirked at her with she gave me a puzzled look and continued to lead her through the lobby and to the elevators. We rode up to the top floor in silence, our hips and our hands brushing against each other's. When the doors opened, AJ's jaw dropped.

"Oh...my....yeah, this is definitely better than downstairs."

The Market Street Pavilion Hotel's rooftop restaurant might not have been as fancy as the one downstairs, but the eclectic vibe made up for it. A DJ by one of the pristine corner bars played mellow R&B that I felt thrumming through the floor. Waiters bounced around between gold and glass tables as good-looking 20-somethings laughed behind their martinis, and I cringed when I realized how out of place I felt in a hand-me-down suit jacket and hair that refused to behave.

But the biggest allure of the whole place was the view of the sunset, and I made sure AJ sat in the seat facing it when the hostess took us to our table. I budgeted myself and figured out what to order ahead of time so AJ could get whatever she wanted off the menu and I'd have enough money left over for ice cream.

"Do people actually go in that?" AJ pointed to the small pool on the other end of the rooftop by the second bar. A fountainhead that looked like Medusa spouted water into it from the tile walls, but other than the ripples from that, it was like glass and crystal clear blue.

"Uh...not sober," I chuckled and shrugged.

"Dare you. You won't." AJ gave me a devilish grin, and it made my insides burn.

"You're right, I won't." I ran my tongue along my bottom lip. "I busted my ass to get these reservations and I'm not trying to get thrown out."

AJ laughed - a real laugh that was clear and perfect and sent my heart skyrocketing - and put her hand on my arm. "You're something else, Kai. I don't know that I even deserve you but...I'm lucky."

I nearly spit out my water. "You don't deserve me? I'm the one who almost fucked this up...twice, actually, if we're counting."

AJ fiddled with her straw for a moment, her concentration pinned on the condensation collecting on her water glass, before she finally looked up at me. "Can I ask you something?"

I let out a breath. "A-anything."

"When you're you, and I mean really you, you're this sweet, funny, kickass person. And before you fight me about it, I really do mean it." She smiled, and it set my world on fire. "So...what happened to him? Like, how did you lose that guy for so long?"

"I uh...I really don't know. It sort of just...happened." I rubbed the back of my neck, silently thanking my dad for the dark of my jacket that probably hid the sweat the pooled around my neck and back. "I guess that's the worst part. It wasn't a single moment, you know? It happened gradually, kind of like when you're drowning and sinking in the ocean...but then you kind of reach a point where you realize how deep you are and...you sort of just accept your fate. This is how I am now, and fuck it, but what else am I supposed to do?"

AJ let out a low chuckle. "God knows I understand that perfectly."

"But uh..." I took a sip of water to cool my nerves before I actually spontaneously combust at our dinner table. "You've given me hope...hope that um...maybe I can be this guy all the time."

I wasn't sure how long AJ and I held each other's gaze, the freckles on her cheeks darkening as she flushed red and smiled that all-knowing smile at me. Our food being delivered dissipated the moment, but as we ate in a comfortable silence, our knees would occasionally brush against one another.

After dinner, AJ tried to pay for her half and pouted when I wouldn't let her. It filled me with a weird sense of pride, that maybe I could really have a handle on things and maybe I could really take care of someone else.

"Okay, this is really why I brought you up here," I said as I scooted my chair to the side so she had a clear view of the city off the rooftop. "You see, the city regulations have it so that there can't be any buildings taller than church steeples and hospitals. But somehow, this hotel got to break the rules. So you get a stellar view from up here of the entire city, plus the harbor, the bridge, and...the sunset."

The sky was already streaked with milky shades of orange, lavender, and pink, but it bathed us in a warm glow as the sun fought for just a few more moments of light, as if it had no idea it came up again tomorrow morning.

"It's beautiful," AJ said softly.

I didn't even turn around to look at it. I just kept my eyes on her, and I breathed it out before I could second guess myself. "You're beautiful."

She reached across the table for my hand, and I never wanted her to let go.

We took our time walking back to the car, our fingers intertwined as she ran her thumb over the scars on the back of my hand. The wind picked up around us, and in the dark of the oncoming night it was hard to see the clouds, but without warning a wall of rain came down on us. AJ yelped as I pulled us down to an alleyway with an awning for us to huddle under. I slipped my jacket off and draped it over her bare shoulders, and thunder rumbled above us as the cold of the night sent a chill through us both.

"It usually doesn't rain this heavy for too long," I huffed as I rested against the brick wall of the building. "Just give it a few minutes."

"Don't worry, I'm just fine right here." AJ fit herself into my body, like a lock and a key, and she reached up and pushed my rain-soaked hair off of my forehead. I closed the gap between our bodies slowly, until I could taste the chapstick on her lips and smell the rain in her hair. It felt like the world had stopped around us, but even as I pulled her closer into me, it was never close enough.

If there was a point of no return that my dad had mentioned...for me, this was it.