That one question had been repeated in his mind since it was asked—the specific question being, What happens if Raquel wants you back? He just couldn't have the answer to it. 

His thought process was long and complicated on why this couldn't have an answer and why he wouldn't know how it looks unless it actually happens to him.

Life could have many alternatives and different roads that one embarks on. You can go in any of them, and if you take the first one you thought was good enough, you're not going to know if that one you choose specifically is going to be disastrous whether there are too many speed bumps, finding a dead end, or even an animal crossing the road that you don't want to hit them but you may.

So specifically, you can reword this question to something different that doesn't have to be about his once girlfriend. One could ask what if their dead pet came back to life? What if their favorite sweater is found after it was lost? To say if Raquel would like to take back Casey, that's not something he would not want. Maybe he would take her back in a heartbeat.

It would be the same as wishing his dad didn't die, and then his mom would have been happy, and they could have lived a more normal stable life and be a happy family. His mom and he wouldn't have to move to Florida and stay in Wisconsin. His mom didn't want to be reminded of his dad's death, so she decided a fresh start in somewhere new and sunny could better their lives.

But it didn't. 

If that event didn't take place, then he would never know there was a girl named Raquel who would change his life.

Who cares what people say when they say you have to move on, and the world moves on. He still had a place for her in his heart, and that was never going to change.

Casey lay in bed for most of the afternoon. He could've watched television and find something on Netflix, but he wasn't in the right mood to binge-watch on any series, even if it would take his mind off of things. Now that the days were becoming slow, so was his mind since he could have the time to just think.

He thought about Raquel. A compilation of small moments that reoccurred from the times they spent together. Moments that he locked away and loved. It's all there, the times that he saw her. There were different sides of her that he came to cherish.

In the beginning process of getting to know Raquel, they texted each other a lot and share their socials. Through their text messages, he would get excited to chat with her. She sounded chill, but the first time when they progressed to phone calls and then meeting in person, she was more tentative. She talked a little slow around him and tried to sound like she knew what she was doing. He liked seeing her act more nervous than she led on because she looked interesting and cute. 

Once they had gotten more used to and comfortable around each other, she let herself loosen up around him. Sometimes she'd be playful with him or pestering him with childish remarks. For a while, she was the annoying friend, and he put up with her. She stuck her tongue out at him whenever she proved her point at something or just to become silly for no particular reason. But her laughter was contagious, and he would like to hear it over and over.

She could get grumpy, and she wouldn't bother to hide it. He would see a line appeared between her brows, and she would pout. If for some reason, he accidentally said something wrong, she would hold her breath or scold him. He couldn't help that she looked adorable like that. It could be something that went on with her college friends, and he had to input his comment about a silly debate. Maybe she would pretend to get mad, and he would tickle her or grab her cheeks and squish them. 

When they became more than friends, but it's an undefined relationship, so they were just close. They watched movies together and at some point when one or the other didn't pay attention to their action, they cuddled with their hands and arms around each other and didn't even question it. They liked that feeling of sensation of touch from one another. Raquel sometimes would fall asleep in the middle of their session, and Casey would just stare at her. Somehow, her sleeping expression became his favorite thing in the world. She looked so innocent and peaceful. Her long, beautiful false eyelashes created this sense of illusion that she was an angel, and all he wanted to do was to protect her and hold her like this.

Some nights would get you pensive or miserable. Casey and Raquel especially have this in common. Holding things to themselves was killing them, and they needed someone to listen, so they used each other for that. She would mostly come over to his place since she liked his so much better, and she felt embarrassed about hers even though he didn't mind it. Whether they sat on the ground, leaning against the wall, or on the bed sitting close to each other, some type of chemistry built up when they spilled about their life problems.

Their relationship strengthened over the months. She would habitually do things to make him nervous and embarrassed. Her presence was alluring enough, and she knew she had this kind of power over him. Her fingers teased him whether it went to his arm, on his chest, or up to his face; she easily could get under his skin and make him feel something. So sometimes, he would plot against her by acting more charming when they were alone together. And he does something out of blue for her, like whispering in a low voice or kissing her teasingly. He felt he won when seeing her blush and turning red in the face for him.

She looked like the kind of girl that was tough on her own and doesn't let anything get to her. If she wanted to make you believe everything was fine even when it's not, it must be fine. She'll handle things because she didn't need anyone else to solve her problems for her. One of the things she struggled was with how she looked. It was mind-blowing because her beauty was out of this world. He would tell her she's beautiful to make her believe in herself. 

Shopping. Raquel loved shopping. She shopped a large number of times for new clothes or makeup. As much as she loved shopping, she didn't have to shop with Casey around. She liked doing it as her own thing. For her, it was therapeutic even if she had bought nothing that day. Frequent times she would talk to him about things she bought and showed him pictures of them. Sometimes she'd buy online too and share her excitement when her orders came. He liked watching that joy in her eye like Christmas came early.

Who wouldn't want to see a smile on their partner's face? Whenever her eyes lit up and her mouth curved to a bright smile pointing at him, he stared in awe of her and instantly lifted his mouth to smile back. If she was happy, he was too. His chest could explode in this europhic feeling and go up in smokes that everything else was all blurriness. When all he could see was him in her, they were like the only people in this world as their presence was all they needed.

You would know you love that someone when you can't stop thinking about them, and you only picture that person by your side. For him, it would always be her. She was all he ever thought about; she was someone special. He sees her when she's not around and craves so much of her. You can look at an object or a place the two of you had shared, and it reminds you of that person. She was a type of drug that no matter how much he takes. It wasn't enough to satisfy his needs. But when he does get to see her and look at her face, he knows there's no one else that could top her.

All the memories Casey faced with her are infinite. Every single moment meant everything to him. He would keep them like a time capsule and never let anyone else touch them. There were ups and downs, but he wouldn't trade them. They were his alone.

Now, if he couldn't have her, he was just left devastated and in crumbles. It didn't mean that the idea of someone else in his life was far-fetched, but it just meant that the feeling to have something in his hands again was an incredible feeling. To continue or pick up where they left off, wouldn't that sound nice?

With Snow, she's not Raquel. She could not be her, but she was her own type of person that made her a different unique from Raquel. Just like how he liked Raquel for herself, Casey liked Snow for who she was too.

Was that so strange? That he came to naturally like her without planning to like her. And it was wrong of him.

He wouldn't be the guy for her anyway. They made a deal, a pact. The two of them were just partners navigating through their confusion in their own love life, and it looked like it was easy to like her because she was right there when there was no one else.

Snow was a girl with aspirations and goals to eventually do things on her own terms. She had hopes and dreams to care for someone and want them to care for her back. She was friendly and hospitable, and he ignored the rules of their agreement, so he should expect this reaction when she would turn away from him.

It would make the best sense to not stand in her way. Casey didn't have enough strength to love someone new when all this hurt inside him was still holding on to the first love. He didn't want to leave a scar on someone else.

He wasn't thinking clearly.

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Hello! This is pretty short, but this is just kind of like an internal introspection of Casey's thoughts. I thought it'd be nice for the purpose of just for him to reflect on his feelings. Does it feel like a black and white scene? Perhaps you have more idea of how Casey and Raquel's relationship looks like in different scenarios. I want to keep the memories of Raquel still alive.

This is added in new because I feel it would feel more natural to pour out feelings like a person would when they're miserable. Look out for the next chapter. It's going to get pretty emotional!

Please vote and comment as it means the world to me.