Apparently, love sickness was a real thing, with real symptoms, like insomnia and loss of appetite. I looked it up, and while it wasn't widely accepted in the medical field, there were real, genuine studies done about the affects love had on the human body.

Long story short, love fucked with your head just as much as drugs did, and god did I feel it as I found myself lost in the ocean of AJ's eyes during our group therapy session. Everything else was muted and far away, like she was the forefront of every painting I'd ever made, and the rest of my world became a blurry, watercolor background. She could give the dullest painting life.

I tried to bolt out after her when our session ended, but Just John and his nasally voice called me back.

"You alright, Kai?" He asked.

"I am," I replied curtly. "Why would I not be?"

There was a tense stroke of silence as he waited until the last person in our meeting brushed by me and left, leaving just the two of us.

"Well, after you stormed out of our session earlier this week, I just wanted to check on you. I know that conversation didn't go the way you wanted it to-"

"It's fine," I cut him off. "Seriously, it's fine. Learning experience right?"

I crammed him with words he wanted to hear before backing myself out of the ammonium-smelling room and towards the door.

"Okay Kai, but-"

"I gotta go, I'll see you next week!" I called over my shoulder and threw myself against the door. I raced down the stairs and out into the parking lot, the afternoon sun beating down ferociously on my head. AJ stood by her car and waved me down, and I finally let out a sigh of relief.

"Hey you," she said with her usual sunny smile. No matter how many times I'd seen it, it still made me weak in the knees. I hadn't actually seen her since our movie session, which I spent the whole time daydreaming about running my hands all over her body, and feeling her eyes on me made me jitter, like she could see every thought ricocheting in my head.

"Hey," I replied breathlessly.

"How are you?" she asked. "You were a little quiet today."

I felt like she saw right through me, like I was made of glass. I just had to get it over with - rip it off hard and fast, like a bandage. I rubbed the back of my neck and gave her a sheepish grin.

"Yeah well...you know I don't get much out of Just John and his crap," I shrugged.

"Only because you don't want to," she shrugged back. "I get it, he can be a little..."

"Full of shit?" I raised an eyebrow. "You can say it, it's just us."

"He means well." AJ crossed her arms and leaned back against the door of her Jeep. That car had a ton of room in the backseat, and I had to shake my mind from the gutter.

"Well, whatever," I shook my head. "You're more help anyway."

She smiled at me again, and heat crept up my cheeks. "Good, I'm glad."

I wiped my clammy hands on my jeans and took another breath. "Speaking of, I was thinking instead of getting coffee or something tomorrow, you'd wanna come with me to this roller rink downtown. They do this cool 90s night and even though I've never really been uh...cognizant the last few times I've gone..." I swallowed hard before I spewed even more word vomit. "My best friend is going on a date, and he wants me to come, but I really don't wanna be a third wheel. N-not that I'm asking you on a date or anything, but if you want...I mean, I'd really like it if you came..."

AJ just shook her head at me and put her hand on my chest. I hoped she couldn't feel my thundering heartbeat through my shirt. "Don't hurt yourself Kai. 90s night?"

I let out a heavy sigh. "Yeah. Tomorrow."

"Sounds fun. I'm in."

✗✗✗

I yanked another shirt off and threw it into a rejected pile at the foot of my bed.

"You're absolutely no help." I shot a glare at Stella before pulling another wrinkled shirt out of my dresser. "What good is a pageant princess if she can't even help her dear old brother get ready for a night?"

"Oh give me a break Kai," she rolled her eyes. "Just wear your normal clothes. You look like a Nirvana wannabe on the regular anyway."

My nerves were firing on overdrive, so much that I couldn't even process my sister's jab. "She's picking me up in 15 minutes, I still haven't brushed my teeth or combed my hair or-"

"Fucking relax," Stella snapped. "What you have on is fine, just cuff your jeans and throw a flannel on. My god you've got the nerves of an old woman. Just have a good time, stop worrying so much."

Stella gave me one last nod before whisking herself out of my room, leaving me to pace my carpeted floor and rake my hands through my mangled mess of hair. I didn't know why I was so wound up, since I was the one who made it so blatantly obvious this wasn't a date. When she texted me she was in my driveway, I fumbled downstairs with my heart in my throat.

"Where are you dashing off to?" My mom asked me as she looked up from her book. She slipped her reading glasses off and stared me and my jitters down. I was hoping I could rush myself out without her noticing, but she shifted herself to face me on our old leather living room couch, as if she could analyze me better that way. It was like deja-vu, and old habits die hard.

"I'm meeting Hunter at the roller rink downtown," I called over my shoulder as I strode towards the front door, anxious to keep AJ waiting there any longer. "I won't be back late!"

I couldn't remember the last time I even told my mom I was going anywhere, at least not without lying about it. It was sort of a half-truth, but it was a start.

"I'm actually really excited, although I'm a little nervous about getting on roller skates," AJ beamed at me when I climbed into her Jeep. She gestured to her own flannel, which looked about a thousand times better on her than it did on me paired with her tiny jean shorts. "I guess we had the same idea, huh?"

I breathed a sigh of relief knowing my wannabe Nirvana look came in handy.

I had to direct AJ around once we got into the city, since according to her she had only ever crossed the bridge to go to the hospital where our group therapy was and never ventured off the island on her own. Supposedly the house that she lived at was her mother's cousin's second house, and she was rarely there, so AJ was more or less on her own.

"I'll give you a proper tour one day," I told her as we drove down a cobblestoned side street that looked out into the harbor. "Sure there's the touristy stuff, but you're a local now, so you should act like one."

"Okay but only if you promise to take me to that rolled ice cream place I see all over instagram," she fake pouted.

"No way," I chuckled. "You literally could not be more touristy than that. Just trust me, I wouldn't steer you wrong."

I swore I saw the tiniest tinge of red in her cheeks as she looked away with a faint smile. "Alright Kai. Don't you let me down."

"I won't." I nodded. I meant it.

We pulled into a parking garage, and by the time we made it out to the street, the sun was starting to set into the harbor, turning the sky a milky mix of purple and orange. The heat had burned off, and cold air that blew in from the ocean bit at my cheeks.

"You alright?" I asked her as she pulled her flannel tighter over her tan, exposed stomach.

"New Yorker, remember?" she replied with a grin. "I've gone out in colder weather in less clothes than this."

Suddenly I was hit with a rush of heat at the thought of her walking the streets of New York City in a tiny black dress with those long, perfect legs of hers. I shook it off as we got to the roller rink, and before I could register it, she was grabbing at my arm and pulling me inside.

"This is amazing." AJ squealed as we ventured through the lobby. Colorful lights danced on the walls and ceiling, and Beastie Boys blasted in every corner of the room. There were pinball machines and vintage Pac Man games in the corner next to the bar.

I spent the last of the little bit of cash I had on my skates, and even though I had no business offering to pay for her, I did anyway, but she insisted on paying for herself. Hunter waved us over to their table in the corner, where we could look over at the rink.

Dominic was exactly as I remembered him, like he had just left his day job at a law firm in his pressed button-down shirt and combed back hair, and he shook my hand like a businessman when we greeted each other. I guess Hunter didn't give him the memo about the 90s theme, though that wouldn't surprise me. His favorite pastime was sabotaging his own relationships before they could even come into existence.

"You know every person I've ever spoken to from New York has been a total dick," Hunter said to AJ as he casually took a sip of his slushie. "But you're not half bad."

I groaned and rubbed the side of my face, but AJ unsurprisingly handled Hunter's bluntness like a champ.

"What can I say, the southern charm has rubbed off on me." She nudged my arm with her elbow, and thankfully the dark and the swirling lights hid my red cheeks. "I've had trouble not using my car horn though. I don't understand how nobody honks their horns here."

She was absolutely infectious, and it didn't take me long to realize how in over my head I was.

"I'm just going to run to the bathroom before we go out there." AJ slid herself off of the colorful rubber stool, and the moment she was out of earshot, I was verbally assaulted by both Hunter and Dominic.

"Are you sure she thinks this isn't a date?" Hunter raised his eyebrow.

"I thought she was your girlfriend when you walked in here," Dominic chimed in. "You two even match."

"Okay everyone just chill the fuck out." I took a deep breath. "It's not a date because it's just not a date, okay? We're friends and that's it."

"She does not look like your friend, man." Dominic shook his head.

My heart was just about ready to explode in my chest, but before I could say anything else, AJ came back to the table. "So, are we going or what?"

Hunter and Dominic took off ahead of us, and I figured I'd let them be before Hunter figured out a way to ruin it. I had already rolled myself onto the rink, while AJ sat on a bench and wrangled with her skates.

"You okay?" I asked.

"Yeah, it's just..." she wobbled as she stood up. "I am not coordinated enough for this."

She gingerly inched her way over to the cut-out section of the wall that separated the rink from the floor, gripping onto the sides of the gate.

"Come on," I held my hand out to her. "You can do it, just don't think too much."

After another few moments of hesitation, she slipped her hand into mine, so warm and soft against my rough and calloused palm. I slowly rolled backwards, pulling her onto the rink, but she didn't let go of my hand.

"See?" I said. "You're fine. Just push yourself forward. Bend your knees a little and relax your body, you're too stiff."

She exhaled and nodded, gripping onto the sleeve of my shirt as she tried to keep up with me. "How ridiculous do I look?"

"No," I shook my head. "You look...you look great."

After a few timid laps, she started to get the hang of it, but kept her fingers entwined in mine, and it damn near set me on fire.

"I think I'm getting there," she said with a grin. "Don't you dare let go of me though."

I wouldn't. I couldn't. Not even if the world was ending around us.

We took a break and leaned against the wall, observing Hunter and Dominic from the other side of the rink. It was weird watching Hunter laugh and act so god damn normal, but I couldn't say it was a bad thing.

"It's a shame," I said. "Hunter could have literally any guy he wants, but he just nitpicks and overanalyzes and finds reasons to end every relationship he's ever even attempted. I can't even believe he's lasted this long tonight."

"There's nothing wrong with being picky," AJ shrugged.

"It's not picky, it's ridiculous." I crossed my arms over my chest and let out a heavy sigh. "Sometimes I think it's because of me. I know he says it's not, but I can't help but think about it. If he moves on with his life with someone else, he thinks it means he leaves me behind. I hate realizing that I've done this to him. That I've done this to people in my life."

AJ put her hand on my arm, and even though it was the smallest gesture, it made me want to unravel like my cheap flannel.

"You can't think like that," she said softly. "Hunter may have his reasons for doing the things he does, but you can't keep taking the blame for every little thing. It's so damaging. You're going to move on with your life too, and in the end you'll both be fine. It won't change overnight, but you have to at least try."

"I am trying," I insisted. For once, I actually wanted to believe what I said.

"Okay," AJ nodded and gave me a half-smile, one that didn't quite reach the corners of her eyes. "Well, keep trying."

She took my hand again and pulled me off the wall, but my feet got tangled up in each other, and before I had a chance to steady myself I went toppling over, my knees slamming into the slick hardwood floor and my hands on either side of AJ's head. Her hair was splayed out in ribbons on the floor and our faces were so close I could smell the vanilla chapstick on her lips.

"I'm sorry." Her chest pressed into mine as she let out a few shaky breaths. "Are you okay?"

"Fine. Totally fine," I choked out. "Are you?"

She nodded slowly, and for a moment or two, time stopped entirely as I watched her run her tongue along her bottom lip, but reality came crashing back hard and fast.

"Oh my god," Hunter cackled as he came skating up to us. "You guys absolutely ate shit, it was great."

I scrambled to my feet, then reached down and pulled AJ up.

"You sure you're okay?" I asked her, and without thinking I reached down and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

"I'm okay. It was my fault, I'm sorry. I got a little too confident, I guess." Her voice was soft, and all the colorful lights dotted her face as she smiled up at me. I didn't know where I was, but I was not on Earth, lost in the stars of her galaxy like a wayward comet. I never wanted to come home.